by Denise Gagne
Carolyn turned over the final page of the romance novel she had been reading, and let out a sigh. She closed the cover of the book and tossed it aside on the bed.
She got up and went over to the French doors and out onto the balcony. It was a cool autumn night. The moon was shimmering on the calm bay. She leaned against the ship's wheel and closed her eyes. 'Here I am,' she thought, 'with all the ingredients for my own "romance", a moonlit night in a cottage by the sea...a handsome sea captain...' She opened her eyes and murmured, "Blast!"
"Such language, Madame!" the Captain's rich voice broke through the stillness of the evening.
Carolyn jumped slightly then turned to give the Captain a warm smile.
"You're up awfully late, M'dear. Is something wrong?"
Carolyn looked back out towards the bay, " No. Nothing is wrong. I just couldn't sleep, so I decided to do a little reading."
The Captain looked back into the room and noticed the book lying on the bed. "I take it you finished reading your novel. Did you enjoy it?"
Carolyn still did not look at the Captain when she answered, "Hmmm..."
Captain Gregg cleared his throat. "Madame, if I am disturbing you...?"
She quickly looked up at him, " I'm sorry. I guess I am sort of distracted this evening."
"Is there anything I can do to help you, M'Dear?"
"No, Captain...there isn't anything you can do," she answered softly, as she thought of how Captain Gregg COULD help her. She needed some romance in her life. She wanted someone to love her, someone she could love back. But that seemed to be an impossibility. Any time a man paid her the least amount of attention, the Captain did a wonderful job of scaring him off. As for the Captain himself...Carolyn knew he cared for her, although he never came right out and said it. There were times when the Captain would look at her a certain way and she felt as though she couldn't breathe. But then he would look away and the spell would be broken, no words of love exchanged.
All the while Carolyn was thinking over their situation, the Captain stood quietly watching and wondering what was really going on in her mind. Rather than interrupt her thoughts, he wandered back into the bedroom and picked up Carolyn's book from the bed.
He randomly selected a page and began to read.
Captain Gregg stopped reading and looked up at Carolyn standing out on the balcony. 'How can she stand to read this drivel?' he thought to himself. He remembered Carolyn's reaction reading the love letters which he had written to Vanessa. Then there was the poem he had "inspired" that young man into setting to music...she had liked that very much.
'Ah, Madame. You're so typically female,' he thought to himself. 'needing to have everything spelled out for you.' He began to pace back and forth. "Blast it all!" he grumbled.
"Captain! You complain about MY language," Carolyn teased as she walked back into the room.
Captain Gregg set the book back down upon the bed and smiled at Carolyn. He bowed to her and said, "True, Madame! My apologies. If you will excuse me, there is a matter of great importance which needs my attention. I shall bid you good night!"
Carolyn couldn't hide her disappointment that he was leaving so soon.
"Oh..." was all she said. As the Captain disappeared, she murmured her reply. She climbed into bed and settled into a restless sleep.
A short time later, Captain Gregg reappeared by her bedside.
"M'Dear...I have wanted to tell you for so long just how much you mean to me. Dare I hope that you love me as much as I do you?" he whispered as he sat down beside her on the bed. Captain Gregg could not help feeling a bit bewildered. Never before had he been unable to tell a woman his feelings for her. This time however, it was different. This time it was Carolyn.
Given the impossiblility of their present situation, would it be fair to Carolyn to say these things to her, when nothing could come of it in the present. Then again, what if she did not return his feelings. He shook his head. 'No,' he thought to himself, 'I know she has feelings for me. He leaned over her, his face only inches away from Carolyn's. "Tomorrow, M'Dear. I shall find a way to tell you... Tomorrow."
Early the next day, Carolyn set off for town to do a few errands, including a trip to the library to do research for her new article.
While she was away, the Captain sat at the desk in "his" cabin and began writing down his feelings for Carolyn. He sat back and pictured her in his mind. He made a mental note of all of her attributes; her beautiful green eyes, golden hair, enchanting smile...her warmth, grace and, "Let's not forget your spunk, Madame!" he chuckled to himself. He felt he could write a book about her. Finally, the Captain knew just what he wanted to say to Carolyn.
He hadn't written very much when he heard the car door close outside.
He looked out over the balcony and was surprised to see Carolyn walking toward the house. "Blast!" he murmured.
Quickly he took the paper he had been writing on, crumpled it up and shoved it into the bottom drawer of the desk. He slammed the drawer shut and disappeared just as Carolyn entered the room. She removed her coat and hung it in the closet.
Martha happened to be walking by and spotted Carolyn.
"I thought you were going to the library?" she asked.
Carolyn turned to her and said," Well, I was going to, but I forgot my notes here. I'll just go later today."
Martha nodded and said, "I'll go and get lunch started then."
"Thanks, Martha!"
Carolyn went to sit at her desk and as she turned to move her legs beneath, she bumped her shin against the bottom drawer. She tried to open the drawer, but it was stuck. She knelt down on the floor beside the desk and jostled the drawer back and forth. She slipped her hand inside and maneuvered the contents enough that she was finally able to slide the drawer open. Carolyn slowly removed it from its track and examined the empty space inside the desk. She reached deep inside and first removed a long thin knife housed in a leather sheath. She slowly removed the knife from its covering and examined the intricately carved blade. "AH!! This must be the dirk the Captain has been missing!" She quickly slid it back inside the leather and then placed it on the desk and checked to see if anything else was in the way.
She pulled out a crumbled up piece of paper and an envelope that had been crushed between the drawer and the frame. She placed the items on top of the desk, and then sat down to look at them. Carolyn first picked up the envelope. From its yellowed appearance, she assumed it was very old. She turned it over and saw that it was addressed to Captain Gregg. The return address was hard to read, since the words were smudged, but from what Carolyn could decipher, the letter had come from England. 'Hmm...could be... Dover?' she thought.
Carolyn looked around the room, wondering if the Captain was about.
She knew she shouldn't read the letter. After all, it was addressed to the Captain. But her curiosity was getting the best of her. She slowly opened the envelope, slid out the contents, and began to read.
"Dearest Daniel..." Carolyn let out a groan 'Oh, great! ANOTHER love letter,' she thought, but she continued on.
"I just wanted to thank you for all you did for
me when I was aboard
your ship.
Words cannot express the gratitude
which I feel for your
risking harm in order to protect me from the crew
after I was discovered."
'This must be from the woman the Captain saved; the one in "Maiden Voyage",' Carolyn thought to herself. She continued to read...
"I just wanted to let you know that Andrew and
I were married a short
time ago. And, although I will never forget our
time together, I just wanted
to let you know how happy I am.
I shall never
forget you, Daniel. I will always
cherish my memories of you; the dashing Captain,
coming to my
rescue..."
She stopped there and looked at the signature, "All my Love, Careen."
Carolyn could feel her jealousy rising to the surface. She threw the letter onto the desk, stood up, and began to pace, her arms folded across her chest.
"This is ridiculous! Why am I jealous of a woman who lived over a hundred years ago?" she said aloud.
She sat back down at the desk and was about to throw away the crumpled up paper, when she noticed it was as yellowed as the envelope was.
Carolyn immediately recognized the hand writing
as Captain Gregg's. The letter began,
"M'dear...I know that our being together is an
impossibility at the present time,
but I cannot let another moment pass without
telling you what is in my heart..."
Carolyn felt tears stinging at her eyes. 'Why are you doing this to yourself, Carolyn?' she wondered. "This must be the letter he was sending back to her..." she said aloud.
Just then, the Captain appeared before her to welcome her home. He was surprised to see tears in her eyes.
"M'Dear...what's wrong?" he asked as he leaned over, placing his hands on the desktop. "Why are you crying?" he looked deeply concerned. Carolyn quickly brushed away the tears and looked up at him.
"THIS, is what's wrong! THIS is why I am crying!" she shouted at him. She was too upset to hide her feelings.
He took the wrinkled paper from her hand and realized it was the letter he had begun to write to her.
"Ah, Madame. I can explain this..." he began gently, but she did not let him finish speaking.
"No, Captain. There isn't anything to explain. It's just another one of your many love letters that you started to write years ago. This time it's to...hmm..."she picked up the other letter. "Oh, yes! This one is to Careen? You remember Careen, don't you? The stowaway on your ship that you so 'gallantly' rescued from the crew."
A low rumble of thunder could be heard overhead as the Captain's anger began to flair. "Where did you find this? And more importantly, why did you read it? I thought we had an agreement to honor each other's privacy?" he began to shout at her.
"I'm sorry, I know it was the wrong thing to do, but I wasn't thinking of that," she confessed.
"Really, Madame? And just what were you thinking...if you EVER think at all!" he lashed back at her.
Carolyn swallowed deeply trying to control the flood of emotion coursing through her. It was now or never. She needed to get things out in the open.
"I was thinking about how you wrote and said words of ...of love to other women...yet you have never...I mean I had hoped that you felt the same as I..." she couldn't continue.
Captain Gregg was too angry to answer her. He simply looked away, refusing to admit his true feelings for her. He didn't feel he could do it now.
Carolyn walked up to him, daring him to look at her. He refused. She lost control then.
"I realize now, CAPTAIN!" she said his title with a great deal of sarcasm, "that first night here in Gull Cottage, I was right to have called you a coward, because that is what you are...a coward who is afraid to admit your feelings. Or maybe Jonathan was right. You don't have any feelings..."
The sound of thunder crashed all around Gull Cottage. She had gone too far. Her words stung him to the core.
"I knew it was a mistake to let you stay here!" he shouted at her.
"What did you say?" Carolyn could not believe what she heard.
"You know very well what I said. It was a mistake to let you stay here. I should have sent you packing when I had the chance. I also remember telling YOU that I was never set by the fire like some pet. I'm not about to start now. I will not act like a love-sick barnacle from your "romance" novel!"
Carolyn felt as though all the air had been knocked from her lungs. She took a step backward then turned towards the door, wanting to get away from him as soon as she could. That's when she noticed the dirk lying on top of the desk. She went over, picked it up and held it out for the Captain to take. She looked at him, her eyes filled with pain.
Carolyn whispered, "I forgot to give this to you. It's a shame..." she paused to take a deep breath, then placed her empty hand over her heart. "You could have used this and just struck me here... it probably...would have hurt...less..." she couldn't go on. She let the dirk fall to the floor and then left the room, not bothering to close the door behind her. As she made her way down the hall she began to walk faster, until she reached the stairs and began to run. She ran by Martha and out of the front door before her housekeeper could ask what was wrong.
Carolyn made her way down the road and then headed for the beach. The Captain stood on the balcony beside the ship's wheel and watched her going away. He knew he should go after her, but his pride kept him at bay.
Carolyn ran along the road, tears spilling down her cheeks. She had tried desperately to hold back her tears, but the effort had only produced a terrible ache in her throat. She felt an incredible emptiness inside, as though part of her had died.
'How could I have been so wrong...why did I let myself think he cared for me?' she thought to herself. She spent a great deal of time alone on the beach, allowing herself an opportunity to let out all of the tears and frustrations come to the surface. It was already dark by the time Carolyn returned home. She quietly entered the house by the back door, hoping to avoid Martha's questions and any further confrontation with the Captain. Carolyn paused as she entered the foyer and heard the sounds of the television coming from the living room. 'Good,' she thought to herself, 'I should be able to slip by.' Ever so slowly, she crept up the stairs. She paused momentarily at the nursery. She checked on the children then went to her room.
Carolyn opened the door and entered, silently praying the Captain would not be there. She was too exhausted from their earlier argument and from the crying she had done while alone on the beach. She looked around and saw that everything was just as she had left it. The letter and envelope were still on the desk and the dirk was on the floor where she had dropped it. Carolyn felt tears fill her eyes again, but she shook them off and readied herself for bed.
However emotionally drained and exhausted she was, sleep still eluded her. Frustrated, she turned on the light and reached for a book. She went over and sat on the sofa, hoping that a little reading would make her sleepy. Carolyn found the room to be quite chilly and decided she should light the gas heater for warmth. She turned on the gas and lit the pilot. She sat down on the sofa, tucked her legs up beneath her and began to read. After a short while, her eyes became heavy. Her head fell gently back against the sofa as sleep finally overtook her.
Outside, the wind changed direction and began to blow against the French doors which led to the balcony. When Carolyn had closed the doors earlier, one of the latches did not catch properly. The door began to move back and forth from the force of the wind, as did the flame in the heater. Finally, a large gust caused the door to slam shut, which in turn extinguished the flame. Carolyn jumped slightly at the sound, but did not awaken. Outside, the wind howled eerily blocking out the soft hiss of the gas seeping from the heater.
Captain Gregg stood on the widow's walk looking out over the waters of the bay. He had been standing there when Carolyn returned from the beach. He could not get the image of Carolyn's face out of his mind. He knew she had been crying and he cursed himself for being the cause of her anguish. 'I must talk to her...' he told himself,' tonight. This cannot wait.'
The Captain materialized by the telescope and immediately saw Carolyn on the sofa. He could tell by the way her head rested against the cushion that she had fallen asleep. He walked over and sat down beside her, his face full of concern. Captain Gregg knew that he should probably let her rest, but he needed to apologize and let her know how he really felt about her. He recalled the words his aunt had taught him as a child, "Never let the sun set upon your anger."
Captain Gregg leaned closer to Carolyn and spoke softly to her, "Wake up, M'Dear. I need to speak to you." She did not respond. The Captain reached over and tried to remove the opened book from her lap as he said, "Carolyn? Please wake up."
,
As he slid the book from her grasp, her hand fell limply at her side. Panic filled the Captain's mind. Something was not right. This time he shouted, "CAROLYN!"
Suddenly he felt another presence in the room. He turned and saw the Angel standing beside the window.
"What is going on here? Who are you?" he demanded. Captain Gregg turned back to Carolyn and tried in vain to awaken her. That was when he heard the subtle hiss of the gas heater. A look of intense fear showed on his face. "NO!" he screamed. He pointed his hand out in the direction of the heater, the shut-off valve quickly turned to an "off" position. He then motioned towards the French doors and they flew open, allowing fresh air to pour into the room.
Captain Gregg knelt down on the floor beside Carolyn, begging her to open her eyes, but she did not respond. He tried to see if she was breathing and saw her chest rise slightly. "That's good, M'Dear. Keep breathing... Come on now, Carolyn. You can do this." He tried to ignore the angel but found he could not.
The Captain looked sadly into the Being's eyes and asked, "Please tell me... this was an accident, wasn't it?" The Angel nodded to him.
"I arrived in time to save her, didn't I?"
The Angel did not respond.
"Are you taking her from me?" the Captain whispered, tears stinging his eyes.
The Angel smiled.
The Captain let out a deep sigh. "I had thought that we would spend eternity together."
Captain Gregg turned back to look at Carolyn. "Please tell me why this is happening? Why is she going away?" he pleaded. The voice he heard seemed to come from every direction at once, yet the Angel never moved its lips.
"Love is the reason."
"Love? I don't understand."
"She does not believe you love her. Her soul is seeking a place where it knows that unconditional love exists."
"But she loves me, I know she does...she told me so..."
"Yes...but her heart has been broken too many times. It has lost its will to go on. It seeks peace."
"But what about the children? Why would she leave them?"
"She knows in her heart the children will be loved and well cared for by their grandparents."
The Angel turned to Carolyn and held out its hand. "Come, it is time."
"NO! Carolyn, please stay with me. PLEASE don't leave me!"
"It is over," the Angel replied.
"BILGE!" he shouted, his voice filled with anguish, "I don't believe it is over!"
He turned to face Carolyn. "Listen to me, M'Dear. You mustn't let this celestial pirate take you. You have to fight this. You have to fight for US! Blast it all, Woman! I LOVE you! You have to know that. I have loved you from the moment I first saw you."
The Angel turned to look at the Captain as if waiting to hear what more he had to say. And in turn, Captain Gregg looked desperately for any sign that he was getting through to Carolyn.
The Captain continued," You were right, M'dear. I was acting like a coward. For the first time, I was afraid of my feelings. Afraid of letting them be known, and most of all, afraid those feelings would not be returned. The paper you found, the one crumbled in the desk drawer, that was a letter I had started to write to YOU. Not any woman from my past. Of course the paper was old, I've had the blasted stuff in the wheelhouse for over a hundred years. But the words on them were meant for you, no one else. I was writing when I heard you about to enter 'our' cabin. Knowing your inherent female curiosity would be peaked, I decided to hide the letter from you. So I just pushed everything into the drawer intent on retrieving them later."
Captain Gregg leaned over, his face only a few inches from Carolyn's. "Carolyn...If it were within my power, I would take you in my arms and show you just how much I DO love you..."
He was about to back away, when he thought he saw a hint of a smile cross Carolyn's lips. He heard her take a deep breath. The Captain quickly looked up at the Angel and then back at the woman he loved. "Carolyn?" he whispered, "Can you hear me?"
Carolyn's eyelids fluttered and then she slowly opened them, trying to focus on his face.
"Captain?" she seemed a bit confused, "I'm...sorry..."she whispered, but he shook his head at her. "No, M'dear. Please don't say anything. I need to tell you how sorry "I" am; for losing my temper, for not going after you, and most of all, for not telling you how I truly feel about you." The Captain looked at her with such love and devotion.
Suddenly, Captain Gregg "felt" something on his shoulder. He turned and saw the Angel's hand resting there. He looked up in amazement.
The voice said to the Captain, "You may have this moment ...use it well." Then the Angel faded away.
The Captain looked back down at Carolyn. He gently touched her cheek with his hand. Her eyes opened wide and she asked, "How… is this possible?"
"It doesn't matter," he whispered back. He carefully lowered his head and their lips met. His kiss was warm, passionate and left little doubt in Carolyn's mind as to the Captain's feelings for her. Rather reluctantly, he broke away to look into her eyes, which were brimming with tears.
"I feel like… I died...and went to heaven," she spoke breathlessly as she reached up to caress his face.
"No, M'Dear. Not yet…not without me," he gently teased. He looked up at the open doors, scooped Carolyn up in his arms then carried her over to the balcony. He set her down on her feet. "Lean against the rail, M'Dear." He let her go and quickly brought out a chair for her to sit on. He saw her shiver. "One moment, M'Dear." The Captain retrieved the shawl he had given to Carolyn. He went back out on the balcony and placed the shawl around her shoulders. Once again, he knelt beside her, adjusting the shawl to be sure she was warm.
She gave him a radiant smile. "I want you to take some deep breaths, M'Dear. I want to make sure you're all right. "
Carolyn reached over and took the Captain's hand. "I think everything will be alright now."
Captain Gregg cleared his throat and said, "There are some things which need to be said and I feel I have already wasted too much time in not saying them before..."
"You don't have to say anything. Really. I know your feelings for me and it was foolish of me to expect more."
"No, M'Dear. It was wrong of me NOT to give you more." He paused and looked at her with total adoration.
"I love you, Carolyn Muir. I have loved you from the very first day you came to Gull Cottage. I'll never forget the way you stood up to me. You had such fire in your eyes and showed so much spunk. M'Dear...until that day, I had never met a woman like you, and if I searched a hundred years I don't think I could find another who could measure up to all that you are. You are my true love and my destiny. I swear that from this moment on you shall always know what is in my heart. You shall never have cause to doubt my love for you."
Carolyn's heart was filled with so much joy over his words, she felt tears begin to form in her eyes. She quickly brushed them away with the back of her hand.
"Capt...I mean, Daniel. I have loved you too, since that first day. I..." She didn't get to finish her sentence.
The Captain took her in his arms and kissed her until they began to feel him returning to his ethereal form.
"At least we had a moment..." Carolyn whispered.
"It was a little piece of eternity." The Captain raised his face skyward and mouthed the words, "Thank you."
After insisting Carolyn should see a doctor to be sure she was all right, the Captain awakened Martha so she could escort Carolyn to the hospital. Early the next morning, Captain Gregg visited the "miserable skin-flint" Claymore. By day's end, the gas heater had been removed from Gull Cottage, preventing any future accidents.
Carolyn stood on the balcony before going to bed, looking out over the moonlit bay. "You should be resting, M'Dear." the Captain's voice whispered behind her. She turned and smiled at him.
"Aye, aye Sir!" she teased.
As she entered the bedroom she saw an envelope on the desk with a pink rose lying across it. Carolyn turned to say something to the Captain, but he wasn't there.
She picked up the envelope and the rose then
climbed into bed to read the letter.
It began, "My Dear Carolyn, I cannot let this day
go by without telling you how much
I love you...."
The End...
but not really...