| Harry Potter: Survivor! By Hello Kitty |
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| Announcer: Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to our newest game show, Survivor! These are the six remaining contestants, who are competing for the grand prize, one billion galleons! Say hello to our audience, contestants! Lucius Malfoy: Hello, fellow wizards and mudbloods, if you even try to vote me off, when I get out, I'm going to curse every single one of you! And I know quite a few handy hexes. Narcissa Malfoy: Hi, I'm the wife of this dirtbag, and the same goes for those who try to vote me off! Petter Pettigrew a.k.a. Scabbers teh rat a.k.a. Wormtail: I hope you all realize I'm the most faithful servant of You-Know-Who, so I wouldn't try to go against me if I were you! I can also turn into a rat! (turns into a rat) Crookshanks: (pounces on Scabbers the rat) Announcer: (pulls Crookshanks off Scabbers) Rita Skeeter: (pulls out an acid green quill and parchment, and sets them so the quill begins flying across the page) Hi, I am Rita Skeeter, reporter for the Daily Prophet. If any of you viewers tries to get me off this island, I'll scathe you in one of my articles, and you know how bad that can get! Snape: Hello, I am Severus Snape, and I have a few nasty potions of my own for those of you who want to get on my bad side! Announcer: Well, now that you have met the contestents, the competitions will begin! Day 1 Announcer: Our first competition involves scavenging for food! You may not use magic for making food or transfiguring objects into food. You also may not use the Summoning spell to get objects from the mainland, because this island has been charmed to prevent that. Well, whoever gets food survives, and whoever doesn't, well you know. Anyways, enough with the talking, contestants, on your way! Lucius: (catches a bird with a Summoning Charm, and tries to cook it on a purple fire, only to have the bird burst into flame in his hands and realizes that the bird is Fawkes, the phoenix) Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! Look at me, I'm dying! Look, it's killed me! Narcissa: Hmm, reminds me of poor little draco and the mean, nasty hippogriff. Like father, like son. Too bad men are too dumb to do things like find food. (Takes a picnic basket and takes out a picnic lunch and proceeds to eat it) Good thing our new house-elf Tonky packed this for me and Lucius, but since Lucius is too caught up to eat, why not eat it all myself? Snape: (Manages to find some plants and eats them raw) At least my seven years of studying Herbology at Hogwarts finally paid off. Rita: (Her quill zooming across the parchment, writes: The contestants resort to desperate means to find food, writes Rita Skeeter, Daily Prophet reporter, not thinking of the simplest things. However, the lovely and charming Rita Skeeter, is extremely resourceful, and turning herself into a gorgeous beetle, curls up on a leaf and begins her morning meal.) Wormtail: Hmm, what should I do for food? Well, I might as well try as a rat. (turns into Scabbers) Crookshanks: (Lies watching Scabbers with a strange glint in his eyes) Scabbers: (thinking) : Well, here is a big juicy beetle, that somehow seems vaguely familiar. However, I need to eat, and this beetle should do nicely. (Eats Rita Skeeter) Rita's Quick-quotes quill: As the lovely and charming Rita Skeeter begins to munch peacefully on a leaf, the ugly Peter Pettigrew, now transformed into a rat, plots to eat her for his morning meal. With an evil light in his strangley hypnotic eyes, he gobbles up our lovely journalist! Crookshanks: (Once more pounces on Scabbers, and this time eats hims up) Announcer: (after a quick trip to the nearest pancake restaurant for breakfast) What have we here? Two contestants missing? And Luscious, why are your robes so scorched looking? Lucius: The name's Lucius, you idiot! (Starts to put a hex on the announcer) Announcer: That's what I said, Lusciuos! Though what is so Luscius about you I am at a failur to fathom... Lucius: That's it! (tries to choke announcer) Announcer: (settles Lucius with a blast from his wand, tying Lucius up in ropes) Did you say your name was Luscious, or was it Lotion... Narcissa: Don't insult my husband! That's my job! Announcer: Calm down, contestants! Now what happened to the two missing contestants? Crookshanks: Meoooowww--Burp Snape: That cat is up to no good! I am sure he is behind all this! I personally think he ate the contestants! Narcissa: I personally saw him eat the contestants! Announcer: Very well, the remaining contestants may vote, and the audience casts the last vote! (contestants scribble on little pieces of parchment) Announcer: Well, the votes are in! Here they are: Luscious, or was it Lotion? Oh I remember now, Lucky! That's it! Anyway, his vote was...Crookshanks! Narcissa....Crookshanks! Snape...Crookshanks! Crookshanks...err, this looks like, umm, no, it's a, well, it looks to me like a pawprint. Audience...it looks like Crookshanks! And Crookshanks is out of the game! Crookshanks: (Snarls and attacks the announcer, who signals to a group of men in dark suits, who drag Crookshanks away) Announcer: Well, that's all for today, see you tomorrow on Survivor! Day 2 Announcer: Hello again, and welcome to Survivor! I'm sure you remember our remaining contestants, so we'll begin by a little friendly competition. You see before you three deep trenches dug in the sand. These trenches are filled with obstacles, and at the end is food! The last person to reach the food, or whoever never reaches the food, is out of the game! Ready contestants? Go! Lucius: This one is easier than I expected (blasts the rocks in his path) Narcissa: Too easy for you, Lucius? Take that! (transfigures rock into Fawkes and hurls him into Lucius' ditch) Lucius: Well, I wouldn't have thought that a simple obstacle course could have defeated the mighty Lucius Malfoy! What's that up ahead? (sees Fawkes) Asssshhhhhh! It's the monster! It's back to kill me! Nooooo! don't let that evil monster of a bird kill me! (bursts into tears) I'm too young to die! Snape: Did I hear something? It sounded strangely like my good friend Lucius screaming. Oh well, my ears must be tricking me. Lucius: (finally comes to his senses and turns Fawkes back into a rock). Narcissa: Oh well. At least he got a pretty bad scare. I didn't mean to kill him anyway. I don't know what would happen to Draco and me if he died, so good he's still alive. (thinks she sees the end of the trench and sees a chicken sandwich on a plate. She rushes to eat it, only to realize that it is one of the trick snacks made by the Weasley brothers when she turns into a pig. All of a sudden she hears a sound from above..."Now you can really have dung under your nose!" the Weasley brothers are in their flying car, newly recovered from the Forbidden Forest.) Assssshhhhhhh! I am going to kill those kids someday! (but only manages to say 'oink') Lucius: (hears his wife's cries, and wisely decides not to take the risk on the appetizing-looking steak to his right) Snape: (has not yet reached the food, being too occupied with a book full of pictures of Harry Potter being under a truth spell and admitting he stole the supplies from Snape's private stores). Narcissa: (turns back into herself and continues on) Lucius: (finds the real food, a loaf of moldy bread, and eat hungrily) Narcissa: (finds her food, and eats) Snape: (Finds a hippogriff) Get out of my way, you stupid creature (gets attacked and screams). Nooooo! (Gets rescued by the announcer but is disqualified) Announcer: Now we have narrowed the contestants down to two, so stay tuned tomorrow for another episode of Survivor! Day 3 Announcer: Welcome again to Survivor! Today, the remaining contestants go head to head, in their quest for 1 billion galleons! Contestants, get your wands ready to duel, ready...set....go! Lucius: (turns Narcissa into a dog) Now make fun of me fun keeping a dog as a pet! Narcissa: Bark! Bark! Lucius: That's right! Bark! Narcissa: (turns herself back into herself) Stupefy! Lucius: (dodges spell and charges Narcissa) Announcer: (They get into a fight and kick, bite, and scratch.) No, no! Magic only! You know the rules! Audience, what do you think of that? (gets so mad he throws them both in the ocean) Now that that nasty business is over, we are facing a dilemma. Since no one really made it through all of the challenges, who should win the grand prize? Vote quickly, and then we'll see the results. (five minutes later...) Announcer: Yes, the results are in! The audience says that...Crookshanks is the winner, since he was the only one to truly survive! We therefore award him 1 billion galleons! In second place is Mr. Severus Snape, and his prize is a trip to Madam Pomfrey to get himself fixed up! In third place is Lucky Malfoy, who wasn't too Lucky today, alonng with his wife, Narcissa Malfoy! We award them a life preserver! Oh no, it looks like it's too late (Lucius and Narcissa sink into the water) Anyway, fourth is Scabbers the rat, who doesn't get a prize, but at least he gets some publicity! And fifth is Rita Skeeter, who unfortunately got eaten by Scabbers the rat. We would've liked to give her a new Quick-quotes quill to replace the one destroyed by the other contestants when they found the nasty comments about them, but I think it is unnecessary, considering the circumstances. Audience: Cheer! Announcer: That concludes our newest game show, Survivor! Tune in next week when we strand one hippogriff, one giant spider, and one blast-ended skrewt on one desert island! Until then, good-bye! The End Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, they all belong to J.K. Rowling, except the announcer, and I have no idea who owns him. |