//But didn’t it feel good?//

/No! N-no! Who are you? What are you?!/

//You liked it, you liked it, you liked it…//

Fei growled to himself, and stopped, leaning against a tree for the time being. /So I’m just supposed to leave? Bye-bye, murderer, we don’t want you anymore? See ya later, you psycho! Have a nice life!/ He didn’t want to go to Aveh, and he didn’t want to acknowledge that Lahan was gone. By his own hands.

/And Alice. You BASTARD! YOU KILLED ALICE!/

/”Murderer! Give me back my sister…”/

/And it’s all my fa--/

A tiny crack behind him made him spin quickly, his fists up and ready. It was a natural reflex, and in light of the recent events he was edgy and high-strung. His keen eyes quickly scanned the dark foliage, looking for any sign of movement. He ran his eyes back over the greenery again, and this time something caught his eyes. A small patch of white. He narrowed his eyes at it.

“Wh—“

He took a step back and swallowed the rest of his sentence when a red-haired woman jumped out of the dense foliage, bringing a gun up to point somewhere in between his eyes.

“Ara’ hos!” she screamed at him, her hands loading the weapon with a menacing click. He noticed that her arms were shaking slightly. He blinked.

“Come again?”

“Kattin nayu? Ta'badain tyuna achva! ...Dan'na rantak? Branna kautin!”

“Erm…yeah,” Fei said in total confusion. The woman furrowed her brow for a moment, then steeled herself, advancing a step.

“Move and I’ll blow your brains out!” she said, her voice hitting a high note on the last few words. Fei raised an eyebrow and looked a bit doubtful, but dropped his fists.

“Don’t look at me like that, you…you! I’ll do it!” she screamed, the shaking in her arms increasing.

Fei gave her a ‘yeah, sure, whatever’ look. “I don’t doubt you could do it…that is, if you could keep your arms from shaking so bad.” The woman made a little noise borne of shock.

“How…how dare you! I’m not shaking! Shutup!” She looked him over quickly. “You’re too small to be a Kislev soldier.”

Fei regarded her scornfully. “Watch who you’re calling small, nature girl. And someone should give you a prize—because I’m not a Kislev soldier. Who the hell are you…or should I keep calling you nature girl?”

“I’m asking the questions, thankyouverymuch,” the woman said haughtily. “And watch how you speak to me. I’ve got this gun, you know.”

“I’m shaking,” Fei said blandly.

“Plus, I’ve got orders to kill any –Lamb- I might see…or any who might give me trouble! So shut your trap and cooperate!” Fei looked at her oddly.

“Cooperate? All you’ve done so far is call me names and scream at me.”

“Be quiet!” She looked around her quickly, breathing hard. It was obvious she was nervous. “How do I get out of this forest?”

Fei laughed. “Some high-and-mighty you are! You’re lost in a forest?!”

“Shutup and answer the question!”

“I can’t answer the question if I shut up—“

“ANSWER ME!” the woman screamed, her voice raising to a squeak at the end of ‘me’.

“Alright, sheesh. I…I really don’t know,” Fei admitted.

“And you make fun of ME for being lost…” the woman said, snickering. “You’re lost too!”

“I’m not a soldier,” he retorted. “H…how did you know I was a soldier?!” the woman demanded.

Fei looked at her oddly. “Look at how you’re dressed, genius.”

The woman looked herself over quickly and her face became a bit sheepish. “Oh.” She lowered the gun, and stood in a position of thought.

Fei continued to regard her oddly. “Are you gonna shoot me or what?” he asked after a moment.

“What a queer thing to say!” the woman said, looking at him the same way he was looking at her. “What are you, some sort of suicidal freak?”

“So what if I am?” Fei exclaimed, shrugging. “Shoot me. I’ve nothing to live for anyways.” He stepped towards her, and she jerked the gun up again.

“Stand back! I’ll shoot!”

“That’s what I want, you idiot! Shoot me or I’ll attack you!” Fei screamed, continuing towards her.

“You’re not supposed to march right into your death, you jackass! I’m not gonna shoot you right off—“

Fei began to close in on her and in an agitation of nervousness she closed her fingers on the trigger and fired a shot. Fei squeezed his eyes shut, expecting his life to be torn away from him any second, and to have peace. He heard a sharp cracking sound directly behind him.

He opened his eyes a moment later and looked at the woman (who was pale, shaking, and her jaw hung slack.) Then he looked behind him to see a crater in the tree where the bullet had slammed through it.

“What the hell kind of soldier are you?” he asked the shaken woman incredulously. “Are you trying to kill me or the squirrels in the trees?”

“Stop mocking me! You’re not right…more like insane…” the woman began to back away from him, the gun dropping to her side. “I’m not going to—“ She bumped into something and spun halfway, revealing a little blue elfin creature. “Great, a crazy guy and now a little blue man.” The elfin creature seemed to take offense to that remark because a split second later it unleashed an attack on the unprepared woman, knocking her to the ground, unconscious. Fei blinked.

//Elly!//

/Elly! Damnit, don’t hurt Elly!/

/Who…?/

Next thing he knew, he was rushing forward and over the body of the fallen redhead, pummeling the small creature. After he dealt it a few knocks to the head effectively dazing it, he threw back his leg and punted it as far as he could into the forest. The shrill squeal of the elf could be heard until it made landing in some foliage with a loud thud. It did not return.

Fei turned to the unconscious woman at his feet, and nudged her gently. “Hey. You alive? Hellooooo…earth to nature girl…earth to nature girl…ah, hell.”

“…mrghh?”

“Oh, that’s attractive,” a voice said sarcastically. The woman opened her eyes to see the young man seated a few feet away from her, leaning against a log. She sneered instantly.

“Still wanna kill me? Go ahead, put a crater in me,” he challenged, tossing a rock into the small campfire at her feet. “But I have to warn you—it appears the forest creatures don’t like loud noises. Your screaming proved that earlier.”

She simply glared at him, seething in quiet rage.

He looked at her disdainfully. “Tch. Remind me not to save your ungrateful behind again. That’s a fine way to thank someone who tends to you while you’re out like a light.”

The woman blinked and her face softened a bit. “I…well, thanks.” Her face hardened again. “But don’t think you’re going to weasel your way out of how you acted earlier! You still have to die.” Fei shrugged.

“Whatever.”

“I must admit that I have never met a more suspicious –Lamb- in my life,” the woman said, regarding him with the sort of air an owner would regard a dog. He looked at her.

“Sure. Whatever. You’re about 20 times more suspicious than I am, lady. I’m not going to do anything to you, so relax. Pull the stick out of your ass.” The woman’s eyes got large at this.

“How dare—“

“How dare I, I know, I’m a jerk.” He shrugged. “Let’s say we make an alliance. What’s your name?”

She looked at him oddly. “Like I would tell a –Lamb- such as yourself my name.”

“What is with you and this ‘Lamb’ thing? Drop it already,” Fei said in exasperation. “We’re both humans, stuck in a forest, surrounded by lots of things that are bigger and scarier than we are. Shouldn’t we work together?” The woman was silent, mulling over this new information.

“OK then,” Fei said, taking her silence as agreement. “I’m Fei Wong Fong…call me Fei.”

The woman hesitated, then spoke. “Nice to meet you. I’m Elhaym. My parents call me Elly.”

/Elly…I knew that. But why? What is going on? Who is this lady?/ “Elly, huh? Nice.” She nodded.

“Thanks.” She watched him toss another rock into the fire. “I’ve got an idea,” she said suddenly, sitting up a bit. He looked over at her.

“I’ll tell you something about me, then you tell me something about you,” she said. “We’ll…get to know each other better or whatever.” Fei looked at her doubtfully, then reconsidered it.

“Alright,” he said. “You go first.”

“I…” she paused in thought. “I hate it when my socks get wet.”

He furrowed his brow. “Why did I need to know that?”

“I don’t know!” she snapped. “It’s just something I thought of! Don’t you hate it when you’re in sock feet and you step in something wet?”

“I guess,” Fei said a bit slowly. “Anyways…I…don’t like egg salad.”

“I love egg salad!” Elly exclaimed, closing her mouth soon after.

“Jeez,” Fei said, grinning. “Defensive of your food, are you?”

“Oh, be quiet. Let’s see…red is my natural hair colour,” she said proudly. Fei rolled his eyes when she wasn’t looking.

“I participate in full-contact underwater candle-making as a hobby,” Fei said a moment later. Elly looked at him oddly.

“You’re a freak,” she said simply. He raised an eyebrow and gave her a cool look.

“That was a joke, nature girl.”

“Stop calling me that!” she snapped, raising her voice. He looked at her angrily.

“Are you TRYING to get every monster in this forest on our asses? Stop being so squeaky,” he hissed at her. “Anyways, this is getting us nowhere. We’re just annoying each other.” There was a silence for a moment and Elly was lost in thought.

“Is it even possible to make candles underwater?” she asked a moment later. Fei thought.

“I don’t think so,” he said. “The wax would get all hard, wouldn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Elly replied. “That’s what I thought.”

There was yet another silence, filled only by the creatures of the forest and the crackling of the fire, and Fei broke it this time.

“Well, it’s dangerous to move at night in the forest, so we’ll get going on our way tomorrow. You can kill me once we’re out of the forest or whatever.” She looked at him.

“You have a death wish, don’t you?” she asked flatly. He shrugged.

“So? You hungry?” he asked her, changing the subject. She nodded.

“I’m starving. What’d you hunt down or whatever?” she asked, edging a little closer.

“Well,” he began, smiling, “it isn’t egg salad.”

He dropped his eyes a little, to the top of a dune. Doing a double take, he stood bolt upright, forgetting about his tears. There on top of the golden dune of sand was a line of people, trudging along seemingly oblivious to everything around them. He threw up his arms.

“Hey!” he hollered, his little voice sounding scratchy and harsh. His throat was dry and it hurt to even talk. None of the figures turned or acknowledged him.

“Hey! Wait up!” he hollered, beginning to run up the sand dune. At least he attempted to run—progress was slow and clumsy, and his small feet kept sinking into the deep, warm sand. “Please wait! Don’t leave me!” he screamed after them, seeing them begin to get farther and farther. Still they made no indication of hearing him or even knowing he existed. He clambered up the dune awkwardly, going up it like a mountain climber would go up a mountain. He used his hands to dig into the sand in front of him and pull him forward. But after a few more moments of exhausting and fruitless struggle, he flopped down into the deep sand, feeling it begin to flood over his legs in a warm cascade.

The tears sprung anew from his eyes, and a choked sob worked it’s way from the depths of his throat. “Come back,” he said softly, muffled further by tears. “Come back…”

After a few seconds of shock at being left, he began to sob earnestly, bringing his grubby, dusty hands up to his eyes. This only smeared more filth onto his face, further dirtying his person. He already was a dusty, sandy mess.

“Poor little guy,” a soft, kind voice suddenly said. He jerked his head up, and lowered his hands to below his eyes so he could see. “You must be so lonely in a place like this.”

He squinted up at the tall, slender silhouette, unable to distinguish any features. There was only the shadow, the voice, and now that he looked down a bit…a cross pendant, one that glittered red in the glaring sunlight. It caught his eye, and he stared at it intently.

“Fei…” she breathed, softly, almost reverently. He kept his bleary eyes riveted on the dangling ruby red cross.

“Fei…”

“Fei!” she said, and he jerked to, blinking disorientedly. He brought his hand up to rub his opposite upper arm with a scowl, looking up at Elly.

“Good morning to you too,” he said, the fuzzy morning feeling hitting him dead on. She began to walk away from him. “Where are YOU going?” he asked her, standing slowly.

“We aren’t getting anywhere by sitting around and hurling insults at each other,” she hollered over her shoulder. She was already a distance from him. He rolled his eyes and jogged to catch up with her.

Neither one of them really had any idea where they were going, so they just sort of ambled on in a straight path.

“Straight must lead us to the edge of the forest sometime,” Elly grumbled as she nearly lost her footing in some deep undergrowth. Fei snickered and leapt nimbly over the patch of overgrowth.

“Are all women as graceful and intelligent as you?” he asked, landing solidly on the other side. She leapt forward with incredible speed, giving him a shove. Complete with the shocked look and comical arm-pinwheeling, Fei tottered backwards due to the shove and rolled down a small hill. He hit a tree at the bottom with a grunt and Elly began to laugh.

“Yeah, and your little arm-spinny-thingie just now was incredibly graceful,” she laughed, tromping down the hill in the small path he had cleared when he plowed down the hill the hard way.

Fei continued to grumble and groan at the foot of the tree, shaking his head and attempting to rid himself of the grey fuzz that was invading his vision. Elly rolled her eyes and sighed.

“C’mon, you baby,” she said, holding out her hand. “Get up and let’s get going. That’ll be a lesson to you next time you decide to open your mouth and make fun of Elhaym Van Houten!” Fei righted himself, and glared at her hand; instead getting to his feet of his own power. Elly retracted her hand, giving him a ‘fine, be that way’ look. She began on her way in the “straight” path again, and Fei followed her.

After a while the foliage thinned out and Elly led Fei across a small stone bridge of some sort. It looked to be natural to Fei, so he ruled out the possibility that they were tromping merrily over some monster’s home. Fei was absorbed in his own thoughts, so naturally he didn’t notice when Elly stopped in front of him. He careened into her back, and she made a noise of indignation.

“Ever the attentive, eh? Watch where you’re going!” she exclaimed, shoving him back a little. He glared at her while resisting the temptation to reach out and give her a good shove himself.

“Stop pushing me around, would ya?” he said, although it sounded more like a command. “Why did you stop? C’mon, let’s keep going.”

Elly didn’t follow him, and he looked back unsurely. “What? Are we going or what? Why are you looking at me like that?”

She dug her toe in the dirt a bit. “Well,” she began a bit softly, “what’s your deal, anyhow? Yesterday you were ready to take a bullet and now you’re gung-ho. I don’t get it.” She looked at him inquisitively. “Or you, for that matter.”

He instantly threw up his defenses, although he could feel they were weak and not very protective. “What does it matter to you? You said you were going to kill me anyways once this is over.” Elly shrugged.

“Cooperate and maybe you’ll live.” She toughened her look a bit. “Maybe. How’d you get stuck in this forest anyways?” Fei shrugged.

“How did YOU get stuck here?” he asked her. She opened her mouth but then quickly closed it again.

“I don’t think I should be telling you that,” she replied defensively. “It’s military business.”

Fei looked at her for a moment, and bit by bit his shoddy defenses slipped down and faded to nothing. He sat on the ground indian style and sighed, looking up through the thick forest canopy. Elly looked at him a bit oddly for a moment but remained standing.

“I ran from Lahan,” he said, his eyes falling from the canopy to his hands. They fidgeted.

“Lahan…Lahan…! You mean—“ Elly began, choking on her own words. Fei didn’t seem to hear her or her emotion.

“Yeah…well…it was a small village. Kinda pretty too. If you went outside…you could always get a nice view of the mountains…” Elly was shifting uneasily, her heavy military issue boots crunching twigs and leaves. “I ran from there. Rather I ran from what was left of it,” Fei finished. Elly looked at the young man studying the lines in his hands and sighed.

“What…what exactly happened there?” she asked, avoiding his gaze when he looked up. She instead focussed on her own hands, suddenly very interested in the gloves covering them. Fei continued to look at her.

“Wouldn’t you have done it too?” he asked her suddenly, almost like she knew what ‘it’ was. She furrowed her brow while still engrossed with her hands.

“Done what?” she asked in confusion.

Fei did not reply and Elly thought maybe he didn’t really even hear her. He seemed to be in his own little world when Elly finally did look up at him. For a moment, Elly pitied him.

“Yeah, Lahan was a really nice place. I wasn’t born there…in fact, I don’t even remember the night I arrived there…but everyone still treated me well. I was one of them. Everyone always said hello, always looked up to me…I used to play with all the kids…and no one was afraid of me…” He laughed shortly, painfully, bitterly. Elly winced, not because she was afraid but because she felt a pain in her heart for Fei.

“No one WAS afraid of me,” he said with a twinge of amusement in his voice. “Last night, I was leaving a friend of mine’s house. ‘Bout halfway back to Lahan, I saw some Gears up in the sky…flying straight for Lahan. I got to Lahan…and…” Fei seemed to be battling some violent emotion, and Elly put a hand over her mouth, finding her nails through the gloves and biting on them.

“…The whole place was in flames,” he finally finished, swallowing audibly. “Burning to the ground. You would have done it too, right? I mean, I couldn’t just sit and watch as my home burned to the ground! There…there was a Gear nearby. I got in it and—well—I—I didn’t really want to get in it—“

“But I thought—“ Elly began, lifting her head in confusion.

“…I-I wanted to…but I didn’t. I didn’t know how to work it—all the buttons were confusing—“ He stopped again, squinting as if to remember something. “But there was this voice…this voice that told me it would be alright. A voice told me I should do it. I…I thought maybe I could help…help to stop things…” His face twisted and contorted. “No!…but…it all went wrong. I couldn’t stop…Lahan…”

Elly narrowed her eyes for a moment. “You couldn’t stop what? What happened?” Her fists clenched. “Lahan was destroyed by the Kislev army?!”

Fei was staring dumbly at the ground in front of his folded legs, eyes glittering. Elly couldn’t tell if it was from tears or a trick of the light.

“Well? Did Kislev do it or not?” she asked of the quiet and morose Fei.

“Me,” he said faintly, and it sounded almost like an echo of a louder noise that had occurred somewhere else. Elly narrowed her eyes.

“What now?” she asked, folding her arms over her chest. “Speak up, Fei.”

“Me,” he said louder, but it retained the hollow sound it had. “I destroyed Lahan.” Elly’s jaw dropped.

“YOU?! But I thought you were helping…in that Gear or whatever?” she asked in consternation.

He shrugged his shoulders weakly. “I…I was helping. But then…”

“But then what?” Elly asked almost frantically, wanting nothing more than to just rush forward and shake the words out of him.

“…Wouldn’t you have done it too?” he asked again, looking up. She stared him down.

“What happened, Fei?” she asked in a flat voice. “What happened in Lahan?”

He sighed. “I was in the Gear. But then Timothy—ah, Christ…Timothy! A bigger group of Gears started blasting on me…and my friend Timothy was…he was shot by one of them. After that…”

“Yes?”

“…I don’t quite remember. According to Doc, the Gear I was in went haywire…and I destroyed Lahan.” Fei sighed heavily, looking at his hands again. “I killed all those people…those good, kind…and—they—Alice! I killed Alice!” he screamed, leaving Elly a bit perplexed.

“So the village is levelled? And what about that Gear? What happened to it?” Elly demanded, spreading her hands to indicate her helplessness. Fei didn’t reply to her, or even look up. “Hey! Answer me! The Gear went out of control?”

Fei snapped his head up and glared at her, and she could see plainly that there were tears in his eyes. “Yes! Damnit…the Gear went out of control! Are you happy?!”

“Damnit,” she cried, watching it plummet to earth. Suddenly, her own Gear began to shake and rock, and several screens on her on her control panel began to flash and bleep.

“Van Houten, god damnit! Report situation!” a crackly voice on her audio suddenly exclaimed. She jabbed the button on the console that would allow her to respond and swore as she herself began to head downwards.

“I’ve caught something in the back,” she hollered a bit loudly over the din of bleeping and buzzing in the Gear cockpit. “My thrusters are deciding to take a shit on me…I’m going to have to take it down—damnit, if the Gear doesn’t do it of it’s own will first!”

“We’re in Aveh territory,” the audio snapped at her with a liberal amount of fuzz and static.

“I know that!” she snapped, frantically trying to keep herself from going down at too sharp of an angle. “I don’t care! Everyone, land now! We’ll keep ‘em going on the ground!”

The next few moments were a frantic haze in Elly’s mind—all she could remember doing was pushing buttons quickly and pulling up, up, up. The impact was the next thing she remembered clearly (how could one forget hitting the ground harder than anything one has ever felt?) Unbuckling herself from her pilot’s chair, she checked herself for any injuries, thanked God she was alive, and scrambled out of the Gear. She jumped down from the toppled Gear (which was in wretched shape now that she actually got a chance to look at the outside of it) and landed hard, falling to her knees. A faint rumble alerted her she was not going to be alone forever, and she looked up from her hands and knees position to see the faint images of two Gears landing not too far from her. Looking behind her quickly, she saw the outline of a few buildings, most likely a village. Pulling herself to her feet quickly, she racked her brain for a quick plan of escape. With no Gear and no backup, she was merely a target for target practice. The two landed Gears began to approach, and she ran back to her fallen Gear, pressing herself against the backside. Sharp retorts began to fill the air, very close to her, and she heard little metallic ‘ping’s and she knew they were shooting at her Gear. They wanted to make sure that if she hadn’t died in the crash she would die now. After a full minute of shooting (and with every second Elly grew more and more sure they would hit the fuel storage) the Gears continued on their way to the village she could just barely make out. Hidden alongside the Gear, the two passing did not even see her. As soon as she felt they were far enough away, Elly turned tail very quickly and fled in the opposite direction.

At the time, it was dark. She couldn’t see, but she was heading straight for Blackmoon Forest.

“Them!” he hollered, voice cracking. He stood up and looked around him for something to vent his rage on. “THEM!” he screamed, turning to a nearby tree and pummeling it with his fists. Elly watched this for a moment, wincing, then cleared her throat.

“Hey!” she hollered over the din of wood splitting and Fei. “Cut that out!” He stopped, arms hanging limply at his sides. He turned to face her with a listless look on his face. She nodded at him with a jerk of her head, glaring.

“You’re a coward, you know that?” she asked. He looked at her hollowly.

“Me?” he asked.

“Do you see anyone else around here?” she screeched. “You’re a coward! All I’ve been hearing you do is blame ‘them’! What about YOU, Fei?!” She laughed shortly. “You did get in that Gear, didn’t you? Nothing would have happened if you hadn’t gotten in that Gear—“

“Lahan was already in flames,” he interjected. “So don’t you dare tell me I was responsible!”

“You made it worse!” she cried. “You got in that Gear and you started fighting back! And what made you think you could even hope to pilot that Gear correctly? It takes years of training to learn to pilot…and a civilian trying it with no practice whatsoever is unheard of!” She put her hands on her hips and shifted her weight. Fei simply stood, staring at her. “If you had REALLY wanted to help Lahan, and you had been using that pea brain of yours, you would have been trying to herd the villagers to safety or something! But NO! You had to climb into that damn Gear and now you’re blaming everyone else for your own stupid mistake!” She nodded at him again. “Quit running, you! If you think running from it and putting blame on others is going to make you feel better or clear you name you’ve got another thing coming! You run! You keep running if you really want to, Fei Fong Wong! But that is what makes you a coward!”

There was a silence for a moment, and Elly fought to catch her breath after her impassioned (and she felt, rather well spoken) speech. Fei blinked at her, and shrugged, angry.

“Yeah. Yeah, you know what?” he asked her loudly, just as loud as she had been yelling at him. “I am a coward, if you want to put it that way! I tried to help others and I failed miserably. I didn’t know my own strength and it was all my fault…maybe if I hadn’t been born the world wouldn’t be such a shitty place. Maybe if I hadn’t woken up that morning, Lahan would still be standing. I’m a weak person! A weak, pitiful excuse for a human being and a man! And maybe there are millions of other things that are all my fault too! I tried to help…but I couldn’t…I was too weak…and I couldn’t help others…”

Elly was silent for a moment, watching Fei degrade himself. When he was done, he leaned back against the decimated tree and slid to the ground, head lolling to the side apathetically.

“Fei…” she breathed, swallowing. “That—I didn’t—“

“What the HELL do you know?!” he roared, lifting his head to her. “I destroyed Lahan with my own hands! When I woke up, there was rubble everywhere. The rubble of my village! My home! I can’t remember what I did or who I was…but there’s still the knowledge that I did it. Knowing that I walked upon their bodies…I spilled their blood…I ruined it all! I killed them! Heh, I keep looking at these stupid hands…” He brought his hands to his face as he spoke. “The hands that killed them all…I can see their blood, all over them. Hot and sticky…and red! It’s there! There!” He held his hands out to her, shaking with rage and pent-up emotion. “Can’t you see it? See it there?! Those were my friends, my family, my life!” His hands clenched in fists. “I crushed them all!”

Elly reached out slowly, as if to touch his hands, but the gap between them was wide and her legs refused to work. Also, her mouth opened but words refused to come out.

“I reduced them to nothing,” he continued, hands still held out. “Nothing! Nothing like I am…worthless…unwanted…nothing…no one…”

She looked at him for a moment, hand still outstretched, and suddenly she turned away, pressing her hands to her mouth. Without looking at him, she quickly and quietly walked past him and away from him, hands falling limply to her sides. She walked for a few more moments, then stopped and sighed, looking up.

/Why did you do that?/ she asked herself in a continuous stream.

/”You’re a coward!”/

//sitting there in the hallway surrounded by dead bodies screaming they’re all screaming//

/No! Not my fault…/

//silenced silent screaming same look frozen on faces blood blood blood//

/I didn’t mean…/

//lift up your hands look at them covered in blood all your fault all the dead and fallen you//

/I didn’t…!/

//take responsibility scream out loud they’re screaming too but it’s quiet and blood is running everywhere//

/I guess maybe I’m not so strong either./

//all over you all over them dead bodies everywhere//

/I’m just like him…I berated him for the same things I could have been berated for. I’m not so high and mighty…I’m not even all that talented./

//scream//

/”I am a coward!”/

Elly closed her eyes briefly and leaned against a tree, gathering her scattered faculties. A few moments later she stood straight and walked on, but she didn’t get far before she heard a grumbling noise. Feeling a slight vibration through the ground, she froze.

“I am not liking this,” she whispered faintly to herself, the vibrations and grumbling getting increasingly stronger. She could now hear foliage and trees crunching.

/We were too loud again! Our screaming brought…whatever it is out! Great and dandy!/ Elly looked around quickly for something she could use to hide behind, or under, or anything, but before she could think of a good plan the source of all the noise appeared before her.

It was a huge, reptilian green creature with massive talons and what looked to be a mouth full of rather impressive teeth also. It stalked up to Elly and looked at her for a moment, and Elly remained rooted to her spot. /What else can I do?/ she thought dismally to herself. /Well, this is the end. God…that sounds so cheesy,/ she thought a split second later. The creature leaned near her, so they were almost on eye level, and then it opened it’s mouth, hissing at her. Elly had been right—there was a mouth of rather impressive teeth. Impressive, sharp, pointy teeth. It hissed loudly at her, and she could not suppress a shudder. Then she got hit with it’s breath.

“Yuck,” she said unconsciously, out loud.

Then she screamed as it threw it’s head against her side, tossing her savagely aside.

“Oh, hell,” he said, jumping up as he caught the echo of the initial scream. “That’s Elly alright.” He forgot about his death wish and his apathy for the moment and charged on, not even hindered by the dense undergrowth or the abundance of trees in his way.

//Elly! Oh, Elly…I’m coming!//

/Yeah! Me too…you too, whatever you are in me…/

He continued on his way, pushing himself forward so hard that when he came to a slight clearing in the forest, he nearly fell flat forward on his face. Instead, he tucked himself into a roll, and came to a (mostly) smooth landing. Standing again, he blinked at the large green lizard creature that blinked at him. If Fei had to assign an emotion to the animal at that moment, it would have been Surprise. Elly seemed to be unconscious on the ground a good fifteen feet away from the creature, but when Fei arrived it had been advancing on her.

Fei swore. The creature had changed paths and was now coming for him, and the look in it’s eyes sad nothing short of, “Yum…an appetizer.”

“I am going to have a very long talk with Elly about wandering off by herself when she comes to,” Fei muttered to himself as he dodged the creature as it lunged at him. Mouth full of razor sharp teeth bared, it spun around angrily at having missed it’s snack and hissed at Fei. He looked at it for a moment, and then looked at his upraised fists.

“Who the hell am I KIDDING?!” he asked himself as the creature charged him again, and he rolled under it. He delivered a few punches to the underbelly and then rolled away, scrambling before it could step on him. Looking at it, he swore yet again. The punches had done nothing to it but make it even more angry and disgruntled. It began to head back towards Elly, apparently seeing Fei as nothing more than an annoyance. Fei ran alongside it, leaping in front of it before it could reach Elly.

“Oh no you don’t,” he muttered, teeth clenched. “You’re going to have to kill me…”

A dull whirring coming through the forest made Fei crane his neck and the creature turn around to look. A large, hovering piece of machinery with a black mass in it’s claws thrashed through the forest and hovered in the small clearing. Fei looked at the path of destruction behind the machine and whistled. /I can’t believe I didn’t hear that coming…/

The black mass was released from the claws and it landed on the ground neatly, kneeling and extending an arm. Fei blanched, shaking his head at the kneeling black mass, now distinguishable as a Gear. “No…”

A hatch on top of the hovering piece of machinery opened up, and a familiar head poked out.

“Good afternoon!” Doc hollered above the din of machinery. “I brought you a present…”

“No way!” Fei yelled. “I wouldn’t use that thing if my life depended on it!”

Doc stared at Fei for a moment and lifted his arm out of the machine, pointing behind Fei. “Well, I’ve got news for you—your life does depend on it, and so does hers!” Fei snapped his head around, looking at the prone form of Elly. He bit his lip.

“Promise me something!” Fei hollered, hoping the creature would continue to stare dumbly at the two new apparitions before it.

“Anything,” Doc replied, accidentally edging the machine (now recognized by Fei as the Land Crab) to close to a tree, nearly knocking it over. Fei would have slapped his forehead in any other situation.

“If I get in that Gear and it looks like I’m freaking out again…kill me,” he said, beginning to edge around the creature. Doc nodded.

“I agree,” he said. “But I hope to God it doesn’t come to that.”

“That makes two of us!” Fei said, making a run for the black Gear. He reached it and clambered up into the cockpit via the hand. Once inside, he looked around and scowled.

“This is all too familiar…” he looked out through the windshield to see the lizard creature turning towards Elly again. Fei clenched his teeth and rushed forward, his hands flying to the controls.

//yes…feels good, doesn’t it?//

/Shutup, you! I don’t need you!/

//heh…you remember what to do. You remember how to use this…//

/Go away,/ Fei told the voice simply. /Leave./

//I’ll go away now…but I’m always here…//

The creature reared up, hissing at the black Gear. Fei tried to pull back, but the creature fell forward first, clawing the Gear. It rocked and Fei felt it stumble, but he got it back under control. He delivered a series of kicks and punches to the creature, fazing it but not putting it under.

He danced out of the way of the creature’s attacks the best he could while still managing to keep the Gear upright, but occasionally it still swiped him or rammed him. He kept up his steady attack pattern of kicks and punches, and he stole a glance at Elly occasionally. He made sure he kept the monstrous Gear and the creature far from her. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Fei executed a series of punches and chops to the creature’s neck and it fell, hitting the ground with an impact force that was felt even in the cockpit of the Gear. He used the controls to make the Gear kneel and he climbed out of the machine just as quick as he had climbed in. The Land Crab was still hovering but at the sight of Fei walking about on the ground it landed (not without a deal of foliage destroying and tree crunching.)

Doc hopped out of the Land Crab as Fei made his way back over to Elly.

“Are you alright, Fei?” Doc asked Fei’s back as he walked to Elly.

“Why did you bring that thing back to me?” Fei asked Doc angrily, not looking at him but instead kneeling by Elly. Doc sighed.

“Fei. It is highly impractical for you to be wandering about with no way of protecting yourself,” Doc said in a regulated, calm tone. “Weltall is a very valuable asset to you—rather us, because we are being pursued. Weltall is no ordinary Gear…the power it has is remarkable…” Fei didn’t look up, but was busy arranging Elly so she was sitting.

“I don’t know about you, Doc, but I don’t want that sort of power. And since when do you know so much about Gears?” Fei looked up at Doc, who was giving him a sort of strained patience look.

“A Gear is a piece of machinery,” he replied evenly, adjusting his glasses. “And aren’t machines my forte?”

Fei was silent. /That makes sense./ “Anyways. I still don’t like it.”

“You just have to know how to control the power,” Doc said in the same even tone. “Don’t let it control you…know when to draw the line. As long as you remember that, you should be fine.” He indicated Elly. “Now then. Your friend is coming to.”

Fei looked from Doc to Elly, and she groaned, rubbing her head, then her side. “Man,” she said weakly, looking at Fei. “Remind me never to tell big scary lizard guys they have bad breath.” Fei snickered.

“Nice to see you back among the living,” he remarked. He indicated the fallen creature. “I took care of lizard guy for you.”

“It’s a Rankor,” Doc corrected, “and more appropriately, Weltall took care of him for you, miss.” He grinned at Fei’s evil glare. “But far be it from me to steal from Fei’s chivalrous qualities.”

Elly looked up at Doc then back to Fei. “Who’s that guy?” she whispered to Fei.

“A friend of mine,” Fei said. “My good luck he happened upon us when he did. We both would have been sitting in the bottom of a stomach right now if it weren’t for him. Doc, Elly. Elly, this is Doc.” Elly nodded.

“Hello,” she said. Doc nodded at her.

“Yes, it is as Fei says. I happened upon him…and I believe he was taking the Rankor on with bare fists!” Doc gave Fei a chiding look. “Foolishly so.”

“OK, next time I’ll just let the bad guys eat me,” Fei replied sarcastically. Doc smiled.

“I’m kidding. Oh well…damnation. There was substantial damage to Weltall during the fight…” Doc wandered off towards the Gear and Elly caught sight of it for the first time. Her eyes went wide and she scrambled out of Fei’s grip, after Doc. Fei followed her.

“Hey! You!” she hollered at Doc, causing his to turn with an amused look on his face.

“How may I help you, miss?” he asked, and Fei hid a smile. He knew a patronizing act when he saw one, and he knew Doc’s all too well.

“Where the hell did you get that Gear?” she demanded, pointing accusingly at it. Doc looked at the Gear, then at her.

“Oh, that!” he said, with a smile. “Courtesy of the Kislev army. Beyond that…your guess is as good as mine.”

Elly huffed and folded her arms over her chest. “Oh. Well, I’ve been looking for it.”

“Finders keepers…” Doc said, shrugging. “Beat you to it, dear. And for future reference…I am not a ‘You’. My name is Shitan Uzuki. Call me that, or call me Doctor or Doc as everyone else is wont. But do not call me ‘You’. It grates my nerves.” He turned back around and resumed walking to Weltall, leaving Elly to gape. Fei followed Doc, smiling and giving Elly a ‘Set you straight, didn’t he?’ look as he passed her. She was silent for a moment, but then jogged after Fei and fell in beside him.

“I guess I never really said thanks,” she said quietly after walking beside him for a bit. Fei looked over in shock.

“Saying thank you to a ‘Lamb’ or whatever you called me? I thought you were going to kill me.”

Elly grumbled a bit. “Don’t go copping an attitude now just because I thanked you for saving me. Again,” she added quietly. Fei snickered.

“Hey, I won’t. I was just kidding…” he said, smiling as he watched Doc grumble and curse quietly at the damage done to Weltall.

“So, thanks for saving me. That’s twice I owe you now.”

Fei’s already present smile widened. “Don’t worry about it now. I’ll just put it on your tab.” Elly’s jaw dropped and she glared at him but before she could let an insult fly he had walked past her and was then conversing with Doc. She dug the toe of her boot in the dirt while the two men conversed and finally Doc turned to face her with a smile.

“We’re going to stay here for the night, so you’d best get comfortable and hunker down,” he said, assuming what looked to be a thinking stance to Elly. “This will also give me a chance to work on our mechanized friend…”

Elly huffed. “Why do I have to stay? Aren’t I free to go on my own?” Fei looked over in shock as Doc began to laugh, doubling over and staying there for a moment, holding his sides. Elly blinked, her face indignant.

“Well? Aren’t I?” she asked again, and Doc stood straight (attempting to regain composure.)

“My dear, from the scene I just saw…I wouldn’t say you are,” he replied, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes. He readjusted his glasses and walked past her, chuckling. “Aren’t you indeed…heh heh…”

She spun, walking after him. Fei sauntered after them, smiling faintly. “What scene?!” Elly demanded of Doc, taking quick strides to keep up with his much larger ones.

“If I didn’t know you better, I’d say you weren’t that bright,” Doc said, stopping and looking at her. “From what I hear, this is the second time Fei here has had to save you. And it…well, it cracks me up to think that you are actually a soldier. You can go. But I will not allow Fei nor myself to come scampering after you in the event you are attacked again.” Doc shrugged. “Which I can almost assure you will happen if you wander off by yourself. We’ve made quite a bit of noise…and the creatures of the forest despise noise.”

Fei snickered and made mock applause. “Well said.” Elly shot him a look and he became very interested in his feet.

“Although I wonder why anything would want to eat you,” Doc mused, continuing to walk. “Your attitude is atrocious. I can’t imagine it would taste good.”

“I really don’t think he and you get along,” Fei said from behind Elly.

Another piece of metal came falling to the earth accompanied by a high up grumble. Elly glanced over at the small pile of scattered metal pieces and parts, then looked back to the fire.

/I wonder what makes you see little spots anyways when you look away?/ Elly spent the next five minutes looking back and forth between the fire and the forest, trying to figure it out. Finally she told herself she was probably going to be blind by 20 and she stopped, settling for staring at the stars instead.

This arrangement only lasted for a moment, however, and she turned her eyes from the stars to the young man in the sitting position, sleeping, leaning against the foot of a tree. He looked genuinely worn out and Elly sighed, resting her head in her palm.

/I feel kinda bad,/ she admitted to herself. /All he’s done is put up with my little temper tantrums and run around after me and save my ass. All this after the incident at his town…and on top of that…sometimes I wonder if he’s mentally stable./ She sighed again, leaning on her other palm.

/Well, I did say thanks./ She frowned slightly. /Yeah, a sorry excuse for thanks anyways. What’s my deal with him? Is there a REASON I feel I have to be especially evil to him?/

She looked at him a moment longer. /He’s kinda cute, actually. If he wasn’t being such a snide jerk all the time…/ She frowned again. /Well, that’s partially my fault. But he’s still cute./

Another metal piece hit the ground and this time it was followed by a man. Elly looked over, and the man looked at her in mild shock.

“I didn’t think you were still awake,” Doc said after a moment. Elly shrugged, sitting up straight.

“I am,” she said. “Funny, you think you’re worn out but then when it’s time to sleep you’re so pumped up you can’t.” Doc nodded and gestured towards Fei.

“He had no problems with it,” he observed.

Elly smiled slightly, looking at her feet. “I guess.” She brought her eyes back up to Doc, who was sorting through the metal pieces on the ground with the toe of his boot.

“What’s the matter with the Gear?” she asked, looking up at it. Doc sighed heavily, still sorting.

“Where do you want me to start?” he asked in a disgruntled fashion. “The main problem is in the left leg. The knee actuator and the bypass circuit…the actuator I can fix myself. But the circuit is basically shot to hell and back.” He looked up, removing his glasses. He started for the log which Elly was sitting on, but then decided to go a shorter distance and instead sat on Weltall’s foot.

“Is this the Gear Fei used when he…?” Elly trailed off, gesturing vaguely towards Weltall. Doc looked up at Weltall then back at Elly. He squinted faintly and Elly guessed his sight must not have been that good without the glasses.

“Indeed it is…Fei destroyed Lahan with this Gear.” He paused for a moment, scratching absent-mindedly at his long hair. “I am going to ask you something and I want a straight answer…because I despise liars.”

Elly was taken aback a bit. “What is it?”

“You’re obviously military,” Doc noted, looking her over quickly. “I can’t see that well without my glasses but I got a fairly good look at you earlier. There was another Gear left outside Lahan…or, the remains of one.” He paused again, gazing at her evenly. “Nil bayer dars legus?”

Elly almost fell off her log at the last, the words in the language she didn’t figure he even knew existed. “Yes, it was mine,” she replied a bit faintly. Doc nodded.

“I knew it. So YOU were the one who brought the Gears down on Lahan.” Elly looked very much cowed. “Don’t look that way. I understand why you came down…when I looked at that Gear, I saw the shape it was in. I am very shocked to see that you are still alive after being in a machine in that condition.” Elly shook her head.

“The shrapnel in the back was first. The gunshots came after I had landed and ejected,” she corrected.

Doc nodded. “Oh. Well, I must tell you this also. Did you have companions?”

“Yes,” Elly replied a bit hesitantly. “What did you do to them?”

Doc chuckled but sobered again quickly. “I buried them. They were dead…and I figured they were your companions because the uniforms you wear are the same.” Elly stood, her fists clenched.

“D-dead?!” she hissed. “Who killed them? How did they die?!”

Doc looked up at her, gravely serious. “Who? Your guess is as good as mine. They died in the attack. And…about the how part…I am not comfortable sharing the details with you. I do not wish to upset you.” He frowned. “In other words, it wasn’t pretty, dear.”

Elly turned away from Doc, slowly easing her fists to unclench. He sighed.

“For a soldier, you seem very unprepared for death,” he observed. Elly did not reply. “But don’t worry about them. Better place they’re in now, you know. And besides…some of the surviving villagers and I gave them proper burials. All in all not bad for dying a foreign soldier in a foreign land.”

Elly nodded. “I s-suppose. I shouldn’t have brought my Gear down right outside of Lahan…that was so stupid of me…I could have kept going for some time before I landed. This whole thing could have been avoided!” She sighed despondently, closing her eyes. “Earlier I yelled at Fei for not assuming responsibility…when it is more my fault than his!”

“We’re not psychics,” Doc said after a moment. Elly swore internally as a few tears slid down her cheeks. “You couldn’t have possibly known what was going to happen…otherwise I have no doubt in my mind you would have avoided it at all costs. No human could have wanted any of that to happen and still call themselves human.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Elly replied, wiping at her tears.

“And plus, you are just making it worse sitting here and reflecting on it. It’s in the past. You always see clearer what you COULD have done, or what you SHOULD have done. Hindsight is always 20/20.” He shrugged. “Unlike my actual vision,” he added in deadpan.

Elly giggled a little, and turned around to face him. He was still sober.

“Does Fei know about you yet? Has he figured it out?” he asked tentatively.

Elly shook her head. “Nope. I don’t think he has a clue.”

Doc nodded. “Fei is a bright young man, but he knows near to nothing of the outside world. I think it would take him a bit to figure it out.”

“’Outside world’…where are YOU from, anyways? You don’t seem like your average small village guy,” Elly said, scrutinizing him closely. He raised his eyebrows.

“I’ve seen and done a little more than I let on,” he said. “But the thing is I don’t tell anyone. It gives me a constant upper hand in situations.”

“Kinda like having a good hand of cards,” Elly said.

“Yes, I guess you could say that.” Elly began to open her mouth, but Doc silenced her with a raised finger.

“Pasts are pasts,” he stated. “And I don’t like to dig mine up.”

She shrugged, nodding slowly. “Hey, I understand.”

He stood now also, putting his glasses back on. “I have another thing to ask of you…and it is rather imperative that you obey.” Elly looked at him inquisitively.

“If you go straight ahead about 10 minutes or so, you will come to a dirt road,” he began. “Elly. I want you to walk those 10 minutes and go to that road. Once you reach it, I want you to walk and keep walking. Don’t look back.”

Elly looked at him in mute shock.

“Fei does not need to be caught up in military struggles and the like. I would like to keep him out of trouble as much as possible,” Doc continued. “It is nothing personal against you. As a matter of fact, you are much more human and likable than you let on. But, Elly…you don’t belong here.”

Elly’s face fell. “But I—“

“Elly! Please,” he said urgently. “Go home. Go back to your parents.”

“How do you know about my parents?!” she asked suspiciously.

“I’m just looking at you. You look to be Fei’s age…I assume you still have parents.”

“Oh.”

Doc continued to stare her down, using his superior height to his advantage. “Go now. I will tell Fei you left to join your family…that way, he won’t be running off to try and rescue or find you.” Elly shook her head, sitting back down on the log.

“N-no! I can’t!” she exclaimed, shaking her head still. “I won’t! I have to stick around…I have debts I have to pay.”

“Pardon?” Doc asked her in confusion.

“I owe Fei…” she said, looking over at him. “He’s saved me twice—twice I’ve been ungrateful to him. That and I did something unforgivable to him, but I have to try and atone.”

Doc was still confused. “Elaborate, please.”

“I…I told Fei to stop hiding and take responsibility for what he did…but he only did it because of me landing there! I called him a coward when it was really me who was afraid. I didn’t want that guilt…the guilt of knowing…” she stopped herself before she could become too emotional. Doc nodded knowingly.

“It’s always easier to pin it off on someone else.” Doc narrowed his eyes at her. “I am shocked. It is policy for your people to see people like Fei and the people of Lahan as base creatures…dealt with as seen fit. Their lives are expendable, and yet you feel wretched for making Fei unhappy. This is truly odd.”

“Our duty is to watch after the –Lambs-…but we aren’t really looking after them. We’re just kinda…abusing them. I feel bad for them, though. It’s confusing…at Jugend, I was taught that –Lambs- were empty headed beasts meant to be herded and controlled. Fei has proved that theory all wrong. Although…truth be told, I was rather rude to him when I first met him.”

“I’m sure you were,” Doc said.

“Hey!” Elly exclaimed. Doc shrugged.

“Can you hate me for being right?” he asked rhetorically. “Anyhow. Perhaps you are just more human than the others. Or…is there another reason for your tolerance of the ‘base’ –Lambs-?”

“Well, I guess maybe Daddy—erm, my father,” she replied, trying not to notice Doc’s grin at the use of the informal name. “He has a high opinion of –Lambs---well, he thinks they arejust like us, but that’s a high opinion compared to what some people think. Plus, when I was a little girl, my nanny was a –Lamb-. Whoa, I never told anyone that…it was sort of a secret.” Doc grinned again and spread his hands.

“Who do you think I would tell? And why would they care?” His grin did not fade. “You seem to have a rather high opinion of Fei.” The insinuation was lost on Elly in her thoughtful state.

“Well…he’s different. I feel like I should be nicer to him…after all, he did save my life twice. Me and him, I think we’re the same. Or…erm…well, we seem the…oh, hell. Nevermind,” she finished in a flush. Doc covered his smile with his hand.

“Oops. I said we shouldn’t be digging things up, didn’t I?” he asked. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to pry…you know, my wife tells me I talk too much and too often.” He snickered. “Funny thing coming out of her…she whose words are few and brief.” Elly smiled briefly, but it quickly faded and she looked back at Fei again.

“Should I…Should I really go?” she asked Doc, turning back to him. He nodded solemnly, his smile also fading.

“You should. If you care about what happens to Fei, you will leave.” Elly sighed, nodding.

“Alright. Alright. I’m going to go,” she said. But she did not move. “I’m going.” Once again, she did not move. “Damnit. I am really going to go.” This time, her legs moved and she began to walk away quietly, past the campfire and past Fei.

“Nice talking to you,” she said at the edge of the small semi-clearing. Doc nodded.

“Act human,” Doc advised. “You’ll do alright. It’s been a pleasure, Miss Elly.”

Elly took one last look at him, then gazed at Fei for a moment, before melding into the foliage.

“Hey Doc,” he finally called, and he felt like it was too loud and crass. Doc spun, looking down at Fei.

“Mmm?” he said, scanning the parts lying on the ground. Fei folded his arms over his chest and looked down at his feet.

“She’s gone, isn’t she?” Doc looked up, a bit shocked. “I mean, she left already, didn’t she?”

“Yes, yes she did,” Doc said calmly. “What—“

“I heard last night,” Fei said. “I just didn’t think she had left yet…”

Doc sighed, turning back to whatever he was doing to Weltall. “She left last night. I’d imagine she’s been out of the forest for quite some time now.” Fei nodded.

“That’s a weak reassurance, Doc,” Fei said. He said very levelly, and somehow it felt like he had said Doc’s real name instead of his nickname. Doc looked back over the edge of Weltall’s hand, adjusting his glasses.

“If I had a better one, I’d give it to you,” he said truthfully.

“So that’s what Elly was, eh? Who she was, rather?” Fei asked, stepping closer to Weltall.

“Indeed. She—“

“I feel like an idiot,” Fei said, cutting Doc right off. “I was the one at fault, she was right…I should have apologized. To her and to the people of Lahan…” His brow furrowed in thought. “How are the people anyhow?”

“It isn’t all your fault,” Doc chided. “So stop saying that. Or I’ll strangle you. And the people are doing good…well, I hope so anyway. God help them. I left them in Yui’s hands,” Doc said, leaning back over the edge of the Gear’s hand, grinning. Fei grinned also.

“Oh yes, we all know how horrible and terrible Yui is,” Fei said in falsetto. “You’re a prick, Doc. ‘She whose words are few and brief’, right?”

“I do believe I would get a knock on the head for that one,” Doc conceded. “With a frying pan. But…”

“Where are all the people staying? Still on that mountain side?” Fei questioned. Doc shrugged.

“When I left to come find you, they were beginning to straggle back to Lahan. But I told Yui to get them all rounded up and take them somewhere,” the older man replied.

“Somewhere like where?” Fei asked, giving Doc a sort of skeptical look. Almost like, ‘Where in the hell could she possibly take them?’

“Don’t ask me. She could cut them up and cook them…as long as she does it and sends them away from Lahan. You don’t really think Aveh is going to let the other night’s little demonstration go uninvestigated, do you now Fei? Lahan is going to be one busy place soon. And it is highly probable that if there was anyone still there, Aveh would be a little suspicious. Kislev spies…that’s probably the story Aveh would come up with.”

“You’re leaving a lot to chance here, Doc. What, you, the professed genius doesn’t have a brilliant plan?” Fei asked incredulously.

“Hard to believe, Fei, I did have other things to worry about. And besides…half of everything is chance. We do our thing, Yui does her thing, and everything will fall together.”

There was a silence.

“…Or we’re fucked,” Doc said blandly, sighing. Fei smiled faintly at the slang.

“From the looks of all the parts on the ground, Weltall’s got a few problems,” Fei observed, kicking one such part across the ground. Doc made a faint ‘heh’ noise and rolled his eyes.

“Few,” was all he said (not to mention a bit bitterly.) Fei looked up into the early morning sky, closing his eyes briefly.

“You say half of everything is chance,” he mused aloud. “I think we may be leaving too much to chance, here.”

“Perhaps,” Doc said a trifle nonchalantly.

Fei looked up at the composed man. “Don’t you even care?” he asked a bit incensedly.

Doc looked down at Fei. “I am not a fool, Fei. What is the use of getting myself worked up, here in the middle of nowhere, for nothing? I will save it—and so should you. In addition, we are floating in a sea of relative calm. At this current position in time, we needn’t worry about much except ourselves.” He popped his fingers. “As I have mentioned…I think 3 times now…Yui is taking care of things in Lahan. We are fine.”

Fei was set ill at ease. /Take off without a care in the world. And this is supposed to be easy? And I’m not even the one with a family…but…maybe if we leave soon…we can catch up with Elly…!/

“When are we leaving?” Fei asked suddenly, bringing a look of calm shock to Doc’s face.

“I thought you didn’t want to leave…at least this was the impression I was receiving,” Doc said a bit slowly. Fei shook his head.

“Nah,” he said, brushing it off. “I’m just whining. When can we leave?” he asked, gauging in his head the time it would have taken Elly to walk. /Maybe. Maybe if she stopped somewhere to rest or something we can catch up to her. She did leave in the middle of the night after all. She HAS to be tired. We’ll catch her. I’ll apologize./

“Well…you do so often confuse me, Fei,” Doc said, shaking his head. “In your new agitation of anxiety…I guess we shall leave here shortly. Give me a few moments to get Weltall…well, to pick up Weltall’s pieces.”

Fei grinned. “Sure thing. Be careful. Don’t knock it too hard…it may just fall apart.”

Doc grinned back, a bit patronizingly. “Oh, whatever are you warning ME for? You’re the one who pilots it.” Fei frowned promptly and Doc snickered, returning to the open circuit boards and panels.

Fei strolled off into the distance a bit, up to a small rise near the edge of the clearing. He squinted, but still he could not see anything that indicated they were near the edge of the forest.

/Why me?/ he thought. /Why me, again, for the millionth time? I want to know. Is there someone up there who hates me…am I doomed forever to be stumbling into rude shit like this? If so, kill me now. I can’t take it./ In the background somewhere, Doc cursed when he dropped a part. /And Elly. That’s yet ANOTHER piece to just stack on top of it all. I sat there and had an immature little fit… I need to apologize to her. I have to find her…why did Doc send her away anyways? What, afraid I wouldn’t function properly with a girl around? Heh…I think I passed the out of control hormones stage a long time ago. I thought Doc knew that too. I guess not…/ He leaned against a tree next to him, sighing.

/What is this life? How many more little pieces are going to be thrown on the stack before it crumbles? Before I crumble? Too many questions, no answers…/

/What’s going to happen?/

I basically reworded things to how I liked them and threw in a couple of retarded little scenes. Heehee, Elly likes her egg salad. And don’t really ask me what the title means. I think I thought at the time it symbolized hopelessness and all that other good despairing stuff. Plus, I was listening to NIN and it was in a line of the song Ringfinger:

like Jesus on this cross

I’m just dying for your sins

And aiding to the cause..."

And I do so enjoy writing Elly! I don’t know why…I think it’s maybe because she tries to be so tough but really is just kinda…well, an average teenage girl, I guess? Plus, sometimes she just seems so funny to me. I enjoy writing Fei too. Even though I butchered Square’s original design…Fei is quite the smart-ass now. Hee. Reminds me of so many people I know…

--mara