I.
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It was a day much like any other day The day God invented bluegrass Except that He was in a bit of a mood Having listened to so much jazz |
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"Those mountain boys are gonna need music, too!" He proclaimed with a little sigh When He got like this there wasn't much I could do If He said "Jump!" I said "How high?" |
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He's been turning to me ever since that day When He wrote "Ave Maria" I was the one who gave it to Franz Shubert Now angels sing my hosannahs |
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We both know He can't turn to Gabriel He's just such a jerk anymore Ever since he locked horns with that bad boy Lucifer All he thinks of is Holy War |
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Against such Evil I preach non-resistance In front of swine I say to cast pearls I much prefer peace, love, and harmony To bringing agony to the world |
II.
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That's how I became God's go-to archangel For His pet musical projects But this time I had to find us a phenom From pretty pitiful prospects |
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We had this kid down there in Mississippi The one with a cleft in his lip For him to introduce bluegrass would require Surgically removing his hip |
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This other guy stayed perpetually drunk But we just had too much to lose Better to save him for a style of music Where the songs were all about booze |
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We were stuck with that big bore from Kentucky Logic said that he had to be white But we know black men create the best music Somehow it just didn't seem right |
III.
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"It's about time I invented that bluegrass!" God thundered at me way too loud As I rushed feverishly to his office I tripped and fell into a cloud |
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At that moment I had a flash of genius As I climbed out of all that white stuff If we could get a black man on the banjo That might liven things up enough |
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Of course I let God think it His idea Taking credit is such a bore "Let's get a black man in on this thing" He said "That should get them shouting for more!" |
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The Heavens seemed to forget about rumbling Not like for "Ave Maria" In fact it seemed almost like a non-event No angels sang "Hallelujah!" |
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You would think we'd get much more from the Cosmos The day God invented bluegrass The way it ignored the dawning made me doubt This music would ever kick ass |
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I could foresee the dim future for bluegrass Beloved only in the hollers Maybe the weed-smokin' festival-goers Would spend a few of their dollars |
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They would be peace, love, and harmony affairs For the crunchy Birkenstock crowd These should be my people, but the thought of them Makes me want to laugh right out loud |
IV.
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I saw that we needed a phenomenon Like the guy with the loose pelvis But given the target audience I knew He needn't be quite so outrageous |
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I called down to the personnel department And ordered up some charisma Talent plus good looks were a requirement "But, go easy on the rhumba!" |
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They promised to go back to the drawing board They'd have to retool the factory They assured me the guy they were conceiving Would be the craze of the century |
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That's when those boys got down to business They sure outdid themselves this time They put Elvis, Hank, and Bill Monroe to shame You're so good you could be a crime |
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You've all the charm of a fallen angel Without having taken the fall And the musical genius of Africa Behind Irish eyes that enthrall |
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So when you see me at your musical gigs Swirling like some Heavenly mass Kick ass so that you'll exonerate me for The day God invented bluegrass |
