JC Beach Trip July 2001 - Part 3

Soon my skin is boiling and I can finally get into the water. For those that don’t know me too well, I hate cold. I like hot. As such, anything below 70degrees outside makes me shiver and I rarely get in water that’s not at least 75degrees. On the reverse side, my favorite time to jog is 2pm in July and August, so there you are. Anyway, I do get in the water and it is good. There’s actually waves and I’m having fun playing. At one point I was warned by 3 women they were coming out to molest me. Turns out they were only teasing.

Now depressed and without a body board, I turned back inland. I managed to sun and chat some more and then play some frisbee. Frisbee was fun. For me. Turns out I was upwind so I could throw easily. Those throwing back to me though were making some Herculean efforts to get the disc back to me. Sucked to be them. Now off to some volleyball. Which ultimately, given my recent foot problems, wasn’t a good idea. Fortunately it was hot, people were tired and the court was part sand part rock-substance, so we quit early. Oh, and it was basically a small ‘bowl’ and we weren’t really playing that good.

Now at this point I realize why I hate bathing suits. They chaff. Ugh. Time to shower. Back to the hotel. Again with the fire-hose. Hungry again, I search for food. OD and I go puttering about the complex. The first place walks us to the table, then tells us they can’t serve us because we have no shoes on. We’re at the beach lady! Denied. The next place, although currently giving food to customers claims to be Closed. The next place doesn’t start serving until 6. I’ve never had such a hard time giving my money away.

Back to the room. Steal some flipflops and back to the first place. OD is already gnawing his fingers. Finally we eat. Not bad. So far I’ve been at the beach over 24 hrs, had 5 meals and the only decent seafood I had was an appetizer crabcake. Dammit.

Now it’s back to happy hour and I realize I shouldn’t have borrowed Chris’s flops. Because now he’s wearing these oversize, bright yellow flops. Oh boy. Happy Hour is calmer this go around and there seems to be a lot of black. Haven’t seen one of our female friends in awhile. Last I heard she was on the beach picking up some lifeguard and it’s been awhile and so she must be… Oh! Well now. Don’t know what actually happened but I heard something about Bulimia. Or maybe it was Bulgaria.

Now back to Broadway. Wherein I hear OD say, "these girls spend more time looking at each other’s boobs than we do." WTF? We shuttle out to the Crazy Donkey to eat. I no longer question such decisions, I just drive. Now there’s 30 of us munching chips and salsa, Kimmy’s wearing a prison shirt, Debbie’s eating an oil spill and by the end of the night some woman was actually pulling my shorts down.

Or more specifically, my boxers up. Which was not all that comfortable. At one point I’m sitting in Danny’s lap, which made Keri mad. But then he’s showing off his ‘lady killer’ son, which made me think we were actually going to have to cart some of the women away to jail. At least Kimmy was already dressed for it. Which meant OD lost his shirt. Vaughn forgot to eat, I told the waitress to ‘surprise me’ (and didn’t get slapped), and Johnnie was throwing silverware. It’s a good thing one of us knew the manager.

Time to shuttle folks to the club. During the middle of this I recall getting propositioned. She was not entirely sober. I was not entirely sure I could even bend like that. Dropping the kids off was easy, parking was not. Return to Park and Ride: Kansas. Unlike Caitlin, I don’t like doing a 5k on vacation. Turns out I didn’t have a choice. But now we’re in.

Freak Show. Not as entertaining as the Lincoln previously, but there are some funny people. Immediately in here were ‘Middle-aged Air-humping Man’ (on table, sold separately) and ‘Crutch-man and Hooker-friend’ (crutches included). Most of the rooms included some variant of ‘Fake-boob Bimbo’ (venereal disease included).

How drunk were our friends? Chris and OD were dancing, Sheri was all over the ‘bachelor’ and ‘Rainman’ was getting her groove on with several hotties. But at least they weren’t the only ones. As Chris tells it, "I don’t remember the last time I got felt up that much. And not always by people I knew." The Egg Girl Trio were getting down as well and I was being accosted by a bouncer whose shoulders were as wide as he was tall. One couple (not with us) was doing the ‘dance-n-fuck’ and I did get to see a guy get thrown out of the place. Which signaled it was about to for that classic: back to the hotel.