Should I have moved up to Silver? Hard to say, but I knew it was going to be a rough day before we even started playing. I'm guessing one of the worst ways to start off any tournament day would be to have digestion problems. Let's just say the day before and morning of had already left me dehydrated. But when you add to that my lifetime problem of acid reflux and having run out of medicine, this isn't good.
Hell, I couldn't even get relief from the sun. I brought my tent/canopy thing. Yeah, the tinker-toy looking thing that takes awhile to put together. I get everything all together and ready, only to realize I'm missing the centerpiece to hold the pieces together. Looks like I picked the wrong day to stop worrying about dehydration. And then I got to the courts.
I know when I first walked up, I was clearly in over my head. I mean literally. I'm used to being the shortest guy out there, but this was ridiculous. I think half the LA Lakers were in my pool. Hell, I even think the chairs were over-sized. But I had little time to think on it much, as this intimidation soon gave way to pain.
And lots of it. I'm finding newer ways to hurt myself now. You'd think with all the fat on me, I'd be padded. Turns out most of that is in my gut and ass, neither of which I fell on. No, instead I went horizontal sideways. The first time I smacked down on my right hipbone, I thought it a freak accident. By the third time, I assumed that bone was somehow actually sticking out of the skin. To balance things out, I crushed the left one as well.
Luckily my body compensates for such things. The next time, it was my ribs. Now let me say, you really have to be out of whack to land rib-first. And dammit, that hurts. Which stirred up other problems. My acid reflux reared its ugly head one time on the court (well, just off to the side actually). Not good. I guess Chik-Fil-A biscuits really aren't the breakfast choice of champions.
But fear not, the body has many places to hurt. Like the elbow. To land on your arm is ok. To have your elbow be the first thing to hit the ground and then the rest of your weight on top of it is not ok, especially when this "ground" actually turned out to be a rock. I think my arm went numb. But you don't have to hit things to cause pain either. Let's talk about blisters. I now actually have a 6th toe on my right foot, its growing right out the side of my big toe. I think I have blisters elsewhere too, but I won't discuss that here.
To add to the physical pain, we had emotional scaring as well. The guys were trying to be nice, but pity hurts too. Like between every game, they were like, "Maybe you should take awhile." Not a break, or some water, but "awhile". Like about 5 years of practice. The girls on the other hand weren't into pity. No, I think every time I stepped on the court it was more like, "Let's face it, you're not getting out of the pool. Hell, you may actually pass out on the court. But before you do that, try and focus and work a bit harder to get me some points ok?!"
And solace couldn't even be found from friendly neighbors. When I asked Lewis (Cagle) for advice, I think he said something like, "Try and play better." But I was dizzy by that point, so maybe those weren't his exact words. Then again, maybe that was his way of getting back at me for interrupting one of his games earlier (a diving face plant into his court while yelling "wildcard" for some asinine reason).
Speaking of dumb places to dive for a ball, let's talk about the untamed wilds next to our court. Not only could those prickly vines things entrap you for weeks, but there were things moving in there. And things that weren't moving were just as bad. After removing the plant life and rocks from my body, I noticed a smell. And then I remembered the two golden retrievers I saw go through there earlier. Oh boy. Luckily I must have just been near the area and not actually a victim.
In the end, I did survive and actually outdid my personal goals for the day: I didn't die, I didn't completely embarrass myself, and I managed to score a few points. And of course I made new friends and had a blast (and that's the real key). On the court beating me into submission were John, Henry, Mark and Peter. Putting up with me for the day were Roberta, Abby, Margaret, Amy and Nilam.
Someone mentioned we'd be doing this all over again in two weeks. Maybe by then my hips bruises will have subsided enough to allow me to put on pants, which is better for all involved.
Happy healing,
Clay "I could stand to practice some" Berry
(Note: of course none of the people on or off my court said disparaging things, I may have embellished a little there. Everyone was quite friendly and helpful. Well, as much they could be while still managing to kick my ass on the court).