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BRITISH COLUMBIA
1. Weed (and lots of it)
2. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges
3. The local hero is a pot-smoking snow boarder (Ross...)
4. The local wine doesn't taste like malt vinegar
5. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is 5 hours from downtown
6. A university with a nude beach
7. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations
8. If a cop pulls you over, just offer them some of your hash
9. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on
10. Marmots
ALBERTA
1. Big Rock beer
2. Gas is cheaper
3. Tax is 7 percent instead of approximately 200 per cent
4. The Premier is a fat beer drinker with a grade 4 education
5. Flames vs. Oilers and Stamps vs. Eskies
6. Nobody thinks you're a nutbar if you wear a cowboy hat with your bathing suit
7. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of
8. Eventually, it will be your town's turn to ban VLT's
9. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups
10. You can attempt to murder your rich oil tycoon husband and get away with it
SASKATCHEWAN
1. You never run out of wheat
2. Those cool Saskatchewan Wheat Pool hats
3. Cruise control takes on a whole new meaning
4. Your province is really easy to draw
5. You never have to worry about a roll-back if you have a standard
6. It takes you two weeks to walk to your neighbor's house
7. YOUR Roughriders survived
8. You can watch the dog run away from home for two days
9. People will assume you live on a farm
10. Buying a huge John Deere mower makes sense
MANITOBA
1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly have beach front property
2. Amusing town names like 'Flin Flon' and 'Winnipeg'
3. All your local bands make it big and move to Toronto
4. The only province to ever violently rebel against the federal government
5. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes
6. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter
7. You don't need a car, just take the canoe to work
8. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood
9. Because of your license plate, you are still 'friendly' even when you cut someone off
10. Pass the time watching trucks and barns float by
ONTARIO
1. You live in the center of the "Canadian" universe
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump
3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election
4. There's no such thing as an Ontario Separatist
5. Your grandparents sold booze to the States during Prohibition
6. Lots of tourists come to Toronto because they mistakenly believe it's a cool city
7. The only province with hard-core American-style crime
8. MuchMusic's Speaker's Corner - rant and rave on national TV for a dollar
9. Baseball fans park on your front lawn and pee on the side of your house
10. Mike Harris: basically a sober Ralph Klein
QUEBEC
1. Everybody assumes you're an asshole
2. Racism is socially acceptable
3. The only province to ever kidnap federal politicians
4. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour will move out next
5. Other provinces bribe you to stay in Canada
6. The FLQ, The Block, political parties dedicated to separation, but still appreciated in Quebec!
7. Your hockey team is made up entirely of dirty French guys
8. The province with the oldest, nastiest hookers
9. NON-smokers are the outcasts
10. You can blame all your problems on the 'Anglo bastards'
NEW BRUNSWICK
1. You are sandwiched between French assholes and drunken Celtic fiddlers
2. One way or another, the government gets 98 percent of your income
3. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies
4. When listing the provinces, everyone forgets to mention yours
5. The economy is based on fish, cows, and ferrying Ontario motorists to Boston
6. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick
7. You have French people, but they don't want to kill you
8. Everybody has a Grandfather who runs a lighthouse
9. Just as charming as Maine, but with more unemployed fishermen
10. You probably live in a small seaside cottage with no television
NOVA SCOTIA
1. The only place to get bombed in the war by a moron who set an amunitions ship on fire
2. Your province is shaped like male genitalia
3. Everyone is a fiddle player
4. If someone asks if you're a Newfie, you are allowed to kick their ass
5. The local hero is an insane, fiddle playing, sexual pervert
6. It was your province that produced Rita MacNeil
7. You are the reason Anne Murray makes money
8. You can pretend you have Scottish heritage as an excuse to wear a kilt
9. The economy is based on fish, lobster, and fiddling music
10. Even though it smells like dead sea animals, Halifax is considered Canada's most beautiful city
PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND
1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island, you still got the big-ass bridge
2. You can walk across the province in about an hour
3. You were probably once an extra on 'Road to Avonlea.'
4. This is where all those tiny red potatoes come from
5. The economy is based on fish, potatoes, and CBC TV shows
6. Tourists arrive, see the 'Anne of Green Gables' house, then promptly leave
7. You can drive across the province in about fifteen minutes
8. It doesn't matter to you if Quebec separates
9. You don't share a border with the Americans, or with any one for that matter
10. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on
NEWFOUNDLAND
1. The poorest, drunkenest province in Confederation
2. If Quebec Separates, you don't care
3. In the rare case when someone moves to the Rock, you can make them believe to kiss a dead cod is good luck!
4. The economy is based on fish, seafood, and fish-related products
5. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse
6. You understand the meaning of Great Big Sea's lyrics
7. English is your second language
8. You are lucky to have two hours work a day
9. If someone asks if you're from Nova Scotia, you are allowed to kick their ass
10. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders on your wedding day
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canuks visited this site and had a bit of a laugh eh?