"Trash Novel"
by Invisigoth
InvisigothX13@excite.com
Summary: Scully reads (and relates?) to a trash novel
Classification: Implied MSR, Humor, UST
Archive: Do what thou wilst.
Disclaimer: All hail CC! LOL
Notes: Whatever. Peas
Dedication: For Padre Doughboy, the Jag Fan
"Trash Novel"
This is sick. I mean it. This is disgusting. It is
the most pathetic, demeaning excuse for literature I
have read since I accidently picked up a copy of "Maxim"
at Vons a few weeks ago. Why do people *read* crap like
this? What kind of people write this stuff? The same
type that live in all pink and white houses on the beach,
I'm sure. Books like this, with vibrant colors, pitching
stories of sweeping adventure and torrid romance. Which,
if you read between the lines, basically comes out to
sex, sex, and more sex. A man slaps a slab of shit-smut
in a book jacket with a title like "Christina's Folly,"
or like this one, "Forbidden Ecstacy" and calls it a book!
Basically all this is is soft-core porn with a two-starred
review. So, of course I open it. I'm weak. I'm human.
"Oh, Rodolfo! We musn't! Oh, stop...I am your
cousin's wife!" cried the flame-haired beauty
tempestuosly.
Huh. Yeah, like that's going to stop you in two
paragraphs, Viviane. What kind of name is that, anyway?
Viviane and Rodolfo? Doesn't even fit together. And
why are all these slutty women red-heads? Gives us a bad name,
if you ask me.
"I don't care," murmured Rodolfo gruffly, his
breath shimmering over her skin. Viviane felt a
rush of heat flow down her spine.
Ooooo. The "gruff" tone. A favorite of this type
of literature. Not that I read crap like this, oh, no.
That shiver..That happened to me once...The entire
experience could be summed up in 4 words.
"Scully, get over here."
Ohhhhhh, yeah. Mulder said that to me, and there
went my stomach to my throat, my knees buckled beneath
me...Uhhhhhhhhuhuhuhuhuhuhuuuuuhhh...Hm..Huh? God,
where was I? Erm. Nevermind. Well, I started this, I
might as well just..Um..Read a few more pages..
He silenced her protests with a firm kiss as his
strong hands violently tore at the heavily brocaded fabric
of her bodice...
Ugh, se what I mean? Pure, sexist, egotistical garbage!
Bodice ripping? What is this, the Stone Age? What kind
of people READ this..Honestly..Hey, wait a minute..
"NO RODOLFO! We cannot-will not do this-" cried
Viviane insistently, struggling against his arms.
"Very well," replied Rodolfo gently, releasing her.
"My love, you complete me. I obey without question. You
are my second half, and I am nothing without you..."
How...I cried when he said that to me. Mulder. I broke
down and cried. After years of pulling away, like this
Viviane chick, I broke down. It was beautiful, and
in his anger he'd lost control of his emotions for a
few, fleeting, beautiful minutes. Words like that don't
come from just any old partnership. They come from the
heart. Not that Mulder and I will pull and Rodolfo and
Viviane any time soon, if at all. Because who knows what
would happen, huh? Maybe moments like those are best confined
to fleeting moments and trash novels. The scenarios that
could come out of a full blown confession are hideous.
ME: Mulder, I love you.
MULDER: Heh-heh, no? The name Diana ring a bell?
or there's always:
MULDER: Scully, I love you.
ME: Um. Isn't this against FBI policy?
or the enivitable
ME: Mulder, I love you.
MULDER: Great, um, I gotta go, there's a great new
file I want to get my hands on...
See what I mean?
"I truly love you, Rodolfo," sighed Viviane, her
soft grey eyes glittering with tears. "If ONLY..."
Sigh. If only....
"If only *what*?" Shit! Mulder! I was doing research
on the...No, um..I thought it was a medical journal..
Oh, HELL.
"Um. Nothing." God, I must be turning so red...
"Nothing?" he laughs, snatching the book from me easily.
God, I hate being short. Vertically challenged, actually.
Oh, fuck it all...
"God, Scully," he grins, flipping through it. "I thought
you'd have better taste than THIS!" He looks like he's
going, to laugh at me, the bastard. Smug little twit.
"Well, live and learn." I mutter, ducking my head.
Cringe. Ooo, smooth.
"Hey, no problem-" he replies breezily, tossing the
book back onto the desk. Then he lowers his voice into
a perfect "Rodolfo." "Viviane."
Yeah. Right. Sure, fine, whatever.
If only...
Finis
DIE FOWLEY DIE!!!!
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