Toil and Trouble

Passing Evan a sheet of paper, Ronnie yawned widely.  Morning had come a little too early.  "Here's today's hot sheet, Inspector.  Looks like the car that was used in that liquor store hold-up was found last night."  He passed a copy to Harvey then headed upstairs for some coffee.

Glancing at the sheet, Evan was about to drop it onto his desk when a license number caught his eye.  Reading the familiar number, his face paled.  "Oh, man."

Looking up, he noticed that Harvey was having the same reaction.  Evan sidled over to Harvey's desk and leaned close to his partner so they wouldn't be overheard.  "What are we going to do, Harv?"

"We're gonna be grateful neither of us have ever been fingerprinted, for one thing."  Harvey leaned back in his chair with a sigh and ran a hand through his curly hair.  "Just pray Nash never finds out that we drove that car."

Seeing Nash and Joe approaching, Evan went back to his own desk and pretended to be hard at work on his computer.  Glancing up, he could see Harvey doing the same.

Sitting down, Nash began to go through the pile of papers on his desk.  It seemed to grow higher every day.  After reading one report, attached to the hot sheet, Nash frowned in puzzlement.  "Hey, Joe.  They found the stolen car that had been used in the hold-up of Bayside Liquor.  Here's the odd thing: they found fingerprints that matched the owner and the two suspects that had been picked up, but they apparently found two other sets that don't match.  We know there were only the two involved in the robbery.  I wonder if a couple of bozos found the car after it was abandoned and took it for a joy ride?"

"Beats me, Nashman."  Joe pecked at his keyboard.  He had his own worries, without trying to figure out the criminal mind.

Nash glanced over to say something to Harvey and froze for a moment. 
Harvey and Evan both wore guilty looks, and if either of them slid any further down in his chair…he'd fall out of it.  "Is there anything you two want to share with me?"

Harvey straightened in his seat and exchanged looks with Evan.  Before he could form a reply, however, they were all distracted by a high-pitched bellowing from outside.

Standing to look through the glass doors, Nash tried to see the source of the noise.  "What the hell is that?"

Shrugging, Joe got up and went outside to investigate, followed quickly by the others.  Once outside, all he could see was Watch Commander Pommerance standing next to her marked SUV, ranting about something and waving her arms at the poor young man who'd been assigned to wash cars that morning.

After a few tries, Nash finally got her attention and managed to drag her away from the trustee.  "What in heaven's name is the problem, Pommerance?"

"What's the problem?  I'll tell you what the problem is.  I left that vehicle to be detailed and I come back to find a coffee stain on the floorboard.  Not only that, I find shotgun pellets on the floor this morning and noticed the weapon isn't in the position I had it in when I left it.  I had it checked out and the mechanic said there had been repair work done to the roof."

As her rant progressed, Nash caught movement out of the corner of his eye.  Turning around, he spotted Evan and Harvey slinking away.  Dropping his head in his hand, he felt the beginning of a pounding headache.  "Stop right there, you two."

Looking up, he shook his head when the two stopped and turned around.  "Tell me you didn't."

Harvey and Evan were struck mute.  Neither one wanted to admit the truth, and certainly weren't about to lie to their boss. Dropping his head, Evan shifted back and forth nervously in front of Nash.  Harvey was about to speak when he was saved by divine intervention.

"What kind of nut house are you running here Nash?" Watch Commander Pommerance was so distracted by the condition of her SUV that she failed to notice Nash's interrogation.  "Someone's responsible for this. Whoever it is, I'm going to make them suffer.  Do you hear me?  Heads are going to roll!"  Her voice was almost shrill.  Nash was afraid that at any moment she was going to attract every dog within a five-block radius.

Nash smiled broadly at Pommerance.  He was sure that he could get the Watch Commander to back off.  Wendy had a major crush on him...unfortunately.  Nash made a mental note to throttle Evan and Harvey.  "Now Wendy, I'm sure we can solve this mystery.  Why don't you give me some time, and I'll get back to you A-Sap."

"Well...,"  Wendy Pommerance tilted her head slightly and looked up at
Nash.  "If you promise to personally deliver the culprits' heads to me on a platter, I might be inclined to..."

"Good! It's settled then."  Nash cupped Wendy's elbow and moved her back towards the SUV.  He turned on the charm. "Why don't you go to your office?  I'm sure you've got a lot of important things to do.  Let me worry about this."

"Okay. I trust you Nash."  Wendy smiled up at him.  "Care to join me for a late breakfast?  I know this great little place down..."

"I'd love to, but I have a million things to clear up here first.  But, rest assured, I will find out who's responsible for this grievous atrocity."  Nash watched in amusement at the tortured expression that crossed Harvey's face. Evan still had his gaze fixed intently on the ground in front of him.  Nash gave Pommerance another one of his hundred watt smiles.  "I'll call you as soon as I find out something, okay Wendy?"

"Sure Nash..." She gazed fondly up at Nash before opening the door to the shiny new vehicle.  Abruptly grabbing her keys from the attendant, Wendy gave the man a withering glance. The anger pouring out of her would make most people run away in terror.  "As long as it's understood that someone is going to pay!"

Nash watched Pommerance burn rubber as she screeched out of the parking lot. The moment the SUV was gone, Nash turned to face Harvey and Evan. "Speak. And it had better be good."

Joe had finally come out to see what the fuss was about. "What's going on Nashman?"

Nash removed his sunglasses. "It seems as if someone from this department took out Pommerance's vehicle and shot it all to hell."

"When's the funeral?" Joe smirked.

"And if I'm not mistaken, Harvey and Evan have something to share with us. Isn't that right boys?"

Harvey found his tongue. "Well, you see Nash...the Ranchero was broken and we needed a car."

Nash was thunderstruck. "So you jokers decided to take Watch Commander Pommerance's brand new SUV for a joyride?"

Harvey tried to back-peddle his way out, but he knew any explanation would sound lame. "No, it wasn't like that..."

Evan looked up. "It was important."

"Important." Nash nodded his head. "I understand. You needed a car and, given the circumstances, this seemed like the logical choice."

"Yeah." Evan brightened a bit.  He had expected Nash to tear into them.  Ignoring the look of warning Harvey gave him, Evan blundered forward.  "It seemed like an okay idea at the time.  No one was supposed to know, and blowing off the roof with her shotgun was an acci..."  Seeing the look on Nash's face, Evan let the sentence trail off.

Joe whistled softly. "Oh boy."

Nash rubbed at his temples. "Let me get this straight; you two 'borrowed' Pommerance's vehicle without permission, proceeded to shoot a hole in the roof, and then tried to cover it up. Am I getting this right, gentlemen?"

Again, Evan was speechless.  Harvey stuttered a response.  "It was an accident Nash. And we got it fixed right away."

Nash was loosing his temper.  "And that's supposed to make up for what you've done? And now, thanks to you two bozos, I'm stuck being nice to that female banshee."  He pointed a finger first at Evan, and then at Harvey. "Don't think that because I covered for you that this thing is even close to being over.  And I promise one thing, the next couple of weeks are gonna be very painful. As of this minute consider yourselves benched. Both of you are riding a desk 'til I say otherwise. Got it?"

Harvey exchanged glances with Evan then nodded. "Yes boss."

Nash turned on his heel and headed up the gangplank. "Joe!"

"Coming Nash."  Joe scurried up the gangplank.  Before reaching the top, he leaned back over the railing.  "Hey Harv, Evan...just stay clear of him for awhile and he'll cool down. And pray that he doesn't have to take Pommerance out to dinner."

Evan's head snapped up.  He was terrified at the thought. "Oh man, what have we done?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harvey and Evan sat quietly at their desks working on paperwork.  It was looking as though Nash was never going to let them off the hook for what had happened, and they were both getting a bit nervous about it.  They knew they had screwed up big time by taking Pommerance's SUV, and the fact that they managed to blow a hole through it hadn't helped in the slightest.  It had been almost a week and they were still "benched."

Sitting there at the computer Evan began to groan.  About lunchtime the day before, he had passed his limit for sitting and staring at a computer screen.  It seemed that typing up reports was not the most fascinating thing for the young inspector, and his restlessness was getting the better of him.  Harvey noticed this and chuckled at his partner. 

"What is so funny Harv?"  Evan indignantly looked in Harvey's direction. 

"Nothing man, I just noticed you're getting a bit restless there." 

"Aren't you?  We've been riding our desks for a week!" Angrily Evan got up and shoved a stack of papers aside and headed for the coffee machine with Harvey in tow. 

"It can't last too much longer.  I'm sure Nash will let up on us soon." 

They each filled a cup and turned to go towards their desks.  Looking up, they saw Nash standing by their desks staring crossly at them.  Moments later Ronnie came towards them carrying two large boxes.  He placed them just beside Evan and Harvey's desks and walked off.  Both inspectors eyed the massive containers and shook their heads in disbelief.  Out of the corner of his eye Evan caught an evil grin coming from Nash, and he gritted his teeth trying to contain himself.  He had taken about all he could handle of paper work and filing and Nash was giving them more.  The thought was simply maddening.  Their desks were already covered in a sea of papers so that they couldn't even begin to figure where the papers ended and their desks began.  

A phone rang and moments later Nash and Joe were headed out the door.  Nash stopped briefly to let Evan and Harvey know that he needed the papers in those boxes sorted and filed by the time they got back.  Evan cursed under his breath as Nash turned his back. 

"What was that Cortez?"  He asked. 

"Nothing boss.  Nothing at all." 

"That's what I thought, now get to work.  We're not going to be gone more than an hour or so." 

With that the inspectors left and Harvey and Evan stared blankly at the massive boxes, sighing heavily.  Rising from his seat Evan took the top off one of the boxes.  Harvey did the same with the one nearest to him, and they shared a groan.  

Evan's phone rang and as he reached over to answer it, his arm got caught in the cord.  He tripped over his chair, toppling it over and taking the large box with him.  Unable to contain himself, Harvey burst into a fit of laughter and nearly fell from his chair.  Once he stopped, he realized that half the barge was looking at the two of them and he grinned.

Evan sat there in heap on the floor, cursing, while the voice on the other end of the phone was still chattering away.  Furious, he got up and kicked the box aside and stormed off.  As he was getting to the door, he turned to see nearly everyone laughing or snickering at him.  He spun around to leave and his face was met with the hard cold feeling of the glass as the door hit him squarely in the jaw.  The uniformed officer that had pushed open the door scrambled to catch Evan as he dropped to the floor, and the barge erupted into a huge fit of laughter. 

Through his laughs Harvey made it to his partner and got Ronnie to bring some ice. 

Evan was clutching his jaw tenderly, muttering to himself, as he sat up. 

"How's the jaw?"  Harvey asked as he helped him to his feet. 

"I think my pride hurts worse than anything else at the moment."  They both chuckled and made their way to their desks. 
Sitting down, Harvey saw the bruise that was already forming on Evan's jaw and shook his head.  "You know that shiner is gonna look real good at the party tonight." 

Harvey smirked at Evan as he started fumbling with the papers near his desk.  "Oh God that's tonight?!" 

"Yeah, did you forget already.  Nash said if we don't show we'll be doing desk duty until we retire, or die, which ever comes first." 

"Damn, it totally slipped my mind.  I can't believe Nash is giving banshee woman a birthday party."

"It's better than her knowing that we were the ones that destroyed her ride." 

Evan nodded in agreement, and the two started sorting out the papers in the boxes.  By the time Nash and Joe got back, nearly two hours later, Harvey and Evan were spent.  It had taken all their strength and effort to speedily finish the task Nash had given them, and they were sleeping face down on their desks when Nash walked in. 

Seeing them, Nash laughed to himself.  He had ridden the two pretty hard the last week, and was now pretty satisfied that they were sorry for their actions , but he still wanted to make them suffer just a bit more.  If he had to suffer through a birthday party with the most obnoxiously loud and annoying woman in the world, so would they.

The party was is full swing by the time Harvey and Evan got there. As soon as they stepped thought the door, Nash walked up to them and said, "Nice to see that you guys made it to the party."

As Nash walked away, they gazed around the restaurant and both set of eyes landed on the woman of honor.  Then, out of the blue, Harvey said, "I think one of us should tell her what happened."

Evan turned to stare at his partner and said, "What?!  Harv, do you have a death wish?"

"Man...we've gotta do something.  I can't sleep.  My appetite has all but disappeared, and I think I'm developing a rash. One of us has got to tell her.  Now."

Evan lowered his voice and pulled Harvey towards the buffet tables set up in the back of the restaurant. "No way am I going to let you screw things up for us.  Nash will give in soon.  He has to..."

"C'mon Evan. We should come clean with Pommerance."  Harvey picked up a plate and made his way down the buffet.  He stabbed the air with a serving fork. "It's the right thing to do, and you know it."

"I don't know it, Harv."  Evan threw up his hands in disgust.  "Great time to get all self-righteous.  If you were going to fall upon your sword, why didn't you do that last week, before Nash flooded us with a mountain of paperwork?"

"Because junior, I was trying to keep you out of trouble.  I wasn't the one who shot a hole in the roof of her SUV. You were."

Evan was about to object but thought better of it.  As much as he hated to admit it, Harvey was right. Evan chewed nervously on a carrot stick, and tried to devise a plan that would get them out of this mess.  Both men sat down at a nearby table, but neither one was interested in the food in front of them. "Harvey, I know that this has been a rough week, but there has to be some alternative to sacrificing ourselves to that she-wolf."

Harvey sighed deeply. "If there is, I don't know what it is man."

Suddenly the lights dimmed and live-music filled the restaurant. A huge cake was wheeled out from the kitchen and people started singing "Happy Birthday".  Harvey flinched at the pained expression he saw on Nash's face.  This was the last thing his boss wanted to be doing that night.  And, Pommerance was certainly the last person he wanted to be expending so much effort over.

As the song came to end Wendy whispered coyly in Nash's ear and placed her hand on his arm.  She looked ready to kidnap Nash and whisk him away to the nearest deserted island.  A knot formed in the pit of Harvey's stomach.  He pushed away his plate of food. At this rate, he was going to starve.  "Evan, I really think one of us is going to have to fess up. This has gotten way out of hand."

"You think I like being Nash's slave? I never thought I'd say this, but I miss chasing scumbags.  Hell, right now I'd settle for a purse snatching, or jaywalking...something!" Evan slid his elbows onto the arms of his chair and slouched miserably.

Harvey honestly expected Evan's bottom lip to start quivering at any moment. Chuckling at the thought, he tried again to reason with his partner.  "Look Ev...Nash can't take much more of this pressure.  He's ready to collapse from the effort of trying to plea..."

"What was that about Nash?"  Wendy Pommerance placed a hand on the back of Evan's chair.  "Is there a problem I should know about?"

Evan sat up straight.  His eyes warned Harvey not to say anything.  "No, Watch Commander."

"Evan sweetie, we're not at the office. You can call me Wendy."  Her eyes twinkled.  She was definitely in a good mood.  Harvey suspected that she was a little tipsy.  He couldn't remember the last time Pommerance had called anyone 'sweetie'.

"Sure."  Evan was taken aback at her pleasant manner.  "W-we were just saying how...much time Nash has put into this evening.  Um, he hasn't…um…had...uh, any time for..."

Harvey stepped in to help out his friend.  "He's been working hard on this party all week. Nash wanted it to be perfect.  For you."

Evan nodded his head. "Right. Perfect. You know how Nash is about these things."

"Oh, that' so sweet. You mean he really..."  Wendy stopped, tilted her head and looked at Evan's bruised face.  "Hey Cortez, what happened to your face?"

Evan rubbed at his cheek. "Um, I ran into a door."

Wendy tossed back her head and giggled.  "You're playing with me aren't you?"

Evan shifted in his seat nervously.  "Uh, no.  I hit my face on the door at the..."

"You're kidding!"  Wendy took a big gulp of champagne.  She was obviously getting quite drunk. "I bet I know what happened. You were thinking about how you shot out the roof of my brand new car and then WHAM!  Right into the door.  Am I right?"

Evan choked on his beer and nearly spit the entire contents of his mouth across the table. He curled his hand into a fist and pounded his chest, trying to keep himself from choking to death.

Harvey stood up and slapped him on the back. "You ok man?"

"Yeah," Evan returned weakly. "I think so."

Wendy eyed Evan suspiciously.  "Something wrong Cortez?"

Evan and Harvey were dumbfounded.  They told the watch commander what they'd done and were in her bad graces.  So, now they had to report to her after their shifts.  Nash and Joe were watching, laughing, and they all left.  Evan and Harvey thought about what was gonna happen to them as they tried to get to sleep...

Evan was in a daze as he envisioned what the watch commander had in store for them.  The endless days would be followed by sleepless nights, Wendy Pommerance hovering over his shoulder like a specter, tormenting him at will.  He could hear her wicked laugh drumming in his ears. 

"Yes, we did it.  Okay?" Evan blurted out, then saw Harvey's eyebrows shoot up.  "I mean I did it," he corrected himself, sighing heavily.  "Harvey and I needed a car and yours just happened to be there."  He tugged at his waistband before putting his hands on his hips as he shifted nervously on his feet.  He felt like he was drawing a crowd when Nash and Joe stepped up to hear his confession.  "Harvey was driving and I happened to notice that your shotgun was put on the rack wrong and I tried to fix it.  That's when it went off.  It was a total accident.  How was I suppose to know that it was loaded?"

Wendy gave him a disbelieving look.  "Oh, so now it's my fault?"

"Yeah, I mean no!" he quickly corrected himself when Harvey covered his eyes with his hand.

"You've got some nerve Cortez," she shot back.  "You steal my car and blow a hole in the roof and it's my fault?"

"The gun shouldn't have been loaded and..."

Everyone in the restaurant began to look around for the speakers as they put a hand up to cover their ears.  Everyone assumed that the piercing noise was feedback from a microphone until they saw that Watch Commander Pommerance had cornered Evan and Harvey.

Nash couldn't help but laugh at the scene playing itself out in front of him.  Wendy was raking Evan over the coals and the unfortunate young man had a shell-shocked look on his face.  Surprisingly, Harvey appeared almost amused.  Even when Pommerance switched her tirade from Evan to himself, Harvey's eyes still twinkled with humor when Nash caught his look.

Leaning over, Joe tried to wipe the smile from his face.  "Hey, Nash, any second now she's gonna start breaking glass with that voice.  If we don't break this up pretty soon, those two are gonna be walking funny tomorrow."

Rubbing a hand over his mouth in an attempt to wipe the smile from his face, Nash waded into the fray, cutting Pommerance off mid-screech.  He assured her that he would take care of Harvey and Evan and talked her back into returning to the party.  After all, he pointed out, it was her birthday.  Casting one more glare at the guilty pair, Wendy went back to the festivities.

Knowing he should be angry, but unable to deny the humor of the situation, Nash tried to look intimidating.  The smile crinkling his eyes belied the attempt, however.  "I suggest that you two make yourselves scarce.  Oh, boys, I expect to see you both bright and early tomorrow at the SIU."

"But, Nashman, we're both off tomorrow."  Harvey rolled his eyes and shook his head at Evan's statement.  He'd never learn, it seemed.

"Not anymore, bubba.  I have something special for you two." 

Evan was pretty sure he wouldn't like what Nash had in mind for them bright and early on a Saturday morning.

And, he was right.  Shivering as Harvey once again managed to get more water on him than the vehicle, Evan tried to wring the moisture from his shirt.  "Harv, do you think you could try to get a little water on the car?"

Harvey's response was a little smirk that let Evan know it wasn't entirely accidental.  Sighing, Evan reached down to retrieve the soapy sponge from the bucket of cold water.  Ignoring the jibes and catcalls of the weekend SIU crew, he started washing the hood of Pommerance's SUV.  Narrowing his eyes at the smug look on the trustee's face, Evan decided who Harvey's next target was going to be.

"Oh, boys, don't forget the 'Cuda's next."  Nash stood off to the side, arms crossed, openly laughing at the pair.  "Then it's Joe's BMW."

Shuddering when he looked up at the long line of vehicles waiting their turn to be washed, Harvey tried to resist the urge to turn the hose on Nash or Joe, who were both enjoying the show.  He settled for dousing the trustee, instead.  The young man danced around when the blast of cold water hit him, instantly losing his smug look.

Exchanging smiles with Harvey, Evan glanced over at Nash and Joe, then back at his partner with raised eyebrows.

Knowing what Evan was asking, Harvey shrugged.  They were already in a helluva mess, what was a little water?  His smile got bigger and he started to work his way around the car toward his boss.

Reading the two men's looks correctly, Nash stopped laughing.  Grabbing Joe by the arm, he started to lead him back toward the SIU.  "Uh, bubba, I think it's wise that we go inside for a while and leave these two to their duty."

Sharing a laugh, Harvey and Evan watched them beat a hasty retreat.  Dipping the sponge in the bucket, Evan went back to washing the hood, flinching as another spray hit him.  He heard Harvey whistling, and soon joined in.  "Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it's off to work we go…"

END