ACCEPTANCE / ACCOMMODATION

To truly acknowledge the reality of being ill means to accept it both intellectually and emotionally as a part of one's life, not to ignore it not to make it the only thing in life. "I have a disability or illness, it affects me in various ways, but I am not the illness. I am a person with a history, a past, a present, a future". Accepting the diagnosis includes one's continuity as a person, being ill does not change who one is, it only changes certain aspects of one's life.

Acknowledging the illness means also acknowledging one's losses and experiencing the grief. Grief, although extremely painful, is also healing, and allows the individual to move on and begin living, not just existing. Learning to live with a disability means learning to be flexible, to adapt, and to incorporate into everyday life the physical, psychological and social changes that the disability or illness brings with it.

During the stage of denial no real accommodation can take place. The first step is to acknowledge truthfully the disability and the problems it creates. "I do need help -- a -- cane, a walker, a wheelchair, a person -- to do what I used to be able to do alone. I can learn to ask for that help without feeling diminished as a person". Only by accepting the reality can any helpful solutions be found.

A disability or an illness means change - in daily living, values, social relationships, it means learning to do things differently to accommodate the symptoms. It means dealing with the psychological effects of feeling vulnerable, of having to rely on others, of learning lessons of inter-dependence. It also means having to reexamine values, determining what is important - doing or being, the physical or the internal self.

It is said that with a disability one hopes for the best but plans for the worst. Part of the process of emergence is to continue to plan for the future, looking at the possibilities realistically, while living as fully as possible in the present. As the condition is put in perspective, its importance shrinks and other aspects of living emerge.