Annabella's Song
by Josephine
I see you roll your eyes
You know it makes me smile
You are like the sun to me
All bright as liquid fire
I feel so powerless
To hold you up above the world
You a re quite a lot of trouble
For such a skinny little girl
You know I'm never home
I'm always miles and miles away
I feel I'm running out of time
To say the things I need to say
I call you on the telephone
You will not talk to me
Yes, you just don't understand
You are my everything
Anna Anna
Tell me what you want
Tell me what you need
Anna Anna
You are never alone
You are never alone
I like to watch you play
When you don't know I'm there
I see you in your sleep at night
Reach out an touch your hair
I want to make this world
Be just how you want it to be
Yeah, you just don't understand
You are my everything
Anna Anna
Tell me what you want
Baby tell me what you need
Anna Anna
You are never alone
Anna
You are never alone
(Lyrics by Everclear, Annabella's Song)
~
I had insisted on the hour long commute to the hospital so Liz, and Anna could stay close to Maria's house. I gripped the steering wheel tightly and pictured my four year only daughter, her huge chocolate brown eyes peering up at me from under thick lashes and brown bangs, her hair in pigtails. She had been acting out for me lately, having fits and such when I was home. I was away most days until seven, only an hour before Anna had to go to bed, and I felt usually without seeing her in the morning. Liz tried to tell me that it was just a phase our Annabella was goring through, that Jake and Greg had done the same thing for Michael when He had a big job.

There was a burning feeling behind my eyes, no, not Michael on the way to work. You're setting your self up for a bad day, I told myself, but my mind still drifted to him. hit by a car earlier this year, of all the danger was had been through, and Michael had been hit by a car. Maria cried for a week straight, Liz lived at her house while I took off work and watched Jake, Greg and Anna. The boys were five and six and Jake didn't really understand, he kept asking when daddy was coming home. I had to tell him daddy was never coming home while trying to hold back my own tears.

So now I'm stuck in traffic, praying that I will have more time here, more time with Anna, and Liz. I see the depression that Maria has fallen into, and I don't want Liz to suffer like that.

Liz does research for the local science journal. It's not exactly what she hoped for, but it's what she can fit in while watching Anna, and occasionally still Jake and Greg. I am a pediatrician, kind of ironic, I see children all day, but my own daughter for one measly hour every weekday.

~

During my lunch break, I called home. Liz picked up. "Evans residence, Liz speaking."

"Hey Lizzy. It's me." I sighed, and smiled. Liz and her routine.

"Hi Max. How's your day going?" I could hear papers shuffle, and I knew she was leaving her office.

"Fine, fine. Mostly checkups so far. I wanted to talk to Anna if she's not napping or anything."

"Sure, lemme get her." I heard the static of a covered mouthpiece. "Anna! Come here, daddy wants to talk to you." I could hear Liz say, though muted.

"No!" A childish voice said, then I could make out the sound of pattering footsteps running away.

"I'm sorry," Liz came back on the line. "She's having another fit."

I sighed again. "It's alright. Just tell her I love her. I love you too, hon. See you later, around six tonight."

"Alright," she kissed the phone said goodbye and hung up.

~

My Anna, all skinny arms and legs, thick hair continuously being brushed out of her eyes, too busy for dresses. Taking every joke with an eye roll and "oh, daddy."

But she cares. The day her kitty Edwardo got sick, and she tried to heal him with her powers, she really meant to save him. It wasn't her fault she couldn't control it, and ended up killing him instead. She cried long and hard for her friend, giving him a funeral in our yard, near the garden Liz insists on keeping.

Even then she positively radiated sunshine, she would sit on my lap, and snuggle up close and the next thing I knew she'd be asleep.

I knew then that I couldn’t protect her from everything that would hurt her as much and I would have liked to.

~

I locked the door behind me at 6:04 in the evening. "I'm home." I called, and header to the bedroom to change into more comfortable clothes.

"We're eating honey." Liz called from back to me.

"Meatloaf!" Anna sang in a falsetto voice that made me chuckle softly. I shorts and a t-shirt, I entered the dining room, and sat down across from Liz, next to Anna. There was food on my plate already waiting for me, and I ate while talking about my day. Liz was interested in the medicine of my work, but I told Anna about the children, and the jokes and stories I told to make them feel better.

"Did you do the bird whistle?" she wrinkled her nose in a smile.

I leaned in to her ear and whistled like a loon.

Anna giggled, then turned to her mother. "I'm ready to get down, mommy."

"Alright."

~

Liz wrapped her arms around my waist from where I stood in Annabella's doorway. She was wrapped up in her covers, and surrounded but stuffer bears. I approached her, Liz trailing behind, and brushed back her hair to kiss her forehead.

"Goodnight, Anna. You are never alone." I whispered to her. I knew that always, I would be singing Annabella's song.

~

The End
8-3-2000