Time for a guest entry. The first part of this story is written by me, as I was there with the guest. The addendum is the guest entry part. Now I see why most kids hate going to the dentist.

Am I going to have to smack you?

And while this was said to Susan this morning, it actually wasn't said by me. Who was it you ask? The surgeon. Dammit man. So after a not-so brief tour of the western part of Carolina, we ended up at the doctor's office. It's amazing how many different ways I can get lost. What's worse is I knew where I was going. Ugh. As predicted, even though we are the only ones in the office, they still won't see her right at her appointed time. Score one for Clay for saying that ahead of time.

You know you're in trouble when?
1) They make you pay for the visit beforehand. This immediately tells you something is probably going to go wrong. At the very least it says that when you come out of this you probably won't even know who you are anymore.
2) they ask, "So, do you have to pee?" she's getting her mouth worked on, you idiot, what kind of doctor are you? Actually I realize this is for potentially breaks and discomfort. Which is a funny concern considering they will be drilling a hole straight into her jaw, I don't think she'll be thinking of her bladder.

So I'm in the waiting room. Raleigh as a whole seems to have missed the concept of the Ottoman. I can't remember the last time I was at a person's house (other than ours and Chris's) down here that had one. What do you people do with your feet? How can you relax? I realize not everyone has painful, mutant feet like mine, but still. And what's that drilling sound? Oh right. Hmm, I bet that hurts. But she came through ok, waded up with gauze and talking about some ratchet.

But all's well that ends well. Or not. I get her out to the parking lot and she's tired and taking it slow getting into the truck. Fine, I'm used to this since it's not unlike the stupor I find most of my 'dates' in. Anyway, now some middle-aged out of town freak is bitching that we aren't moving fast enough. So I say to this bitch ? hello, we just got out of surgery, you can wait or park somewhere else.

And now she's bitching back even more. WTF? I actually said, "well bring it on then and we'll see what you have to say then!" I couldn't believe I said it, but worse, I fully intended to beat the shit out of this woman. I am not kidding, it was weird, but fucking-A I was going to kick her ass. Fortunately I was more worried about getting Susan to the drug store to get pain medicine. That and Susan kept holding my arm so I couldn't get out of the truck to let the air out of that bitch's tires.

Now we're at Eckerds getting drugs. All of them. The first three made sense, and were the small pill bottles. Fine. But the 4th actually looked like a "40". Malt Liquor eases the pain I guess. Hell, as long as insurance is picking it up, go for it.

Now we're at Chris's pad where Other Dave has the place set up. Ladies, if you ever need a man to pamper you, OD is the man. The couch already had the blanket on it, he had bought extra drinks, pudding, snacks and movies. He cooked eggs, had the remote out and the thermostat set on something other than the normal "burn in hell".

Then I was out to a nice lunch (Michael Deans) and finally to the office. While talking to the receptionist on the 5th floor about the letting go of the temporary people (of which she was one) I was treated to the phrase, "Whopper flopper". ?

But now it's 2pm and I'm writing emails, which means at least things are back to normal. Which is exactly why this evening I'm running a little bet with myself to see how many miles I'm going to put on the truck today. Conservatively I'm going with 100. Which means it's time for the weekend!

Have a great holiday all! Clay

-the Doctor actually said "Do you have tto go potty?" not "pee." To which I responded "actually I do because my bladder is the size of a tea cup, but I'm not 4 years old"

-I have always known Raleigh was in an oottoman crisis--there is a severe shortage in the southeast. Unless of course you are willing to pay $600.00. I was lucky and stumbled on ours, and Chris went the way of blow-up ottomans

-So I decided to let them drill the holee with local anesthesia only, but talked the doctor into giving me a little N02. And he actually told me to tell him when I was getting a little light headed so he could turn it down. Yeah right. Ah no, I don't feel anything yet, keep it coming Doc.

-The doctor actually used a ratchet to pput the screw into the bone after drilling the hole--a little mini ratchet with a two inch long handle that made a mini ratchet sound. I'm actually glad I was awake for this or I never would have believed it.

-the nurse and the doctor actually had tthe following conversation (I present in abreviated form) about the alignment of the screw as he was putting it in the bone:
doctor: "so how does it look from your side"
nurse: "ah, it looks okay I guess, maybe a little to the left"
doctor: "yeah, it is hard to see from over here, how about now?"
nurse: "that looks pretty good"
doctor: "you know this radio station reminds me of high school"
doctor: " that will probably be good enough, lets do it"
Um, excuse me, aside from this costing me a shit load of money of which insurance will not pay a dime, could we focus here on a bit of precision, and for the love of god turn that N02 back on

-you think the sound of the drill was baad in the waiting room?

-now I'm sorry I stopped Clay from lettiing the air out of that woman's tires, she was that special word I save for effect

-one of the drugs at Eckards was to stopp me from throwing up the pain medication (which it turns out I didn't even need). The woman informed me if I did take it, I would be knocked out for at least 10 hours--I've been slipping it to Clay (who has been oddly tired all weekend)

-I spent all weekend on Other Dave's, Daave's, and Chris's sofa which was excellent. OD did an amazing job of Susan sitting (sorry OD, the truth is out ) Best movie watched--Suicide Kings. Worst movie--Falling Down or Falling Hard or some crap like that. And Tank Girl was kinda amusing.