Ok so you’ve done everything right and contact closed the woman (or even kiss closed her). Now you want to set up a meeting to see what she’s about, and possibly take things further.

There’s no rule that says you have to go home and call her to set up a meet close. You can do it immediately after you’ve met her, by saying C&F: "Do you think you could keep me interested enough for a cup of coffee?" and then taking her to the nearest coffee place.

Now most people would probably refer to this meeting as a DATE. Try as much as possible to avoid saying or using the word "date", and to stay out of the dating frame. This is because "dating" puts two people in a special context. The typical "dating" relationship has the guy taking the girl out, paying for everything, doing nice things to win her approval, etc. until the woman decides if he’s worth sleeping with or not. You want to stay out of this frame and avoid it like the plague, because you set up that SHE is the prize and you’re after her. You want to approach the situation with YOU as the prize, or at least on an equal level as her.

"Dating" can also be quite expensive. By the time you’ve bought flowers to bring, got your car washed and gassed up, paid for dinner and wine at a nice restaurant, and taken her out dancing at a club and paid her cover and drinks, you’ve EASILY spent over $100. Or let’s say you want to take her on one of those "original" dates that dating experts recommend, like bungee jumping together or white water rafting excursions. These activities can cost upwards of 80$ per person (Canadian Dollars), which can get ridiculously expensive. Consider even a "simple" date like going to the movies. With movie ticket prices hovering around 10$, and the cost of goodies at the concession stand being so outrageous, you’re spending a good 40-50$ for a night out.

Now, if you’re out meeting several attractive women a week, and manage to set up a date with 2 or 3 of them, how long could you sustain this rate of spending? (As an aside, this is what men are complaining about when they say that having a girlfriend is expensive, or when asked why they don’t date more say, "I don’t have the money to do it"). And why would you want to spend all that money on people you don’t even know yet?

On a first date, why does a man take a woman out to dinner? Is it to evaluate her table manners and watch her chew her food? No, it’s to give her pleasurable feelings through good food and atmosphere, and have her link those feelings to HIM. Why does a man take a woman white water rafting? Is it to get her shirt wet so he can see her boobs? No, it’s to get her to have fun and excitement and link those feelings to HIM. And why does a man take a woman to a horrible "romantic comedy" at the movies? Is it so he can watch Julia Roberts trip over something a dozen times, and play hard-to-get for the whole movie and predictably give in at the end? Of course not, it’s to get the woman he’s with all emotional and happy so she’ll link those feelings to HIM.

Let’s be honest here. Doing all of the above is MANIPULATION (though most women don’t tend to think of it as such, because they’re so used to it). And it’s pointless! When you’ve left the fancy restaurant, when you’re driving home from the rapids, or when you leave the movie house, it’s just going to be YOU. So instead of using EXTERNAL elements to influence how a woman feels about you, how about just demonstrating what YOU are all about? If you’re a fun and interesting person, then just sitting on a park bench and talking would be a lot of fun.

I’m not saying that you can’t take a woman to dinner or spend money on her. If you want to do that that’s fine, but only AFTER you’ve come to know her and see that she’s worth it. Remember, your frame is that YOU are the one evaluating her, to see if she’s up to your standards. Whenever you make an effort to try and prove something to her (i.e. qualify yourself to her), you reverse that frame and she’ll be the one in control. Women don’t want to have all the control in courting—it’s the man’s job to lead with a strong frame!

Gold-Digger Shutdowns

Beware of a woman who EXPECTS or DEMANDS that you take her out on expensive dates. Nothing gives her away as a GOLD-DIGGER faster! If you find a woman saying something like "You’re going to take me to (expensive restaurant) this Friday", say "You know what? I don’t think this is gonna work out. I barely know you and you want me to spoil you, that doesn’t make any sense." Really, even if you DO have a large amount of discretionary income, this is NOT the type of woman you want to get involved with.

If she talks about deserving it because she’s beautiful: "You’re in MY world now. Your looks don’t get you a free anything".

If she talks about having expensive tastes: "If you have expensive tastes then you need a JOB, not a man".

If she talks about being "high-maintenance", deal with it using one of the responses to the high-maintenance shit-test in the Attract section.

Whatever the case, know the signs and avoid these leeching types—nothing good can come of them (except maybe an affair with her while she dates or marries a boring rich guy to satisfy her lust for cash!)

Ok, so we’ve established that it’s a bad idea to take women out on expensive sorties. So with that addressed, just what do you do on a first meeting? Here are some options:

1. Meeting for coffee or tea: This is probably the best option, because cafés are relatively quiet (no blaring music), private (there are corners, booths, etc), and in most places it’s self-serve so you don’t have a waiter interrupting you just when her buying temperature is getting "up there". Cost: Under 8$

2. Meeting for drinks: You could meet her in a bar or lounge for a drink or two and some conversation. The pros of this are that with some alcohol in her she may be more playful and of course, horny. The down side is that she may be drunk when you arrive (she may have had several drinks bought for her by other guys before you got there). Also, the music is likely to be louder in these venues, and you’ll have a tougher time gaming her. The biggest drawback is that there’ll likely be AMOGs present, and you’ll have to go through the hassle of deflating their advances on your girl, or plow through them to get to her if she arrived at the venue before you. Cost: Under 10$ if you don’t stay long and each have one drink.

3. Meeting in the park: If it’s a nice day, you can meet her on a bench in the park, or even have a picnic together if there are any tables set up. Show up with some sandwiches, wine glasses, and a bottle of Lemon Perrier (public consumption of wine might get you a ticket). Cost: Under 10$

4. Bring her shopping: By this I don’t mean taking her out to buy her stuff. I mean saying "Hey, I’m going shopping for X tomorrow, you can come along and give me a female opinion". Cost: Nothing over what you would’ve paid to buy X in the first place.

These are just some basic ideas. If you want any more you can check out "300 Creative Date Ideas for Under $20" by Michael Webb, available for download online. In any case, more ideas may be redundant because you should know by the 2^{nd meet if she’s worth pursuing further or not.}

Once you have an idea of what you want to do, you’ll need to contact her to invite her to meet.

How long should you wait after you’ve met her before calling? Opinions differ on the mandatory waiting period but most say 2 to 4 days. This is because most people approach the question with the mindset of "How desperate am I going to look if I call after X days?" This is the WRONG way to look at it. If you didn’t come off as desperate or an ass-kisser when you met her, you won’t look like one when you call her, at ANY time.

In reality it depends on how much rapport you two built during your initial encounter. If you feel you built heavy rapport it means you can take longer, and light rapport means you’d better not wait too long. If you met her in a club environment, the flakiest environment known to man, you should call her as soon as the clubs close. This may seem counterintuitive, but she may barely remember you 2 days from then (especially if she’d been drinking) so do it. Call her wireless at closing time and try and get her to meet you at the 24-hour café downtown, the all-night diner, the after-hours club, a sleazy motel, whatever. (Just kidding on that last one).

However long you take, if she seems annoyed at how long you took, or that you didn’t call her when you said you would, say C&F: "(name), I’m a GUY. We NEVER call when we’re supposed to!"

A note on calling: Nowadays, with voicemail boxes, answering machines, caller ID, *69, etc., trying to get in touch with a woman can be like a campaign of technological warfare. Here are some ground rules for dealing with the new technology:

Always assume the girl has caller ID. If you don’t have a private number, before calling use *67 to block your number from her. If you don’t, and you try 5 times to reach her throughout the day, she may think you’re a phone-stalking psycho.

If you happen to get a machine when you call, hang up and call back immediately. The rationale behind this is that often the woman will be standing right next to the machine ready to screen the call, and by hanging up she gets frustrated because she wanted to know who it was. As she starts to walk away the phone rings again, and to ease the frustration she’ll go to answer the phone this time.

If the above strategy doesn’t work, call back a little later and leave a message like this: "Hey X, this is Mike. I just had the most AMAZING idea... you have to hear this! Call me, 555-1234". This should get her to call back. She will of course ask what the idea was. Say "I figured out how I could get you to call me back. It totally worked too... Hey, you won't believe what happened to me yesterday... [story]"

The objective when first calling her is to get to know her a little better and set up a face-to-face meeting. Don't talk too long—10-20 minutes will do. Try to get her to see you as soon as possible—it cuts down on her flaking. You should always be "semi-ready" to go out when you first-call a woman; that way if she says she’s not busy at the moment you’re good to go.

The plan is to

1. Call her
2. Make her laugh or engage her interest within the first 5 seconds
3. Use the Attract-Qualify-Rapport-Amplify parts of the plan to raise her interest level again (15 minutes MAXIMUM—do NOT linger on the phone for hours)
4. Meet close
5. Hang up

When calling, don’t get into the dead end of trying to remind her who you are over and over until she gets it. Instead, state who you are and where you met and plow right into your phone game. "Hey, it’s Mike from Club Exit. Check this out, the coolest thing happened to me after I left there…" That way, even if she doesn’t remember she’ll be so into you that she’ll probably show up for the meet regardless. If you get stuck trying to remind her, she’ll just keep saying "No, I don’t remember" and hang up. If you barrel through it whether she remembers or not, then she’ll get into you and you’ll bypass that. Also, trying to remind her of who you are takes you out of the powerful frame that YOU are the prize. When you act in that frame you assume that there’s no way she could possibly forget YOU and that she remembers you perfectly.

Run your game on her and run a meet close before ending the call.

Get her involved and invested in the outcome. Planning what you're going to do when you get together increases her involvement and increases the likelihood she won’t flake. Here are some examples of how to bridge to the topic of a meeting:

"So when are you taking me out? No McDonalds either...I wanna be WINED and DINED! And no cheap night at the movies!" She’ll laugh at this, then you turn around and say "Never mind, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with you spending so much money on me. Instead we’ll do __________. Sound good?"

"We should get together this week. Come with me to ________ on Xday."

"Well I’m busy on Xday, Xday, and Xday afternoon, how about Xday in the early evening? Just say YES." (show you’re busy and your time is valuable. If she already has plans that night) "You already have plans? CANCEL THEM! I’M more interesting!" She probably won’t, but just suggesting that she cancel them for YOU sets you up as the prize.

"I'm busy tomorrow, but if you tempt me with a good enough offer, I might make time for you the next night".

The Tag-Along Meet Close:

The tag-along meet close is used when her buying temperature is low (for whatever reason, the phone can be tough) and you want to communicate that you’re not needy: "I’m going to X with my friends tomorrow, and you’re welcome to come along if you want."

If she rejects your offer, she may just be busy with plans she can’t break that night. Offer a maximum of ONE more night that you have available. After that if she says she’s busy, and doesn’t suggest another night herself (a sign that yes, she actually does want to meet with you), say:

"It’s ok, I hear ya. (PAUSE) What I DON’T hear is a counteroffer. Make me one! (Doesn’t:) You know, it doesn’t sound like you’re serious. That’s too bad, because you seemed cool…anyway I gotta go make plans, I’ll talk to you later." Then hang up. Say it without sounding hurt or angry; just state it matter-of-factly.

It’s important not to rule out women who turn down your meet requests. Never burn your bridges unless she’s a total loser or bitch! Maybe she’s just having a bad day or she’s tired, maybe she’s dating another guy, maybe she’s on the rebound, etc. What you need to do is put the women who turned down your offer on a call-list. Every two weeks go down the call-list and call all the no-girls, repeating the process again and trying to meet-close. This is good for two reasons: First, it shows persistence, in a COOL way. You’re not calling her everyday, hanging on and trying desperately to get her to see you. Second, it’ll make her think that—imagine this—you actually LIKE her and you’re not just out for a quick lay! A lot of girls are worried about this, and they may keep a guy at a distance until they’re confident he’s not just out to love ‘em and leave ‘em. You really have nothing to lose by trying her number again in a couple weeks. The worst she can do when you call her up is be unenthusiastic and tell you she’s too busy to talk.

When you successfully do a meet close, you’re not home free yet; you may be tested by the woman. Here are two examples you might see at meet close:

1. "Where are you taking me?" She assumes you’re "taking her" somewhere—she’s trying to assert the dating frame. Your response, C&F: "I’m not "taking you" anywhere, we’re meeting for coffee, remember?"
2. "Call me on Xday to confirm" This is a woman’s "escape hatch"—don’t let her get away with it! Basically it means "Ok, I’ll go out with you that night…UNLESS someone makes me a better offer". Your response, C&F: "Confirm? Confirmation is for CATHOLICS. Coffee at X on Xday it is!" From here move right into flake prevention strategy.

FLAKE PREVENTION: "Now, let me ask you something: On a scale of 1 to 10, what are the chances that you’re not going to show up on Xday?"

If she answers with anything more than "0", say:

"You know what, never mind. If there’s even a CHANCE that you’re not going to show up, I’m not even gonna go. One of my pet peeves is people who cancel at the last minute or stand me up. I don’t do that to people because it’s a matter of keeping my word…because if there’s one thing that could end our friendship before it starts, it’s flakiness."

Let that sink in, then continue:

"I’ll tell you what, the place is close to my house, so just meet me at my place, ring the bell, and I’ll come out and we’ll go. That way if you’re late or stand me up at least I’ll be at home instead of sitting in the place like a dork."

Another method of flake prevention:

When setting up the meet close, ALWAYS say something like "I'll call you if my plans change, but otherwise I'll see you at X." This takes the LEAD, letting her know that YOU will be the one to change the plans, NOT HER.

When everything’s settled, say C&F: "Great! It'll be cool for us to hang out together. Being seen with me will be good for your reputation."

When getting ready to hang up, say "It’s gonna be fun to get to know you better. You’d make a cool friend." (friendship frame surprises and disarms her and puts less pressure on you at the actual meeting). This doesn’t mean she’ll slot you in the "friends" category though, far from it. It makes you look non-needy.

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