Two words, "Gang violence"

What the hell are you talking about Mel? Simple, stick with me it only takes a minute. Someone "offs" someone in your gang, what do you do? Simple, you go out and have a nice little drive by. Not only do you wipe out the offender, you probably kill a few innocent children at the same time you stupid bastard. What if there were a better way? What if no-one else had to get hurt? I've got your solution... DUELING!

But Mel, how does it work?

That's easy, instead of getting in the car to go wipe out an entire neighborhood with your automatic weapons, you fill out a dueling permit, and present it to your opponent. Now, if he just guns you down right there, he looks like a wuss-punk in front of all his friends, right? And we all know he doesn't want to do that. No, being tough is what it's all about, so if he has the balls, he'll take you up on your little challenge. You take your permit to a notary, thus avoiding the cops, AND bringing valuable income into the community, and don't tell me that the gangs can't cough up the scratch. Once it's notarized, you go find yourself a nice little place out of harm's way and start pacing. AGAIN, if one of you cheats and turns around too soon, you look like a punk-bitch, and your gang rides you for the rest of time while you hang your head. The weapons are up to the contestants of course, so if you REALLY want to prove your manliness to your "crew" you tie your hands together and pull out the switchblades a la "beat it", or get out the swords that everyone like to keep around for show. Hell, go for unarmed combat to the death if that's your bag, I don't really give a rat's ass as long as one of you losers ends up dead. Hey, if both of you die, that's even better, so long as no innocent bystanders are killed.

How can this help the community?

You know that paintball arena in town? Let them host REAL guns on occasion. Sell tickets, give the money to charity. Let these people show off their suicidal stupidity in front of an audience, instead of behind a ski mask and tinted windows.

In conclusion.

This has to be handled right, of course. Dueling is an honorable thing. Drive-bys are cowardly. This is the message we need to convey. Watch old westerns. Hell watch that Sharon Stone/Lance Henrikson flick, you'll get the idea. If you're a REAL man, then face your opponent one on one. Announce the grievance to all who attend, and may the best man win. We'll see who's really brave then. Maybe the number of people interested in joining a gang might decrease when it becomes impossible to simply put up a "front", when you know you may have to actually back it up some day.

Last updated 10/05/01 Site contents Copyright © 1999-2001 Mel Grubb II