by Gypsy and StormRider
Cleansing.
Creature of fire and creature of air, take this circle into your care.
Creature of water and creature of earth, hold us, protect us, grant us rebirth.
Cast the Circle.
The Circle is cast. We stand between the worlds.
EAST: Guardians of the eastern watchtower, spirits of air, creatures of thought and communication, we bid you join us and protect this circle from all peril approaching from the east.
SOUTH: Guardians of the southern watchtower, spirits of fire, creatures of faith and will, we bid you join us and protect this circle from all peril approaching from the south.
WEST: Guardians of the western watchtower, spirits of water, creatures of dreams and emotion, we bid you join us and protect this circle from all peril approaching from the west.
NORTH: Guardians of the northern watchtower, spirits of earth, creatures of strength and endurance, we bid you join us and protect this circle from all peril approaching from the north.
CENTER: Guardians of the central watchtower, spirits above and below, the spirit of humanity, creatures of identity, we bid you join us and protect this circle from all peril from within.
Invoke the Goddess: Great Mother, by your thousand names we call upon you. Persephone, Queen and Mother of the Dead, we ask that you witness this rite.
Invoke the God: Horned One, by your thousand names we call upon you. Hades, King and Father of the Dead, we ask that you witness this rite.
Drawing Down the Goddess (Priest): We call upon the goddess of perfect Love, who purifies the seas in which worlds are born, and brings to flood and ebb the rivers flowing beneath all manifest being. Behold now in her Image, crowned with the deepest glory of the sunset, robed in blue and green and silver. We call upon the Goddess who sets the stars in motion upon the endless mirror of night. Behold her now, Lady of the silver Wheel, crowned with silver and crystal, robed in deepest black. As Guardian of the Deepest Mysteries of Death and Birth she opens now the Way, and fills the Circle with her blessing, her power, and the unseen presence. Listen...listen for her heartbeat. Feel her warm and gentle breath as she enters the circle. Be still, and listen.
PAUSE
The Goddess speaks (Priestess): I am the Dark Mother. I am the Blood Mother. I am the Queen of all Creation, and I am the Guardian of the Graveyard.
I have given birth to planets, to stars, to entire galaxies. All that is may call me Mother.
Yet I have also birthed the empty husks of dead worlds, and seen the lightless voids in the universe where my children did not thrive. I have known the pain of losing a child unborn, or unconcieved, or of watching the dead body of my child emerge from between my thighs. My heart has stopped suddenly when I realized that my newborn child's cries had stopped. I, who am the Mother of all - I who am the Great Goddess - have cried bitter tears over the loss of my children.
And to you who have shared in such loss, I say this:
YOU DID NOT KILL YOUR CHILD!
Your seed is not poisonous...
Your womb is not a house of death.Your child's life ended before it was truly begun. But you did not kill your child. There is no blame. You gave all you could to your child, and now the child is gone. You did nothing wrong. The child did nothing wrong. There is no blame.
Every parent, even before the birth of the child, has dreams for the child, hopes of how the child will be treated and how the child will treat others. And each parent has a storehouse of love for each child.
In time you may find that your hopes and dreams, dulled by pain and disappointment, will fade. But do not let that love fade.
Do not do as others may tell you, and give this love to your other children. Do not do as others may tell you and dedicate this love to the creative works of your hands and of your mind. This love is a gift your child has given to you; use it wisely. Do not waste it where it is not needed. Save and cherish this love as love for yourself. Love your body, your mind, your soul. Learn to accept yourself. For the sake of your child, love yourself.
Look to the stars at night and know that they are your brothers and sisters. They know your grief, and will help you bear your anger and fear. Look to the Sun and see the bright face of the Lord of Light; He will always be there to warm you against the shivering cold of loss. Look to the Moon and see Me; I will always be there to share your sorrow and to hold you when the pain is too much.
But look, too, within yourself, to find the God and Goddess within you, and to find the love that makes you whole. Feel the fulness of all the love you have within you. And know that your child loves you still.
Pause.
Chant (begun slowly):
In balance with the moon and the sun and the earth
To my soul and body I will give rebirth.
Pause.
EAST: Spirits of the east, we thank you for your presence here tonight and for the qualities of thought and communication with which you have endowed this circle. Go in peace.
SOUTH: Spirits of the south, we thank you for your presence here tonight and for the qualities of faith and will with which you have endowed this circle. Go in peace.
WEST: Spirits of the west, we thank you for your presence here tonight and for the qualities of love and compassion with which you have endowed this circle. Go in peace.
NORTH: Spirits of the north, we thank you for your presence here tonight and for the qualities of patience and strength with which you have endowed this circle. Go in peace.
CENTER: Spirits of the center, bright spark of the self, we thank you for giving us the wisdom, the will, the love, and the patience to partake of the energy of this circle.
Great Mother, we thank you for your love and understanding. Be with us always.
Horned One, we thank you for your strength and compassion. Be with us always.
Take down the circle.
The circle is open, yet unbroken. Go with love in your hearts.
*~*~*
Funerary Rituals
by Mary Kuhner
This Samhain we are planning to use two such ideas:
(1) with a larger group: each person writes a message to his/her dead on paper. We gather the messages into a cauldron and light them (the main fire is really rubbing alcohol on a bed of epsom salt; very good indoors fire). As the fire burns, the circle chants while people go up in ones and twos to look into the fire and commune with their dead. We did this last year at Samhain and had many favorable comments; people said it felt "tribal".
(2) with a smaller group: each person takes in turn to say something about his/her loved one(s), and after each one speaks the group says "We remember you, X" where X is the dead person. This needs a good, tactful person to act as facilitator if necessary (it often won't be, but occasionally, especially with people who have not been to many rituals, you will get someone who will talk for hours or launch into a political speech).
*~*~*
Book Review: The Pagan Book of Living and Dying
Practical Rituals, Prayers, Blessings, and Meditations
in Crossing Over
by Starhawk, M. Macha NightMare, and the Reclaiming Collective
Paperback, 353 pages
Published by Harper San Fransisco
Publication date: October 1, 1997
25 line drawings
ISBN: 0062515160
This book is the first comprehensive guide to contemporary Neo-Pagan beliefs and practices in facing death. The first edition of this work, entitled Crossing Over, was published by the Reclaiming Collective in 1995. This is an expanded edition intended for a broader community including both self-identified Pagans and non-Pagans who are interested in this modern spiritual movement.
In her introduction to the book the author notes that no one person can claim to speak for the diverse Neo-Pagan community:
"I started to wonder what prayer might serve as a core statement of Pagan belief - should a tradition as anarchic as ours ever want one. Perhaps we do not; our tradition strongly resists any centralization of creed or imposition of authority. We encourage creativity and spontaneity."
In that light, the book provides an eclectic compilation of Craft resources for those who are assisting a dying person, grieving a loss, or planning a funeral or memorial service. While it could be useful to someone who is dying, it is more likely to be useful to caregivers who work with dying or bereaved persons from this spiritual background.
The book is noteworthy for its earth-centered spirituality, a careful attention to non-gendered language, and a welcoming approach to human diversity of all kinds. It views birth, growth, and death as parts of a natural cycle.
Many different prayers, meditations, myths, and rituals are included to give meaning and reassurance to those facing loss. The Neo-Pagan, earth-centered, Goddess tradition expressed in this deeply spiritual book is strongly committed to intellectual freedom. The reader is encouraged to modify the materials as needed to accomodate personal needs. This non-dogmatic approach makes it a handy source book for clergy of all denominations who need to arrange funeral and memorial presentations for audiences with diverse spiritual backgrounds. Some of the beautiful and comforting meditations on Nature could easily be integrated with liturgy from other spiritual traditions. Many of the passages give a clear, contemporary voice to the sometimes poorly defined spiritual feelings that people often have when faced by death.
Special chapters deal with the dying process, working with the dying, the moment of death, caring for the dead, and funeral and memorial services. Specific issues associated with AIDS, children, violence, and sudden death are also noted. Practical approaches to grief and bereavement work are given.
*~*~*
Funeral Rites
by Oz Caliburn
A long while ago, I said I would post the funeral service that I had put together for my sister. Having at long last got my act together, here it is. The sources for the rite were "Magical Rites from the Crystal Well" by Fitch, and "The Book of the Prophet" by Gibran. A couple of the poems were written by my other sister, and by my father. The final poem is unsourced, but I first saw it in a copy of "The Wiccan", which was an AustPagan newsletter.
As a bit of background, my sister Vicki was spastic and mentally retarded. She died at the age of 35, after renal failure. My wife and I were at her deathbed, and actually took her across - no easy task, as her mind was very hard to "grip". Vicki, although severely retarded (mentally she was about 3-4, could not read etc.) had grasped the fact that she wasn't going to get better from her last illness, and had in fact asked me to "help her die".
I hope that this rite, my last gift to my sister (even if I have taken it from various sources), may help inspire some of you who find yourself in similar circumstances. It is non-denominational, focuses on no particular deity, and served it's purpose admirably at the time.
Part 1 We have for a while lost one who is dear to us, And we all feel the loss. But it is only for a time, and we will lose our sorrow.
There is a reason for being here, and a reason for going. The Other Side, the Places Beyond, Are warm, pleasing and beautiful with all ills gone, and youth anew.
There is a reason for leaving, when the purpose of this life is done. We must all journey beyond to pause, to rest, and to wait for those who are loved, In a place far from the cares of this world, with happiness and strength renewed. For dying is only a mode of forgetting, a way of rest, a way of returning to the Eternal Source, however we may see It.
It is said in ancient lore -
"Arrayed in some new fleshly disguise,
Another mother gives birth.
With sturdier limbs and brighter brain,
The old soul takes the road again."
(At this point, my other sister read this poem - I believe she wrote it herself, but from where she drew her inspiration, I can only wonder.)
"You came and touched so many hearts in so many different ways.
You gave so much, and asked very little in return.
There is an emptiness as if a part of me is missing,
But I am sure with time you will show me how to be whole again.
I know you are safe now and nothing can harm you.
Remember, although we're apart, we will always be together."
Life and death are one, as the river and the sea are one. For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind, And to melt in the sun?
What is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from it's restless tides That it may rise, and expand, and seek it's Gods unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountaintop, then shall you begin to climb.
And when the Earth has claimed your limbs, then shall you truly dance.
(The following poem was written by my father - he says now that it is crude doggerel, but it speaks from his heart.)
"Vicki, Fate was most unkind,
Gave adult's body, but child's mind.
Yet from you so much love was spread
Everywhere you were seen to tread.
We'd like to think where'er you roam
In the new world you'll call your home,
There'll be no more pain, no more ills,
No more of this life's bitter pills.
Forgive us if today we're sad,
For we loved you so much -
Mum and Dad."
(This was read as the coffin was taken from the room used for the service to the crematorium.)
"Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle Autumn's rain.
When you wake in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die.
Those who were at the service, Pagan, Christian, and agnostic alike, all felt that these words expressed the "right" things at the death of a much-loved person.
*~*~*
Funeral and Burial Requirements
Excerpt from the U.S. Army's Religious Requirements and Practices of Certain Selected Groups: A Handbook for Chaplains (pgs 231-236)
None. Recognition of the death of a member takes place within the coven, apart from the body of the deceased. Ritual tools, materials, or writings found among the effects of the deceased should be returned to their home coven (typically a member will designate a person to whom ritual materials should be sent).
It is desirable for a Wiccan priest or priestess to be present at the time of death, but not strictly necessary. If not possible, the best assistance would be to make the member as comfortable as possible, listen to whatever they have to say, honor any possible requests, and otherwise leave them as quiet and private as possible.
U.S. Army's Religious Requirements and Practices of Certain Selected Groups: A Handbook for Chaplains (pgs 231-236). Available from:
USAF Chaplain's Service Institute
Resource Division
525 Chenault Circle
Maxwell AFB
Montgomery, AL 36112-6429
Death and Crossing Rituals and Info, cont.
Crossing the River
author unknown
This is the final passage in this life. Because the Old Religion believes in reincarnation, the spirits of those who have "Crossed Over" haven't died. (Only the body dies.) Upon death, it is believed that there are three options: going to the Summerland and stay (becoming one with the "All"), going to the Summerland to grow young and await rebirth or remaining on Earth until someone who was extremely loved Crosses Over and the two go to the Summerland together. Many cultures leave gifts for the departed. Most leave flowers at the graveside. Some leave food, jewelry, drink, etc. In the ritual, the person is remembered as they were in this life. The person is honored. The ritual is recognized as being primarily for those who were left behind. It is a time of painful transition.
When friends, David and Dannielle, died of AIDS, my task was to assist their families, especially their surviving sons, John and Jayson. We honor them in the ritual, and talked of the Summerland and the options after death. We spoke of their working and accomplishments in this lifetime. During the cakes-n-ale portion of the ritual, we told stories about personal things that happened between each of us and one or both of them. There were tears and some laughter. The important thing is that the more memories one has, the easier it is to let the person go and get on with living.
One of the hardest things I ever had to do was this Crossing Ritual. There are no secret words or magick rituals that can take away the grief or pain of the loss of a loved one. Therefore, this is not a time to be strong and brave and to hide our grief. It is a time to mourn and weep and be totally self-indulgent, and then to be done with it so that our loved one can move on. (Many of my coveners had never seen me cry until David and Danny's Crossing Ritual.)
This rite should ideally be performed as soon after the third day after the death as possible. A Waning Moon would be preferable, but not necessary. Generally, gifts are given not only to the one who has passed on, but to any children who remain behind. A portion of the ritual used to acknowledge the Turning of the Wheel and the return of the body to the Earth. The last thing said in the ritual is "Merry meet, Merry Part and Merry meet again!" This recognizes that the spirit of the person shall be met again.
*~*~*
AIDS Memorial Ritual
by Gypsy and StormRider
Participants
Priestess
Priest
Callers in the east, south, west, north, center
Maiden(s)
On the Altar
Candles (already lit)
Big Aids ribbon, if possible
Pieces of paper
Pens/pencils
Helium filled alloons, anchored (note: we have always used at least one condom, and a latex glove, as balloons.)
Flashlights if being performed at night
Cleansing
Sacred Mother, heal my soul. Take my misery – make me whole. Sacred Mother, end my pain. Turn my sorrow – to joy again.
Casting the Circle
Caller in the east begins.
"Hand to hand the circle is cast."
Joins hands with the person to the left, who repeats and joins with the person to the left all the way around the circle, ending again with the Caller in the east.
Calling the Quarters
Caller in the east: "Spirits of the east, creatures of air, in our minds and hearts we call to you. We ask you to lend your powers of intellect and rational thought to bring an end to the holocaust."
Caller in the south: "Spirits of the south, creatures of fire, in our minds and hearts we call to you. We ask you to lend your powers of faith and passion to bring an end to the holocaust."
Caller in the west: "Spirits of the west, creatures of water, in our minds and hearts we call to you. We ask you to lend your powers of love and compassion to bring an to end the holocaust."
Caller in the north: "Spirits of the north, creatures of earth, in our minds and hearts we call to you. We ask you to lend your powers of patience and endurance to bring an end to the holocaust."
Caller in the center: "Spirits of the center, creatures of our own hopes and desires, in our minds and hearts we call to you. We will join all our powers in love and trust to end the holocaust."
Invocation to Lady and Lord
Priestess: "You who are Mother of All Things, the womb from which sprang all that was, all that is, and all that shall be, we are your children and we are calling to you! Come to us from Your sacred places, the ocean floor and the molten core of the Earth, the tops of the highest mountains, and the desert valleys! By your many names we call you! (A moment of silence follows for each participant to call Her by whatever name each feels most comfortable with.) Be among us in our Work this night!"
Priest: "You who are Father of All Things, the seed from which sprang all that was, all that is, and all that shall be, we are your children and we are calling to you! Come to us from Your sacred places, the howling winds and the bright Sun above the Earth, the deepest forest and the majestic plains! By your many names we call you! (A moment of silence follows for each participant to call Him by whatever name each feels most comfortable with.) Be among us in our Work this night!"
Body
Priestess: "We are here to remember, to bear witness, and to bring about an end. Think now of your loved ones, your friends, your family. This plague has left few untouched."
Priest: "If you have a memory to share, please step forward. We will proceed deosil and each of you will have an opportunity to speak.
"If you wish simply to place a name in our memories, please step forward as well.
"After you have spoken, please come to the altar, where the name of your loved one will be placed with others to go to the sky in a moment of wonder."
Priestess: "If you have no name to share, please step forward as well. If you wish, you may say simply, I will remember. If you wish to remain silent, that wish will be honored."
(This will begin with the officiants, and then proceed deosil until all who wish to have spoken.)
Priestess: "We will sing until the balloons are released, raising a cone of power.
"We will be raising a cone of power in memory of those whose deaths must not be in vain. As the power rises, please focus on this
"The holocaust called AIDS will not bring us to our knees! We are a strong people, we humans, and we will fight this enemy. There is a cure. It will be found, in our lifetime, and, the threat of AIDS will shrink, like influenza before it, to that of an unpleasant but curable malady.
"So it is our will! So it must be!"
Sing
We are
We are
We are
We are the children of the Earth and Sky.
We hold
We hold
We hold
We hold a mystery that will never die.
We see
We see
We see
We see the beauty in both sun and rain
We know
We know
We know
We know that death’s a door to life again
(repeat until Maiden releases the balloons when the cone peaks. If the ritual is being performed at night -- which is most effective -- train flashlights on the balloons which will rise well out of sight in short order.)
Priestess: "It is done."
Closing
Priestess or Maiden: "We will not dismiss the quarters or cut this circle open. Instead, please turn to face outward, and hold up your hands, palm forward. Feel the perimeter of the circle, and slowly, slowly, push it outward. It will widen as you push, until it encompasses the entire festival grounds. Now push more, and it will widen to encompass the entire region. Push again, until it encompasses the entire state. Again, push the circle outward, until it encompasses the nation, then the continent. Push again, the oceans will not stop you. Push, until this circle we formed together, holding hands and sharing love, encircles the earth with our energy."
Priest: "And thus we may truly say the circle is open but unbroken."
Priestess: "Merry meet and merry part. Go now with the peace of the Lady and the Lord in your hearts."
*~*~*
Funerary Rites
author unknown
Last year I asked for ideas for funeral rituals since I had been so uncomfortable with the Christian memorial service for friends and family. The service was appropriate for his beliefs and helped my mom, but left me feeling as if something had been left undone.
I ended up making a bowl out of cinnamon dough. I then decorated the bowl with symbols that had meaning for my father's life. A book (he was a voracious reader), a chef's hat (he loved to cook - making the bowl itself helped to emphasize this with the smell that filled the house as it dried), woodworking tools, a loom, music, a cross, a hand reaching out to another, etc. Making the bowl gave me time to really reflect on my relationship with Dad, how I viewed him, and the things I would miss with him gone. During the days immediately following his death I hadn't had a chance to do this as there were so many friends and relatives around giving comfort, but also buffering me from my thoughts.
Members from my circle got together to celebrate Dad's life and death. We raised a circle. For the ritual I took the bowl and led the group singing "Ancient Mother" while dancing widdershins in a spiral into the center of the circle where our HP stood in the aspect of the Lord of Death and Resurection. I handed the bowl over to his care saying a few words about who the bowl represented. He broke the bowl and placed some of the fragments in a mug I had bought Dad, but had not gotten a chance to give him. He gave me the mug and we once again sang and danced this time spiralling outwards to the outer edge of the circle and moving deosil. We sang "There is no end to the circle, no end. There is no end to life, there is no end." As we sang and danced we beagn to sing faster and dance a little faster until our song and dance were almost joyous. Afterwards, we passed the mug around the circle and each person placed a small bit of dirt in the mug and those who knew my dad said a few words about him. when the mug which was now full of dirt cam back to me I planted a small tiger aloe in it. We then feasted and made merry and eventually closed the circle.
I've left out a lot of what was said, but I hope I've conveyed the essence of what was done.
I took the remaining pieces of the bowl and crushed half of them to a fine powder. The powder went with me when we (Mom, an uncle, my husband and myself) took Dad's ashes to be scattered in a place that was special to him. I scattered the bowl powder with him.
The other pieces were saved and were burned at a bonfire this summer close to the anniversary of Dad's death. It was a special time that was being spent with friends. I wanted a way to mark this particular anniversary as I then gone through each holiday, each season, each family event without Dad being there. It was by way of being a rite of passage for me, yet another letting go.
*~*~*
Death
author unknown
"I shall not mourn thy death, for it is now that I know that ye are truly free."
There is no physical immortality. We are all going to die. Death is the final Mystery. It truly is the undiscovered country, as Shakespeare called it. No one knows for sure exactly what happens to us when we die. I believe that we all create our own afterlife, on the Astral Plane. Reality is all perception anyway, so there is no point arguing over what happens after death, for we are all right. An Atheist who dies will see nothingness; a Christian who believes they will go to heaven will see clouds and angels. A Christian who believes they are going to hell, will create their own, and will be trapped there until they realize the only hell is in their own mind. A Wiccan will see the Summerlands, and someone who doesn't know what they believe will see the closest thing that "is", the Astral.
Love survives death. We are reunited with those who have gone before. Reports of floating above your body, of being able to see and hear all that is happening below, are common to near-death experiences. Such stories come to us from all over the world, too numerous to be discounted. If I were in the room with a loved one at the moment of their death, I would look up to say farewell. I would trust my astral sight to locate their spirit, and trust in our connection to communicate my final message.
There are many myths of "Guides of the Soul," gods and beings such as Hermes and Anubis, who assist in making the crossing to the Other Side. Some are helpful, some malevolent. Are the myths based on reality? Perhaps. Read this account by a woman named Francesca Dubie.
"Several years ago I was hospitalized with optic neuritis. There was a very elderly Oriental woman in the bed next to me, on total life support. My friends kept asking me if I found this upsetting, but I didn't. The soft hiss and whirr of her machines was just white noise, and I could feel her serenity. She had visitors every day, family members who came and sat quietly at her bedside. She was clearly not expected to recover, their vigil a death watch. I woke very early one morning, before the hospital staff began bustling around. I glanced toward the window, where gray dawn light was filtering through the blinds, and was surprised to see she had a visitor at that hour. Someone was sitting quietly at the foot of her bed. I came more fully awake and realized there was no chair there, just a seated shape. The best that I can describe this being (paraphrasing Eliot) is that it was made of dark light, folded. I sensed it as male. It was shadowy, shaped like a big cloak with the hood pulled around the face. It was not evil and meant her no harm. It was simply waiting for her. The light grew stronger, until I could no longer make him out. So, what did I see? Were I Christian I would swear I'd seen the Angel of Death with his wings folded around him. With a different belief system I would call him Fetch, the Grim Reaper, or a Spirit Guide. But I am a witch, so I tell you honestly that I am not certain what I saw. Optic neuritis gives you starlight vision, decreasing your normal eyesight but enabling you to see things like auras. I believe I saw an entity. But I was legally blind, with steroids dripping into my arm. I am not certain what I saw, or if we do have company on our final journey."
A Catholic death ritual involves a wake, where the body is dressed up, made up, and usually displayed in its coffin. This takes place in a funeral home. They used to wake people for three days, but one evening is now the norm. Friends, relatives and neighbors come to pay their respects to the family. The wake is generally followed by a church funeral, limos all around, and a slow drive, with the headlights on, to a cemetery for burial. A graveside service may be substituted for the formal church ceremony. Family members then gather for a meal in a restaurant. This ritual gives some people comfort, which I respect but cannot share. I may be a Pagan, but the display of corpses seems barbaric and disrespectful to me. I do not understand the need to have someone's body present in order to honor them or say farewell. We are just meat once our spirits depart. Burial also seems wrong to me, as a witch. Cremation seems appropriate, more in accord with our environmental sensibilities.
I feel it is best, as Pagans, to design our own rituals, and perhaps leave specific instructions in our wills. Many Pagans have been buried in Christian graveyards, with Christian services, because caring parents or other relatives have believed that this is best, or that it is what the person truly wanted, even though the Pagan's friends know that that person would rather have a Pagan ceremony. Here are some prayers of Pagan death ceremonies.
"We, the hidden children of the Goddess, know that there is naught to fear in thy embrace, which none escape; that when we step into thy darkness, as all must, it is but to step again into the light. Therefore, in love, and without fear, we commend to thee our sister. Take her, guard her, guide her; admit her to the peace of the Summerlands, which stand between life and life. And know, as thou knoweth all things, that our love goes with her." ("The Witches Bible")
This is from an Egyptian prayer, Isis mourning Osiris:
"Yet doth my heart yearn after thee and mine eyes desire thee.
Come to her who loves thee, who loves thee!
Come to thy sister, come to thy wife, to thy wife...
Come to the wife of thy house.
I am thy sister by the same mother thou shalt not be far from me.
Gods and men have turned their faces toward thee and weep for thee together...
I call after thee and weep... yet am I thy sister, whom thou didst love on earth...
My brother. . . my brother. . ."
Creating a funeral rite for a friend or family member is a loving thing to do. Scattering someone's ashes in a place that was sacred to them is a beautiful way to honor their spirit. So is planting a tree in their memory, or making charitable contributions in their name. The ceremony or ritual should be appropriate to the person it honors.
Everyone grieves differently. One weeps, one rages, yet another goes numb. One culture requires sackcloth and ashes, extravagant mourning, while another expects a brave face and stoic dignity. All responses to death are legitimate.
A man in an Egyptian village lost both his sons in a car accident. Distraught, he took his rifle outside and fired it repeatedly at the sky. When asked what he was doing he replied that he was shooting at God. There is nothing wrong with being angry when someone dies. A grandmother was so furious with her husband when he died, at 59, that she ripped up all his photographs. This made her feel better. It is normal to feel anger at an untimely or unjust death, and this anger must be acknowledged and dealt with in order that healing may follow grief.
Howling grief is perhaps the only appropriate response to a child's death. You can literally write the anger out of your body, even if this means scrawling "F**k God," or "It isn't fair" fifty times. Then take that paper out into the yard and bury it, releasing your anger. To some people it would make them feel better.
Closure is needed after a death to complete the grieving and begin the healing. Closure usually takes the form of a funeral, but not always. In the case of a murder victim closure may not come until the killer is caught and convicted. With an accident victim it may not come until the body is recovered, or the cause of the accident determined and corrected. Deaths without closure are the hardest to come to terms with.
One year is the traditional period for mourning, with good reason. Anything less than a year seems disrespectful, a longer period excessive. Chronic mourning is selfish. We have to get up and get on with life, no matter how great our losses.
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Ideas for Pagan Funerals
author unknown
"A man's dying is more the survivors' affair than his own." --Thomas Mann
What I'm going to propose here are some ideas for last rites--as with most of the other rites in this turn of the personal wheel, what happens at this time is going to rely on several factors, one being the person's own wishes (and we can hope that the person took the survivors, and not just themselves, into account when they considered how they wanted to be remembered in that final rite), the wishes/will of the family, and the traditions of those doing the rite.
The Family
The most difficult problem that pagan folk run into when one of their members dies is that responsibility for their last rites goes to the next of kin. It is a painful reality that devout pagans often end up being buried in a Christian (or other religious) service, because the family is the one legally entitled to bury them. Their pagan friends have no such rights.
So! If you are a pagan, and you have certain wishes as to your last rites, it's time to arrange things legally, so that those who will respect your wishes will be in charge. Otherwise, your family is going to claim you and bury you as they want you buried, not as you or any of your pagan family know you would want to be buried.
Decorations
White candles, white altar, flowers (white is the color of death and mourning in many countries; but in this case, it is also a reminder of rebirth; in this rite, we're going to focus on that).
Needed
A picture of the loved one.
A vase of flowers, enough for all.
A pitcher of water and a basin, to be set up just outside the circle for ritual "hand-washing."
The Ashes for burial if this is a burial rite as well.
Drums/musical instruments.
Other Ideas
One thought is to have a cauldron filled with earth, and a bowl filled with seeds. Have each person plant a seed in the cauldron.
Cleansing
Each person, using the urn of water, should rinse their hands just before entering the circle. This unifies the mourners and it emphasizes the quiet, special feel of the ritual.
Cast the Circle
You might want to use callings for the quarters created/used by the loved one, and call upon his/her favored deities, as well as the God and Goddess.
Purpose
HP/S states that all are here "to remember ________name, born _________, died ____________. He/She has gone on to Summerland and now awaits rebirth."
Ritual
Starting with a meditation or a song is always good at such times. Meditations on one's own personal death, or on a last communication with the loved one, or on a remembrance of past lives would be good. You might have slow drumming or soft music. I would then pass round the photo, have each person look at it, hold it before them so that it is facing the rest of the group, and relate a favored anecdote about the person.
This can also be done with a bottle of booze if you wish to make it more of a wake, or with a special talisman of the person.
If this is a burial as well, then all should head out to the area where the ashes are to be scattered (or the body buried) and there should be a rite at this point, as well. People may wish to bury with the person certain items--a wand or, if the loved one was a tarot reader, a deck of cards. People may wish to say good-bye.
The HP/S should have a final word before the circle is opened. With everyone holding hands, she should speak to/of the Goddess, of the turning of the Wheel, of rebirth, of this person now gone, and how we will all meet them again to enjoy, once again, their many wonderful qualities.
The HP/S should add that, in the loved one's place, she offers everyone a flower to take home as a farewell gift. She should then open the circle. Hugs should be exchanged.
At the Moment of Death
by Maphis
There are two great poles around which the Wiccan religion revolves – Sex and Death. Although we have numerous rituals for marriages and for the celebrations of the great moments of life, we have none that I am aware of for the final great Initiation, the moment of death. So I've written one – this is taken from the latest version of the P4P Tradition Book of Shadows:
Typically those who love a person who is dying will be aware that the moment of their death is approaching, even if the dying person is unaware. Even in the case of sudden accidental death there is an interval where those who are with the dying person will be aware of their situation, although they may not be able to mark the moment of death due to their own pain, fear and grief.
So, though this brief ritual may be performed by a loved one of a dying person, or by any person, it is more likely to fall under Ministry and to be performed by a Priestess/Priest visiting the hospital or the home to help through the transition.
I believe that there is some part of a person that survives death, which may undergo changes in the realm of the Goddess prior to being reborn into another body. This part of the person strips off personality and memory more or less rapidly along with its body but it may need assistance in doing so as death occurs.
There is no doubt that the person who is dying is experiencing a variety of things, which a death ritual needs to address – the dissolution of personality, the loss of contact with the body, the loss of the family and friends, the fear, the wonder and the awe of this transformation, and the presence of the Goddess and the Ancestors.
And those who are with them, their family and friends ideally, are experiencing terror and confusion, grief, fear at their own mortality. They will also experience the coming of Death and the warmth or cool of the soul leaving the body behind. And what the Priestess says will also have to partly address their feelings (although she will have time with them after the death to comfort them).
The Formal Ritual
Priestess: (Takes the hand of the dying person gently, and looks into their eyes, or into their face if the eyes are closed.)
"You are dying. None should ever die alone. I am here to share your death and to journey with you.
There is only love, the greatest Mystery. I reach behind my fear. I open my heart and my eyes in the light of this love.
I will go as far on this journey with you as I can. I will not abandon you."
She should breath deeply and center herself and enter a state of light trance. And she should follow the spirit of they dying person as deeply as she can.
"The Goddess is taking you back now, the Great Mother. She will be with the people left behind, providing strength and comfort. You are not abandoning them.
You will leave behind your work. You will give up all of your ties to your
family. You will give up sex, and even gender. You cannot be a woman or a man and enter the other world. You will leave behind your body. None who have bodies can pass into the other world.
You will become nothing. You will float on the endless waves of the Goddess' womb. You will drift in the warm emptiness at the center. Nothing will be left but the Will to be reborn."
If possible, the Priestess will remain with the dying person until she is dead.
At the moment of her death say the following:
"Journey on now, sister. We will follow when we can. May you be born again at the same time and in the same place as those you knew and loved in this life. May you know them again and love them again."
And now the Priestess' task must be to comfort the living.
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Pagan View of the Afterlife
I have found when people are curious about my religion, one of the first things they ask is "What do you believe happens when you die?"
Before I begin, I would just like to point out that there is no set doctrine among Wiccans when it comes to the details of the afterlife. Some other Pagan paths do have a more specific mythology in this regard, which I mention at the end of this article.
Most Wiccans believe in reincarnation. Our souls come back lifetime after lifetime, to learn new lessons and to grow as individuals. Between lives, our souls reside in the Summerlands. It's neither heaven nor hell, but a place for our souls to rest and reflect on the experiences of completed lives. You may be reunited with loved ones as well. What happens when we learn all we can on this earthly plane? I really couldn't say.
People who are unfamiliar with Wicca tend to see the lack of heaven or hell as meaning we live our lives without responsibility. We may not consider ourselves doomed to suffer for an eternity in a Christian hell, but we certainly believe that there are consequences to our actions. Those who do 'evil' deeds, will find their punishment in another lifetime. Karma follows a soul from life to life. Our fates are not determined by any one single action, but rather by the overall accumulation of actions throughout our lives.
Since many Wiccans are influenced by the pantheons they work with, their views of the afterlife may come from the culture they work with. In other words, if you are Wiccan but work with Norse Deities, you may feel more drawn to the idea of Asgard rather than the Summerlands, even though you are not truly following an Asatru path.
Asatru/Norse
The realm of the Gods is called Asgard, and worthy souls go there after death. There are many great halls in Asgard, for the many Gods and Goddesses. The greatest of these halls is Valhalla, where fallen warriors go after death. Those who did not live a life of glory would go to the underworld Niflheim, ruled over by the Goddess Hel. Niflheim is a dull and cold place, where you would be separated from your kin. Reincarnation does exist, but not all souls are reborn, and it's typically found within a family line, reflecting the importance of family and ancestors.
Kemetic/Egyptian
After death, a soul would have to journey to the Hall of Judgement. There, the heart is weighed on a scale against the feather of Ma'at (truth and justice), by the God Anubis. If you lived a sinful life, the heart would be heavy, that soul could not enter paradise and would be devoured by the monster Ammut. The ancient Egyptians believed that the physical body was needed in the afterlife, which is why such elaborate means were taken to preserve the body.
Hellenismos/Greek
The dead would be buried with coins, to pay the ferryman to cross the river Styx and enter the underworld. Once there, worthy souls would enter the Elysian Fields (paradise). Unworthy souls were sent to Tartarus for punishment. But even then, a soul could earn redemption and rise to paradise. There was also a region of limbo, called Asphodel for the souls neither good enough for the Elysian Fields or bad enough for Tartarus. The judges at the gates of Hades would decide the fate of your soul, or whether you would be reincarnated into another life.
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Crossing The River
This is the final passage in this life. Because the Old Religion believes in reincarnation, the spirits of those who have "Crossed Over" haven't died. (Only the body dies.)
Upon death, it is believed that there are three options:
going to the Summerland and stay (becoming one with the "All"),
going to the Summerland to grow young and await rebirth or
remaining on Earth until someone who was extremely loved Crosses Over and the two go to the Summerland together.
Many cultures leave gifts for the departed. Most leave flowers at the graveside. Some leave food, jewelry, drink, etc. In the ritual, the person is remembered as they were in this life. The person is honored.
The ritual is recognized as being primarily for those who were left behind. It is a time of painful transition. When friends, David and Dannielle, died of AIDS, my task was to assist their families, especially their surviving sons, John and Jayson. We honor them in the ritual, and talked of the Summerland and the options after death. We spoke of their working and accomplishments in this lifetime. During the cakes-n-ale portion of the ritual, we told stories about personal things that happened between each of us and one or both of them. There were tears and some laughter.
The important thing is that the more memories one has, the easier it is to let the person go and get on with living. One of the hardest things I ever had to do was this Crossing Ritual. There are no secret words or magick rituals that can take away the grief or pain of the loss of a loved one. Therefore, this is not a time to be strong and brave and to hide our grief. It is a time to mourn and weep and be totally self-indulgent, and then to be done with it so that our loved one can move on.
This rite should ideally be performed as soon after the third day after the death as possible. A Waning Moon would be preferable, but not necessary. Generally, gifts are given not only to the one who has passed on, but to any children who remain behind. A portion of the ritual used to acknowledge the Turning of the Wheel and the return of the body to the Earth.
The last thing said in the ritual is
"Merry meet,
Merry Part and
Merry Meet again!"
This recognizes that the spirit of the person shall be met again.
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Sharing Sorrow
It is through the sharing of our sorrow that we are able to relieve our grief after those we love pass from this life. And by listening to the stories of those who have walked to the gates and let go of the hands so that a beloved could cross over we learn life lessons on how to remain strong when we face this task ourselves.
A Crossing Ritual
Materials: juniper, bay, yew, alyssum, parsley, basil, rose, rosemary.
Cast your circle using rose petals and rosemary sprigs to define it.
Say before the altar:
"The wheel of life turns,
The cycle of rebirth continues.
Those beyond life,
You are remembered today.
Gifts of love and hope,
Are offered wholeheartedly,
To those we remember
to those we do not,
to all of those we have lost.
Dark Lady and Dark Lord,
In your gentle embrace,
Our dead you have taken.
All thread of life are cut,
All threads are woven anew.
May the wheel turn,
And begin the cycle again.
We give freely
Juniper for love
Yew for rebirth
Bay for strength
Parsley for cleansing
Alyssum for happiness
Basil for peace.
May our blessings be received.
You are remembered."
This ritual can be done when a loved one passes. It celebrates rebirth and passing from one phase of life to the next.
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Pagan Funeral For An Elderly Woman
(as written, to be conducted by a group of Priestess, Priest, chief mourner and possibly other coven members as attendants, i.e. ushers.)
The room (perhaps of a funeral home) is decorated with evergreen boughs and roses. This supposes there is a casket, but may be adapted if there is a picture only of the deceased.
Before anyone comes into the room, the priest and priestess may cast a circle, summon the quarters and invoke the Lady and Lord.
As the mourners enter, they will be greeted at the door (and portal to the circle) by the Priest and Priestess. When all are seated, the priestess begins.
PRIESTESS: (adapted from the "Decent of the Goddess," in the Farrars' Witches Bible Complete)
There are three great events in the life of a person: love, death and resurrection to a new life. Of these love is the most important. For by love and in fulfillment of it, we may again be joined with our families and friends, remembering and loving them again. Death cannot take away love or our loved ones.
Without love there is no birth, without birth no death, without death no rebirth. This is the miracle of love.
PRIEST: (name of Chief mourner, here a son), loving son, all here feel your sorrow and with you honor ----(name of deceased).
Nearest relative or chief mourner tells about the persons life and accomplishments. Others may speak also. When this is finished, the priest continues.
PRIEST: (adapted from memorial service of "Magical rites from the Crystal Well")
For a while we have lost one who is dear to us, but it is only for a time and we should not be sorrowful. There is a reason to be here and a reason to go when we have fulfilled the tasks of a life's work. Dying is only a way of forgetting, of resting, of returning to the eternal source to be renewed and made strong.
PRIESTESS: (adapted from the rite of the Three-Fold-Goddess in the Witches Bible)
Behold a woman who has been three women. First a girl full of dreams and hope. Then a mother who brought forth life and gave love. Finally an elder, rich in knowledge and experience. Her journey is ended and a new one begun. Let us bid her farewell and entreat all her loved ones who have gone before her to greet and guide her on her way.
The priest may then instruct the mourners to bid a personal farewell if they desire, then proceed to the foyer or otherwise outside the room. This is the traditional time to play the departed loved one's favorite song or hymn. Again, some attendant should be at the portal to see all out of the circle. The priest, priestess and perhaps the chief mourner may then thank the Gods, release the quarters and open the circle.
Some refreshment in the outer area might be available to help the people ground a bit. The pall bearers may then return and carry the casket to the conveyance.
At the grave side, salt or ashes, water and wine, and aromatic oil may have been poured to bless the site.
"We wish you all love and happiness. Do not forget us. We will not forget you. We find our peace and hope in the sure and certain knowledge that we shall meet again and at that time we will celebrate in perfect love."
After the casket is lowered, the chief mourner throws earth upon the grave.
This is again a traditional time for all to eat together. This helps in grounding.
