College Radio Loser

I'm just a loser, a college radio loser
A sodden boozer, an indie schlock abuser
I read the CMJ and the NME
To find the next big thing
But I know it ain't me
I'm just a loer, a college radio loser

I'm such a retard
A 4th year freshman blowhard
A bloated lard sack
A walkin', talkin' butt crack
I play the COWBOY JUNKIES 'til 5 am
The college chicks should want me
But they know what I am
I'm such a loser
A college radio loser


…So what if I don't have a life,
I have a killer record collection


And I'm way up deep in all o' those
One syllable, ultra-hip combos like:
LIVE, BECK, LUSH, SUED, SWIRL, BLUR,
And I did cater the 
Deli tray for OFFSPRING
At the student union when they were
Just another Epitaph band!!!
And I was in the room 
When the bass player
From SUPERCHUNK had sex
With MY girlfriend!!!


Look at the losers
The college radio dj's
The college radio program directors
The college radio listener