Durty Dan's
MURHPY'S LAWS OF PAINTBALL

Murphy once said that "Anything that will go wrong, will go wrong at the worst possible moment."

• Don't look conspicuous - it draws fire.
  
  
• If your attack is going really well it's an ambush.
  
  
• No plan survives the first contact intact.
  
  
• If the enemy is in range, SO ARE YOU!!
  
  
• Friendly fire - isn't.
  
  
• Anything you do can get you shot - including nothing.
  
  
• When you have taken an area, don't forget to tell the other team.
  
  
• Tracers work both ways.
  
  
• When in doubt, empty your hopper.
  
  
• Never hide behind a tree thinner than you are.
  
  
• The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is friendly fire.
  
  
• The diversion on the tape you are ignoring is the main attack.
  
  
• Try to look unimportant, the enemy may be low on paintballs.
  
  
• If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share of objectives to take.
  
  
• Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
  
  
• Teamwork is essential - it gives the other team multiple targets.
  
  
• Always carry a squeegee onto the field, cause you'll need it when you don't.
  
  
• When your whole body is exposed, count on a shot where it hurts the most.
  
  
• If your teammate says I'll circle around, count him out.
  
  
• When you have an enemy in your sights and the only thing in the way is a 1/2" diameter twig, guess what- it WILL hit the twig.
  
  
• Try to look uniportant, they may be low on ammo, or short on time.
  
  
• NEVER share a bunker with anyone braver than yourself.
  
  
• Descretion is the better part of valour. Retreat is the better part of descretion.
  
  
• The enemy will only attack on two occaisions, when you're ready and when you're not.
  
  
• Make it hard for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.
  
  
• No matter how much you carry, you'll always run out of something. COROLLARY: You'll always need what you don't have.
  
  
• There are only two times when you can get eliminated during a game, when you're alone, or with someone else.
  
  
• Your paintballs will bounce on him, his paintballs will break on you.
  
  
• The amount of cover you have in front of you is directly proportional to the chances of someone coming up behind you.
  
  
• Incoming fire has the right of way.
  
  
• Any plan, when explained by the team leader, will have as many different interpretations as there are players who have heard it. COROLLARY: No plan survives Initial Contact.
  
  
• No matter how good you are, when your luck runs out--you're road kill!
  
  
• There is always someone better, faster and younger than you.
  
  
• Professionals are predictable, it's the AMATEURS who are dangerous.
  
  
• When you think that no one would be foolish enough to hide behind a particular object, a person will shoot at you from behind it.
  
  
• The number of players you have with you, in a no win situation, is directly proportional to the number of stupid ideas you will hear to get yourselves out of the situation.
  
  
• When in doubt, shoot it out.
  
  
• Never assume ANYTHING.
  
  
• As far as I am concerned, Murphy was an optimist.
  
  
• "Teamwork, it gets the job done and gives the enemy someone else to shoot at."
  
  

Please feel free to email any submissions, corrections or updates to me and I will attempt to verify and correct the information within the week.