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I really thought that I had it knocked This living the life star-spangled But there was one thing that remained blocked Just one thing that I couldn't wangle |
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The minor issue of finding a chick One who was not way too new-fangled All of my angling had not turned the trick In this land where nature gets mangled |
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Every single American girl With whom I've been entangled Considered herself queen of the world In spite of the charms that I dangled |
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I thought of arranging a mail-order bride Big U.S. dollars I'd jangle But I knew with just one year stateside She'd go completely star-spangled |
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I considered taking monastic vows To hear church bells hourly jangled My life'd be lost in devotional bows My manhood but an appendage that dangled |
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But then God sent me a magnificent angler From a land where everything's wangled He knew only a world-class wrangler My love life could have untangled |
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Lured to America by Hollywood flicks That fueled his own dreams star-spangled It took him but a few rounds with our chicks To realize how sadly we are mangled |
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"They'd never act like this in Sicily!" He cried, aghast at New World women new-fangled "If they behaved with such importunity They would by our mothers be strangled!" |
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Then he spied tame pastel-frocked lasses Singing with brass bells a-jangle How much better they seemed then what passes For women in outfits star-spangled |
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Without going home he returned to his roots That of a masterful wangler To find himself a suitable toots He re-emerged as an Old World angler |
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"We'll be foxes set loose in this henhouse With such angels we can entangle The only way to snag a real spouse Is to work the Mennonite Angle!" |
