Moo

I am a cow. No, I don't mean I've eaten like a cow, or resemble a cow. I mean, I have actually transformed my physical being into a cow. That's how much I've eaten this summer, I've actually changed nature.

And although there seems to be no way back for me, I am focused on the future. What will my new job be? Will my friends accept me? And more importantly, you should be asking yourself, "What is Clay using to type this, now that he's a cow?"

Which brings us to the joy of udders. In the hooves of lesser cows, a hindrance, but belonging to clay-cow, a unique, yet harmless, office weapon. Seriously, how many times have you wished you were able to hit hall passerby's with something? Well, now I can. And it's biodegradable.

But being a cow has other benefits too. I get to sit wherever I want. Hell, who's going to stop me? And when I go take a "bathroom" break, I get to go outside, thus taking more time and enjoying the day. And I never have to worry about piss on the seat again.

And you always thought I was pessimistic!

Clay-cow