My **goose** story: i typed this up for my friend a while ago and i JUST HAD TO put it in my profile! "and i guess i'll tell you about something that happened on saturday so this e-mail has more.. substance. anyway, my family and i went to north park and my sisters and i were walking around the lake where the ducks and the geese were. well, some of them jumped.. or flew over the fence and were 'waddling' around in those little park streets. some females were sitting on their nests while the males guarded them. well, we were walking up to the male goose... melissa wanted to befriend him by giving him a stick (don't ask), while marissa was saying things like, 'did you know you had big feet?', or 'woah, he's twice the size of me!'... ( i guess she was just hyper or something. just so you know, they are both older than me... so it's not like they are seven and it's explainable why they do the things they do) meanwhile, i was behind them, half hiding cuz it WAS big and slowly coming closer to us. stupid me, i was trying to mimic it's goose sounds... anyway, i think i angered it... along with melissa who seemed like she was going to attack it with a stick, and marissa who was just talking to it. so, it waddled closer to us with its tongue sticking out making a hissing noise. well, i guess i wanted to know what would happen if i hissed back, so i did, and it sorta moved closer toward us. so what do you do when a huge male goose guarding his family waddles toward us with its mouth open making loud hissing noises? well, we ran. seriously, we were afraid of it. i mean, i thought it was going to fly and land on one of us to attack! well, i thought the whole ordeal was pretty funny, while both of my sisters who were standing in front of me weren't. heh. well, that's my story. and don't give me that 'you're weird, melinda.' look. i thought it was a pretty good story."


While seeing a Shop 'N Save commercial:

Marissa: There's a 10 cent sale at Shop 'N Save.
Me: Give someone a dollar and they can go crazy.

PART I
Mom: Can you say Martin? Every time I say "Martin", it sounds wrong. Melissa - say "Martin".
Melissa: "Martin".
Mom: [angrily] NO!
Me: [laughing to hysterics]

PART II - the following day...
Melissa: How do you say "Martin"?
Mom: Martian?
Melissa: How do you say "Martin"?
Mom: Martian?
Marissa: [laughs while repeatedly stomping her feet]
Melissa: Why do you always laugh at me?
Marissa: [gasping] You are... funny!

during volunteer lunch break...

Me: I don't want to go to Medical Records. I want to stay here 'til 1.
Marissa: I want to stay 'til 4!
Melissa: Well, I want to stay until 4 [pause] 30 [pause] 6 [long pause] AM.

On line for the Mantis rollercoaster in Cedar Point:

Creepy guy: So where's the party at?
Marissa: I thought it was at your house.
Creepy guy: Are you coming over tonight?
Me: [[long pause]] I thought it was at Snoopy at Ice.
Creepy guy: [[blank stare]]
Me: I mean Snoopy... on Ice. At 9 tonight.
Creepy guy: Up in DE-TROIT!
Creepy guy's friend: Naw, she said it's at "Snoopy on Ice".
Creepy guy: Oh yeah! Snoopy's my dawg!
Melissa, Chris P., Me, & Marissa: [[trying to back away slowly]]

In line for the Superman Ultimate Flight rollercoaster after listening to "Baby Got Back".

Melissa: Hey, Melinda, look at THAT line.
Me: It is, like, SO BIG!
Melissa: [[long moment of recollection]] I got nothing.

Brainstorming ideas of what to scream during the Superman Ultimate Flight rollercoaster:

"Weeeeeeeee!"
"Ow!"
"Mommmmyyyyyyyy!"
"Holy Smokes, Batman!" I dunno why... I mean, it's the Superman ride....
"I'mgonnadie;I'mgonnadie;I'mgonnadie...!"
"omigod,omigod,omigod...!" -- not actually used because thought of as too repetitive
"Up, Up, and AWAY!!!" -- must be said when going UP rollercoaster -- yeah, that's right Melissa!
"To the Batmobile!" umm.... see above...
"I'm SUPERMAN!!!!"
"To infinity and BEYOND!"

At Six Flags Great America -- wasting time by going to "Merlin's Magicdemics"...

Before the show began:

Kim, Marissa, Melissa, & Me: [[entering the theater]]
Me: C'mon you guys! Let's sit in the FRONT ROW!
Kim, Marissa, Melissa, & Me: [[sitting in the front row]]
Melissa: [[looking at scenery]] Hey, Marissa, when you said "Magic Show" I thought you meant actual magic, not, like, a play.
Me to Melissa: EVERYTHING has a face! Even the moon has one!
Melissa: Look at the tree's eyes. They're sort of open. See the white? I swear, it's looking at me! If the beaver starts talking to me, I swear I'll scream and run. [[looking up]] There's moss on top of our heads! It's gonna fall on top of us!!
Kim: I want some cotton candy!
Me: [[waving my arms]] Hey, Cotton Candy Man..!!!
Cotton Candy man: [[leaves]]

During the "show":

Marissa: Because of you, Melinda, we can't get out!
Me: [[laughing]] I'm SO sorry! I wanted to volunteer! And, look, the moon didn't pick us! [[clapping at first "magic" trick]] How come no one else is clapping?
Melissa & Me: [[spotting where the strings are... etc.]]
Me: This is NOT magic! [[during part where they turn out all the lights]] C'mon guys, lets leave now! [[lights come back on]] Oh, now it's too late!

After the "Magic" Show:

Me: The Magic Show is SO fixed.
Kim: Yeah, it should've been US on stage.
Me: Yeah, the kids in the 'reserved seats' were chosen! That moon is SO biased! And come on, the little girl was DANCING with the wizard, which I think is staged.
Melissa: At least we learned a little French.

While watching a movie:

Marissa: That white hair looks so fake -- like Bush's... [pause] I mean like Clinton's.
Melissa: Isn't their white hair real?
Marissa: I mean, if people would want their hair to look like Clinton's... I mean, their hair looks fake... [voice drifts off trying to explain herself]

In the car:

Melissa: [pointing to a cloud outside the window] That looks like a fish eating a... [pause] cloud.

In the "park":

Melissa: The flies are, like, mating right on top of us.
Marissa: Melissa, if you don't look at the flies... you won't see them.

Mom: This says, "Melinda".
Melissa: [[pointing at slip]] It says "Angeles, M."
Mom: Yeah, it says "Melinda".
Melissa: No, it could be any one of us.
Mom: Oh.

Me: Guess how many pages are in this book... (Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - Year 5)
Melissa: 700.
Me: Higher.
Melissa: 800.
Me: Higher.
Melissa & Marissa: A thousand!
Me: [[laugh]] Lower.
Melissa & Marissa simultaneously: 980...970... 960...930...
Me: Lower... lower... lower... lower...
Marissa: 901!
Me: Lower.
Marissa: Wait a minute... I’m confused... What number are we on?
Melissa: 890... 880...
Me: Lower... lower...
Melissa: 879...
Me: Lower...
Melissa: 878...
Me: Lower...
Melissa: 877...
Me: Lower...
Melissa: 876...
Me: Lower...
Melissa: 875...
Me: Lower...
Melissa: 874...
Me: Lower...
Melissa: 873...
Me: Lower...
Melissa: 872...
Me: Lower...
Melissa: 871...
Me: Lower...
Melissa: What the?
Marissa: 870!
Me: Right! Good Job, Marissa!!

Melissa: [[laughs]]
Me: What?
Melissa: I was just thinking of new lyrics to a song.
Marissa: ... okay.
Melissa: Here’s how it goes: [[singing]] Oh, what a beautiful morn-ing... Oh, what a beautiful day... I’ve got a beautiful feel-ing... Everything’s going beautifully...
Me & Marissa: [[laughing hysterically]]

Waiting in line for a rollercoaster:

Mike: So how about that US policy on Iraq?
Me, Becky, and Rachel: [[silence]]
Me (finally): I don’t know. How about the policy on crack?
Mike: I don’t know either.
Me: Well, I think that the policy is good for bad people, but bad for the people who need it.
Rachel: What?
Becky: What are you talking about?
Me: Well, some people need it for their pain...
Becky: I think Mike asked about the policy on IRAQ.
Rachel: Yeah, I think that’s what he said, too.
Me: Oh! And all along I thought you were talking about crack!

When it was about time to leave Six Flags:

Becky: Melinda, did you have a good time?
Me: [[stares at Becky trying to understand what she said... then proceeded to look in bag for my watch.]]
Becky: Melinda, I said DID YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME?
Me: Oh! I thought you asked me for the time!

Marissa to Melissa: You gotta listen.
Melissa: I DO listen. Mom, don’t I listen?
Mom: Huh?

Marissa: I’m so full, I could eat... nothing.

Melissa: Remember when my immunization records disappeared? And I thought I had to get the shots all over again?
Mom: [[sternly]] No, you can't do that.

Squirrel: [[trying to cross the traffic]]
Mom: Can't the squirrel tell that we've stopped so it can cross the street now?
Me: Mom, it's a squirrel.
Mom: Well, it has a brain.

After Marissa made fun of me and Melissa's books jabbed my leg:

Me: That hurts.
Melissa: [[finally recognizing that I was talking about her books]] Sorry, I thought you meant Marissa.
Me: Yeah, well, that hurts more than Marissa's words... Wait, I mean, it shouldn't hurt more -- I just have a hard interior.
Marissa: Eww!

Mom: [[getting Melissa something on the road trip to Canada]]
Melissa: I thought that you liked me bothering you.
Mom: What? Again?
Me: [[writing this situation down]]
Melissa: Melinda, that's so mean! You're writing down my misery!
Me: Yeah, that's right!

Me: Hoo, hoo...
Marissa: Hoo, hee...
Me: Hoo, hah...
Marissa: Wow.

Marissa to Melissa: I love you, Melissa. You're my hidden pleasure.

Me to Melissa: I was laughing at my own joke, but when everyone else was laughing, I got confused.

Melissa: [[sneezed]]
Me: You're welcome.

Me: Melissa, my dad can beat up your dad! [[Melissa's my sister]]

Guy singing on TV: "You can run a red light...."
Me: Hey, that guy is telling people to break the law!
Melissa: That's cool.

Me: Look! George Washington doesn't have white hair in that picture!
Melissa: Well... yeah. He probably wasn't born white [long pause] haired.

TV: "... he had a diffident personality."
Me: [[repeating]] DIFF-i-dent.
Mom: Is it 'DIFF-i-dent' or 'diff-i-CULT'?
Melissa: DIFF-er-rent.
Me: [[laughing]]

Okay, I just started an apprenticeship for Web Design. I didn't want this year to end up like last year, so I tried to talk to some of the people on the "get-go" so that I can have friends... or at least someone to talk to, during the apprenticeship.... here's how they went:

Me: Hey, what did that guy say again?
Guy next to me: ...
Me: [[louder]] Hey, what's going on?
Guy next to me: ... [[turns to guy next to him]] So how do you spell that?
Me: [[turns back to my own computer]]

--there was a guy who stuck his hand in the vending machine during our break--

Me: Hey, do you need help?
Guy sticking his hand in the machine: ...

Actually, in the 3 hours I spent there, there was only one girl who talked to me. Hmm... poor girl. At least the rest of them saw how much of a loser I was on the "get-go".

News anchor: But when the police went in the house, they were appalled at how messy it was...
Mom: [[surprised]] Ah!
Me: Melissa, what happened?
Melissa: Well, the news was talking about how they found a malnutritioned kid in a vacant house... but they were surprised at how dirty it was inside.
Me: [[laughing]] I... get... it...!

Me and Melissa: [[start talking to eachother]]
Mom: [[Interrupts]] MELISSA!
Melissa: [[pause]] Yeah.
Mom: [[long pause]] An undershirt.
Melissa: Okay.

Me: [[gasp]] Melissa, did you know that mom got more cereal?
Melissa: No.
Me: [[excitedly]] Well, it was 2 for $4, and she had two $1 coupons... so she got two boxes for $1. I mean... each.

Melissa: [[reading]] "Take time to dance before saving the world".
Me: But what if the world explodes while you're dancing?
Melissa: Well... that's too bad.
Me: You gotta set your priorities straight, dude.

Melissa: can you spell "Argghhhh..."
Me: [[laughing]]
Melissa: "...ument"?

Mom: [[turns off the light and leaves room]] Wait! [[comes back in and turns on the light]] Do you need this?
Melissa: No.
Mom: ::pause, thinking:: [[left room with light on]]
Me: [[laugh]] ::pause:: [[laugh]] ::pause:: [[laugh]]
Melissa: [[looks at me oddly]]
Me: [[after finished laughing]] I was laughing for three different reasons. First, at what just happened. Second, at the look on your face. Third, at me laughing when it wasn't really funny.

Mom: [[after using a pencil]] It doesn't work.

Mom: (( it's really 9:00 PM )) You better go to sleep, it's almost 12:00.

Melissa: We should have a Roman Chair at home.
Me: [[pointing to a chair]] Just flip over a chair.
Melissa: No, I can't do that. [[pause]] It won't work that way.

Mom: Take it off.
Marissa: Yeah, Melissa, take it off.
Mom: Marissa, take her to the bedroom and take it off.
Melissa: I'm traumatized for life.


During a conversation about food and their pros and cons.

Melissa: I eat ice. After that all you gotta do is pee.

Melissa: It's liek the time when I forgot the word for "spoon".
Me: Don't you mean "fork"?
Melissa: See? I did it again! I forgot the word for "spoon"!
Me: You mean "fork", though... right?
Melissa: Yeah, I mean "spoon".
Me: "Fork".
Melissa: I did it again!

Me: Can I sit here?
Jackie: I'm open to accept new cultures at my table.

Melissa: I always thought "shit" was a swear word.
Marissa: No, because you can use it to mean... you know.
Melissa: Like 'birds shit on the window'?
Marissa: No, birds CRAP on the window. "Shit" isn't the same as "crap".
Melissa: Yeah, it is.
Marissa: No, "crap" is for birds and "shit" is for people.
Melissa: There's also "droppings".
Marissa: No, birds can't "droppings". They HAVE "droppings". Birds don't do "shit".
Melissa: ... You can take that two different ways.

Mom: Are you both staying after school today?
Melissa: No... what do you take us for? I mean, c'mon, it's Friday. No one stays after school on Fridays.
Me: Yeah, I mean, even if they were GIVING away money after school... Wait. No, we'd probably go to that, wouldn't we?
Melissa: Well... since this is theoretical, then no, we wouldn't... But if it was REALLY happening, then...
Me: Yeah... But, as long as it's theoretical...
Melissa: Yeah, it serves our purposes.

Melissa: That's re-fricking-tarded!

Marissa: Jerome Bettis is... whatcha-ma-call-it? ... oh! the man!

Melissa: You should throw-up.
Me: What? I wouldn't throw up for you!
Melissa: No, for you.

Melissa: Melinda, what time is it?
Me: ((looking at watch)) It's... two minutes til half past two.
Melissa: [[pause]] Do you mean 2:28?
Me: ... yeah...

Melissa: ..."the once tranced crowd"...
Me: What?
Melissa: What's another word for "concentrated"? Like, the crowd was focused on the duel, but after they weren't.
Me: Umm... I don't know. how about "EN-tranced"?
Melissa: En... tranced?
Me: What, is that a word? I don't know where it came from.
Melissa: [[after looking it up]] OMG! I was almost going to write "entranced"! When I saw "summoning" I knew there was something wrong.
Me: I'm so sorry, Melissa! I didn't realize it!
Melissa: I think I'm sticking with "concentrated".

[[later I looked it up as I was typing all of this down and look: 1. entrance - n 1. the act of entering 2. a means or place of entering 3. permission or right to enter
2. entrance - vb charm; delight
It was really funny at the time, though.]]

Me: [[picks up the phone]] Hello.
Marissa: Hello.
Me: Hi.
Marissa: Hi.
Me: Hi.
Marissa: Hi.
Me: Hi.
Marissa: Hi.
Me: Who is this?
Marissa: Who do you think it is?
Me: Well, I have an idea, but you're going to laugh if I'm wrong.
Marissa: Then tell me.
Me: No.
Marissa: Tell me!
Me: NO!
Marissa: Just tell me.
Me: But if I tell you and I'm wrong you're going to laugh.
Marissa: What did you say?
Me: Nothing.
Marissa: No, you said a name.
Me: No I didn't.
Marissa: Yes you did.
Me: NO, I DIDN'T!
Marissa: How many people do you think I am?
Me: Well, just one.
Marissa: Who?
Me: Marissa.
Marissa: This isn't Marissa.
Me: You know what, stop it Marissa.
Marissa: No, it's not Marissa.
Me: I know it's you Marissa.
Marissa: No you didn't.
Me: Yeah, I did. I thought it was you when you first said hello, but after a while you sounded different. Like, more high-pitched. Girly. You aren't normally girly.

Dad: What do you want to do during the holiday?
Me: Homework.
Dad: That's good.
Me: What do you want to do?
Dad: Whatever you want to do.
Me: You want to do my homework?

Melissa: It's so hot in here... It must be because of the heat.

Melissa: Next time you're burning stuff, burn it live.
Me: Okay.
Melissa: Hmm... That's sounded weird.
Me: [[thinking]] Oh... [[laughing hysterically]] I gotta write that down.
Melissa: But it doesn't make sense. I know what I mean. You know what I mean. But no one else will understand.
Me: But that's why it's so funny!

Melissa: I poked myself in the eye with my glasses... I just blinded myself with glasses.

Mrs. Zyhowsky, my math teacher: I just want you kids to know that F(x) or F(t) aren't the only things in the world. There are other letters.. You have the whole alphabet in front of you! Expand your horizons - be creative. Use H(x) or X(x)... wait... not X(x)... that would be weird. But don't forget that there's other letters to use other than F(x)...
Angelica: Haha... we're going to live dangerously.

Mrs. Zyhowsky: Remember that whenever you write something for the PSSAs, you need to use words in your description... Words like... liek the ones on this list: "quotient", "rate of change"... well... Not those words... I'm looking at the wrong words. But do you see that I mean?

Mrs. Zyhowsky: You cracked a funny!

Mr. Pivarsky, my Physics teacher: Which reminds me of a time when I was little and I would look at trains with wonder - its smoke would be in my face and I would think that trains were the best things in the world. Okay, there's no punchline, but that's my story.

Melissa: It's a mockumentary.
Mom: You mean a documentary?
Melissa: No, I mean a mockumentary.
Mom: What's a mockumentary.
Melissa: It's a mock-documentary. It's pretty much straight-forward.
Mom: You have to be careful with your money, Marissa. I remember the last time you lost your money. Be careful!
Marissa: I won't... I mean, I will.
Melissa: How many fingers am I holding? [pause] I'm not holding any - I HAVE all my fingers!
Me: I have to frickin' pee.
Melissa: That's what's the library's for! [pause] I mean, for books.
Melissa: What's the opposite of chocolate?
Mom: Brown.
Melissa: [[speaking in song]] I have a lot of books I won't read.
Me: [[chuckle]]
Melissa: That's not funny.
Me: [[laughing]]
Melissa: That's really not funny.
Me: [[laughs harder]]
Melissa: [[resigned]] Okay.
Me: [[stops laughing]]
Mom: Marissa, you should get the Sunday paper and keep it under your bed.
Me: On the plus side, you'll look smart when you get a newspaper.
Marissa: Yeah... because it's free.
Me: I'm out like a... something that's out.
Melissa: A light.
Me: Yeah! I'm out like a light... a light that's off.
Melissa: Oh! Like a light in a blackout!
Me: Yeah.
Melissa: Like a light in a wind storm... are there wind storms?
Me: Yeah.... I think. Oh! I'm out like a leaf on a tree... cuz, you know... you "leave".
Melissa: That--
Me: Oh! I'm out like a split banana!
Melissa: Those don't make any sense.
Me: No, mine are awesome. You just have to think a little.
Marissa: [[as she gasps from too much food]] Help!
Mom: [[hands her a spoon]]
Marissa, Melissa, and Me: [[laughs hysterically]]
Me: I thought you were going to help her eat the potatoes!
Mom: The spoon gets more food into your mouth.
Marissa: [[trying out the spoon]] It DOES help!
Melissa: Should I leave the cell phone open?
Marissa: Open?
Melissa: I said "On". Should I leave the cell phone on?
Marissa: You said "Open".
Melissa: No, "On".
Marissa: Open.
Melissa: On.
Marissa: Open.
Melissa: On.
Marissa: You should be proud to be speaking Filipino! Take it as a compliment.
Marissa: You implied it by the implimation.
Dad: Did you hear? Saddam escaped again! Turn on the news! You'll see.
Melissa, Marissa, & Me: What?!
Me: [[turns on the TV]] What the heck kind of US military do we have?
News: What about Saddam's future? Should he have a jury trial or should he be executed?
Me: [[gasps]] This was all a deceitful ploy to get me to turn on the news!
{time passes}
Melissa: Liar!
Me: What?
Melissa: Saddam didn't escape!
Marissa: [[laughing]] Delayed reaction! Delayed reaction!
Mom: You always make fun of me.
Marissa: No, I don't.
Mom: See? I told you.
Melissa: It's funny when I read the abbreviations I wrote for my notes. Like... when I wrote "rad republicans".
Me: [laughing]
Melissa: Because it's an alliteration.
Me: [laughs harder] Oh! I thought it was because republicans weren't cool.

Abigail: Andrew, tell that one joke!
Andrew: It's stupid but... Where do turtles get their necks?
Me: [shrug]
Andrew: At Kaufmanns.
Melissa, Abigail, & Me: [laughing]
Andrew: It works for anything... Where do tigers get their stripes? At Kaufmanns. Where do giraffes get their spots? From Kaufmanns.

After the music of Cake ("Perhaps") was played.
Mom: Isn't this Eric Clapton?
Marissa: No! Melissa changed the CD a while ago.
Melissa: Yeah, Melinda was singing "Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps" and that's not an Eric Clapton song.
Mom: So, this isn't Eric Clapton right now?
Marissa: Right.
A song by Lit ("You Make Me Complete") started playing.
Mom: Is this Mayer?
Marissa, Melissa, & Me: [laughing]
Marissa: Mom, can't you tell that this is a MAN singing?
Melissa & Me: [look at Marissa and start laughing harder]
Mom: I know it's a man.
Me: Marissa, she said "MAYER". What did you think she said?
Marissa: [through laughter] I... thought... she... said... MYA!
Mom, Marissa, Melissa, & Me: [laughing]
a little while later...
Mom: so, the laughter is over now.
Marissa, Melissa, & Me: [burst out laughing]

Theme song from Andrew Lloyd Webber's Jesus Christ Superstar playing
Mom: No! I don't like Jesus Christ!
Me: [gasps]

Mrs. Ulrich [my literature teacher]: If you think about it, our school does not have many minorities. In fact, look at this classroom. [[looks around the class]] Is there anyone here who can really say that he or she is different?
Me: [[debating on the idea of Asians being a minority according to her standards...]]
Mrs. Ulrich: No. No one here could have experien... Oh, Melinda. I seemed to have missed you. [[I sat in the front row of the classroom]] Why didn't you say something?

My mom, Melissa, and I went to Kaufmann's for one of their giveaways of $15 gift cards... Well, our first purchase in the Juniors Department left us paying a mere $0.60 for a shopping bag full of clothes. Even sweeter was the fact that the 60 cents we paid consisted of about 20 pennies. My mom was glad to be rid of them. However, as we were walking out of the store, my mom noticed something wrong in the receipt. I told her, "But it's just 60 cents. It's fine." She responded with, "But I can get my 60 cents back!" So, at the register (with the help of the next customer in line who needed to buy her things quickly), the sales lady decided that one of the pairs of pants we bought should have been $4.80, not $6.00. So the lady gave us back $1.20! My mom took it and rushed out of the store... not saying anything until we went outside. They gave us an extra 60 cents! It's like they paid each of us 20 cents to shop for free clothes. Oh yeah, we're robbing them blind! They need a special dog for walking and stuff now.

Nelly Hooley [YFAP dance choreographer] to all the dancers: See? Andrew knows what you're supposed to do! Why don't you listen? How dense can you be?
Me to Andrew: Psst. Hey, Andrew. What did she say we were supposed to do next?
Andrew: What?
Me: What did she say?
Nelly Hooley: [[looking at me]] I said, "How dense can you be?!" Do you know what that means?
Me: Yeah. [[pointing to my head]] "How STUPID can you be?"
Nelly Hooley: [[ laughing]] Yes, but "dense" is nicer to say.

Me: [[turning over my shoulder to see the dance step Mrs. Hooley was demonstrating]]
Nelly Hooley: TURN AROUND! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FACING YOUR PARTNER!
... leaving me with no idea of what I was supposed to be doing while facing my partner...

Nelly Hooley: You! You... What is her name [[pointing to me]]
Mario [[YFAP member]]: They are hard to remember; you can call her #3.
Nelly Hooley: You aren't bending your knees!
Me: Yeah, I am.
Nelly Hooley: It must be because of your pants.
Cynthia [[YFAP member]]: Nowadays teenagers are wearing tight pants.
Nelly Hooley: Next time wear looser pants.
Melissa to me: Isn't it EASIER to see your knees with the pants you have on?
Me: That's what I thought, too.

Neely Hooley to dancer: Why are you here? You are a girl! There is already four girls in this dance. You should be here.
Other dancers: She's a substitute because not all of the guys are here.
[LATER] Neely Hooley to dancer: You are a girl!
Other dancers: No, she's a guy! Remember?
Neely Hooley to dancer: No! Just get out of here!

Melissa: Sometimes when I have ice cream, I get diarrhea. So if you're going to have it, you might as well have it in large quantities.
Me: Yeah.
Melissa: Wait, I was talking about two different things.
Me: I knew what you meant, but it's so much funnier the other way around!

Mom: Ben Stiller is funny.... but it's the kind of funny I don't like.
Me [to Melissa]: He's the OTHER kind of funny.

Mom: Melinda, do you want some pistachios? They're good.
Melissa: [mock-sneezing] Pik-a-CHU!
Mom: No, pistachios.

Me [to my mom]: Look at my hand! I'm so cold!
Mom: No, it's nice. Look at all the blood.

[[The saga of the blue fluff!!]]

Me: Melissa, what's blue and fluffy?
Melissa: [[stares at me for a long period of time]]
Me: BLUE FLUFF!!!
Melissa: Hey! I was really trying to think of an answer!

Me: Hey, Melissa. Do you remember the blue fluff joke?
Melissa: I don't know. How does it go again?
Me: [[sigh]] What's blue and fluffy?
Melissa: I don't know... blue cotton balls?
Me: No! BLUE FLUFF! Goodness!

Me: What's blue and fluffy?
Mom: Clouds.
Me and Melissa: NO! They're white!
Mom: No, they're blue!
Me and Melissa: The SKY is blue.
Mom: No. That's my answer.
Me: Dad, what's blue and fluffy?
Dad: I don't know.
Me: It's blue fluff!!!
Dad: What's blue fluff?
Me: It's the answer.

Melissa: I misspelled my [phone] number.

Proof that God was watching over me... SPECIFICALLY in the week of 2/1/04
+ FACT: I was supposed to present my **completed** science project to my sponser (2/2/04)
+ FACT: I did not complete that project... (2/2/04)
+ FACT: My sponser was not available that day! (2/2/04)
+ FACT: I was supposed to present it the next day. (2/3/04)
+ FACT: There was a school cancellation the next day due to weather conditions. (2/3/04)
Coincidence? Yes, of God-ly proportions!

Mom to me: What happened to your face?
Me: [overdramatic] I'm hideous!
Mom: Yes, you're ugly.
[[don't worry, later on that exact day I was reading a book when I came upon a good quote... "Intellect is in itself a mode of exaggeration, and destroys the harmony of any face." See? I'm SMART!]]

Melissa [to Marissa]: No! Not hidden pleasure - hidden TREASURE!
Melissa: Well, you're telepathetic!
Marissa: What? That makes no sense!
Melissa: Yeah, it does. It's like you're an idiom... or you're an oxymoron.
Marissa: Well, you're oxy-stupid!
Me: Melissa, I don't know what this poem means...
Melissa: Whenever you don't understand a poem, it's usually about death.
[later] Me: Hey, Melissa, the interpretation thingie said that it WAS about death!
Melissa: Haha! I told you, and you didn't believe me! The greatness has spoken... and the greatness is I.
Mom: Look at Marissa; she's...
Melissa: [[abruptly]] A princess.
Me: [[laughing]]
Mom: No.
Mom: Finish college early so we can buy a bigger house before I puke.
Me: "Puke"? Melissa, did she just say "puke"?
Melissa: Yeah...
Me: [[after a second thought]] Did you mean "die"?
Mom: Yeah, doesn't that mean the same thing?
Melissa: No, definitely not.
Mom: Oh, I really meant "croak". I was only off by a... [long pause] word.

Mom: I hope you don't feel bad.
Melissa: [[overdramatic]] I don't feel bad - I feel HORRIBLE! I feel apalled! A-P-A... alled.

Me: Hey, Melissa. How come when Bruce becomes the Hulk, all of his clothes rip off except for his pants?
Melissa: Maybe SOME things don't get bigger.

Melissa: Andrew is such... a chicken hog! [pause] I know that there's a better way to say it.

Mrs Zyhowski: Why don't you get some notecards at Home... Home something. It's a "depot" something. What is it?
Random student #1: Office Depot.
Mrs. Zyhowski: Yeah. Office Depot, Office Max...
Random student #2: What about Staples?

Mrs. Zyhowski [to a random student]: Is that your purple folder or mine? 'Cuz I don't want to lose my purple folders. I like purple. Purple, purple, purple.

(setting: in the car, going home from the library. There is a group of girls holding a huge sign saying, "If you love us, honk.")
Me: Mom, HONK! C'mon!
Mom: [[honked the horn and drives]]
Me: You know what, we should have just pretended to honk... but, then, drive away really quick. THEN they'll know that we hate them.
Melissa: No, for them to really know, we should've run them over.
Mom: No, I couldn't run them over. They were on the side of the road. It's impossible.

Me: Melissa, did you hear the joke that Jackie made up today?
Melissa: No.
Me: What's the difference between Melissa and a Chihuahua?
Melissa: What?
Me: An inch!
Melissa: [[sarcastically]] Hardy-har-har. Wait... does that mean I'm taller than the dog; or is it taller than me?
Me: Hmmm... good question. I guess it's just up for you to decide.

[[over the phone]]
Me: Marissa, do you know his screenname?
Marissa: No, can you give it to me?
Me: Well, you know how his name is Chris, and his last name begins with 'P'? Well, he thought it as really clever that his screenname is "crispy". You know, the adjective?
Marissa: Okay... chrisp. Is that it?
Me: No, there's more to it. But don't you think it's clever. It's like the adjective.
Marissa: What?
Me: You know... like.. food is crispy...
Marissa: What?
Me: You know, the adjective.
Marissa: The adjective? What adjective?
Me: The adjective "crispy". You know, like food.
Marissa: Okay... so do you spell it C-H-R...
Me: Wait! I kept telling you that it is like the ADJECTIVE - CRISPY!
Marissa: [[silence]] ... What?
Me: You know, C-R-I-S-P-Y! CRISPY!
Marissa: Oh! Crispy! So what's the rest?

Marissa: She's funny... I was making jokes, and she was laughing.
Melissa: No, Marissa. That just means that you were funny.

Some Physics Phun:

[[while learning about circular motion]]
Mr. Pivarski: This chapter makes your head spin - I'll try to make it less dizzy.

Mr. Pivarski: [[swinging a cork tied to a string above his head]] Last period I bopped my head.
Random student: Do it again!

Steph: [[while Mr. Pivarski was showing writing all of the formulas for the chapter]] Everything equals something else. My brain is fried.

Mr. Pivarski: [[explaining the basics]] Let's think about this; we "learned" this earlier this year. [[yes, he actually made "air quotes"]]

Mr. Pivarski: Let's bring the volume level down to zero. [[noise continues]] Let's have the level of confusion and squirminess down to zero. We want to achieve absolute zero.

Mr. Pivarski: [[explaining what each symbol meant]] The fish is 'alpha'.
Random student: Can we call it 'fish'?
Mr. Pivarski: [[pause]] No.

Random student: [[reading a question in the homework]] ...tangenital acceleration... I mean.... tangenitals... I mean... tangential...
Mr. Pivarski: Ikay. It's the acceleration of tangent.

Classic Piv Quote: Does this make sense with what we've done?

Me: Melissa, you look like a dork.
Melissa: Well, you ARE a dork.
Me: But I only said that you LOOKED like a dork. I didn't say that you WERE one.
Melissa: Well, I did.
Me: ::gasps::

Mom: Melinda seems happy today.
Melissa: I think she got some endorphins from running.
Mom: Oh! She met someone today at the track.
Me: [[laughs]]
Mom: See? She likes it!

Nicole: Someone in my class said, "Melissa is..."
Me: Wait... "Melissa"?
Nicole: Yeah - "Melissa".
Me: Don't you mean "Melinda"?
Nicole: [pause] Well, you're all the same, anyway.
Me: [gasps] You're racist! You just said that all Asians were the same!
Nicole: No I didn't! Stop twisting my words!
Me: I'm not twisting them! That's what you said!
[fighting continues]

Melissa: (reading the Resse's slogan) There's no wrong way to eat.
Me: Really? What if you tried to stick food up your bum?
Melissa: That would be wrong... in so many ways.

Marissa: (looking for dad) Papa? Papa?
Melissa: You sound like Belle in Beauty and the Beast.
Marissa: (sill looking) Papa?
Me: (laughing) OMG! She does!
Marissa: What?! Ah! (resumes looking) Daddy? Mr. Angeles?

Me: Why didn't you wake me up?
Melissa: You were asleep.
Dad: (laughing) How else would you wake up a person?
Melissa: I don't know.

Melissa: This is, like, the wrist for my foot... I remember what it's called! It's my ankle!

Me: Melissa, are you almost ready for the first day of the rest of your life?
Marissa: No, graduating isn't the first day of the rest of your life. It's the day you're born.

Dad: The refrigerator is going behind the bar when everything is cleaned up.
Marissa: We should use it. It works really well; it's not old at all!
Dad: Well, it shouldn't be - we bought it brand new!

:: answering the phone::
Me: Hello? ... Hello?? [long pause] Heeelllloooo?
Telemarketer: Hello Ma'am. We have been very pleased with your phone bills. We are going to give you two month's worth of free long distance calls. And how are you today?
Me: Fine, and yourself?
Telemarketer: [long pause] Yes ma'am. ... Do you make a lot of long distance calls?
Me: [thinking] hmm... I don't know.
Telemarketer: So, you aren't the person of the household who takes care of the bills?
Me: No.
Telemarketer: Is that person available right now?
Me: No, she's busy.
Telemarketer: [pause] Okay, I'll call back again later.
Me: Bye!

Melissa: See how it says "psychologist"? Well, I thought it said -
Me: Psycho?
Melissa: No... [[thinking]] "psychoanalyst"?
Melissa & Me: That's not funny. [[laughs simultaneously]]

Marissa: [[walks into the room]]
Melissa: ::whispers to me:: We weren't talking about her, okay?
Me: ::laughs like there's no tomorrow::
Me: I'm a loser.
Marissa and Melissa: What?!
Me: I'm a loser.
Melissa: No you're not. ... Just kidding... [[pause]] Just kidding again! [[pause]] You know, the first time... [[long pause]] You're not a loser.

Melissa: We gotta ask Lauren, 'cause she can drive. She has a car. And she probably has feet.

Me: Hey, Marissa, where in California are we going? Cuz whenever people ask about my summer plans, I say "California". Then they say, "Where?" Then I say, "I don't know." Then they laugh. Then I say, "I know that it's not San Fransico, and it's not San Diego, but it's another San something..." But they continue to laugh.
::After listening to a "Songbird Hearing Aid" radio commercial::

Radio: ... with just two easy payments of $69.99.
Me: Woah! That's $140!
Marissa: Well, it's good that we all can hear...
Me: What?
Marissa: Woah, there's a lemon seed in my lemonade.
Me: Are you sure?
Melissa: Yeah, it could be a dead bug.
Marissa: It's not a dead bug... [[ looked closer ]] Yeah. It is.
Me: A dead bug?
Marissa: No! A lemon seed!
Dad: ::talked about something that I don't recall at the moment...::
Me: I was just going to talk about that! You have PMS! ::pause:: Wait, no, you have ESPN! ::pause:: I mean ESP!

**after I said that, I felt really stupid **

While driving to Boston...

Dad: Look at this! We're in the city of... what is this?

Melissa: Why don't we ever talk about anything?!
Family: ::silence::
Me: ... ::burst out laughing::

MARISSA: What car are we taking?
Mom: Something that moves.

((shortly thereafter, our mom got mad at Marissa))

Marissa: We're driving to the moon.

((Even though you meant it literally, Marissa, it seems so... inspirational or something... I dunno. I like it.))
Mom: ... if you want to order ahead-
Marissa: A head?!

Dad: (( burps ))
Marissa: God bless you.
Dad: You're welcome.

Marissa, Touch the Void. // Melissa, PEE AND POO! What are the odds?

Melissa: It's not fair, my shoutout sounds gross and Marissa's doesn't. And it's really the other way around!

Mr. Ussia: wouldn't you wnt to be an asymptote? then no one could touch you!
melissa: if someone asked me how my day was tomorrow, i'm going to say 'unseasonably warm'."
me: ((laughs))

melissa: so how are you?
me: I guess I'm fine. How about yourself?
melissa: hmm... my day was unseasonably warm...
me: I can't believe I fell for that!

Melissa: majority rules - except when the minorities do.

Marissa: Pharmacology is about the concepts behind -
Mom: - killing people.
Marissa: NO!
melissa: i just want to poke random people. does that sound weird? yes it does.

::later::
melissa: i should poke myself. no, that would be weird.


marissa: oh my goshie gosh!
mrs israel: and she went out to get something and her car blew up so anna had to go back to her only friend, tree.
the infamous recording on my voicemail when my sisters were experimenting with three-way calling. ... for some reason I didn't hear the phone ring so I didn't pick up.


marissa: hello?
melissa: hellloooo...
marissa: hello?
melissa: ha ha ha... wait, how is this going to record on her voicemail?
marissa: (laughs) i don't know.
((incoherent babble))
marissa: why isn't melinda picking up the phone?
melissa: i don't know - if I don't hang up the phone and YOU don't hang up the phone, how long is this voice message going to...
marissa: (laughs) I don't know!
((incoherent babble... then silence))
melissa: what?
marissa: I'm going to call Melinda again.
melissa: Okay... But I wanna stay on the line.
marissa: No, don't stay on the line. I'm going to hang up then call you again...
melissa: (whining) Whhhhhyyyy-yah?
marissa: Because Melinda's not answering... see now it's recording our voices on her voicemail. ... I'm going to go back into the room. Can I go back into the room?
melissa: ... No...
marissa: Okay, I'm going to call you back. Okay? Bye.
melissa: (disappointed) Bye.