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If the personnel agent at State Fired a starting pistol in the air Using ambassador as the bait I'd be willing to take the dare |
You'd leave the starting block clean Being sure to stick to your lane I'd bemusedly take in the scene Judging the process inane |
To ensure you blast off like a rocket They'd release a wild-eyed hare You'd tear after it like a whippet With all speed and savoir faire |
I would find that all so tiring Just watching you try to keep the pace As a spectator I'd be perspiring Knowing it to be such a waste |
That wild hare had been chased before By no lesser men than my father To his son the race had been a chore Wondering why anyone would bother |
Though developing great expertise In-depth experience in a region The short list proved but a tease To the unworthy would go the promotion |
The Iron Curtain was crashing down But diplomatic skill proved worthless Better to look good in a gown The post went to a child star actress |
They sent him instead to an island Where man-eating natives ate his dreams He'd been running with a carnivorous band When he'd learned everything's not what it seems |
Tossed once more ashore stateside After he'd captured his wild-eyed hare All further career hopes died With the man-eaters he found there |
Combining the ends of Communism With the deadly tactics of Hitler This new lipstick-smeared high-heeled "-ism" Hatefully sent in its Grim Reaper |
"You've got two problems," she blithely said: "You are male and you are white" So this is what his hare-chasing fed Panty-hosed discriminatory might |
In my father's intense quest for wild hare In his carnivorous rise to the top He stole my life without a care In the race we were the weights he dropped |
Tossed post-to-post like wayward flotsam Less valued even than boxed linen We became like castaway jetsam His ambitions killed his children |
For to plant a child newly then uproot him In debilitating two-year growth spurts Is to kill each time new life and limb Creating lifelong unhealed hurts |
When mother wanted out of the game Seeing her husband as an evil predator His monomania led him to proclaim "Now I'll never make ambassador!" |
Just as that agency stole my life And fueled the Hell fires of my father It returns with raised bloody knife To steal my best chance to recover |
If you persist in this idiot race This fool's errand for an empty prize I'll join you in your idiot chase Just to expose these delusions I despise |
I won't join you down on the track No compromise to suits will I make In my favor the cards I will stack The quickest route to the prize will I take |
I'll start out as a used-car salesman Peddling cars for more than they're worth Despite the lofty compensation I'll be viewed as the scum of the Earth |
Soon they'll promote me to sell new cars Hot Porsches in a spiffy showroom From there an easy launch to the stars To the top quickly I'll zoom |
Once I've landed my own dealership The money tills are going "Ka-ching!" I'll be ready to play my revenge chip And snatch what you idiots are chasing |
The aims of those well-creased collars Sweaty from decades-long exertion Can be purchased for a few thousand dollars Of well-placed campaign contribution |
The look on your win-at-all-cost face Bought for a pittance will be priceless In the end you'll lose the sweaty race To a dealer all had deemed hopeless |
The career man gets the worst post Third World embassies serve as his home But the car dealer becomes the toast Of Paris or London or Rome |
With my victory my father's career Rife with deadly ambition and lies To the world will finally appear An idiot chase for an idiot prize |
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