Timeframe: sometime post-Sacrifice
Characters: Han
Summary: Possible thoughts of Han's, after learning the truth of his family's latest tragedy.
Notes: Major 'Sacrifice' spoiler. This is only one possible reaction that Han could have, and is not necessarily my opinion of what will happen.

Disclaimer: I borrowed a couple lines from Troy Denning's Star By Star. Hope he doesn't mind.

This did get the stamp of approval from Han's #1 fan, PonyTricks. Thanks, dear, for previewing it for me.

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"I'm Sorry"

I'm sorry.

Two words. Two miserable, pathetic words that could never be adequate to quench the guilt eating away at my heart. And I can't bring myself to say them to his face.

Our family is no stranger to sorrow, that's for damn sure. Luke lost his aunt and uncle, and old man Kenobi. And then his childhood buddy, in his very first battle. Hell, Leia lost her whole planet in one fell swoop. But we had each other, and we survived. We were happy. Luke finally woke up and discovered he and his true love had been sidestepping each other for ten years, and he was unbelievably happy.

Then the Vong came. And I lost my oldest friend, and went to pieces. But Leia forgave me, and we survived.

And then those bastards killed our Anakin.

I wanted to blame Luke, wanted him to feel the anguish of losing a family member. But one look into his eyes told me he was suffering as much as we were. I wanted it to weigh down his conscience, then realized with shame that it already was.

So Leia and I clung to each other, and threw all our energy into defeating the Vong, so others wouldn't suffer the grief that we had, and we survived.

But this ...

I'm not sure Luke can survive this. I pray he does, for Ben's sake.

And the worst part is, I feel it's all my fault.

Leia didn't want kids, when we first married. She was afraid they might turn out like dear ol' dad. I told her that was nonsense. She was a good person. Luke was a good person. I even considered myself basically a good person, smuggling days notwithstanding. Any kids we'd have would have to turn out great.

Two of them did.

But now the third one has murdered Luke's wife. Killed her, without remorse, as far as I can tell. I caught the words 'necessary' and 'sacrifice' before he fled into the night.

I know how Luke was filled with self-reproach over sending Anakin on that mission to Myrkr. I could see that it was on the tip of his tongue to say how sorry he was every time he saw Leia and me. But he knew it wouldn't bring our son back. I remember thinking at the time that the last thing I wanted was someone apologizing for Anakin's death. That would have cheapened it, implied that Anakin had died for nothing.

No, Luke didn't deserve any blame for my son's death. It had been Anakin's choice to go. A choice that Leia and I allowed.

Some people are trying to rationalize that it was Mara's choice to confront Jacen. I can't see any comparison between the two.

So even though I can't bring myself to look him in the eye, can't say it aloud, I hope Luke will understand. I hope he can sense that my whole being is screaming to say ...

"I'm sorry."