Kayaking Weekend (Part 2 of a few)

And now, the second brush with death - oncoming moron. Some lame ass is now trying to pass cars on a two lane road. This in itself is ok, as that was what was intended. But going at least 50mph already and trying to pass requires quite a bit of distance actually. To try and pass 3-4 cars at once this way really requires distance. The amount of distance this man was leaving himself, as he was barreling straight towards us, was basically just enough to pass one of the geese the sign was talking about. We had to basically slam on the brakes, honk, swerve and pray. What a f-ing dipsh*t.

And yet, even with the two brushes of death and wondering if we were passing through military farming zones, we weren’t truly scared until we saw signs about bears. WTF? “Do not fee bears on the highway.” What bears and who the fuck would be so stupid? Chris: “So if a bear bites off your arm, do you also get a ticket?” We’re on the coast, why are there bears, and they were obviously enough of them to warrant signs. Which is why the next sign was “Red Fox Crossing.” Holy crap, are we on Wild Kingdom?

All I know is if we get a flat, I’m not getting out to fix it. But these bears weren’t stupid either. Apparently seeing (and reading) these ‘do not feed’ signs, they came up with a clever counter plan – “wildlife nature trail -> (this way)”. Very clever, get the folks away from the highway (and witnesses) and then kill and eat them. No wonder we hadn’t seen any houses for awhile.

But the coastal condo residents we smart to the potential for a bear onslaught. As such, they made sure they were buffered on their back side by a wide expanse of prairie. Yep, prairie land. Here we are on the beach, and we’re driving through a prairie. That way they can see the bears coming. The bears countered some years ago by planting trees and brush at strategic points in the prairie. Now they have spots to run reinforcements at night.

We’re not stopping. Fortunately we had enough gas. We split the seam of this prairie battlefield and went right out to the bridge across… Alligator River. Dammit man, this is vacation?! Finally, after a long bridge, we’re on the other side. Which brings us to more signs. Deer Crossing. ?

Alone, this sign is not imposing. Taken in context, this scares the hell out of me. You have to ask yourself, “how did deer get out here on the island?” I mean, they had to survive Children (Crossing and At Play), other Deer (you never know), Geese (death from above), Red Foxes and Bears. This is quite an accomplishment by itself. Then they had to swim past the Alligators to get to the island.

And I mean, this is not an easy thing. It has taken men with boats and about 100 yrs of technology to build bridges to span this distance gap. Now these land-based creatures have managed to swim across amidst all this peril? Let’s talk about how strong these beasts must be. They are now probably reproducing some sort of super deer on the island. Imagine if one of these deer kicked a man, it would probably shoot his spleen straight out the back of his body, it’s just that retarded.

Oh yeah, this is exactly the type of environment I want to relax and kayak in!