WHY ROMANCE DIES
© Rinatta Paries

Are you in a relationship where the flames of romance are starting to go out? Or are you single and have a hard time believing romance can last longer than a few months into a relationship?

Romance is how most relationships begin. We can't wait to be with our partner, give flowers, write cards, shower each other with attention and affection, stage seductions, etc. But somewhere down the road the romance begins to fade. It happens so often that it seems ordinary, expected, natural.

But why? Don't we all -- men and women alike -- dream of an eternal love affair? Don't we all enter into a relationship hoping THIS person will be the one to love us for a lifetime?

Doesn't it feel wrong when romance fades? Don't you feel somehow wrong when you no longer want to spend as much time with your partner? When you are no longer as attentive, thoughtful? Doesn't it feel wrong when your partner no longer does the nice things he or she used to do? Or when the sexual passion dies?

It's not natural for romance to die in a relationship. After all, isn't romance simply a way we appreciate, treasure, and love one another? Then as romance begins to fade, it is an indicator that our feelings for each other are beginning to fade as well. This often happens in the course of a relationship. We feel less for our partner, we become numb, we wall up.

There are three major reasons why we feel less in a relationship over time: disappointment, hurt, and taking each other for granted.

1. Disappointment

   People and relationships disappoint us over time. There is no way around it. In the beginning of a relationship we put our partner up on a pedestal. Over time, as our partner reveals more and more human characteristics, we get disappointed. With disappointment, we feel less exited, less enthusiastic about our partner.

    

2. Hurt

   Hurt happens in every relationship -- more often in relationships that aren't very good in the first place. We get hurt over broken promises and forgotten occasions. We get hurt by the things our partner says or does not say. We get hurt about not getting our needs met. Hurt shuts us down and makes us want to wall up.

    

3. Taking each other for granted

   Ok, so you are in a relationship, maybe you are even married. All the hard work is done, right? Your or your partner's focus is elsewhere -- on your job, kids, friends, hobbies, etc. The relationship will still be there, right? And as you and your partner take each other for granted, you create hurt and disappointment, leading to diminished feelings about each other.