SO2: Fantastic Fanfiction

EPISODE 18: The Waffler:

Next, on Fantastic Fiction:

Ashton wants to SAVE THE WAFFLER....

CLAUDE: Ashton? What are you doing?
ASHTON: Oh, I've got to wait for The Waffler!

Before they could say any more, Ashton left the house.

CLAUDE and RENA: ....?

On the next: FANTASTIC FICTION

CHAPTER 1:

In the town of Linga, Precis is working on one of her inventions (in her
garage).

PRECIS: OK... just a little more....

Precis is using her right hand to hold up metal rods.

PRECIS: ....
GRAFT: How's it coming?
PRECIS: Oh, hi dad. It's coming out great!

Precis then uses her left hand, unconsciencely, to effectively slide the rods
into their proper place.

GRAFT: Precis?
PRECIS: What, dad?
GRAFT: You used your left hand to do that!? Amazing....
PRECIS: Huh? (she then realizes what happened) Oh... I guess I did, didn't I?
GRAFT: You sure did!
PRECIS: WOW!!!! THAT MUST MEAN I'M....

Later....

PRECIS: ... AMBERDEXTEROUS!!!!
RENA: What?
CLAUDE: Amberdexterous. It means that you are both right AND left handed....
PRECIS: Isn't it COOL!!??....
CLAUDE: So, you discovered this while working on your latest invention?
PRECIS: I sure did!
RENA: Now what are you planning to do?
PRECIS: I'm going to try writing... lEFT - HANDED!
CLAUDE: ....

CHAPTER 2:

Opera and Ernest are dating in Northern Linga....

OPERA: This is exciting, isn't it?
ERNEST: It sure is! Now, where to?
OPERA: How about that bar over there? I'm really dying for something to drink.
ERNEST: Phew, me too.

Opera and Ernest go inside the bar....

????: I CAN'T DECIDE!!!! SMALL, MEDIUM, OR LARGE!!?? BEER OR ROOT - BEER!!??
BAR OWNER: Look, make up your mind!
????: Sorry, I CAN'T!!!! I JUST CAN'T!!!!!!!!

He runs out of the store. Opera and Ernest talk to the bar owner.

OPERA: Who was that?
BAR OWNER: Oh, that man. He calls himself "The Waffler;" supposedly can never
make up his mind....
ERNEST: You should have given him an easier time than that....
BAR OWNER: Well, if you want to help him out, go ahead. I'm THROUGH with him!

Opera and Ernest leave the bar, after having a few drinks, of course.

OPERA: Maybe we should seriously consider helping him out....
ERNEST: Really?
OPERA: He's a man in need, after all. We had helped out everyone on this
planet before, so why not one more?....
ERNEST: ... I guess you're right....
OPERA: Well... let's go look for him... let's... SAVE THE WAFFLER!!!!
ERNEST: ... SAVE THE WAFFLER!!!!
OPERA and ERNEST: SAVE THE WAFFLER!!!!

CHAPTER 3:

Precis is writing with both of her hands.

PRECIS: Hah! I KNEW I had it in me the whole time!....
....

Precis continues writing.

PRECIS: (humming happily)

Claude enters the room.

CLAUDE: Hey there, Precis.
PRECIS: Oh, hi Claude! I'm writing with BOTH hands!!!! Would you like to read?
CLAUDE: Sure!

Claude reads Precis' page.

CLAUDE: Wait a minute, Precis! Half of the stuff on this page is BACKWARDS!!!!
PRECIS: Whazzat!!??
CLAUDE: It's... backwards!.... ?
PRECIS: ?
PRECIS: ....
....
PRECIS: How could THAT be!?

CHAPTER 4:

OPERA: Excuse me, but have you heard of somebody who calls himself The
Waffler?
MAN: Oh, yes....
ERNEST: Where does he usually hang around?
MAN: Oh, at least once a day, he passes the university.
OPERA: Oh...
MAN: ... But never at the same time....
ERNEST: Sure, he tries to live up to his name....
MAN: There ARE some days, however, which he may not show up at all....
OPERA: Oh... thanks for your help.

Opera and Ernest walk away.

ERNEST: So, what do we do now?
????: ... Bored, bored, bored!!!!
OPERA: Who?.... Oh, hi Ashton.
ASHTON: ... Bored... huh? Oh, hi.
ENREST: You seem to be relatively inactive....
ASHTON: Well, I have nothing to do!
OPERA: Well, then, would you mind helping us out?
ASHTON: Hmmm....

CHAPTER 5:

CLAUDE: Precis, are you SURE you can write with both hands.
PRECIS: C'mon, Claude! Of course I can! I just need a little more practice!
CLAUDE: ....
PRECIS: But for now, I'm going to take a stroll around town!....

Rena enters the room.

RENA: So, how is Precis doing?
CLAUDE: Read this....
RENA: ....
....
RENA: This is backwards!
PRECIS: ....
RENA: ....
PRECIS: Anyway, I was about to take a walk around town.

Precis leaves her house.

RENA: Boy, she is acting strange today...

Ashton enters the house. He walks right past Claude and Rena, picks up a
chair mattress, and shakes it around next to his ear. As he is about to leave
the house with it....

CLAUDE: Ashton? What are you doing?
ASHTON: Oh, I've got to wait for The Waffler!
....
ASHTON: I've got to... SAVE THE WAFFLER!!!!

Before they could say any more, Ashton left the house.

CLAUDE and RENA: ....?

CHAPTER 6:

At the university, Ashton is sitting on a cushion in front, while Opera and
Ernest guard the right and left sides, respectvely.

ASHTON: (to himself) OK, I've got to wait for The Waffler. Opera and Ernest
said he was a short man... wearing a large hat... and never sure of himself.
....
ASHTON: Hmmm....
....
ASHTON: Well... it looks like I'm going to wait here for a long time....
GYORO and URURUN: Awrk, awrk, awroo!....
....
PERSON: Look at that guy!
CHILD: Why is he sitting on a mattress outside?
....
ASHTON: (yelling out) OPERA!!!! ERNEST!!!! DID YOU FIND HIM YET!!!!????
OPERA: NO, NOT YET!!!!
ERNEST: NOTHING!!!!
ASHTON: ....
....

CHAPTER 7:

PRECIS: OK... what should I buy?....
....
PEDDLER: Hey, YOU!!!!
PRECIS: Me?
PEDDLER: How would you like an antique outfit for free!
PRECIS: Really?
PEDDLER: Yes! Including pants, a baggy shirt, and a hat!
PRECIS: OK, what's the catch?
PEDDLER: Only that someone else wears a similar looking outfit....
PRECIS: Oh, that's it!? Well, I'll take it anyway!....

The deal is made. Precis puts on her new clothes.

PRECIS: I think I'll buy something to eat....

Precis buys dried steak. After putting a little TOO much salt on it (using
two salt shakers, one in each hand), she gets a sore throat, and loses her
voice....

PRECIS: .... !!!!
PRECIS: (thinking to herself) I can't go home like this! I've got to wait for
this to wear off! Maybe a trip to the university will occupy my time....

CHAPTER 8:

ASHTON: (yelling out to Opera and Ernest) NOPE!!!! NOTHING YET!!!!
....
ASHTON: ....
WOMAN: That man is strange....
ASHTON: ....

Ashton then spots a strange person in strange clothes approaching.

ASHTON: ... THE WAFFLER!!!! HEY, OPERA!!!! ERNEST!!!! I FOUND HIM!!!!
PRECIS: ....

Opera and Ernest leave their posts to check on Ashton. Now all three are
standing around Precis, whom they think is The Waffler.

ASHTON: So, THERE you are!
PRECIS: .... .... ....
OPERA: Don't worry, we're here to help.
PRECIS: .... ....
ASHTON: Oh, so you can't make up your mind on what to say!
PRECIS: .... .... .... ....
ERNEST: OK, Waffler, write something down for us...
OPERA: He can't make up his mind! Waffler, write... I don't know... "Go where
the chickens are!"
ERNEST, ASHTON, GYORO, AND URURUN: ....

Precis takes the paper and pen, and begins to write with both hands.

ERNEST: Yep, that's the waffler all right! He can't decide which hand to use!
OPERA: Come with us, we'll be glad to help you out....
PRECIS: .... .... .... .... .... ....
GYORO and URURUN: Awrk ,awrk, awroo!....

Opera, Ernest, and Ashton escort Precis away. When they're all gone, the REAL
Waffler walks by the university. The scene fades when everyone is out of view.

END

Opera, Ernest, Ashton, and Precis enter Precis' house.

CLAUDE and RENA: ....?
ASHTON: See!? We found The Waffler!!!!
PRECIS: .... ....
OPERA: We DID it! We... SAVED THE WAFFLER!!!!
ERNEST: ... SAVED THE WAFFLER!!!!
ASHTON: SAVED THE WAFFLER!!!!
ERNEST: We're going to help him make a decision!
CLAUDE and RENA: ....
PRECIS: .... .... I'm NOT The Waffler!!!!
CLAUDE, RENA, ASHTON, GYORO, URURUN, OPERA, and ERNEST: !!!!
PRECIS: .... (cough) ... Stupid stake I ate before!....
CLAUDE, RENA, ASHTON, GYORO, URURUN, OPERA, and ERNEST: ....

Scene pauses with everyone centered, then it fades. End.