long ago i made a promise i would never break
effectively i swore that there'd be no one who could take
my heart
long ago i made the rules that still seem right to me
i've got to live by rules - why is that so damn hard to see?
everyone wants me to change the rules 'cause they know best
they say
but i'm the one who has to live inside my head each day
and each long and lonely night...

i'm the only who sees me cry each time i cry
and i'm the only one who knows when i wail at the sky
i hate to have to hurt someone but this i swear is true
i've hurt myself at least as badly each time i've hurt you

i don't know how to live without a rule to guide my way
freedom scares me - how would i know what to choose each day?
i don't know how to let go of the notions that i hold
so dear
i don't think i could let go - this is what can hold me here
sometimes i get lonely and i wish someone would say
'i'm here to sweep you off your feet and i intend to stay'
but knowing me i'd run and hide and send him out the door
and then i'd only find myself more lonely than before...



april 1999


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