THE FOLLOWING IS AN EDITED VERSION OF EMAILS ORIGINALLY SENT BETWEEN CLAY AND MR X.
The following email contains content of a graphic and explicit nature.
Clay,
He told me I just had a cyst on that side. He determined this by placing his thumb and forefinger on the spot where I felt the lump, and then he started squeezing as hard as he could. I swear something popped.
Anyhow, after I regained consciousness from the medireview ball torture he said I'd probably be OK if the exam didn't kill me. Not surprisingly, the lump felt a little smaller.
This is why I was not too happy when my Doctor in Blacksburg made me get this examined a second time about 7 years later.
(the following is edited and taken from the original email to clay, in regards to his ACID REFLUX BURP test)
That sort of reminds me of the time I had radiology done so I could pass the physical to get into the Peace Corps. Only mine was enjoyable... well, 'enjoyable' in the 'thoroughly unenjoyable' sense of the word. See, I had a warm viscous jelly, Smuckers if my memory serves me correctly, rubbed all over my...ahem... scrotum sack. Then the nurse, a shorter fatter woman molested me with a rubber mallet that sent out shock waves, most likely leaving me sterile. I'm not about to go back to get that tested. Unless they pay you 70... That's 210 per da... never mind. Jeesh, Rob had a hot blonde for his examination.
I was shocked when I found out that men could get ultrasounds. It's definitely a boy.
The upside of the test is that I'm not dying of testicular cancer. The downside was that they found a benign cyst. But wait, that wasn't on the side that actually hurts! WTF? After the nurse was done, she called in the "Doctor", he went to school for 8 years and then went longer to specialize so he can fondle young adults. After scrubing his meaty paws in lye soap and steaming water that would burn the toughest firefighter, he approached the uncomfortable slab on top of which I was laying. Jeesh you people are sick if you're buying all this pulp fiction!
What of the pain then doc??? "Oh that's what they call a hydro-cael (Pronounced seal). That's latin for: spanks monkey too much."
He asked me to look at the screen and I spun around... oh did that mess up your ultrasound angle....
Anyhow I didn't need surgery unless the pain becomes unbearable. Somehow I don't think it will ever get painful enough for me to decide I need people sticking sharp scalpels down there.