Movie Info (Year Originally Released,Distruibutor,region,ntsc/pal,aspect ratio,special features)

2001,75 minutes,Rated R,Dead Alive Productions

Directed by Todd Brunswick

Written by John Kerfoot

Cast

Actors/Characters

Nobody I ever hope to see or hear of again.

Synopsis

Evil rides the streets of Detroit as Biker Zombies are being recruited by some evil zombie king (or perhaps Satan...the film isn't to clear on this).He chooses a rapist,a whore and a bad-ass to form his new legion of Biker Zombies.

Meanwhile,some kid and his mom move to a new town. He meets his dickhole neigbhbor (who is part of some motorcycle group,but clearly not a gang in the traditional sense),falls in love with a girl,and gets kicked out of a nightclub for fighting with a member of the motorcycle group over the girl. An uneventful motorcycle chase ensues,the kid is killed by the Biker Zombies while hiding from the motorcycle group he was running from. The kid goes missing,nobody knows where he is except the neighbor who saw the kid die. The kid returns to town and gets revenge on the motorcycle group who fucked with him in the club. More bullshit about how eveil the biker zombies are with the King Zombie/Statn(?) speaking.

Opinion

I have to start this off with how I got a hold of this film in the first place. My friend (and fellow movie buff) Rich were discussing REALLY bad films once and we started arguing about the worst movie each of us is willingly going to admit to owning. I claimed that Fred Olen Ray's go-nowhere classic BIOHAZARD was worse than anything he owned...he countered with BIKER ZOMBIES FROM DETROIT. After wtaching this piece of braindeath all I can say is that he won hands down...I mean at least BIOHAZARD was shot ON FILM!!!

If you read the synopsis,you pretty much owe me 75 minutes of your life you would have never seen again of you sat down and watched this shit. Everything sucks...the acting (I'll call it that and be polite), the zombie make-up (looks like masks to me),the fact that ONLY THE BIKER ZOMBIES RIDE REAL MOTORCYCLES! The fact that it's titled "Biker Zombies from Detroit" but DETROIT IS ONLY SHOWN FOR ABOUT A MINUTE OR TWO (and that's to capture shots of the skyscrapers...the actual film takes place in Grosse Point and surrounding suburbs). The fact that this can put you to sleep faster than a hammer in the back of the head doesn't help things.

Where to begin,though. The film looks like shit...shot on either a camcorder or a digital camcorder (the picture is grainy as hell so I guess it doesn't matter. Also alot of it was shot at night which complicates things even further because it becomes hard to follow what happens on screen at points...not like I cared about what happened anyway)

The editing is a joke (after the death scene at the gas station there is a shot of somebody walking...who this is is never explained. The same happens after the Diner scene. It couldn't be the attendant because he was decapitated and this figure had a head. Random people show up after the larger death scenes for no reason. The editing is also "jumpy" as hell..in other words it looks like shit.)

The acting is non-existent (One of the Motorcycle Group I mentioned above says nothing but "fuck" and "yeah" with the typical variations on "yeah" like "oh yeah". The male cop just keeps saying "I'll wait in the car". The mother of the kid doesn't appear to upset that he hasn't come home for days and the female cop seems bored out of her mind.)

The shit spewing from between these peoples lips must be heard to be believed (two of the Motorcycle Group talk about fucking 14 year old girls and how nothing is hotter than a fourteen yearold wearing a thong. The narration by the King Zombie/Satan throughout the film is ridiculous,stupid,inane and worthless. The Motorcycle Group also spout macho-tough guy bullshit about kicking the kids ass for seeing a girl one of them went out with.)

Anything good? Well...it's short. Thats a definite plus. The "original score" isn't too bad (the bands in the film suck),they took the lens cap off the camera and shot during the daytime so you could see what the carachters look like.

Tits And Blood

One pair of tits (which is ruined because it's during a rape scene) but not the "good" kind of nudity. Alot of blood though. A crowbar shoved through a throat,testicles ground up by a dirt bike wheel, two decapitations,alot of blood,a pipe (or something resembling a pipe...couldn't make it out because the film is so damn dark) in the eyes,broken neck,stabbed throat,pipe through the leg. The effects are cut rate but do what they have to. Unfortunatley alot of it is blood splattering against walls and crowbars crashing through doors with blood dripping from them...not alot of elaborate on-screen violence,but the message gets across.

DONT MISS...

Am I kidding? Avoid this mess of a movie unless you like bad films...even then,for those of us who DO like bad films this is an endurance test.

Wrap Up

I REALLY hate to shit on this because it's not a hollywood movie, it's a local film made by local people with little money ,but there are so many things wrong and half-assed about it that I can't possibly reccomend watching this unless you're forced to at gunpoint. The ONLY Bikers in this film are the Biker Zombies. The "Motorcycle Group" all drive riceburners and the kid drives a fucking dirtbike...are they Bikers? In the loosest definition of the term possible,yeah,I guess they are. To me,though,REAL Bikers ride Harley Davidsons and THAT'S IT! DETROIT is basically seen for a minute or two,the rest of it takes place in the suburbs (and not knowing jack shit about the susburbs around Detroit I couldn't tell if this was filmed close to Detroit),and the actors look like they would rather be sleeping than in this film. The credits run for a total of fifteen minutes (I shit you not...the credits at the end of the film are thirteen minutes long) and you'll notice the same names appearing over and over again.

This film just flat out sucks.