1985,90 minutes,Rated R,Futuristic Films

Directed by Terry Lofton and Bill Leslie

Written by Terry Lofton

Cast

No-one who has ever appeared in another movie ever again. Lets put it this way,if you weren't an actor in this film then there's no reason to give a shit because the acting is all shades of bad.

Synopsis

Some lunatic is running around with a nail gun,killing people by shooting them with nails. Is it revenge on a construction crew for commiting rape? Is this guy just crazy? Watch Nail Gun Massacre and find out.

Opinion

There are some things I don't think mankind was meant to understand at this point in the evolutionary process. One of them is why I sort of enjoy Nail Gun Massacre,a bargin basement production which is so ridiculously bad it defies almost all logic.

Oh...I know why...this movie delivers a good body count and a good amount of titties within a short running time,that HAS TO be it because without that this movie is ALMOST worthless as entertainment goes. The direction sucks,the acting sucks worse,the script (huh?) was probably written on Taco Bell napkins on the writers bus trip to the "set" everyday,the gore is reduced to nothing more than rubbery looking nails and fake blood running slowly from the wounds. Somehow,I kinda enjoy this in a "so bad it's good" way.

The Killer is a fucking joke as well. He drives a hearse,wears a camoflague jumpsuit and a crash helmet and speaks with a distorted voice,usually making wisecracks (like Freddy Krueger) while he leaves his victims bleeding to death. I don't know about you,but if I saw this fucker coming at me in the woods,I'm getting the fuck out of there and going home...fortunatley for the script these redneck fucks are stupid enough to taunt the killer. Oh...and the killer is played by THREE DIFFERENT PEOPLE!!! It would have been asking Mr Leslie and Mr Lofton too much to have only ONE person play the killer...so we get a killer who physically changes from scene to scene (no,I'm not fucking kidding.).

If there is one thing I will give this film credit for it is the music which is obviously done on a cheap Casio synthesiser but it is the only thing that works in this film...at least it TRIES to build tension while the direction doesn't and the unbeleivably bad acting doesn't either. Oh...and they at least shot the film in daylight with the lens cap off.

Being the kind of movie with a budget I use on a large cup of coffee at 7-11,this looks as badly as it is acted (excuse me..I'm done laughing now)...the woods are the primary location for this film with a few construction sites used for no other purpose than to introduce construction workers as nail gun fodder. Looking at the body count in this film,it might look like the 90 minutes just flies by...fuck that,this movie is slower than my friend Mike trying to do anything involving physical activity. If this moved any slower,it would literally cause you physical pain.

Tits And Blood

Like I mentioned above,there is an ample amount of tities and the body count is rather high (around 15 or so...average of a death every five minutes) but the deaths are anti-climactic.

DON'T MISS...

The one rapist urinating on the killers boots and the killers witty wordplay before he nails the guy where it REALLY hurts. Repeat this scene about 15 times and there are your kills.

The NailGun killer screaming out "GAMES,GAMES,I'LL MAKE DEATH A GAME!" THE GREATEST LINE IN CINEMA HISTORY HANDS DOWN!

The uneventful climax...you figure the killer would have a better death scene than this.

The killer changing shape and then not physically matching the body type of the actor who plays the killer sans killing attire.

Wrap Up

Only people who appreciate bad films would enjoy this. Watch drunk,with a bunch of friends who will gleefully tear this apart,or don't watch at all. Then again,if you're one of those creeps who goes and sees every piece of shit that Hollywood pumps out on a consistent basis,I doubt you would even be reading this review (or this site for that matter). This is coming to DVD soon thanks to Synapse Films...so if you decide to pick it up (like I know I will,again,for reasons I don't quite understand) after reading this review it's your decision...can't say I haven't warned you.