THE MENNONITE ANGLE
I really thought that I had it knocked
This living the life star-spangled
But there was one thing that remained blocked
Just one thing that I couldn't wangle

The minor issue of finding a chick
One who was not way too new-fangled
All of my angling had not turned the trick
In this land where nature gets mangled

Every single American girl
With whom I've been entangled
Considered herself queen of the world
In spite of the charms that I dangled

I thought of arranging a mail-order bride
Big U.S. dollars I'd jangle
But I knew with just one year stateside
She'd go completely star-spangled

I considered taking monastic vows
To hear church bells hourly jangled
My life'd be lost in devotional bows
My manhood but an appendage that dangled

But then God sent me a magnificent angler
From a land where everything's wangled
He knew only a world-class wrangler
My love life could have untangled

Lured to America by Hollywood flicks
That fueled his own dreams star-spangled
It took him but a few rounds with our chicks
To realize how sadly we are mangled

"They'd never act like this in Sicily!"
He cried, aghast at New World women new-fangled
"If they behaved with such importunity
They would by our mothers be strangled!"

Then he spied tame pastel-frocked lasses
Singing with brass bells a-jangle
How much better they seemed then what passes
For women in outfits star-spangled

Without going home he returned to his roots
That of a masterful wangler
To find himself a suitable toots
He re-emerged as an Old World angler

"We'll be foxes set loose in this henhouse
With such angels we can entangle
The only way to snag a real spouse
Is to work the Mennonite Angle!"
© 2002 by Michael J. Farrand