Susan

Carolyn stepped out onto the balcony in the early morning air, seeing the mist rising from the surprisingly calm ocean. It was so peaceful outside ... compared to the tempestuous scene INSIDE.

Carolyn had been acting as nurse all night. First, Candy had gotten sick just before Carolyn went to bed. Candy hadn't made it to the bathroom in time. So Carolyn had changed the sheets on her daughter's bed, then made up the bed in the spare room for Jonathan who had been awakened by the commotion. Then Candy was sick again. Once more the sheets were changed. Carolyn had them in a pile in the hallway when she heard unmistakable sounds from the spare room ... Jonathan had the stomach flu, too. So those sheets had to be changed as well. Once the children were settled in bed again with pails at their sides, Carolyn had hefted the load of sheets and made her way down the stairs. If these sheets weren't washed and dried, the children would soon be in sleeping bags!

Martha had heard Carolyn in the laundry room, and soon joined her, offering to take care of moving the sheets from the washer to the dryer when they were done. As Carolyn had started back up the stairs with some ice chips for both children who claimed they were dying of thirst, she had heard Candy's wavering call for help. The bucket had not been enough ... now she needed the bathroom as well.

Sighing, Carolyn leaned her head on the ship's wheel. She was so tired! The children had kept her up all night. Just now, they had actually been asleep for about half an hour. Well, they certainly wouldn't be going to school today! No matter that it was near the end of the year. And Carolyn herself was in no shape to finish her article.

Then she felt her pulse quicken, and she knew the Captain was near. "Good morning, Captain." she spoke softly, not wanting to disturb the morning hush.

"Madam." he acknowledged, appearing by her side. "How did you know I was here?"

"Woman's intuition?" Carolyn offered. She didn't want to admit that she always felt his presence. That would say too much. In their particular relationship, "not enough" was generally "too much"! In the last eleven months, she had almost come to terms with the "if only's" of her life at Gull Cottage. Almost. She still had dreams, though...

"Hmm." the Captain gazed at her speculatively, but Carolyn continued to look out over the water, seemingly oblivious to him. "You've had a long night watch ..."

"You noticed." she said, ruefully.

"How could I not? But you need your rest, or you will be the next one stricken." his voice was low.

Carolyn glanced briefly at him, smiling gently at his concern. "Mothers don't get sick. We have no time for bed."

"Shame. Of course," the Captain added, a wicked glint in his eye, "In order to BE mothers, there must have been a time or two ..."

"Captain!" Carolyn looked away, feeling the blush rising in her cheeks. It was not like the Captain to be so outspoken -- they usually danced around any personal subjects. Carolyn looked over the ocean again and changed the subject. "It's simply glorious out here, isn't it?"

"Yes, this hour before the sunrise is one of the nicest."

"The sun will be here shortly. The sky is already quite rosy on the horizon." her voice was determinedly light.

"Never fear, my dear. I shan't tease you again." his voice was tender as he noted the weariness and pallor of her face.

Hearing a seagull's wild cry, and watching a gull gliding down to the water, Carolyn sighed again. Gulls sounded so alone for all that they travelled in flocks ... they reminded her of Captain Gregg. She remembered hearing that the sea was a hard mistress ... that it was a hard, lonely life for men.

"Your garden seems to be doing well already." the Captain said, suddenly. "Does the everlasting gardening you do really relax you?" Still thinking of the gull, Carolyn idly pondered anew why the handsome Captain had never married. Naturally many had tried to "trap" him, as he had said. Yet he had remained alone until the end of his life. Why? He was nothing short of breathtaking... Then she brought her thoughts back to the present. Why would he come out with a question like this about the garden, out of the blue? She wondered what on earth was on his mind now!

"A simple question." he assured her.

Gasping, Carolyn swung to face him. "You can read my mind?" She wondered for a moment if she was so tired that she had spoken out loud without realizing it.

"Of course." he was nonchalant.

Wondering why she was surprised at this revelation, Carolyn looked down. "I had better watch what I think around you." Did he REALLY know all she was thinking? Please, no!

"I already know that you think I'm foul tempered, arrogant beyond belief and, let's see ... what else did you call me?" he gave her a lazy smile. "Breathtakingly handsome?"

"I was having a bad dream at the time."

He laughed, a full-throated laugh, sounding not the least offended at her slur. When his mirth subsided, he grinned. "You think I'm magnificent, too." he added smugly.

"That was the PORTRAIT." Carolyn tried to wriggle out of this embarrassing conversation. "Captain, I suppose if I don't want to get sick, I should get some rest..."

"Of course, my dear. Don't mind me. I would help if I could, of course, but ..." he paused.

Carolyn eyed him carefully. "You can help by not causing a thunderstorm ... we could ALL use some rest."

"Well, as you said, mothers don't get sick. But did you have to be up all night, running up and down the stairs for them? They could have got their own ice that last time. Both were feeling a little better."

"Captain, you know mothers tend to fret over every little thing, and fuss over their children!"

"No, I don't know." His face was set, and he gazed out over the water.

Catching her breath, Carolyn realized that she had never heard him talk about his personal life. Both respecting the other's rather private personalities had meant that neither had ever asked direct personal questions. Now she was sorry she had never pressed him for details of his past. Had his mother not cared for him? Had he lost his mother at an early age? She wondered what family he had had. He mentioned the ancestors, and the descendants, but never his contemporaries. Had he been orphaned as a young child? Grown up at sea at much too young an age? No wonder he found it hard to settle down with a family. She realized anew her weariness when her throat ached with tears she refused to shed for him.

"Don't pity me," he said, beginning to frown. "My past is past!"

"Stay out of my mind!" she snapped. Could she not even have privacy in her own thoughts? Then she grimaced. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude."

He waved away her apology. "I have no feelings to bruise, remember? I never should have told you. I'll try not to eavesdrop often. Besides, I don't REALLY read your mind ... I just seem to know what you are thinking much of the time."

Carolyn turned to look fully at him, and studied him in silence for a moment. "Yes. I understand. Because actually, I feel the same about you..."

"Yet you call it women's intuition! Mrs. Muir, you are a wonderful mother ... but I am grown up, and I do not need a mother. You cannot expect to mother everyone you meet." his tone was gentle.

"I DON'T," Carolyn protested. The last thing she wanted to be was a MOTHER to Captain Gregg! Then she squashed that thought quickly, hoping that he really COULDN'T read minds. "Please, Captain, I am so tired I'm no longer thinking straight..."

"Before you go, could you please explain this ‘Mother's Day' that the children are talking about?" the Captain was loathe to see her depart.

Carolyn smiled faintly. "It's a holiday dreamed up -- probably by the card companies! -- to honour mothers. Father's Day is in June. I read a joke yesterday. A little boy was asked to explain the difference between ‘like' and ‘love', and he replied that he liked his parents, but loved candy. So Mother's Day is a day to show mothers that they are at least as important to us as candy!"

"My dear, let me assure you that you are FAR more important to this family than all the candy in the world!"

"As a mother?" Carolyn asked, her fingers tightening on the wheel. She looked at him gravely. "To Jonathan and Candy, you mean?"

He paused, considering his words, then shook his head. "No, not just as a mother, and not just to Jonathan and Candy. You are important to the whole family. Martha, Scruffy and ... and ... well, I like to think that I have a small part in this family as well." She opened her mouth to speak, and he said hastily, "But I do NOT think of you as a mother figure! Not MY Mother at any rate!"

"Thank you. I think."

The Captain ran a hand around his collar. "Getting warm out already, isn't it?"

Hiding her smile, Carolyn nodded, and said innocently, "I didn't think you had feelings, Captain."

Turning away, the Captain strode into the room. "Confounded females! And they want a special day to honour them! Hmph. No sense of the rightness of things..."

Carolyn's eyes followed his progress to the telescope, then she looked back at the sunrise. As usual, her exchange with the Captain left her with many unanswered questions. Then she smiled softly. Maybe she was confused, but one thing she knew ... she was deeply in love. Some day she might even tell him.

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