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Random
things -So Now You're A Shaun Micallef Fan
"Hear
ye! Hear ye!"
Here
is a Shaun Micallef fan with a chair on her head:
So, you’ve gone the
whole way and now class yourself as a Micallef fan. Well, before
you join the other two of us, you really must consider the pros
and cons of taking up such a world view. Take it from me- it’s
not all quoting silly Latin and laughing at ultrasounds. Here
is a list of pros and cons to keep you fandom in perspective:
Pro: You can purchase
Bad eggs movie posters for only $5.00 each
Con: In purchasing the poster you must spend $23.00 dollars on
paint for your wall so sticking up the poster won’t damage it.
Conclusion: Being a Micallef fan makes you buy house paint.
Pro: Melbourne isn’t that far away
Con: This causes you to only pay attention to Melbourne’s weather
forecast
Conclusion: You get stuck in the rain a lot.
Pro: Shaun’s
jokes are very fun to quote at silly moments
Con: Sometimes you accidentally quote his jokes at inappropriate
moments.
Conclusion: You wake up at 3:00 in the morning yelling about how
Nutella is people.
Pro: Television such
as the Micallef Pogram/Programme/Program, Seachange (series three)
and Micallef tonight bring you great joy
Con: You become almost suicidal when they are axed/ you yell at
damn Sigrid Thornton for snogging him on Sea change (GRRR)
Conclusion: You are insane
Pro: It’s fun to re-write lyrics
into Micallef related things
Con: You end up re-writing
Reuyksopp songs like “Remind Me” and making them depressing
Conclusion: *Sings* And everywhere I go, There's always something
to remind me, Of another happy time, When monday night was all
that fueled me. I stay awake till two, Wishing for my Shaun to
come back, But hid in poo I knew, Channel nine just isn't thinking.
Pro: Micallef is a
quite common Maltese name, so you can find lots of Micallef landmarks
(Like the Micallef Garden in Page, 23 Keartland St, Page Directions
Canberra UBD F10, which has “sculptured plants, rare maples, a
tea room and traditional lanterns contribute Japanese influence
to 20-year-old garden, carefully chosen shrubs and bulbs enhance
a traditional river theme, and immaculate design creates a space
of rare tranquillity” that’s open 13-14 Sept 2003, 1-2 May 2004.
10am-4.30pm and $4.50 entry.)
Con: Your father has to drive you and the other Micallef fan there
to take photos.
Conclusion: It is handy to have a digital camera.
A more serious factor
is that a true Micallef fan is prone to finding amusement in the
most serious of situations. This means that you burst out laughing,
despite your location, at the mention of the following keywords:
Ultrasounds, looms, Nutella, arthroscopies, birds, hats, knees,
accountants, magic tricks, Americans, racist jokes, photographs,
mirror images, ties, pigs, funerals, icecreams, roads, pastries,
buns, cars, promotions, MRIs, liquid paper, barristers, judges,
myron, clay animation, fish, restaurants, flippers, vampires and
many more. This is called “Keyword syndrome” and it isn’t
limited just to things you find funny. You can become mopy and
angry at the mention of words such as: Nine, axes, firepoles,
fatigue, cartilage, crutches, walking sticks, idiots and many
more. Extreme emotional reactions are not entirely limited
to keywords however. If you see a fireman you laugh, if you see
a barrister you laugh and any time you walk through a public door
you think of the ‘politeness distance’ sketch. You find yourself
hopelessly singing the Myron theme song, and realize that that
is all the French you know. So go forth warned, potential
fans and always remember to finish any spiel with “See you
in the monkey house Australia!”
Fly
to the top! |
