Yardman strikes again

Now no one in my family will believe this, but I actually wanted to do yardwork this weekend. I got my opportunity as James and Kim needed some help. They decided it would be good to go get some flowers, shrubs, trees, etc to plant out in the front yard. Aren't new homeowners so cute? And about as smart as those fools who think we've landed on the moon, but that's a whole nother story.

I had warned James earlier in the week that it wouldn't be likely to go to a nursery, but the plants, go get tools, get things in order, dig a bunch of holes, plant stuff, spread straw, etc, all in one day. He said he understood. The first day we managed to buy most of the stuff, but not all. He seemed a little frustrated. So then, he 'understood' much in the same way a virgin teenager 'understands' you can get laid if you say those '3 words'. Neither really 'understands' until he actually tries it (and boy can you then gain some 'understanding'!).

Day Two started w/ a bang. Literally - they got a flat tire on shopping trip for more yard supplies. This part of North Carolina doesn't actually have soil, it's completely composed of clay (or more technically - crap). But let's talk about trees. Somehow we decided they should get a decent size tree - a fine white dogwood. Ok. We should've realized there could potentially be problems when we couldn't pick it up ourselves. We did manage to roll it around though so fine. After getting it down their hill (open in Winter as world's steepest ski slope) we dug a hole. We just kept digging. Then there was more digging. Actually, digging seemed to consume a great deal of time and effort. Finally we decided to take a break and check to see if the hole was deep enough. If you refer to my 'stupid' email you'll quickly realize I could've won a Nobel Prize for that in comparison to this.

We put the tree in the hole. Fine, but the hole wasn't deep enough. Ok, just take it out (and dig some more of course). Here is where we nicknamed the tree 'Claire'. Sure a dogwood appears to be skinny, but this one was "... definitely pushing maximum density." To make a long story short I can tell you that my back is so bent I can no longer hear because my knees are still right next to my ears (but at least I'll be able to check for hemorrhoids easier).

James does have some nice neighbors though. Friendly. And funny too apparently, because there sure was a lot of laughing (and yes, I did remember to put my pants on - after 3 times, even I learn something). Amazingly most of his neighbors actually live on flatland so they just don't understand.

The end result of this little weekend fun is that I will certainly be looking for a wife of the 'future'. Specifically the Jetson’s future, wherein there is no yard.