Hazards
Getting
into a Jessie Clawson Fight
by Zanymars
For dummies, boyfriends, and
brothers’ best friends who don’t know better. (As the brother is a twin, he
should know better.)
YES!! This
instructive manual of information is for those of you who have the misfortune…
ehem… the privilege ((j/k Jess!…maybe)) to be around our own Jessie
Clawson of the MegaKat city Enforcers… sorta!
((I ain’t going into technicalities))
Especially
those who also have the misfortune and the lack of common sense to jump into a
fight or think into jumping into one revolving around our friendly neighborhood
workaholic, kamikaze, tempered, NRA prez. she- kat!
Here it is. The big
book of hazards when getting into a Jessie fight. What’s a Jessie fight? I
thought you wouldn’t ask! Simply, it’s the worst fight you can imagine…
can you imagine that? Now increase it ten fold…or maybe fifty… and you got
yourself an image of what happens if Jessie’s in a fight! Wait! That’s not
all! Now imagine that fight increased by fifty…and increase THAT into another
fifty or so, and you got the image of how is would seem if there’s a Jessie
and Alternate Jessie in the fight! But don’t panic! The second scenario is
only when Dark Kat is in a specially murderous mood! (Which is often… but
anyway… even he has to have extremes doesn’t he?)
Now, this book is to forewarn all of you out there who are crazy enough to think of jumping into one of those, or are in a situation that you have to jump in… may the heavens have mercy on you. (( and Jess, I am not being evil! It’s all true!))
First off. How to avoid being a direct casualty in a Jessie fight, and if you do manage to do one of these, what’ll happen to you!
Cross the twin brother. Now this will turn nasty as she is VERY close to her brother. You cross him and here’s what you’re risking:
Being thrown about rather severely and this may cause the breaking of your very skull.
To be threatened by Jessie herself, which will turn nasty as her tongue is as sharp as her aim.
Having the complete arsenal of the NRA tested and emptied into you. yes she does have access to that, she’s the NRA prez!
Having her brother’s best friend, join in the fray, if she’s in a good mood she just MIGHT leave you or him a piece. If not, both of you, watch out.
Cross the boyfriend. Aha. Now there’s the worst part. See all that up there?… yeah?… that’s in this list along with:
Having her protective instincts jump in and half yourself nearly maimed.
Having each of your pieces so severely ripped apart even a mouse, no not those giant Martian ones, an average mouse, wouldn’t be able to spot them.
Cross Jessie herself in a fight… (shudder)…. On top of both those lists:
Have her complete wrath upon you, be you friend of foe, for foiling her plans.
Have her eternally mad and begrudged against you if you tranq. her.
Have her try to sneak off on her own and nearly get herself blown to get to the bottom of things. Rules and restrictions?! What rules and restrictions?!
You look horrified don’t you?…. that’d teach ya'… and that’s not the worst case scenario! If you have a Jessie… and an Alternate Jessie. That’s you real problem!
Now this fiendish combination would result in a catastrophe, why? I’ll tell you why. You wouldn’t know which Jessie is your Jessie!…. specially if good Jessie was drugged into submission!
Best case scenario if you were caught in one of these:
If you were really good and stayed away, you might just get away with the emotional scarring of seeing such a fight. ((j/k!.. .but couldn’t help it))
You might… just MIGHT… get away with the skin or rather fur on you skin. That’s by running really fast and not get any aggravated or rather, getting the guy who is controlling them aggravated, we don’t want two Jessie's turned loose on you now do we? Thought not.
Worse case scenario:….shuddering at the thought here.
Make good Jessie hurt the boyfriend. One hazard to this one, near or total annihilation by having you body dismembered into teeny…tiny…isty…bitsy… weeny… you get the picture… pieces.
Now worst case and best case scenario in the worst case scenario. How does the logic work?… only if you’re a certified loony you’d figure it out.
Best case scenario in the worst case scenario:
If you’re really good. You let good Jessie and bad Jessie have a go at it after good Jessie’s freed from the effects. Why? I’ll tell you why.
You would be getting rid of you arch enemy along with his latest craze and be safe yourself in the end. With the side risk of having Mega Kat city partially destroyed.
Worst case scenario in the worse case scenario:
Make good Jessie hurt the boyfriend or try to. Now THAT would unleash some hidden wrath wouldn’t you think? What to do here? STAY OUT OF THE WAY!!!!!! As Jessie will most definitely fight the other Jessie who Dark Kat would have commanded to get the good Jessie, or she just felt like fighting herself… who knows? And good Jessie realizes what happened.
However, if you do decide to jump in and TRY… emphasis on TRY… to break this Kat fight… here’s what you’re risking: ((specially if you do the mistake of thinking good Jessie was Alternate Jessie and zap good Jessie which would bring her back to normal but still have her madder than ever.))
Being snapped on rather severely.
Risk being the scapegoat and punching bag of both Jessie's.
Risk having one or two of your limbs used as a bat against someone…the limb minus you, of course.
Get caught in the cross fire as both would certainly not relent. With one having the entire NRA stock behind her and the other having Dark Kat’s resources behind her…. You can just imagine and light show people!
Be in the most confusing situation in the world… specially with people screaming, “shoot her not me!”… “Shoot the other one!”… “NO!…the other other one!”… “Why’d you shoot me for I’m the good one!”… “heck, no I’m the good!”
Having the city you are trying to defend in shambles.
By the way!….there’s a side effect to getting into a Jessie fight!… there’s more you ask?!… Why yes!… after Jessie’s through with you there’s Jake Clawson, the brother, then there’s Chance Furlong, the brother’s best friend, and most importantly, Jason Korat, the boyfriend. But that’s another volume of the Hazard Series.
NOW…. If you are reading this a word of caution. You might not want Jessie to catch you reading this now would you?…. hide it well!… any of you out there who actually were caught in one and have anything to add be free to send 'em over!
Regards from the writer/editor/copywriter/etc….etc…etc….
Vex/AKA/Monia/AKA/Zanymars etc etc etc
© 2001
Martian Publications.
P.O.Box The lighter side of Mars.
Post code, fourth rock from the sun. ((you know, the red one))
I better start running for my life now.
THE END?….