story29

Draco Malfoy...Veela?
By Hello Kitty

       Fleur Delacour was back at Hogwarts to have a job interview. One day when she was sitting with the Slytherins, Hermione couldn't help but notice that she looked a little like Draco Malfoy. The same hair, eyes, and rotten attitude. She almost could imagine Fleur bouncing on the dungeon walls. Hmm, Hermione thought, hmm.
        "Have you ever thought that Fleur and Draco look a tad bit alike?" she asked Ginny.
        "Hey, you're right. Now why is that?"
        "Oh, I do have a little idea..."

        The next day in potions, the class (that is, the girls in the class) were dismayed to find that Fleur was working as a teacher's aide for Snape.
        "Just what we need," Hermione said, "Two teachers with a bad attitude."
        "Huh?" Ron was staring at Fleur and drooling on his desk.
        "Never mind. No use talking to you," Hermione sighed.
        "Well, Fleur isn't that bad after all," commented Harry.
        "Boys!" Hermione muttered.
        Fleur definitely had an effect on the boys in the class. Most of them were staring at her in wonderment. Even Professor Snape couldn't help glancing in her direction every once in a while. Fleur, in fact, wasn't doing much at all except glide around the classroom and flipping her hair. The funny thing was, Professor Snape didn't seem to notice, and when he assigned her jobs and she made huge messes, he didn't seem to care. Hermione was especially annoyed at this.
        "She doesn't do a thing around here! I wish Snape would get rid of her!" she said.
        All Ron said was, "huh?" but Harry agreed. Now that Professor Snape was no longer paying much attention to the class, many students misbehaved more than ever. Paper planes and such flew around the classroom every few seconds. Surprisingly, it wasn't Draco Malfoy at the bottom of all this. He was, like the majority of the class, staring at Fleur. Most of the trouble-makers were the Gryffindors who hated Snape and who weren't affected by Fleur.
        "Oh well," said Hermione, "at least now I can study my other classes." And she pulled a heavy book titled Advanced Arithmancy.

        Draco was sitting in his dark and dank dormitory, composing a love letter to Fleur. "Your eyes are like pools of sparkling water, and your hair is like waves of silvery gold," he read. "What do you think, Goyle?"
        Goyle grunted and continued to eat food smuggled from the kitchens.
        Draco sighed, then looked up to see his eagle owl perched on his chair with a letter tied to his foot. "Hmm, wonder who that's from" said Draco as he untied the letter and opened it. It read:
Dearest Draco,
         I am pleased to hear that you enjoyed the goodies I sent to you this morning and I would like you to come home for a weekend to visit your Grandma Maria who will stop by for a week. I have never met her before but I am sure you will like her immensely. She is your father Luscious'-- or is it Lucky's? aunt. Dear me, I never seem to get that straight. Wait...it's Lucky, right? Though it should be Unlucky...No, I think it must be Luscious...but then it would have to be Unluscious, right? I can never get his name right. Oh well, I guess I must ask him one of these days.
Love,
       Mommy
         Draco folded up his letter and responded to it, saying that he would love to go, that is, if they sent a double batch of candy on Friday. He thought it only fair. He tied the letter to his owl's leg, then picked up the letter to Fleur once more and began to write a (very bad) Shakespearean Sonnet about her beauty.

         Draco was back hom. he rang the doorbell, and Winky, whom the Malfoys had acquired over the summer, opened it immediately and said, "What is I doing to help you, sir?"
         "Get off me, you stupid elf!" Winky was clinging to his arm.
         Tears welled up in her eyes. "I is not meaning to annoy you, sir! I is meaning to welcome you home!"
         "You is meaning to get off me now and get out of my sight!"
         Winky, howling with all her might, carried his suitcase up the velvet-covered staircase and into his room.
         "Mommy!"
         "Yes, dear! Draco! Come in and meet your Grandma Maria!"
         Draco stepped inside the house and went into the parlor. Then he stopped, his eyes filling with amazement. His grandma was a veela. She must have been over a hundred years old, yet looked incredibly young. Draco gaped and couldn't talk. He didn't need to--his mom did it for him.
         "Draco, aren't you so pleased to see your father's mother for the first time? Oh yes, mother, he is just delighted! Draco, I know you've never seen your grandmother before, but that's because daddy's daddy got a divorce with his wife. Do you understand Draco?" Then, not waiting for him to answer: "Oh yes, mother, he understands. He's such a clever boy, aren't you, Draco?"
          Draco stared openmouthed at his grandma, then said, "Do you know I've invented a broomstick that'll fly to Jupiter?"
        His grandma laughed. "If only I got a penny every time I 'eard zat one!"
        "You sound familiar-- like a girl who works at my school."
        "Oh! Do you know my granddaughter Fleur? She iz ze most beautiful, talented girl in ze world, iz she not?"
        Draco was staring at her. "I'll drink to that, even though I'm not of drinking age. But wait-- doesn't that mean she's my cousin?"
        Narcissa burst in, "I'll go get some tea, mother. I'll be right back."
        Maria immediately began talking furiously as soon as Narcissa left the room. "Zat woman! Ze reason I 'ave not been 'ere before is she is jealous of anyone more beautiful zan 'er. That would be anyone! I can't believe darling Luscious married a woman 'oo looked like she 'ad dung under 'er nose!"
         "Er, isn't his name Luscius?"
         "Luscious! Zat woman cannot even get 'is name right! She calls 'im Lucky! 'E is more unlucky zan anyone I know! He married a woman--"
         "--With dung under her nose, right?"
         "Oh, you are your father's boy! Yes, you are so much like me! 'Owever, your grandfather was such an ugly man, poor Luscious never in'erited my good looks, and zerefore, neither did you. You look too much like a ferret to be 'andsome."
         "But to answer my question, is she my cousin?"
         "But of course!"
         "AAAAHHHHH!!" Draco rushed up the staircase and realized that his owl had left with his letter days ago. Just then, the owl returned with a little red envelope to its leg. A howler. He closed his eyes and covered his ears as he opened the envelope. "DO YOU KNOW ZAT I AM YOUR COUSIN??? AND YOU ARE A STUPID LEETLE FERRET! DO NOT ZINK ZAT I DO NOT KNOW ZAT YOU WERE ONCE BOUNCED ON ZE DUNGEON WALLS! YOU ARE A SLIMY LEETLE WORM!" Draco started throwing a tantrum, disturbing his mother in the kitchen (who had been so caught up in admiring herself in the mirror she forgot about the tea.)
         "Draco! What's wrong?" she asked, coming into his room. But too late. Draco had thrown himself out the window.
         Will Draco survive? Will Narcissa stop calling Lucius Luscious or Lucky? Will there be a sequel? Dont' count on it.

Author's Note: Actually, Winky was in the garden pruning the rosebushes and caught Draco. (I know, why couldn't he have died?) As for Narcissa, I truly hope that she will continue calling her husband anything but Lucius for the rest of her life. And yeah, I don't write sequels. At least not yet.

About Veelas, Ferrets, and Flesh-Eating Slugs!

A/N: Okay, you asked for it. Here's the sequel to Draco Malfoy...Veela?

        Draco returned to school, grumpily. His weekend had not been very enjoyable. Besides making a fool out of himself in front of his grandmother who happened to be a veela, he received a howler from his crush, Fleur Delacour. So when he returned from school on Monday, he was extremely relieved to see that there was no Fleur in his Potions classroom. Snape, hoever, did not seem pleased. He kept on looking in the direction Fleur usually was, and sighed when he realized she was no longer there. Draco was annoyed at this. When he did get out of his classroom to go to Care of Magical Creatures, he was dismayed to see none other than Fleur standing next to Hagrid...Hagrid was standing next to a barrel of things. Draco nervously looked in to see what looked like green slime.
         "Flesh-Eating Slugs! D'ya like them?" asked Hagrid.
         Lavendar Brown was not the only person to say Eurgh this time. In fact, almost everyone said that.
         "Great," said Draco, "first stinging lobsters, now we're raising green goop! What could be more fun?"
         "Hmm," said Hagrid, "what about ten-foot flying piranhas? I saw them in the store. And so cute!"
         But Draco had run off to Hagrid's hut and locked the door again. An hour of trying to get him out commenced. Finally, Fleur threatened to send him another Howler and he came out timidly.
         After class, Harry, Ron, and Hermione set out to lunch. Harry remarked, "I wonder why Hagrid wasn't distracted by Fleur?" Ron was looking backwards in Fleur's direction and drooling, so Hermione said, "because the only thing more beautiful than a veela to Hagrid is a barrel of Flesh-Eating Slugs." Then, when Harry laughed and Ron didn't say a thing, she whacked him in the head with her bookbag, which, due to the amount of books in it, stunned Ron and they had to ennervate him to get him to wake up.
         At lunch, Draco was Trembling for fear that Fleur still might send him a howler. He had nothing to fear. The next morning, he got a howler, but not from Fleur. It was from Pansy Parkinson.
         "I HEARD THAT YOU WERE FLIRTING WITH THAT VEELA-GIRL! I THOUGHT THAT I WAS YOUR GIRLFRIEND! YOU STUPID LITTLE FERRET! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!"
         "Don't talk to me," Draco instructed to Crabbe and Goyle, "I am too humiliated to talk." And indeed, the whole Hall had erupted with laughter. Draco turned red and looked almmost as much like a ferret as when he had actually been turned into one. As the day proceeded, he turned even more red, especially when he saw Ron, Harry, and Hermione wearing "Draco Malfoy is a Ferret" badges. Later on, he saw Fleur wearing one too. Draco almost cried at this. He went to his room and screamed, "Moody! Come turn me into a ferret! It has to be better than this!" Unfortunately, Moody didn't come. However, Pansy Parkinson did, and hearing his screams, promptly turned him into a ferret. Unfortunately, Fleur came at the same moment and sprayed him with undiluted buboter pus. Draco, now a pus-covered ferret, limped to the hospital wing where he was cured. Partially, anyway. You see, the places where fur had been covered with puss remained furry after he was changed back into Draco Malfoy. So that means he was bandaged and fur-covered when he got back to his dormitory. There, on his bed, he saw a note.
         Malfoy: here are some nice complimentary badges. Enjoy!
          Under the note were several "Draco Malfoy is a Ferret" badges. Draco accidentally pushed one, and it turned into: "A Ferret Who's Afraid of Slugs."
          Now, if Draco had been humiliated before, it was nothing compared to what he was now. Now he was bandaged, fur-covered, and humiliated. This was almost as bad as, no worse, than having his scalp shaved and dyed rainbow and having to see his friends and Lord Voldemort a.k.a. Voldie the next day. Actually, this really happened to him. (A/N: see A Summer to Remember by me!)
          So, although poor Draco had been in bad situations, this was the worst. Last time he just had a loss of hair. Now he had too much. Finally, he decided to leave for home one week before winter break. So he wrote his dad because his mom was just too silly.
Dear Dad,
          Hi, this is Draco. How is everything? Has mom stopped calling you Luscious or Lucky yet? I doubt it. Has Grandma Maria left yet? How is Uncle Voldie? I am afraid that I am not doing too well. Would you please ask Dumbledore if I can leave next week? Has mom stopped looking at the mirror? How long has it been now, straight now? Anyway, hope to see you soon.
      Your evil son,
               Draco
           He sent it with his eagle owl, and the next day, was on his way to Malfoy Manor. He entered and there in the hallway, was Winky the house elf. They had recently acquired her, and she was quite enthusiastic, to say the least.
           "I is very glad Master is home!" she squeaked. "Now, you is letting me take your luggage, you is!" Draco handed her the luggage and walked into the living room, to see none other than Lord Voldemort.
           "Uncle Voldie!" he yelled.
           "It's not Voldie, you idiot! Lord Voldemort! Oh, I hate my name, because it sounds like Voldie. That's all I hear these days. No respect whatsoever. Well, I suppose you're wondering why I'm here? Well I was living in Knockturn Alley, feasting on sewer rats, when a stupid storekeeper threw me out. He showed no respect. When I told him who I was, he said, 'Voldie! Get out, you stupid rat-eater!' So, that's what it is now. Voldie, the rat-eater, not Lord Voldemort, the death-eater. Change is bad. Oh, here's your mother now."
           Narcissa came in, holding a mirror in front of her face. "Hello, Draco! Oh, in response to your letter, it has actually been 1,643,535,353,478 hours straight now. And I have not yet gotten your father's name right. Isn't that right, Luscious?"
           A grumpy looking Lucius came down the stairs. "Finally I have something in common with Lord Voldemort. You see, I used to call him Voldie too, but now I know how it feels to be called the wrong name. Isn't that right, Lord Voldemort?"
           "Yes, Lucius."
           "Isn't it Lucky, Voldie? Dear me, I think you are losing your memory in your old age."
           "Don't call me that!" and he transported her to Siberia.
           Lucius said, "thanks Voldie! I've always wanted to do that, but I forgot how!"
           "Don't call me Voldie!" and he transported him to Siberia as well. "Now you'll always be there with your wife calling you Luscious and Lucky! And since you don't know how to get there, you won't be able to get back!"

The End

Disclaimer: All characters except Draco's grandma belong to J.K. Rowling. His Grandma belongs to me. I share the copy rights to the words "Luscious" and "Lucky" with my friend Lemon.