Well, everyone likes to say, "wow, that's great Clay, you got into [that company]. They're wonderful!" First, this makes me think I didn't deserve this, but it was like some kind of lucky thing. Second, I think most people confuse 'good company' with what they'd actually do during a typical day.
For instance, at this wonderful company, my first day was not unlike other places. I had no computer, my boss was out of the office, and the secretary said, "and now I'm going to give him the Supply Cabinet Tour." Hmm.
Next week I get to compare records. I will have 2 Excel files. In one file are 93 lines of records. They each have some columns. One of the columns is a description. In the other file, 20,000 records. My job? To match up the 93 in the first, with the second. The catch? Search on text strings is hard since phrases could be done differently. Eg, "White Paint" = "Paint, White" yet searching can be hard. So she says to me, "Mostly manual. And it's going to be long, tedious work. Basically going to suck really." Nice.
But what of the free M&M's Clay. Dammit man, focus on the positive! Well, as most things, these are good and bad. First they're the reject pieces, not the real deal. Bad lettering, mutlicolors, etc. Ok though. A problem though is that you have to get them out of this container with a spoon. So what? Clearly you're not thinking about volume. You can't get too many M&Ms in a small plastic spoon. And for some reason you're not allowed to just tip the jar up. And finally, there's the fat. I think I can see myself expanding.
Which brings us to breakfast. Chicken and egg biscuit. Sure it's the smallest diameter biscuit I've ever seen (something you might find coming out of the Easy Bake over), but you can damn sure bet it's chocked full of fat and grease. I'm not supposed to have eggs, I'm not supposed to have fried foods. Mmm, mmm, good.
And of course, who would have thought it, but this company will lead to me losing my girlfriend. No, not long hours, or stressful behavior. But now another woman has touched my scrotum. I didn't actually take that kind of supply cabinet tour, this was the old "cough test", ha.
Updating you from paradise,
Clay "I didn't think I could get any fatter" Berry