A Bit Of Humor

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Behind the scene at a Bush Cabinet confirmation hearing.

Newsline: Jan 19, 2001 We here at Newsline got a unique opportunity to visit President-elect Bush, behind the scene, while he prepared for one of his cabinet confirmation hearing, Gale Norton.  Rumors of Norton being James Watt in a dress have turned out not to be true.  Here we see Bush getting ready the Norton hearing.

We here at Newsline are happy to see the increased use of women in the government.  In the past most women have appeared to be just figureheads, now the women are figureheads.

Now when our leaders want to screw around, the argument that the women were lesbians can be used to misdirect attention from their own conduct.

(This is an actual photograph, OK we added a few items, but we didn't touch his or her faces at all.)

Linda Chavez withdraws, Zoe Baird re-surfaces after several days.

Newsline: Jan 08, 2001 In the continuing drama surrounding the recent US elections, another masking story has just come to light.

With the surfacing of stories involving Linda Chavez and her harboring of an illegal alien, the Newsline staff has been hard at work getting to the bottom of the story.

During a recent interview, Ms Mercado, the illegal alien Linda Chavez was harboring, was shocked by people who began yelling, "Zoe Baird, Zoe Baird".

Ms. Mercado said, she was sorry for the hurt she had cause and began scratching at her neck, when the supporters continued, "Remember Zoe Baird".  Ms Mercado excused herself, moments later. A spokesman explained, "she said she needed to touch up her make-up."  

Newsline who has been trying to get comments from Ms Baird for several days finally caught up with her today.  When asked to comment, Ms Baird said. "No comment, but it does put a new face on this story."

Ross Perot eyes the 2004 presidential spot

Newsline: Dec. 22,2000 As the Republicans and Democrats continue to fire charges, about the handling of the recent national elections, Ross Perot has re-emerged from two months of hiding.

Wearing a nicely tailored red suit jacket over a white blouse, Perot said he would raise above the infighting between the two US major parties and reunited the country.  "Since 1996, I have been working on strategies to raise above the Republican and Democratic infighting.  I'm sure it is obvious, to all Americans by now, the efforts some people will go to become President."

When reporters asked why he was wearing a Katherine Harris disguise, he at first appeared surprised and then claimed it was just part of a dirty tricks campaign one of the major parties was waging.

Tobacco makers speak out about cigar humor

NewsLine: Dec. 22,2000 Tobacco maker are reported to be considering a suit against the Newsline organization.  The primary argument being that all recent Newsline reports have been portraying cigars in a bad light.

A representative of Newsline responded. "We here at Newsline don't really care what people do with their cigars or how they use them, if it is OK with themselves.  If people want to use them in bad light, that should be OK too.  I don't really like cigars and I don't smoke either, but that is just a personal preference.  However the use of bad light, well, that can sometimes be very helpful for people here at the Female Disguise site."

The representative later added. "I would think all this extra news would be helpful to cigar sales.  Sex always helps sales and besides recent reports have always tried to show cigars in a new Presidential Light."

New solution to the election crisis.

NewsLine: Dec. 11,2000 The US Supreme Court decided to today that in order to best satisfy the needs of the two presidential candidates, the following Court action is ordered:

Each candidate will get to be president.  On odd days Bush will wear the presidential mask and on even days Gore will wear the mask.

The mask is being patterned after the current president.  This to assure that neither candidate feels the other is really getting his way.

In further efforts to satisfy the stated needs of the candidates, during the days they are not wearing the presidential mask, they will wear a mask of Monica Lawinski.

When pressed about this addition action the court spokesman said.  "In this way, each candidate will get to screw the other without appearing to be non-presidential."

When asked to comment the current president was quoted, "I hope they use a mask of Monica before she got so fat, I liked her much more back then.  I can only hope that Bush and Gore are as good with cigars."

Man In Hillary Mask Wins Senate Seat

NewsLine: Nov. 7, 2000 A man in a Hillary Clinton mask was elected to the U.S. Senate today from the state of New York.  The man only identified as a rich business man from a neighboring state, was rumored to have spent millions from his own fortune, developing the mask for the deception.  When asked how he would escape detection from Hillary's husband, he is reported to have said, "Hillary and Bill haven't been sleeping together for years and besides I like cigars."

New Bush on Tipper, Bill tips Al off.

NewsLine: Nov 12, 2000 In the continuing dispute surrounding the 2000 Presidential Election a new charge has arisen.

Democrats charge that G. W. Bush has been masquerading as Tipper Gore, in an effort to persuade the V.P. to concede the election.

Donning a Tipper Gore mask, G. W. Bush met with the V.P. and after a passionate kiss tried to convince him, he should withdraw and concede the election.

The President tipped off the V.P. to the deception attempt shortly afterwards.  When asked what gave him away the President is reported to have said. "I know Tipper's bush and that Mr. Vice President is not Tipper's bush." or maybe "I know Tipper Gore, I've meet with Tipper Gore and you Mr. Governor are not Tipper Gore."

When asked to further explain that response by the press, the President added, "I know Tipper loves Al, but I also know she loves cigars."

© 2000

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This page last revised: February 26, 2002