| Alicia's Story I grew up in a broken home. I come from a broken family, my parents would fight constantly. When i think of my earlyst memories, i think of christmases and birthdays. I remember the little girl standing in her room listening to her parents yell scream and break things agenced walls. I remember watching my father give my mother black eyes. I remember them well. Countless nights sitting in my room listening to them, i thought all mommys and daddys fought, i never knew my home was diffrent. I would hear my mom scream my name out telling me to call the police to save her life. I never did. My mother would talk about blowing her brains out or driving off a cliff. I remember the bandages on her wrists when she slashed her wrists with the sharp blade of a knife, she had tryed to kill herself. I have a pain inside. its like a black hole that sucks every thing into it untill i give up and break down. I started cutting myself when i was 14 years old. I would get so frustrated and angary i would usually try to break somthing but my parents would only yell at me. For a few weeks i was numb, i was not happy or sad. I didnt feel anything. I wanted to know if i was still alive. one day i took a sewing nedle and cut across the top of my wrist. I was crying because i was so frustrated. I spent about an hour on my wrist. I keept going over it, back and forth untill i could not feel it anymore, i went threw layers of skin. it was a little smaller then the size of a wrist band. It was my own, i had done this to myself and i found comfort and securety in it. At least for the time being. I started doing it a little more, keeping it raw maybe once a week. I decided i needed to stop. After about a month i cracked again, i slashed my arm this time it was my upper arm so no one would see it. Days would go by when i thought i was okay, and then somthing would happen, and i felt the need to cut again. This went on for about 7 months. I talked to someone and that helped me to get over it. its been about a year since it started happening. I mess up some times maybe once or twice a year. But that is much much better then what i was doing before. There are people who know how you feel and what you age going threw. Its hard to stop. I felt out of controll. id beg myself not to do it, but i would do it anyway. No one is alone. |