"I’m drunk!"

What is it with these women and their sayings? Fortunately this was all in a controlled, mature environment and other than the cat, no one was hurt. So the ‘egg babes’, Kimmy and Carole Anne, decided to have a party. People were invited, food was made, music was brought. And there was alcohol. The crowd was diverse, which is always good.

As if on cue, I walked into the door and introduced myself to the good looking married woman. It’s like a talent with me or something. But I also met non married people as well. It’s amazing what people talk about at parties. Like the KKK for instance. Should this ever come up in casual conversation? Probably not. Then there’s fire, dragging deaths and preachers. Why was this woman telling me all this?

As odd as it was to hear these things from a strange woman, it was just as odd to hear about gay bars from a male friend. How does he know about all these places and why didn’t he take the bar tending job? Lots of tips, I say. And although "Mr Potential" works in the woods and can’t operate a lawn chair, he did redeem himself by dancing and not making a total fool of himself.

Which is more than I can say for Cell-phone Boy. Why would you call people from a party? Especially those who are at the same party. And why past midnight? 2am? 4am? Though he was not alone in this embarrassment as the girls thought it would be fun to talk as well. Kimmy thought it might be fun to tell some guy on the other end she was sitting there naked. It was fun. Until he told her the same thing.

So now I’m watching 10 drunk idiots trying to play card games. There are many card games to choose from. Instead of choosing they simply played a game in which they incorporated all the rules into one game. This did not work out well. So I left to go talk to a man who was mocking me from across the room.

Which of course eventually led to, "you guys are having a ménage-fucking-threesome!" This was brought on by two of the babes (Married Chick and Kimmy) spying on another (Carol Anne) upstairs. Unfortunately the two guys in this threesome were either slow in moving or just painfully dumb, because they still had their clothes on, lol.

Eventually I lay down. Oh, the party is still going on, but I’m not. I’m on the floor trying to get some sleep. Eventually people leave and I attempt to get into the couch bed. Which was quite the effort as I had to pass the gauntlet challenge of pillows. I’m convinced that only Martha Stewart knows what to do with 36 pillows on one couch. I’m also convinced that my own solution was not suitable for children. Still, in my mind I had won. For the simple reason that I finally got to lay down. Except now I had no pillow at all and it was hot.

I did get tucked in by a babe though (Kimmy), so now I can at least stretch the truth at the water cooler and say "oh yeah, just last week I had a babe putting me down to bed." Of course, I have an overzealous hatred of water and an innate need to yell "Hey Culligan Man!" around water coolers, so it’ll probably never come up. So now the best I get is sharing a couch bed with Other Dave. As it turns out, he had the worse end of the deal. One, he was the closest to the snoorer. Two, he kept getting attacked by the cat.

Morning came and I was still tired. A somewhat rude awakening was seeing what is referred to as a cat throwing up a ‘hairball’. I didn’t see any hair, but I think I saw Elvis. And I still don’t know how that cat got a whole steak down in the first place. After a quick cleanup (in which I was useless) and yet another round of Pillow Gauntlet, it was almost time to leave. Once the conversation moved to invisible jaundice babies, I was halfway out the door. After all, I had some disc golf and volleyball still to play!