Perfect Pairs
By GreatOne
(aka PonyTricks), with
assistance from Michele.
Characters:
Luke/Mara, Han/Leia, Wedge/Iella, Corran/Mirax,
Lando/Tendra, Wes
Summary:
Lando's latest scheme doesn't go quite as
smoothly as planned.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Perfect Pairs
Chapter One
Jade Sabre
Luke
snuggled closer to his wife, reluctant to wake up. He kept his eyes closed
tight, listening to the hum of the ship's engine, and felt the gentle vibration
of the hyperdrive through the mattress. The Jedi felt his wife stir in his
arms. His wife... Somehow, even after spending the past several weeks on
their honeymoon, it still seemed impossible that he was married. Married. A husband. Contentment coursed through his
entire being. He no longer had to feel he was missing his 'other half,' and he
no longer had to damp down the rush of jealousy he experienced whenever he
watched his sister interacting with her family. He had Mara now. Maybe,
someday, they could expand the Skywalker family with a little one of their own.
A thrilling, exciting notion flickered through Luke's mind. Maybe they could
even start working on that right now... He reached for his wife, only to
discover she was pushing him away. The loss of her warmth made him open his
eyes, just as she turned on the cabin lights.
"Not
now, Luke," Mara mumbled, sitting up on the edge of the bed and rubbing
the still-sleepy expression from her face.
"Why?"
he asked before he could stop himself. Inside, he cringed slightly, realizing
he sounded like a petulant child. If he wanted to become a father, he'd have to
work on that particular tone of voice.
Mara arched
one eyebrow, trying to keep her expression somber, despite her inner amusement.
"Because," she said sternly. "We're scheduled to come out of hyperspace
in less than thirty minutes. So unless you trust Artoo to land my new ship
in heavy Coruscant space traffic ― which I can assure you
isn't going to happen ―
we'd better get up."
"Our
honeymoon was too short," Luke said with a sigh.
"It
can't be helped," Mara replied with a laugh. "The galaxy needs
you."
Reluctantly,
Luke flung off the covers, shivering slightly in the cooler cabin air. Then a
vague warning sense coursed through his body, and he shut his eyes as he tried
to concentrate and focus on the Force.
"What's
the matter?" Mara prodded, her voice becoming concerned.
Images
flitted through the Jedi's mind. Bright lights, confusion, embarrassment...anger.
The faces of Wedge, Iella, Corran, and Mirax mingled
with Mara, Leia and Han. And they all seemed upset. Unfortunately, that was the
extent of the Force-vision. Luke looked up at his wife. "I... I'm not
sure."
"Are we
in danger?"
"No,"
Luke replied quickly. That there was no danger seemed quite clear. But
why would so many people he knew be so upset?
"Then what?" Mara asked as she got dressed.
The vision
was gone, and although the warning tingle remained, Luke felt confident when he
told Mara, "It was nothing. Don't worry about it."
Four hours
later...
Leia threw
her arms around Luke's neck, hugging him tightly. "Welcome home,
brother!"
A second
later, Han gave him a hard slap on his back. "Guess you're off the
galaxy's most eligible bachelor's list, huh?"
"I
think that happened a few weeks back, Solo," Mara
shot back.
Han grinned
at his sister-in-law. "Sometimes these rushed marriages don't survive the
honeymoon, though."
"Rushed?"
Luke spluttered out, before realizing Han was teasing.
"Once a
farmboy, always a farmboy," Mara said with a sigh as Han and Leia laughed
at Luke's expense.
"Are
you hungry?" Leia questioned. "I'm making dinner, and there's
plenty."
"You're
making it?" Luke asked. "I just got finished with two weeks of
Mara's cooking... don't you think I deserve ― "
"Don't
go there, Skywalker," Mara interrupted, her green eyes narrowing. "Unless you want to experience our first married fight."
"And
learn the joys of sleeping on the sofa," Han added.
Leia put her
hands on her hips. "So the men don't like our cooking? Is that what I'm
getting here?" She looked at Mara, getting a wicked grin on her face.
"Then I think they need to take us out to eat. Some place very nice."
"I hear
the 'Starlayne Dinner Club' is excellent," Mara
suggested.
"I hear
it costs a small fortune," Luke put in, his warning sense feeling a sudden
rebirth.
"That's
a great idea," Leia told Mara. "I've wanted to eat there for months
already, but nerf-herder here keeps complaining that it has a dress code."
As a thought occurred to her, Leia's face lit up. "And you won't believe
this, but just last week I received a coupon for the 'Starlayne.'
Buy three meals, and you get the fourth free."
"Maybe
it's not even a real coupon," Luke said thoughtfully. "It could be
forged, you know."
"Forged?"
Mara asked. "Who would bother forging coupons?"
"People
will forge anything if they think they can get away with it," Han replied.
"You
ought to know," Mara shot back.
"If
they're sending out coupons, they're probably desperate for business," Han
pointed out. "Besides, what kind of idiotic place makes you put on formal
clothes to eat? Let's take the kids and go get a bantha-burger
at the 'Space Rocket.' They don't care what you wear, and I have coupons for
them, too. A free forty-five ounce fizzy drink with every Big
Burp Burger."
Leia held up
her hand to stop the argument. "Threepio will feed the children the dinner
I made so it won't go to waste. You go get dressed up, flyboy. We're going out
tonight and celebrating Luke and Mara's homecoming."
Glaring at
Luke, Han muttered, "This is all your
fault." Then his face got hopeful. "Maybe they won't have any tables
available."
"Your
wife's the President, Solo," Mara pointed out, rolling her eyes. "I
doubt reservations will be a problem."
Han stomped
off to the bedroom, defeated.
"Go
home and get ready," Leia told her brother. "I'll make the
reservations, and we'll pick you up in a couple of hours."
Mara grabbed
Luke's arm, pulling him out of the room, and ignoring his protest, "I have
a bad feeling about this..."
Two hours
later...
The Offices of Baron Lando
Calrissian, Director of The Coruscant Philanthropic
Aid Society. That's what the fancy
scrollwork on the outer doorway bragged, anyway. Wedge
"Lando likes things first-class," Wedge commented into
the silence, shifting in his suit. Lando had insisted
they come 'dressed in their finest.'
"Why
does he want to see us?" she asked for what seemed to Wedge like the hundredth
time.
"He
didn't say," Wedge replied for what seemed like the hundredth and one
time.
The door
parted silently, and a shiny silver droid stood before them. "Welcome,
General and Mrs. Antilles," the droid said formally. "I am C-4A2,
Baron Calrissian's personal assistant. Please follow
me." The droid waved his hand inside the huge main lobby. "The Baron
is expecting you."
Wedge
shrugged at his wife, then took her hand as they
followed the droid past the lobby and down another long hallway. At the end of
this hall was another dark terrelwood door with gold
lettering stating - Baron Lando Calrissian. The droid pressed a button, and Lando's voice came over a small speaker mounted outside the
door. "Yes?"
"General
and Mrs. Antilles have arrived," the droid informed his master.
There was
silence for a few seconds before the door slid open, and Lando
appeared, throwing his arms around Iella in a huge hug. "You look more
beautiful each time I see you." He gave a wide grin at Wedge. "How
did you get so lucky, you scowl-dog, to win the hand of such a refined
beauty?"
"What
do you want, Lando?" Wedge asked suspiciously.
Lando gave an affronted look. "Who,
me?" He smiled back at Iella. "I'd just like to take my two
friends out to dinner at the 'Starlayne Club,' that's
all."
"The Starlayne?" Iella asked,
impressed. "That's the hottest restaurant on Coruscant right now."
"Beautiful
and brilliant," Lando gushed, nodding in
approval. "So you'll come with me?"
"Isn't
it extremely expensive?" Wedge questioned, warning bells madly ringing in
his brain. Sometimes you didn't have to be Force-sensitive to know when
something seemed wrong... terribly, terribly wrong.
Lando waved his hand dismissively. "Cost is no object. I'm
part owner of the place, anyway."
"We'd
love to go!" Iella said enthusiastically.
"And
we'll be paying later, I'm sure," Wedge mumbled under his breath as he
followed Calrissian and Iella toward the private landing dock.
The Starlayne Dinner Club
Just as Mara
predicted, Leia had no problems getting reservations. When the two couples
arrived, they were quickly escorted by the establishment's Bith
host to a secluded, and strangely large, table overlooking the sparkling lights
of the endless city.
Han opened
the electronic menu, wincing slightly at the flashing, scrolling words that
extolled the many offerings. "Eight hundred credits for one bottle
of wine!" Han gasped. "Are they insane?"
"Look,"
Luke pointed out dryly. "Here's a more reasonable one... only five hundred
credits. And you get a hint of citrus in the aroma, too."
"I
wonder why it's so much cheaper, then," Han commented. "The eight
hundred bottle doesn't come with a hint of citrus.
Maybe citrus is a bad thing."
"Do you
think they'd let us keep the bottle?" Luke wondered, trying not to laugh.
"For that
much money, I want a vacation home overlooking the vineyard." Han squinted
at the menu again. "How about we stick all the food on one check, and then
order three salads? That way we can use the coupon for the expensive items, and
we'll only have to pay for the lettuce." He pointed at the scrolling menu.
"Look, one stupid salad costs twenty-five credits all by itself!"
"I
don't think that's the intent of the coupon, Solo,"
Mara said. "It's probably very clear that you have to purchase three meals,
not three salads."
"You
don't know that," Han argued back, then looked at Leia. "Let me see
that coupon."
"No,"
Leia hissed, pushing the coupon out of Han's reach. "You're not
embarrassing me in front of the waiter."
"They
haven't put down any water yet," Luke mumbled. "We could still go get
those free fizzies with a Big Burp."
"And
it'll only cost us twelve credits, tops," Han said, nodding. "A
giant-sized bucket of tuber fries included."
"They
call them Hyperspace Curls," Luke remarked wistfully. "I love those Hyperspace
Curls... I think they're addictive."
"Yeah,"
Han agreed. "You practically need three hands to hold the Big Burp. This
place probably serves up a nerf steak the size of my thumb, then sticks a weed
on the side of it to fill up the plate."
"Are you
two planning on complaining the entire meal?" Leia asked testily.
"As a
matter of fact," Han replied, tugging at his tight collar.
"Yes."
"One
hundred and fifty credits for stuffed Nabooian
bog-fungus appetizer?" Luke asked as he continued reading the flashy menu.
"They'd have to pay me a hundred fifty credits to eat bog-fungus...
I don't care what they stuff it with."
While Han
snorted in laughter, Mara glared at her new husband. "Keep it up, and
it'll be stuffed with a Jedi."
Leaning
forward, Han whispered at Luke, "Better lay off the griping, kid. Your
wife owns a lightsaber."
"So do I," Leia said threateningly toward her husband.
"Fine,"
Han muttered. "I'll stop complaining. But don't think for a second I'm takin' a loan out on the Falcon to pay for this
meal."
"I
doubt your ship is worth that much, Solo," a deep voice laughed from
behind Han's shoulder.
Han twisted
around in surprise. "Lando?"
The Baron
Calrissian grinned broadly as he shook Luke's hand. "Welcome back, Luke...
and the ever beautiful Mara Jade." He bent over, taking Mara's hand and
kissing it gallantly. "You do know how heartbroken I am, now that
Skywalker has stolen the most stunning creature in the galaxy right out from
under my nose."
"Yes, Lando," Mara responded. "I can see you look completely
devastated."
Lando put his hand up to his heart. "I am... truly."
Then he looked over at Leia. "The esteemed President
visiting my establishment. I can't tell you how much I appreciate what
this type of publicity will do for 'The Starlayne.' I
was just telling my dinner guests, Wedge and Iella, that this place is
performing beyond my wild― "
"Wait a
second," Han interrupted, sparing a sideways glare at Leia. "You own
this place?"
"I
didn't know that," Leia said a bit defensively, as she glared back at Han.
"Only a
share of it... fifty-five percent, I believe."
"Wedge
and Iella are here?" Luke questioned.
"And
you're treatin' them?" Han added,
somewhat indignantly.
"We
just arrived," Lando explained. "I had no
idea you were coming tonight." He eyed the expansive table. "In fact,
I'd love to treat you, as well. Now that I'm paying for your meal, you
won't be needing that coupon..." He started to
reach for the small flimsy, but wasn't quite fast enough.
Han lunged
forward, nearly knocking over his wine glass, and managed to snatch the coupon
up before Lando could retrieve it. "No... we can save it for next time." He paused, then added,
"Not that we're ever comin' here again."
The Baron
gave Han a strained smile. "Of course. Feel free
to use it next time. You wouldn't mind if the four of us joined you, would
you?" Without waiting for a reply, he turned and headed toward the
entrance.
"I knew
that coupon was fake," Luke mused, pleased he was
right.
"Lando's lying," Mara mumbled just loud enough to be
heard.
"Lando? Lie?" Han
said, feigning disbelief. "I'm shocked you would say such a thing, Mara. Shocked."
"Mara's
right," Luke put in, his warning sense kicking up several notches. "Lando knew we would be here tonight. He probably sent us
that phony coupon just to get us to come."
"That's
not so odd he'd know we were coming. If he really is one of the owners, he
could've had the maitre-d' alert him when any of us made a reservation,"
Leia commented. "But why is he acting like he wasn't expecting us?"
"Who
cares?" Han replied. "As long as he's payin',
I can put up with whatever con job he's trying. Let's order the eight hundred
credit bottle of wine, and the stuffed bog-fungus." He gazed at the
menu for a few more seconds. "This broiled skrob
appetizer looks mighty tempting, too. Especially at
ninety-five credits."
"Well,
it'll be good to see Wedge again," Luke said, trying to see the bright
side of the situation. "And Iella is very sweet. I just can't help but
worry that this meal isn't really going to be free."
"When
it comes to Lando Calrissian, everything he does has
some angle," Mara said.
The four
looked over as Wedge, Iella, Lando and his fiancée, Tendra, made their way over to the table. Several waiters
scurried over and rearranged the chairs and settings. Suddenly, the large table
was no longer quite so roomy.
"Order
whatever you like," Lando said, snapping his
fingers and whispering to the Bith server.
"Price is no object."
"That's
what the man keeps saying," Wedge grumbled. "Free...free...free.."
"Isn't
this nice?" Iella asked, smiling brightly, her eyes betraying a bit of
worry. "We weren't expecting to see you here. But it sure is nice...
anyway."
"It
seems to be gettin' better and better," Han
agreed with a straight face.
Chapter Two
Lando leaned back, watching in pride as the waiter set the
dessert aflame. "The perfect ending to the perfect meal," the Baron
declared, patting his napkin at his lips.
The waiter
served generous portions to the already stuffed patrons, then bowed and hurried
away. Tendra took a small bite. "Isn't Lando's restaurant wonderful?" she said, unable to
keep herself from bragging about her fiancé's accomplishments. "He's such
a fantastic businessman."
Iella
brushed a stray blonde hair back behind her ear, then
tasted the dessert. "I don't think I can eat another mouthful."
"I've
got to admit, this has been one of the best meals of my life," Wedge said.
"Even
the stuffed bog-fungus was superb," Mara remarked, then
gave her husband a pointed look. "Right, dear?"
"Right,"
Luke agreed. "I think you have a winner with this restaurant. Everything
was great."
"Especially
the eight hundred credit bottle of wine," Han said, grinning.
"We
managed to go through three of those," Lando
commented, pulling another chilled bottle from the silver bucket. "Not to
mention this first-class dessert wine."
"Really,
Lando, you've been far too generous. Let us at least
pay part of it," Leia said, ignoring her husband's finger poking her leg
under the table.
"I
wouldn't think of it," Lando objected. "I
do, however, have a small request."
"Here
it comes," Wedge grumbled under his breath, wincing as Iella kicked his
ankle.
Tendra suddenly looked uncomfortable. "Maybe this isn't the
best time..."
"If Lando needs a favor, we'll be happy to help," Leia
said, frowning at Luke's sudden coughing fit. "Are you okay?"
"Su..sure," Luke managed to
say between hacks. "Let's hear what this favor is first, before saying
yes, though."
"Gotta
agree with the kid," Han put in, leaning back in his chair. "Spill
it, Lando."
"It's
just a small thing, really," Lando said
smoothly. "You've heard I'm the director of a modest organization called
the Coruscant Philanthropic Aid Society?" When the group nodded, Lando gave a wide grin. "I need your help with a fund
raiser for the homeless sentients that live in the
lower levels. Mostly children, I might add."
"First
you ply us with expensive wine, then comes the plucking of our
heartstrings," Mara remarked. "You never change, Lando."
"It's
for a good cause," Tendra inserted defensively.
"His group is completely upfront and legitimate."
"I
never said it wasn't," Mara replied, not wanting to upset Tendra.
"You
could have just asked," Luke added. "You didn't have to bribe us with
a meal."
"Personally,
I happen to like bribes," Han put in.
"What
does this fund raiser involve?" Leia asked.
"A holothon."
Iella
frowned in confusion. "What?"
"A holothon... our group holocasts throughout the galaxy in a big extravaganza. We'll have famous
singers, comedians, holostars... all giving a
performance while ordinary beings send in pledges for credits."
"Who do
you have signed up so far?" Mara questioned.
"No one, yet."
"Sounds
like you're off to a great start," Mara said, laughing.
"I
don't sing," Wedge told Lando very emphatically.
"Leia's
got a pretty good set of pipes," Han said, moving his chair away from his
glowering wife.
"You
could get Wes to be your comedian," Iella suggested.
"Maybe
Mara and I could give a lightsaber demonstration," Luke added with a
shrug. That sounded fairly harmless.
"Listen
up," Lando roared out, then
quickly lowered his voice. "I'm not putting on some lame amateur night
when it comes to the entertainment."
"Then
what do you need us for?" Luke questioned. "We'd be pretty lame at
that stuff."
"A
celebrity-type game show," Lando explained,
grinning. "Famous husbands and wives in a game show.
Instead of earning credits though, you'd get points. Before the game show
portion, we take pledges based on the points each couple earns. Say... each
correct answer is worth one hundred points, and you
each answer five questions, ten for each couple. If you get all ten right, you'd have a total of one thousand points. Then the pledger... is that a word? .. sends in a thousand credits. Or they could just pledge half
a credit per point, so the total they'd be obligated to would come to five
hundred, tops. Or maybe we'd have more questions for fewer points. I haven't
worked out all those little details."
"What
type of questions?" Han asked suspiciously.
Tendra was the one that answered, "Oh, Lando
already assured me it would be fun questions like 'what's your husband's
favorite breakfast food,' which would be a question the wives would get
asked."
"Then,"
Lando continued, "she'd write down on a vid-screen what she thought was the correct answer. After
five more questions, the husbands would come out and actually answer each
question, and then the screen is displayed with her answer on it."
"And if
it's right, you get the points," Mara surmised quickly.
"Correct!"
Lando gushed. "I can see you're going to do
great on this show."
"Who
said we were going to agree?" Luke asked, since his Force-warning was
practically punching him in the nose at this point.
"If you
say yes, then Lando will have a much easier time
convincing big-name singers and celebrities to appear," Tendra pleaded. "Doesn't this sound like fun?"
"So
it's just us?" Wedge asked. "The four couples at this table?"
"Unfortunately,
Tendra and I can't participate, since I'm running the
show, and it's husbands and wives," Lando replied. "But I'd like to have a fourth
couple."
"Who?"
Lando smiled at Wedge. "Corran and Mirax, actually. Between you and Luke, I
figured you could convince him to join in the merriment."
At the
mention of Corran and Mirax, Luke felt a chill as the
memory of his Force-vision flooded back into his thoughts. He barely heard Tendra speaking as he tried, in vain, to get Mara's
attention.
"Will
you?" Tendra begged. "Please?"
Leia and
Mara exchanged helpless looks. If it had been just Lando
pitching this scheme, it would have been easier to say no. But Tendra looked so... earnest.
"Han
and I will do it," Leia said with a defeated sigh.
"HEY!"
Han objected. "Don't I get a say in this?"
"So
will we," Mara added, ignoring Luke as he was
frantically shaking his head 'no.'
"Of
course, Tendra," Iella answered. "We'd be
honored."
"Rodders," Wedge muttered under his breath. "I
knew it. Now we pay...pay... pay."
Luke
restrained himself until he was back home with Mara.
"We can't go on that game show."
"Why not?"
"My
Force-vision... it had all of us in it. You, me, Leia, Han... Wedge and Iella, and Corran and Mirax.
And that's exactly who Lando wants to appear on his
show."
"I
thought you told me there wasn't any danger, and I wasn't supposed to worry
about it," Mara replied. "Now, all of a sudden, we're doomed if we
answer a few simple little questions to help the poor? What's the real reason,
Luke? Are you afraid we'll lose the game?"
"I
don't care about the game," Luke shot back. "My vision had all the
people in it that Lando wants... don't you
understand?"
"Then
I'll ask you again - are we in danger?"
"We're..."
Luke trailed off. "We'll be in danger of, um, embarrassment."
"Oh.
Well, we certainly can't be embarrassed now, can we?" Mara smiled sweetly.
"What's my favorite breakfast food?"
"What
does that have to do with anything?"
"If
you're so afraid of a little embarrassment, we'll have to study."
"We
can't do that!"
Mara
frowned. "Why not?"
"That's
cheating!"
Han thrust a
flimsy and a writing stylus at his wife. "What's that for?" she asked,
taking off her earrings.
"We
need to cheat."
"What?"
"Well,
not really cheat," Han clarified. "More like practice. So we
don't lose."
"That
doesn't seem fair," Leia responded, trying to keep from laughing.
"Fair?
Since when is life fair? Never!" Han answered
himself. "We can't lose, Princess. We've known each longer than any of
those other couples. How will it look if you don't know my favorite breakfast
food?"
"Corellian
spiced nerf-sausages and scrambled rekken eggs. With hot sauce."
Han grinned,
pleased. "You do know!"
"I know
because I can't stand all that greasy, spicy Corellian garbage you love."
"But
I'm sure Lando will ask other things... like,
um..."
"Like
what? We have no idea." Leia patted Han's arm. "Don't worry so much.
I'm sure we'll do fine. We know what we like for breakfast."
"Right,"
Han said cheerfully. "What do you like, anyway?"
Leia threw
her shoe at her husband.
"I TOLD
you this wasn't going to be free!" Wedge yelled from the refresher.
"I hate Lando!"
"It'll
be fun," Iella replied. "Tendra said
so."
"Tendra's in love. She'd say anything to make Lando happy."
"So,
what does that mean?" Iella asked, her voice growing cool.
Wedge stuck
his head out of the 'fresher. "Huh?"
"Obviously,
you must not be in love with me. Right?" Iella questioned,
crossing her arms. "Or you'd want to make me happy. Right?"
"Don't
be stupid."
"STUPID?"
"Uh...
that's the wrong word. Stubborn. That's what I
meant...stubborn."
"So you
think I'm stupid and stubborn? Anything else?"
This
conversation wasn't going exactly the way Wedge envisioned. "I... I'm
sorry?"
"Are
you?"
"What
do you want, Iella? I'll do anything you want me to," Wedge said, getting
desperate. Sleeping on the sofa was looking like a strong possibility at this
point.
"Order Corran to appear on
the holothon."
"I
can't do that!"
"Why not? You're his superior officer."
"But...
ordering something like that isn't ethical. You know that."
"I
agree," Iella responded. "So I'll convince Mirax, and you tell Corran how happy and excited you are to be on the game
show. There won't be anything unethical about that."
"Happy.
Excited," Wedge muttered unhappily. "Right...got it."
Chapter Three
Dex's Diner
Corran Horn pushed through the heavy lunch crowd and made his way
over to the booth where Wedge and Luke sat, sipping on beverages. The Corellian
Jedi sat down beside Wedge, and greeted his companions. "Master
Skywalker... General Antilles."
"This
is lunch, Corran," Wedge informed him. "Not
a formal meeting. So you can cut out the titles."
"Yes,
sir," Corran returned with a mock salute and a
genuine smile. "So, Luke, I imagine you had a great time on your
honeymoon."
"Very
nice," Luke supplied, fighting a grin as pleasant memories filled his
mind. "We just got back yesterday afternoon."
A droid
rolled up to their table, asking to take their orders. "Put his order on
my tab," Wedge told the droid as he pointed toward Corran.
"You
don't have to―"
"Sure,
I do. We invited you, so I'm paying."
"But..."
"That's
an order."
"You
just told me to cut out the titles," Corran
protested.
Wedge
shrugged. "As your superior officer, I can change the rules on my
whim."
The droid
politely listened, then moved away after the orders were placed. Corran leaned back in his booth, his green eyes flickering
back and forth between Luke and Wedge. "Something smells odd, and it's not
the cooking in this grease pit. What's the problem?"
"Problem?" Luke asked quickly. "No problem. Just some friends getting together. Can't we do that?"
"Mirax
got a call this morning from Iella and Mara, asking her to go shopping with
them. Since when does Mara, or Iella for that matter, care to waste a day on
shopping?"
"They
might need some nice, new clothes for...uh, something," Wedge replied
defensively. "You never know what might come up."
"Come
up where?" a loud, very boisterous voice said from over Luke's shoulder.
Sighing, Luke turned and faced the intruder.
"Hello,
Wes."
"Lunch without Wes Janson being invited?" Wes spluttered
out. "That's like a party without alcohol. Mind if I join you?" He
pushed in next to Luke, and waved the wait-droid over. "I'll have your
Daily Special, with an extra large ciyll-juicer. And
make it snappy."
"Yes,
sir," the droid replied, sounding a bit miffed.
"What
are we talking about?" Wes asked, turning his attention back to the
now-quiet booth.
"I have
no idea," Corran returned. "Luke and Wedge
seem nervous about something, though."
"We are
not!" Wedge said, a bit too quickly.
"It's
... it's..." Luke started out, not knowing how to exactly approach this
issue.
Wes held up
a salt shaker to his lips, mimicking a holo-mike.
"Live... from Dex's Diner! Gentle-beings of the
galaxy, how often do we, the mere mortals of society, see the Great Jedi Master
Luke Skywalker... tongue-tied?"
"Wes,
you're a pain in the―"
Wedge started out.
"Lando conned us into appearing on his holothon,
and we're suppose to ask you to be the fourth couple," Luke inserted
before Wedge could start shouting at Janson.
"We're
supposed to act happy and excited, Luke," Wedge grumbled. "Can't you
follow instructions?"
"Who is us?" Corran
questioned. "And what is a holothon?"
"Us is me and Mara, Leia and Han, Wedge and Iella...
and..."
"YOU!" Wes yelled loudly into the salt-shaker.
"You... Corran Horn and the lovely Mirax! Come
on DOWN!"
"Wes, I
swear..." Wedge threatened.
"And
the holothon is to raise money for Lando's aid group, so they can help the destitute children
on Coruscant," Luke added. "So it's for a good cause. Really."
"What
do we have to do?"
Wes leaned
forward, sticking his salt-shaker in Wedge's face. "Yes. Answer the
gentleman, General Antilles. To what levels will Jedi Horn and the lovely Mirax
have to sink?"
Wedge
snatched the shaker out of Janson's hand.
"You're pushing it, Janson."
"Well,
I'm hurt," Wes said, his lower lip sticking out in a pout, grasping his
chest. "I'm not invited on this holothon."
"What
do we have to do?" Corran repeated, ignoring Wes
as best he was able.
"Just
play a dumb game, where the wives get asked stupid questions about their
husbands, and then find out if they were right," Luke explained.
"Then, apparently, it's the husbands turn to answer questions about the
wives."
"Easy
questions," Wedge put in, frowning at some of Luke's descriptive phrases.
"Like your favorite breakfast food. Things like that."
"And
the points we earn are tied in to pledges for credits that the viewers comm in
ahead of time," Luke continued. "So, really... it's just a simple
thing."
"And
it'll take just a few hours," Wedge added.
"So
while I'm here, being strong-armed by you two, my poor wife is getting this
deal shot at her by Mara and Iella. Now I understand."
"And
the ladies will want new clothes for the holo-show,"
Wes surmised, grinning. "Kills two mynocks with one
blaster-bolt."
"Will
you do it?" Wedge practically begged. "I'll probably be sleeping on
the sofa if you say no."
Corran grinned. "That might be worth it."
"I
could order you to appear."
"And
for one hundred credits under the category of 'Unethical Behavior'..." Wes
shouted, half-standing and pointing at Wedge.
Wedge stood
up, glaring at Wes, who scooted out of the booth. "Gotta
go. Been nice chatting with you..."
"What
about your lunch?" Luke called after Wes.
"Eat
it... you'll be paying for it, anyway!"
Corran watched as Wes hurried out of the diner. "He's up to
something."
"Yeah,
I'm getting a bad feeling about him, too," Luke said. He turned back to Corran. "So will you and Mirax do this?"
"I
will... but only if Mirax wants to."
Mirax picked
at her salad, trying not to squirm under the intense, double-barrel pressure of
Mara and Iella. "It's hardly fair, you know," she finally said.
"Fair?"
Mara asked.
"You
know... you got a very expensive meal at the Starlayne,
and I'm just getting lunch at the Galaxy Gate."
"The
Galaxy Gate is a nice restaurant," Iella argued, knowing it didn't compare
to Lando's place. Of course, neither did the prices.
"And
you promise the questions will be very simple?"
"That's
what Tendra said," Mara replied. "I'm sure
we can handle it."
"Will
there be a live audience watching us?"
Mara and
Iella exchanged puzzled looks. "We don't know."
"What
day will it be held?"
"No
idea."
"Are we
expected to pledge credits?"
"Don't
know."
Mirax
sighed. "What do you know?"
"Tendra promised us we'd have fun," Iella replied,
realizing how uninformed she was. Why, exactly, did they agree to this?
"Maybe we can meet some famous actors and singers."
"Oh,"
Mirax said dryly. "I can just imagine how excited that will make Corran."
"So... how about it?" Mara prodded.
"The good news is that the men absolutely hate this idea."
"You
know," Iella said thoughtfully as a sudden ― and slightly wicked ― idea came to her. "This could work to our advantage.
If the men get more questions wrong than we do, we could make them pay."
"How?" Mara asked, a little bit worried since she
was the newlywed of the group. Making Luke 'pay' didn't seem like such a
wonderful plan to her.
"Guilt,
Mara," Iella said, laughing. "It's a great thing. If we can make them
feel guilty because they don't know us as well as we
know them―"
"Which I'm sure is true," Mirax inserted.
"―we can get another dinner at
the Starlayne out of them. Guaranteed."
"That was
a wonderful meal," Mara agreed.
"Will
Leia go along with this?" Mirax asked.
Mara
grinned. "Forcing her scoundrel husband back into stuffy, formal clothes,
and make him pay actual credits to a restaurant that belongs to Lando of all people? She'll be thrilled."
"Then I
wouldn't miss this little game for anything," Mirax declared, grinning.
"Now, let's skip lunch and go directly to dessert."
Lando looked up from his desk, surprised to see Wes Janson
standing in his office. "Janson? What brings you
all the way over here?"
"I'd
like to offer my assistance with your holothon."
"How
did you find out―"
"I was
at lunch with Luke and Wedge when they pitched your game at Corran,"
Wes replied, looking suspiciously innocent.
"Did he
agree?"
"I
think so, and that's when I had my idea for helping you," Wes said, then
pretended to be upset as he added, "Since I can't be on the show and
all."
"How
would you like to help?"
"Oh...
anything you'd need help with," Wes said sincerely. "I'm sure you
have a million little things that need to be done. Hiring the holo-cam crew... finding a building large enough to hold your
show... writing the questions for the game show ... Are you going to have a
live audience? That always makes things more interesting... instant, live
feedback. I could print the tickets up, and distribute them to friends and
family. You know... important beings you'd like to have in attendance."
"Those
sound like great ideas, Wes," Lando replied
happily. "I am swamped here, so anything you'd like to do, just
tell my assistant in the next room."
Wes smiled
and gave Lando a salute. "I'm more than glad to
help, my friend."
Chapter Four
Two months
later...
The Coruscante D'Grandious Hotel had
leased out all its available meeting space and nearly every guest suite to The
Coruscant Philanthropic Aid Society's First Annual Charity Holothon
organizers. Banners and holoscreens had been
advertising the event for weeks now, and the 'Net had been saturated with
endless pleas for donations.
Lando had successfully signed up several dozen 'big name' stars,
and the entertainment lineup was first-rate. The highlight of the day-long
event would be the 'game show,' which had been tentatively titled: 'Heroic
Spouses of the
After some
consideration (and another suggestion by Wes) Lando
had concluded that each wife and husband team would answer five questions per
person, each right answer worth fifty points, then a second round would raise
the 'points' to one hundred per question, and the questions would become more
difficult. Therefore, each couple would answer ten questions per spouse, twenty
total, with one bonus question at the very end worth
500 credits, for a total possible score of 2,000. The pledges could be based on
as little as one-half credit per point.
Lando had worked the holocomm relentlessly in order to get
pledges from prominent beings. Mon Mothma had picked Wedge and Iella, General
Rieekan went with Han and Leia, Borsk Fey'lya had pledged credits with all four couples, Talon
Karrde had gone with Luke and Mara, and Booster Terrik
had, of course, bet on Corran and Mirax. All these
beings had been given complimentary 'tickets' to watch the show live. Other
tickets had been given to members of Rogue Squadron,
In the days
leading up to the show, Lando had repeatedly asked
Wes for the game show questions he'd prepared. Wes always had some excuse why
he wasn't able to produce those questions. This annoyed Lando,
but he was far too busy and distracted to push the issue, especially since Wes guaranteed
everything would be fine.
Now it was
finally the day of the show. In his private suite, Lando
brushed a tiny speck of lint off his burgundy cape, then
straightened up his silk shirt. A soft knock finally tore his eyes off the
mirror, and he cleared his throat before asking, "Who is it?"
"Wes,"
came the muffled reply.
"Come
in."
Wes entered
the dressing room, whistling in admiration. "You're really going to pull
this off, aren't you?"
"Of
course," Lando replied, irritated. "Why
would you think otherwise?"
"Well..."
Wes pursed his lips in thought, then changed the
subject. "All the guests are seated, and the first act is getting set up. Five minutes until you're on. Billions and billions of
beings will be watching, so don't be nervous."
Lando gave a slight smile. "I'm not nervous. Do you have the
questions?"
"What
questions?"
The look of
sheer panic on the Baron's face made Wes crack up. "Of course I've got the
list of game questions. Do you want to review them?"
The comlink
on Calrissian's table buzzed, and he quickly replied
to the caller, "Yes?"
"We
need you on stage, Baron," the director's firm voice ordered. "Now."
"I
don't have time," Lando mumbled to Wes before
taking one last look in the mirror. "Just hand them to the director
later."
As Lando hurried out the door, Wes grinned. "No
problem," he said with a chuckle.
Later that
day, in the secluded suite reserved for the men contestants …
"I
think I'm going to be sick," Wedge complained as he held his stomach.
"Do you know how many beings will be watching us? Lando
said BILLIONS!"
"Wedge,
you've flown in battle against two Death Stars and countless Imperial
fighters," Luke pointed out. "That's got to be more nerve-racking
than this. It's just a dumb game."
"Dumb?"
Wedge shook his head. "I don't think our wives think it's dumb. I could've
sworn I heard Iella whispering on the holo-com a few
nights ago to Mirax. They're scheming..."
"You're
imagining things," Luke replied.
"I
don't think so, kid," Han argued. "Leia's been lookin'
at me funny lately."
"Can
you blame her?" Corran muttered. "I saw Isolder in the audience earlier. It probably just occurred
to her she's stuck with you forever, when she could have had a handsome
Prince."
"Hey,"
Han informed Corran, flexing his biceps. "Leia's
married to the hottest Corellian in the galaxy."
"In
your twisted fantasies, Solo," Corran returned.
"Actually, I'm the hottest."
"You?" Wedge laughed.
"Iella doesn't think so."
"Iella
doesn't think I'm good-looking?" Corran asked,
offended.
Luke shook
his head in dismay. "Being locked up in a room with three Corellians is
frightening. But I think Corran has a point,
anyway."
"There
is no way Corran is hotter than me," Han
objected.
Luke glared
at his brother-in-law. "I meant about the women plotting something. Mara's
been shielding her feelings from me a lot lately. It's not like her."
"What
do you think they're planning?" Corran wondered.
"Simple,"
Wedge replied. "They want to make us look bad by proving they know us
better than we know them."
"Then
we've got to match more of their answers than they do of ours. It's a matter of
honor," Corran declared.
"Guys,
this is a charity fundraiser. The idea is for all of us to match as many
answers as we can," Luke said, trying to be the voice of reason. With
three stubborn Corellians, he wasn't sure 'reason' was possible.
"Ah, kid,
you worry too much," Han said dismissively. "According to Lando, pledges are so high that if we only match a tenth of
the questions, they'll be able to pave the underground streets in gold. 'Sides, think of it this way ― the more questions we get
right, the more credits come rollin' in, and if we
get more right than the women, they won't be able to flaunt their superior
knowledge in our faces. It's a win-win situation."
There was
something a bit off-kilter about that argument, but then Wedge and Corran quickly agreed with Han. Once again, that long-ago Force-vision floated back to the surface of
Luke's mind. But it was too late to prevent this snowball from becoming an
avalanche.
In the secluded suite with the women contestants...
"Ever
since we agreed to do this, Han's been trying to get me to practice with
him," Leia told the other three women. "I can't tell you how annoying
he's been lately, following me around and asking me non-stop questions about my
favorite color, perfume... you name it."
"Have
you been practicing?" Mara questioned Leia.
"That
would be cheating," Iella pointed out before Leia could respond.
"No,"
Leia answered Mara, feeling slightly miffed. "I don't cheat."
"And we
won't need to cheat in order to get more questions right than they do,"
Mirax said.
"This
is supposed to be fun," Mara tried to point out. "I don't think we
should make this a secret war ―
women versus men."
"Newlyweds,"
Mirax muttered, shaking her head. "Mara, once you've been married for a
few years, you'll understand married life better. I really need to get
more questions right than Corran, or he'll never feel
guilty enough to take me to the Starlayne for
dinner."
"Wedge
would never have taken me," Iella said. "Not without Lando's offer to pay."
"You
have to admit, spending nearly two thousand credits for two meals is rather
extravagant," Mara pointed out. "I had no idea the prices were so
high, or I would never have suggested it."
"Besides,
it's not just winning to get an expensive meal," Mirax told Mara.
"It's the point of proving that we know them better than
they know us. They've got egos the size of the maw, and it's our job to
prevent them from getting even bigger."
"Not
Luke," Mara protested.
Mirax and
Iella looked doubtful, but Leia agreed, at least in part. "Okay, Mara.
Luke's ego isn't bigger than the maw's. But you can't tell me he doesn't have a
small one."
That comment
made Iella and Mirax grin and Mara felt her face flush before she muttered,
"We're talking about egos."
"Ladies,
we cannot let the men show us up," Iella declared as Leia and Mirax both
nodded in agreement. "We'd never hear the end of it."
"Right. Don't think for one minute that they're not
plotting against us, in their own feeble way," Mirax added.
Mara felt
another rush of guilt as she thought about her kind-hearted husband, sitting
innocently in the next room. "Luke would never plot―"
"He's a
man, isn't he?"
"Yes,
absolutely," Mara agreed with a grin. "Very
manly." Luke wasn't so innocent in everything he did, so
maybe the other women were right...
Shaking her
head, Leia spoke up, "Mara, he's my brother, and I love him dearly. But
even Luke has a streak of pride in him. How many chances is he going to get to
best you in a galaxy-wide holocast?"
"This
is definitely going to be the only one."
"My point exactly."
Chapter Five
The men were
led onto the stage minutes after the ladies had taken their seats. Four rather
comfortable sofas were placed facing the audience, each one positioned about
three feet away from the other. A small screen had been placed on a stand
directly in the center of each sofa, where they would write down their answers,
and then the display would go blank. Those answers would be displayed on a
large screen directly behind the sofas only after the spouse gave their
response. The spouses would then be able to read the smaller screen to see if
their answers matched. This screen would also keep track of the point total of
each couple, since that is what pledges were being based upon.
Lando bowed dramatically to the wild applause that accompanied
the famous spouses on stage. He had been hosting this holothon
for hours already, and was getting a bit tired, but since this was the last big
event, the Baron felt a renewed surge of energy as the director handed him a
nerf-leather binder with the prepared questions. Grinning, Lando
introduced all the couples, and then laid out the rules of the game.
"And I'm
very pleased to announce that we've had nearly three million beings
scattered throughout the galaxy comm in pledges based on the point accumulation
of their favorite perfect pair!" Lando declared
grandly. "If our couples even answer half these simple questions
correctly, we'll be collecting over five hundred million credits!"
This
proclamation was greeted with thunderous applause, and Lando
beamed down at the
"Now,
if the gentlemen will be so kind as to follow my lovely fiancée, Tendra, off-stage to the sound-proof room on the right, we
will begin the game!" Lando waited while the men
trudged back off, trying to ignore their death-glares in his direction. They'd
be thanking him later for this, he was quite certain.
"Okay,"
Lando said, half facing the audience and half facing
the women still seated on their sofas. "Let's begin... remember, these
first five questions are worth fifty points each. If your answers match with
your spouse, you'll earn two hundred and fifty points!"
He waited
for the wild audience cheers to quiet down, then flipped open the dark binder.
"And the first question..." He looked down, quickly scanning the top
flimsy before looking up, smiling widely. "What will your husband say is
your favorite dessert?"
Lando waited while the women paused in thought,
then scribbled on their screens. "Are you done? Good! The second
question...what color was the last vegetable you ate?" That was
rather bizarre, but Lando shrugged. It couldn't be
too easy now, could it?
Flipping the
page, he frowned a bit at the third question. "Will your husband admit he notices other women when he's out in public with
you?" All four women gave him a decidedly uncomfortable look, and the
audience laughed. Still, they wrote something down.
Clearing his
throat, Lando turned the sheet and read question
number four. "Would you say you're a more feminine woman, or he's a more
masculine man?" Loud laughter from the audience followed this question. Lando was starting to wonder if Wes had been taking spice
while he'd been writing these questions. However, the audience seemed to be
enjoying this, which would mean the holo-net audience
wouldn't lose interest, either. The four ladies laughed along with the
audience, then wrote down an answer.
"Now
for the last question of round one," Lando said,
feeling a bit of relief. "Your first impression of your husband was of a
little boy, a big boy, a bad boy, or a good boy?" Boy? Lando wondered, re-reading the question.
The ladies
quickly wrote, their expressions that of vague desperation to exit the stage. Lando slammed the folder shut and smiled. "Now, if
you'll follow Tendra to the left side of the stage to
your sound-proof room, we'll bring out the men to answer their five
questions."
"What
the hell was that all about?" Mirax grumbled the second that Tendra shut the door to their sound-proof waiting room.
"Did Lando think those questions were funny?" Iella
snapped. "If he did, he's got a lot to learn."
Leia groaned
and sat down. "Other women? Bad
boys?"
"And
questioning their masculinity?" Mara added, her green eyes blazing. "Lando's going to be the one questioning his own masculinity
when I'm done with him."
"No
wonder he wouldn't be one of the contestants," Mirax muttered.
"Doesn't he know we have to go home tonight with our husbands?"
"The
first two questions were what I expected," Leia remarked. "But
then..."
"Then
those last three," Mara finished for her. "Luke isn't going to be
happy about this. I can hear him already...'Mara, a Jedi must be more dignified
than that...' he'll be lecturing me when we get home."
"Han
won't be lecturing... he'll be yelling, 'I told you so,'" Leia said with a
sigh. "I hate it when that nerf is right."
"We can
forget about ever going back to the Starlayne,"
Iella grumbled.
"Going
back?" Mirax said. "At least you got to go once. I'm just glad the
lights prevented me from seeing my father's expression."
"Don't
you wonder what questions Calrissian is asking our husbands?" Mara asked.
"Welcome
back, gentlemen!" Lando boomed out, taking a new
binder from the worried-looking director. "If you're ready, we'll plunge
right into your five questions, then bring the ladies back out and reveal
everyone's answers."
When the men
just gave grunts in response to this statement, Lando
flipped the binder open and read the first question. "What pet nickname
does your wife usually call you, and what pet nickname do you call your
wife?"
"Hey,
that's easy," Han yelled, grabbing the stylus. Then he hesitated, staring
at the screen. "But there are so many..."
"No
talking!" Wedge protested. "Tell Solo no
talking!"
"No
speaking until your wives come back out on stage," Lando
said firmly. "I thought we went over these rules."
"You
know what you can do with your rules, Calrissian," Han grumbled, while Corran nodded in agreement.
"Are we
done?" Lando demanded while the men looked
blank, then finally wrote something down. "Let's move on to question two.
Are there more holos in your home of you, her, or the two of you
together?"
"Who
wrote these stupid questions?" Wedge asked loudly.
"No
talking!" Corran and Han yelled at the same
time.
Luke
groaned, wishing he could concentrate. "What was that question
again?"
Grinding his
teeth, Lando repeated the question. After tapping his
fingers impatiently for several long minutes, he continued, "Did you get
married closer to the date she or you wanted?"
"Which
time?" Corran asked loudly.
Han raised
his hand, then asked without waiting, "Does kidnapping count toward this
answer?" This brought a huge roar of laughter from the audience, and stony
silence from the host.
Gripping the
binder, Lando read question number four. "What
is the one demand of yours that she keeps ignoring, and you're getting upset
about?"
Corran leaned over, squinting at Wedge's screen. "He's
cheating!" Wedge shouted.
"Am not!"
"Keep
your eyes on your own screen, gentlemen!" Lando
ordered. "Question five. And then we can bring out your poor wives.
Gentlemen, when you first got married, were your wife's culinary skills better
than you expected, the same as you expected, or worse than you expected?"
"What
type of question is that?" Wedge demanded. "I can't answer
that!"
"Just
answer it, Wedge," Luke said out of the side of his mouth. "The
sooner we get finished, the sooner we can go home."
"Well,
at least I have the Falcon to go back to tonight," Han grumbled as
he wrote his answer down. "And none of you are invited, either."
Chapter Six
Tendra smiled and waved at the boisterous audience as she brought
out the four wives, then escorted them to their seats
next to their husbands.
Mara noticed
Luke's apprehension through the Force almost immediately, but stuck by the
rules of 'no talking' until after the answers were read. She was also
determined not to communicate through their Force-bond, since that would be
highly unethical, even if they didn't 'discuss' the questions.
"Alright,
then," Lando said, shifting on his feet
nervously. "Let's get right to the ladies' questions and see how well they
know their perfect mates. Once I read the questions again, the men will give
their answers out loud while the screen behind them displays their wives'
answers. Please notice that the screen is placed so that only our audience can
see it, and not the spouse. Gentlemen, after you give your answer, your wife's
response will show up on the screen in front of you, and keep in mind correct
answers are worth fifty points." Lando held up
the flimsy and read the first innocent question about desserts. "Corran, please answer now."
Corran grinned confidently. "Easy as pie...
tanzie-cream pie!"
The audience
let out loud hoots of laughter, since they could see Mirax's
answer, and Mirax looked surprised. "Pie?"
"You
ate a piece a few nights ago," Corran pointed
out.
"You
brought it home from the store," Mirax responded. "It's not my
favorite!"
Corran looked down at the screen, which was now displaying Mirax's answer. "Crinkle Cake?"
"So Corran's answer was incorrect," Lando
said. "Too bad. Let's move on to Han."
The
ex-smuggler leaned back on the seat, his face one of sheer confidence. "Neat-o Whip!"
"Neat-o Whip?" Leia spluttered.
"That's not even a dessert... it's just a dessert topping!"
"Hey,"
Han protested. "I squirt it in my mouth all the time for a quick
dessert."
"It's
not Neat-o Whip," Leia snapped. "It's creamed letten
pudding."
Han made a
face. "That slimy poo-doo?"
"I can
see we're off to a great start," Lando
interrupted. "Let's move on to Wedge, now."
"Hmmm,"
Wedge mumbled, then finally decided. "Ryshcate."
Iella beamed
as the audience clapped. "Yes!"
"Well,
finally," Lando grumbled. "One
right. Luke?"
Having had
the advantage of some extra time to ponder the question, Luke piped right up. "Berry-bliss ice-cream!"
"I'm
impressed," Mara whispered, pleased Luke knew the
answer despite the female 'plot.'
Relieved that
a few points now showed up on the tally board, Lando
moved on to question two, which failed to move the points much higher. All the
men said the last vegetable color their wives ate was 'green,'
and only Corran guessed right. This moved the couples
into a three-way tie, with only Han and Leia having no points at all. Han was
getting worried.
Leaning
over, he whispered, "I told you we should have practiced."
"Question
three," Lando said loudly, glaring at Han.
"Will your wife say you notice other women when
you're out in public with her? Han?"
Leia snorted
in disgust.
"Wrong
again, Han," Lando groused. "Are you even trying?
Luke...you're next."
"No,"
Luke spoke up quickly. "I don't look at other women... why should I? I'm
married to the most beautiful―"
"Bottle
the space-dust," Mara interrupted. "You're wrong."
"But I don't
look at other women!"
"Jedi
aren't supposed to lie, Master Luke," Corran informed Luke, smirking.
"Corran? Your answer, please," Lando
requested.
"I'd
say she'd write down that I do notice," he answered, then quickly
added, "But I don't."
"So
much for Jedi not lying," Luke muttered.
"Very
good answer," Mirax said, nodding. "Now we'll have to work on that
issue, though..."
"But
we're winning!"
Lando shook his head. "Wedge?"
"I'd
never, ever look at another woman!"
"Wedge!" Iella shouted. "You are such a―"
"Okay, folks," Lando
quickly inserted. "On to the next question..."
The feminine
woman versus masculine man question created another stir. Wedge tried putting
things right with Iella by telling her she was more feminine, which actually was
her answer. Corran refused to back down, claiming he
was more masculine. Amazingly, this was also correct. Luke told Mara she was
more feminine ―
another wrong answer, and Mara was getting annoyed.
Han was too proud to say anything besides he was more masculine, and was
rewarded with a kiss on the cheek for finally getting a question right.
The last
question the men had to answer was the 'boy' question.
Corran was asked to go first. "Big boy.
No question."
Mirax sighed
as the screen flashed 'Bad boy.'
After Lando pointed at Luke, the Jedi pursed his lips, staring
off into the overhead lights. "Little boy... although I
hope that opinion has changed since our honeymoon."
"Good
boy!" Mara snapped, swatting her husband as the
audience chuckled at Luke's remark. Didn't he know her at all?
"It's
your turn, Wedge," Lando instructed the General.
"Uhhh... good boy?" Wedge felt he was
certainly as good as Mara seemed to think Luke was.
Iella shook
her head. "Little boy."
"Little?"
Wedge questioned, annoyed. "In what way?"
This response drew a huge roar from the auditorium, and Wedge slumped down in
embarrassment as he glared at Luke for putting that idea for 'little' in the
mind of the audience.
Last came
Han's turn. "Bad boy."
The Princess
smiled. "Way to go, flyboy!"
"And
now for the men's questions," Lando declared.
The nickname question was read to the women, and Leia was told to answer first.
Both answers had to be correct in order to count.
"Scruffy and Princess."
"How
many times do I have to tell you... I'm NOT scruffy
looking!" Han shot back. "The answer was scoundrel. Scoundrel and Your Worshipfulness!"
"And
how many times have I told you I don't like that nickname?"
Leia hissed out.
Next came Iella. "Flyboy, and...
sweetie?" Wedge let out a whoop, and the audience cheered.
Mirax
frowned in thought. "Corsec
and Cuddles."
Corran shook his fist in the air. "Yes!"
The pressure
was on Mara, since they were now way behind in points. "I call Luke
'Farmboy,' and he calls me..." She stopped, trying not to blush.
"You
have to answer, Mara," Lando prodded.
"Red,"
she said finally.
"You
know I don't call you Red," Luke protested. "It's Moonie-dew!"
"You
TOLD them you call me MOONIE-DEW?" Mara yelled, making Luke flinch.
"You promised me you'd never tell anyone! Now the entire galaxy knows!
Rodders!"
Lando looked over at the director. "Did you get that word
bleeped out?"
"I
thought we were trying to win," Luke grumbled. "Now we're even
further behind..."
The number
of holos in the house went a bit smoother, and for the first time all of the
answers matched. The next question about wedding dates was slightly rockier...
"We got
married when he wanted to," Mirax said with certainty.
"Which
time?" Corran growled out,
annoyed that she'd answered incorrectly. "I wanted to wait..."
Eyes wide,
Mirax shouted, "WHAT?"
"We got
married on the Lusankya because you
couldn't wait for a normal wedding on Coruscant!" Corran
argued. "Who needs two
weddings, anyway? I tried telling you we should wait until everyone could
attend, but you just had to push it."
"Let's
move on," Lando quickly injected. "Mara?"
"When
he wanted to," Mara replied. "I thought I'd die of old age
waiting."
Luke gave a
nervous laugh, but was pleased Mara answered correctly.
"Iella?" Lando asked.
"We got
married when I wanted to."
"I love
you, sweetie," Wedge gushed.
Last was
Leia's response. "I'd have to say we got married when Han finally wanted
to...after I took drastic measures."
"Drastic measures?" Han questioned,
ignoring the fact Leia got the answer right.
"You
don't think I really intended to marry some prince I hardly knew, did
you?"
A refined Hapan male voice rose from the audience. "Hey! You used
me?"
"On to
the next question," Lando told everyone.
"What is the one demand of your husband that you keep ignoring, and he's
getting upset about? Mara?"
"Not
sleeping with my lightsaber under the pillow."
"It is
dangerous, love," Luke pointed out, giving her a quick kiss as the
audience cheered.
"Mirax?" Lando asked.
"You're next."
"I
always take more than my share of the blanket at night," she replied,
hopefully.
Corran gave a dramatic groan. "The blanket?
What about always using my special shampoo?"
"Oh...
yes. That, too."
"Too
bad, Mirax," Lando said sadly. "Leia?"
"Spending
more time with him, and less time with politics," Leia answered.
"And
you plan on continuing to ignore me and spend all your time with politics,
huh?"
"Of course, scruffy," Leia said, proud of
her correct response.
"And
last but not least... Iella. What's your answer?"
Lando questioned.
"I
don't put things away in the cupboard in alphabetical order, and according to
size."
"You
didn't have to tell them that!" Wedge grumbled. "I said you don't put
the silverware down in the right place on the table."
"You're
weird, boss," Corran said, leaning over and
grinning.
"And this
is the last question for round one - ladies, when you first got married, were
your culinary skills better than he expected, the same as he expected, or worse
than he expected? Iella?"
"The same."
"And
the
Lando nodded. "Mirax?"
"The same."
Corran grinned. "Corellian women are the best cooks in the
galaxy." This was met with scattered applause throughout the audience.
"And Leia?"
"Better.
Much better."
Han shook
his head. "Princess... cooking has never been one of your better
talents."
"You're
going to pay for this, Solo," Leia threatened, reading his scrawled
'worse.'
"I
already am," Han muttered, thinking about how this entire holothon happened because he'd insulted Leia's cooking and
ended up at the Starlayne. Life could be cruel.
"And
for the last response of round one... Mara!"
"Worse,"
she admitted.
"I love
your cooking!" Luke argued, as his answer of 'better' flashed up.
"Better?"
Mara questioned sharply. "So you weren't expecting much to begin
with?"
"That's
not what I meant," Luke said, his eyes pleading for mercy. "I meant I
love your cooking."
Mara shook
her head. "You'd eat anything... what kind of endorsement is that?"
Lando waved his hand at the tally board. "It appears the
ladies definitely matched more than their husbands did... the grand total for
round one is Wedge and Iella Antilles with three hundred points, Corran and Mirax Horn tied for first with three hundred
points...Han and Leia Solo with two hundred and fifty points, and Luke and Mara
Skywalker right behind with two hundred points."
Mara leaned
over toward her husband. "Last place! How
embarrassing is that?"
"It's
just a game..." Luke started, then trailed off at
Mara's icy glare. "We'll do better in round two," he promised.
Chapter Seven
Borsk Fey'lya snickered as he watched
the women being led off stage. "This is going to ruin her career," he
cackled under his breath.
General
Rieekan heard the comment, and instantly defended the Princess. "Why
should it? This is just for fun and charity. Good, clean fun."
"And my
daughter is in first place," Booster bragged. Although he didn't admit it,
some of those questions made him rather uncomfortable. There were things a
father just shouldn't know about his daughter and her husband.
Talon Karrde
leaned forward. "I still think Mara and Luke will pull it off."
"No
way," Booster argued. "Mirax has this wrapped up and delivered."
"Care
to make a wager?"
"I'd
love to."
"Gentlemen," Mon Mothma admonished. "This is a
charity event. Not some poor excuse for gambling."
"No,
it's just a poor excuse for entertainment," Fey'lya
grumbled.
"A
thousand credits on the Skywalkers," Karrde said, ignoring Mothma.
"You
got yourself a bet," Terrik shot back.
"She
never intended to marry me!" Isolder muttered
from his seat between his seething wife and Mon Mothma. "Can you
believe that?"
"Last
place," Mara griped, pacing the waiting room. "If that farmboy
doesn't start knowing some of those answers..."
"Wait a
minute," Mirax interrupted. "We don't want them to know more than
us."
"That's
what you think," Mara shot back. "You're in first place, so it
doesn't matter to you."
"I
never knew you were this competitive, Mara," Leia said.
"At
least Luke loves my cooking," Mara told her hotly. "Unlike
Solo."
"He was
just being kind," Leia said, irritated. "He told you he never looks
at other women, too."
"So did
your husband! And your husband said lots of really stupid things out
there."
"Like
what, Moonie-dew?"
"Don't
call me that!"
"Uh... ladies?" Iella inserted.
"Why are we fighting?"
"This
isn't for credits, Mara," Mirax pointed out. "It's just points."
"And
pride!" Mara yelled. "The point is I have a little pride!"
"We
know," Leia muttered.
Mara glared
at her sister-in-law. "What?"
"Come
on," Iella cajoled. "We have to stick together. Us
against them."
The three
women looked at Mara expectantly. Finally, she gave up. "Us against
them," she agreed reluctantly.
Meanwhile,
back on the stage, Lando took the next binder from
the director. "Round two, gentlemen. All points
are now doubled at one hundred. So even if you're in last place," he said,
looking pointedly at Luke, "you can still easily catch up. Try to get more
right this time. We want that charity money to roll in." He opened the
binder. "And the first question for round two is,
what is the last thing you denied doing, but really did?"
"You
want us to admit to something like that?" Corran
asked in horror.
"How
about we beat up Calrissian after the show, and deny doing it?" Wedge
suggested.
This made
the audience laugh loudly, and Lando smiled. The
director had whispered earlier to him that the ratings were going steadily up,
and the holocomms were lighting up with new pledges.
Despite a few inappropriate questions in round one, things were going better
than Lando could have hoped for. "It would be
too late to use that in the game, Wedge," Lando
replied lightly.
"You
think that's gonna matter?" Han grumbled, staring at his screen.
"We're
not supposed to be talking," Luke reminded the Corellians. A wave of
hostility rose up from his friends, and for a second Luke considered taking out
his lightsaber for protection.
"Hurry
up, gentlemen," Lando said with a sigh. "We
don't have all night. Next question..."
"WAIT!"
Luke yelled. "I can't think of anything!"
"Of
course not," Han said sarcastically. "Since when
does perfect little Lukie need to deny
anything?"
"I am not
perfect!"
"Maybe
you can use that as your answer," Wedge suggested. "Luke denies he's
perfect, but he really is."
"Why is
everyone picking on me?" Luke protested.
"QUIT TALKING!"
Lando shouted, getting angry. Composing himself, he
continued, "Since you've been married, is your wife nagging more, uh...
sagging more, bragging more or gagging more?"
"Oh,
sure," Corran said, groaning. "We're all
going to put down 'sagging,' right?"
"The
next person that talks out loud is disqualified!" Lando
warned. The audience let out a loud, long boo, and he belatedly realized that
threat was rather pointless. Disqualifying would only hurt the holothon, and he was certain the men would be more than
happy to leave at this point. "Maybe not disqualified," he amended.
"But I'll put tape over your mouth."
"Have I
mentioned yet that I hate this game?" Han griped, his eyes daring Lando to do something about his talking. "Have I
mentioned I hate you, too?"
Lando wisely did nothing. "Are you done yet? Actually, I
don't care if you're not... on to the next question. What comes to mind first
when you think of her, err... chest?" He hesitated while the four men
glared vibro-blades at him and the audience howled. "Mountains, boulders or pebbles?" He really was
going to have to kill Wes when this show was over. Maybe he'd even hire Boba
Fett to do the job right.
Luke jumped
to his feet, his face red. "I'm not answering that!" He turned and
informed Han, "And you're not answering that about my sister,
either!"
"You have
to answer," Lando ordered, yelling to be heard
over the audience. "It's part of the rules!"
"Calm
down, kid," Han said, trying to soothe his upset friend. "It's just a
game."
"A dumb
game, I believe is how you described it to me," Corran
inserted.
"A dumb
game that billions are watching," Han warned, nodding toward the holocamera.
Seething,
the Jedi took his seat, chanting under his breath, "There is no anger,
there is only peace... there is no anger..."
"Speak
for yourself, Skywalker," Wedge said, scribbling
down an answer.
With great
trepidation, Lando flipped the page and read question
number four. "Which is truer lately in the romance department ― she's been making more
excuses, or you've been making more excuses?"
"You're
the one with no excuse, Calrissian," Corran
informed the now sweating host.
Booster Terrik's voice shouted from the audience. "I know
where you live, Horn, and I have a code-key to your apartment. Just remember
that as you're answering these questions."
The men
slowly wrote down responses, then slammed their
writing styluses down on their screens. "This is the last question," Lando croaked out. "And I'm sure we're all glad to hear
it. Fill in the following blank... my wife's blank is so deadly, that she ought
to carry a warning sign."
"That
one is easy," Luke said with a sigh of relief, quickly writing something
down and ignoring his flustered friends yelling in his direction, "EASY?"
Han sank
down with a thud on the waiting room's sofa. "I hate Lando.
Why do I keep getting involved with him? Why did I agree to do this?"
"This
wasn't our fault," Wedge pointed out. "This was our wives' idea. And
we're going to make sure they never, ever live this down."
Corran perked up. "So we can twist this to our
advantage?"
"Of
course," Wedge replied. "When we get home, we lay on the guilt.
They'll be so humiliated at what happened, we'll be
living like kings for months and months. Breakfast in bed... foot rubs..."
"Hot
love-making," Han added.
"HAN!"
Luke yelled, mortified. "That's my sister you're talking about!"
"Yeah,
kid," Han said with a snort. "Those kids of ours just appeared by
your Force hocus-pocus..."
"Gentlemen,"
Corran interrupted. "We need to plan our real
revenge... against Calrissian."
"Revenge
is..." Luke started to say, then changed his
mind. "Oh, kest. Let's
start planning."
Baron Lando Calrissian mopped his forehead as the wives trouped
back onstage, then forced a smile on his face. After
all, they had been much easier to deal with during round one. "Ladies...
welcome back! Your husbands have finished up and now it's your turn in the
spotlight again. Question one... it would be totally out-of-character for my
husband to blank."
"Blank?"
Mirax questioned blankly.
"You
replace the word 'blank' with your answer," Iella answered before Lando could explain.
Mirax
nodded. "Ah."
The women
hesitated for a moment, then wrote down answers. Lando felt a wave of relief that the question didn't seem
to upset them. "Question two... before you married him, did he toy more
with women's affections, or did you toy more with men's affections?"
The ladies
smiled tightly, and Lando could tell the question
irritated them, then they scribbled on the screen.
Taking a
breath, Lando turned the page. "What is the one
thing he's hoping you won't tell us about him, because it doesn't match his
macho image of himself?"
"I love
this question," Mirax stated as she wrote. "Corran
thinks he's so macho, anyway."
"Not
just Corran," Leia said. "Han lives for his
macho image."
"Luke
is very secure with his own masculinity," Mara informed them. "He
doesn't need to act like that."
"You
can sure tell she's a newlywed," Iella muttered, writing down her answer.
For a moment,
Lando considered reminding them of the 'no talking'
rule, then shrugged. Why bother, when the men had so blatantly disregarded the
rule? "When you first married him," he continued on, "you had to
take him as he is, which unfortunately includes his
blank."
"That
could be so many things," Leia mused, and everyone laughed before
she realized she'd spoken aloud.
After giving
them a minute, Lando hurriedly read the final
question, eager to get this game over with. "The first time you saw your
husband in his life-day suit..." He was interrupted by the audience, which
screamed in hysterical laughter. After the noise died down, Lando
continued, although he didn't dare look directly at the women. "Did you
take a quick peek or a good long look?"
Leia felt
her face flush with mortification. She could swear she heard Fey'lya calling for her resignation over the wild audience.
At the very least, Mon Mothma would surely lecture her about keeping the
proprieties of the office of Chief of State.
"Calrissian,
just so you understand - you are going to suffer for this question," Mara
threatened. "Slowly and painfully."
As the
audience roared again, Lando felt like sinking into
the floor. Wes was definitely living on borrowed time. Then again, he
reflected, he probably was too.
Chapter Eight
The men
filed back onstage to loud applause. Luke felt a strange sensation coming from
the packed auditorium ―
much like a crowd that watches speederbike races and
waits impatiently for the inevitable crash. Lando
seemed even more nervous now that he'd been when the men had left the stage a
short while ago, and Mara's Force-sense was radiating anger and embarrassment.
All this led Luke to have another bad feeling. A very, very
bad feeling.
Running his
hand over his mustache, Lando waited until everyone
was seated. "Just to recap... we have a tie of three hundred points
between the Horns and the
This was met
with grunts from the men, and grim looks from the women. "Well,
good," Lando said, attempting to be
enthusiastic. "The women go first this time around. The men were asked what was the last thing they denied doing, but really did.
Can you remember what that was? Mara?"
"Sure,
pick me first," she grumbled under her breath.
"What
was that?" Lando prompted. "We couldn't
hear you."
"Luke
denied thinking I was a bad cook, but he really does!"
Shocked,
Luke drew away from his wife. "When?"
"A few minutes ago!"
"You
mean during this game?"
"Yes!"
"That's
not the right answer," Luke stated, annoyed. "I don't even think
using an answer from this game counts."
"Of
course it does," Mara returned evenly. "If you don't believe me,
let's ask Lando."
"Uh, I
don't know if the rules actually cover that, but your husband's answer was that
he denied you told him to bring home bread, but you actually did," Lando said, reading the holoscreen.
"You
know what you can do with that bread, don't you?" Mara muttered.
"Well,
let's move on to Leia," Lando said, tugging at
his collar. Why was it so hot in here?
"Let's
see," Leia said, tapping her finger on her chin. "This happens so
often..."
"It
does not!" Han protested.
"He
denied taking his loser smuggler buddies out drinking last week, but I know he
did, because he came home late, reeking like stale cigarras
and cheap whiskey."
"That's
right!" Han said, amazed she actually matched his answer.
"You
are in so much trouble, nerf-herder."
"Kest," Han muttered. "I knew admitting that would
be a mistake."
"Iella? You're next."
"He
denies bringing home vacation brochures for Corellia. I know he does... I found
them under the bed."
Wedge
groaned. "That doesn't really count."
"Then
what did you do?"
Iella was
astounded. "How would I know that?"
"The noisy space game playing in the background?"
Lando grinned. Maybe the men would be in so much trouble, the
women would forget all about him. "Mirax?"
"I
asked him if he was using lifts in his shoes to make himself taller," she
said, a bit smugly. "I found a sales receipt on the floor."
"I do
not use lifts!" Corran argued hotly. "That
was for arch support! My answer was drinking milk directly out of the
container. I denied drinking milk out of the container, but I was!"
"Let's
not ever go over to their house for dinner, Princess," Han told his wife.
"Alright,
then," Lando said wearily. "We're off to
another bang-up start in this round. Next question.
Since you've been married to your husband, are you nagging more, sagging more,
bragging more or gagging more? Iella?"
"He'd
better not have said sagging," Iella said, her eyes narrowing. When Wedge
remained silent, she said, "He'd say I was nagging more."
"And
I'd say you're right!" Wedge declared happily.
"Thanks,"
Iella responded dryly.
Mara was
asked next, and she had no idea what to say. "I guess gag more."
"GAG?" Luke shouted. "How could you say that?
How do I make you gag?"
"What
did you say?"
"Brag!"
"Of
course," Mara said, shaking her head.
"Just
explain to me how I make you gag?"
"Moving
on," Lando quickly put in. "Mirax?"
"Knowing
my husband, and keeping in mind this has nothing to do with reality, I'd say
brag."
"Nothing to do with reality?" Corran grumbled.
"You're
right!" Lando said happily. "Leia?
Your turn."
"Han
would say brag, too. Corellians are rather predictable."
"You
think so?" Han asked, eyeing his wife. "Just wait for the next
question, Your Worshipfulness."
"I see
that I'm right," she responded smugly as Han's response of 'brag' came up.
"Next
question," Lando declared nervously. "What
comes to your husband's mind when he thinks about your chest.
Mountains, boulders or pebbles?"
"I
didn't want to answer this," Luke said sullenly.
"Mirax?" Lando asked, glaring
at Luke's comment.
She felt her
face flush, thinking about her father sitting in the audience. "Boulders."
"I said
mountains!" Corran yelled.
"Don't
yell at me!"
"Why
would I say boulders? Boulders are hard!"
"And
mountains are soft?" she asked in disgust.
"If
they were covered with snow, they could be."
"Let's
continue," Lando hurried forward. "Iella?"
"Boulders?"
The screen
flashed 'boulders,' and Iella smiled. "Thank you, honey."
"No
problem, sweetie."
"Gagging
should have been her answer," Luke grumbled.
"Leia?" Lando asked.
Glaring at
Han, she replied, "Pebbles. He'd say pebbles."
Han laughed.
"Mountains, sweetheart... mountains!"
"Are
you crazy?" Leia asked incredulously.
"He's
delusional," Corran supplied. "Comes
from too much whiskey."
"Are you
insulting my wife's chest, Horn?" Han growled out. "'Cuz if you are,
I'll have to challenge you to a duel."
"Anytime,
Solo. Anytime."
"And
lastly, Mara..." Lando waved his hand at the
red-faced red-head.
"Boulders,"
she mumbled.
Luke's face
lit up. "That's right!"
"Don't
ask me to ever compare your body parts with inanimate objects, Skywalker,"
Mara warned her husband. "You won't like what I come up with."
The next
questions about excuses in the romance department went somewhat better. All the
women guessed correctly they had made more excuses, knowing too well there was no way their husbands would admit otherwise. Leia had
been tempted to say Han made more excuses, based on the fact he was so much
older, but she wanted the points more than she wanted to wound his Corellian
pride.
"The
last question for the ladies," Lando stated.
"Your blank is so deadly, that you ought to carry a warning sign. Leia,
would you like to answer?"
"No, I
would not," she responded. "But since I don't have
a choice. In keeping with my dear husband's thinking, I'll say
cooking."
Han groaned,
and moved as far away from his wife as the small sofa would allow. "That's
not what I said."
"You're
kidding!" She looked down at his scrawled response. "I can't read
this. What does it say?"
Frowning up
at the holoscreen, Lando
nodded his agreement. "I can't read it either, Han."
"Uh...
it says cooking," Han mumbled, his eyes darting between his wife and the
screen.
"You
just said that was wrong," Leia countered, squinting at the screen.
"That's definitely not a 'c' at the beginning."
Han mumbled
under his breath.
"What?"
Leia prodded.
"Tongue...okay?
It says tongue!"
"You
think I have a deadly tongue, you low-down, scruffy looking
nerf-herder?"
"Pretty much. Yeah."
This brought
thunderous applause from the audience while Leia continued to glare at Han.
"Just wait until we get home, laser-brains."
Lando held up his hand. "Iella?"
"Intelligence,"
Iella said after a bit of thinking.
"I said
bad piloting skills," Wedge replied sadly.
"What's
wrong with my piloting skills?"
"Nothing, sweetie. I'm just
better."
"Don't
call me sweetie," she said icily.
"Well,"
Lando said with false bravado. "We're getting a
bit testy, aren't we? Mara?"
"Lightsaber,"
she answered without hesitation.
Luke jumped
up on the sofa, looking at the other men. "I knew that question was
easy!"
"Sit
down," Mara hissed out. "Have you lost your mind?"
Realizing he
was acting a bit undignified, he quickly sat back down.
"Mirax,
we need your answer please," Lando asked
politely, noticing that Mirax wasn't looking at Corran.
Mirax waited
so long, Lando wondered if she was even going to
reply. Finally she said, "My blaster."
"Blaster?" Corran quickly
asked. "I said your father."
"My father?"
"That's
a good answer, Horn," Terrik yelled from the
audience. "I'll try to prove you right later."
Lando instructed the audience to look at the tally board.
"The Antilles are still in first place with six hundred points, the Solos
are now in second place with five hundred fifty points, the Horns have dropped
to third with five hundred, and the Skywalkers are making a comeback and are
tied with the Horns at five hundred. It's still anybody's game, folks! So on to
the last half of round two. Try to redeem yourselves from round one, gentlemen,
and get more right than your wives. Question one... it would be totally
out-of-character for you to blank. Luke?"
"Lose
my temper," Luke replied, grinning. Surely Mara would have written that
down. Her answer flashed on the screen, and he leaned forward to read it.
"Wear colorful clothing?"
"Brown and black. Black and brown. It
gets boring," Mara huffed out.
"You
could have Calrissian take you shopping," Han suggested helpfully.
"Han,
please answer next," Lando instructed.
"Hmmm. How about gettin'
outta bed before she does?"
When the
audience started laughing, Han read Leia's answer. "Use proper
grammar?" He turned and glared at his smirking wife. "That's a low
blow, sweetheart."
"And
calling my tongue deadly isn't?"
"Corran, please answer," Lando
said, pushing the game along.
"Put
the dirty dishes in the cleaner."
Mirax smiled
sweetly. "Oh, I forgot about that one. I wrote down, levitate objects with
the Force."
Corran turned and glared at Luke and Wedge. "I'm going to
kill you two for dragging me into this."
"Please
do," Wedge replied. "Just make it fast and painless."
Lando quickly asked Wedge for his answer.
"Uh...
I guess volunteer to pick up groceries."
"I put
down kissing me in public."
"Why
would you want me to kiss you in public?" Wedge questioned, annoyed.
"Gentlemen, congratulations. Not one of you
answered that correctly. Next question!" Lando inserted. "Before you married her, did you toy
more with women's affections, or did she toy more with men's affections. Wedge?"
"Since
I don't kiss in public, the answer is she toyed more with men's
affections."
"How
dare you!" Iella said hotly. "You're the one with the trail of broken
hearts, not me!"
"Me?"
Wedge asked in amazement. "Are you sure you remember who you're married
to?"
"Corran," Lando said
desperately. "Please get this right."
"Since
the ladies all enjoyed my company," Corran
started, then Han began coughing loudly. Glaring at
Solo, he tried again, "I'd say I toyed more with women's affections."
Lando gave a grin. "And that was Mirax's
reply."
Corran leaned over to give Mirax a kiss, and she leaned away to
prevent him.
"Luke?"
Lando pushed forward.
"Mara
toyed more with men's affections."
Mara stood
up. "WHAT?"
"You
dated Lando..."
"And
you dated Callista, and Gaeriel Captison and Tanith Shire, and
who knows how many others."
"Callista
is the only one I actually dated," Luke protested.
"Exactly! You toyed with the affections of all those
others!"
"I did
not," Luke shot back. "Besides, I didn't dare try to date you when I
met you... you wanted to kill me!"
"It's
getting that way again, farmboy!"
"Han?"
Lando croaked out.
"Leia
toyed more."
Brown eyes
wide, Leia turned to face her husband. "That's so incredibly wrong! How
can you even say that? You dated hundreds of women!"
"Hundreds
might be a bit of an exaggeration," Han told her. "But that's not the
question. The question is toying with affections. I never toyed. I always
delivered the goods."
"You
won't be delivering those goods to me anytime soon," Leia grumbled.
"So
far, gentlemen, your matches are pathetic," Lando
informed them. "Only one right. Let's move on.
What's the one thing you hope she won't tell us about you, because it doesn't
match your macho image of yourself? Corran, you go
first."
Corran fidgeted for a while before coming up with a reply. "I
sing to my son when I put him to bed at night." This answer was met with a
big 'aww' from the audience, then laughter.
Leaning
forward, he read Mirax's response. "What? You
told them I highlight my hair? First you tell them I put lifts in my shoes, and
then you tell them I highlight my hair?"
"It's
the truth," she said defensively.
Lando shook his head, then asked Wedge
to answer.
"I guess, err, that I collect model spaceships," he
admitted. "But they're not toys! They go up in value every year!"
Iella was pleased.
"That's what I wrote down!"
"Okay,
maybe this will get us going," Lando said
hopefully. "Han?"
"Have I
said how much I hate this game yet?" Han grumbled. "Let me think. I
suppose she'll have told you I like to polish my boots all the time."
"Sure,
Han," Leia said sarcastically. "That's what I put down."
"What
did you..." He trailed off as he read what the
audience was laughing at. "You told them I cry during sad holoshows? Once! I cried one krethin' time when a
kid's pet dog died, and you have to go tell the galaxy?"
"Would you like a little lace hanky for a life-day
present, Solo?" Corran asked.
"I
don't know," Han snapped. "What color hair dye would you like me to
buy for you?"
Lando sighed. "Luke?"
"I... I
sing in the shower."
Mara
laughed. "I told them you once went out in public with nothing under your
Jedi robe."
"MARA!" Luke shouted, appalled. "I only did that
because you bet me I wouldn't!"
"Who
knew that bet would come in so handy?"
"What
did you win in the bet, kid?" Han wanted to know.
"Okay,"
Lando stated. "Next question.
When your wife married you, she had to take you as is, which unfortunately
included your blank. Han?"
"My
ship," Han muttered.
A huge burst
of applause followed this, since Han was actually right.
"Corran?" Lando asked.
"My
ego," he said, glaring at Mirax.
"I said
your past," she snapped out.
"My past?" Corran asked.
"You're the one with the shady past, not me!"
"Really? Did MY father send YOUR father to Kessel?"
"If my
father sent your father to the mines, it was because he deserved it," Corran said firmly.
"You'll
be going to Kessel willingly once we get home, Corsec," Mirax threatened.
"You
tell 'em, honey!" Booster yelled out from the audience.
"Luke...
you go next," Lando instructed.
"That's
hard," Luke complained. "Let me think. My always
cheerful disposition?"
Mara groaned
while the audience laughed. "I put down your constant lectures on the
Force."
Luke looked
affronted. "Constant? I thought I was being helpful."
"It's
helpful the first hundred times you hear it," Mara replied shortly.
"After that, it's only annoying."
"And Wedge, your turn." Lando rolled his hand, trying to hurry this along.
"My cooking?"
"Cooking?"
Iella asked, astounded. "Since when do you cook?"
"Exactly,"
Wedge replied, nodding in agreement. "You had to take my lack of
cooking!"
"That's
not what you said," Lando pointed out. "And
Iella put down whistling through your nose while you sleep."
"I do
not!"
"You do
too!" Iella shot back. "Tonight I'll record it, if you don't believe
me!"
"And
that was yet another really, really bad round from the men," Lando announced. "The last question before the big
bonus point question is this... the very first time your wife saw you in your
life-day suit, did she take a quick peek or a good long look? Luke, you go first
again."
"Thanks,"
the Jedi muttered unhappily, trying not to look in Leia's direction. It was
just too embarrassing. "She took a good long look, because she liked what
she saw."
"In
your dreams, farmboy," Mara said. "You don't even know the
first time I saw you in your life-day suit."
"I do
so."
"When?"
"When
you were spying on me taking a swim on Yavin," Luke said, grinning.
"You didn't think I knew you were hiding behind that tree, but I
knew it."
"So
that's why you posed so long in my direction after you got out?"
This
statement practically brought down the house, and both Luke and Mara blushed
furiously. Luke then leaned over, whispering in Mara's ear,
"See? I knew you took a good long look."
"It
appears you managed to go through that entire round and not get any answers
right, Luke," Lando informed him sadly.
"This was for charity, remember? Corran, you may
go next."
"She
took a long, long, long look," Corran said,
smirking. "What woman in her right mind wouldn't?"
"Unfortunately,
Mister Ego here has it right," Mirax admitted.
"I
didn't need to know that," Booster yelled again from the audience.
"In fact, no one needed to know that."
Calrissian
looked at Wedge. "Your turn, General."
"Iella
peeked," Wedge said, nodding. "She's very modest."
"I am
not," Iella protested. "And you got it wrong... I took a good long
look."
"Really?" Wedge asked, grinning. "Thanks,
sweetie."
"And
the final response is from Han," Lando said
grandly. "Try to get it right."
"She
peeked," Han said instantly. "I remember exactly when it happened
too... on the way to Bespin. I was stepping out of
the shower, and she just accidentally walked in the 'fresher at that
same moment..."
"It was
an accident!" Leia insisted, knowing the lecture from Mon Mothma was now a
certainty. And she knew General Rieekan was undoubtedly quite unhappy with her
appearing on this show, too. She could only pray that Chewbacca had turned off
the holo-set and told the children it was time to do
their homework. The idea of having Jacen, Jaina and Anakin actually watching this right now was
almost too much to contemplate.
"But
the good news is Han actually got it right again!" Lando
said happily. "And the final tally going into the big bonus round is ― Han and Leia are leading
with seven hundred fifty points, Corran and Mirax and
Wedge and Iella are tied for second at seven hundred points, and Luke and Mara
are still at five hundred points, since Luke failed to get one answer
right."
Lando shook his head. "I hope they can all get this bonus
question, and raise these points up, since out of a possible six thousand
points they've accumulated a pathetic two thousand, six hundred and
fifty." Lando waved his hand,
and Tendra appeared from off-stage. "Gentlemen,
if you'll follow my lovely fiancée off-stage, I'll read the one bonus question
to your wives. It's worth five hundred points, so it's your last chance to get
those points accumulated, and redeem yourselves."
Chapter Nine
Back in the sound-proof room...
"I
didn't get one lousy match," Luke moaned, sinking down in the sofa.
"Mara is going to kill me."
"Aw,
kid, don't feel so bad," Han told him. "It wasn't all
your fault, ya know."
Luke looked
up hopefully. "It wasn't?"
"Nah...
you answered that peeked or long look question
right," Han pointed out. "It wasn't your fault if Mara lied in her
answer."
"Mara
doesn't lie!" Luke protested, defending his new wife.
"Sure
she did," Wedge said. "She stared at you through the trees, and then
said she only peeked the first time. That's a lie."
"I... I
should never have told her I knew she was there," Luke mumbled, stricken.
"And to tell her while billions were watching..."
"Leia
should never have told the galaxy I cry watchin' holo-vids," Han said, miffed. "I'll never live
that down."
"You?" Corran grumbled.
"The galaxy thinks I highlight my hair and wear lifts!"
"So
Mirax was lying about that?" Wedge asked, grinning. "Along
with the inability to levitate objects?"
"Shut
up!" Corran snapped. "You can't levitate
anything, either, unless you can levitate your little toy spaceships when no
one is looking." Then as an afterthought added,
"Sir."
"Hey,
Luke," Han injected into the conversation. "Maybe you should find out
where Horn gets his shoe lifts." As Wedge snorted, Han couldn't help
adding, "What are you laughin' at, Antilles? You
could use a pair yourself." He looked around at the three men. "Those
X-Wings stunt everyone's growth?"
Trying to
ignoring Han, Wedge turned his focus toward Luke. "You are wearing
something under those robes today, aren't you?"
"How am
I going to face my students back at the Academy?" Luke mumbled, burying
his face in his hands.
"Have I
said how much I hate this game?" Han asked to no one in particular.
"YES!"
all the men yelled back at him.
"All
right, then," Lando said, trying his best to
maintain a cheerful expression, even though the four women contestants were all
glaring at him. "We need to move on to the big bonus round. Think
carefully before answering, because this one question will determine the
winner, and if you all get it right, the charity will benefit."
"Just
get to the question, already," Mara groused out, steaming over the fact
Luke had failed to match a single question in that last round.
Still
smiling, even though his cheeks were hurting from the effort, Lando opened the final binder that the director handed him
before rushing away. "And the last question is..." His smile faded
and his eyes became wide in shock at what Wes had written. "Eating
utensils... in the bedroom?" he mumbled under his breath. "Who in
their right mind would take sharp objects to bed?"
"What?"
Mirax asked loudly. "You're mumbling, Calrissian."
"Speak
up," Iella requested.
Lando quickly looked up, slamming the folder shut. "Well. Now. On to the last bonus question."
"You
already said that," Leia pointed out impatiently. The sooner he asked the
question, the sooner she could escape with what little dignity she had left.
"Yes,"
Lando agreed, nodding. "I sure did, didn't
I?" He turned to the audience. "Have you had a good time,
everyone?" The audience clapped loud and long. "Well. Good. And my
director has informed me we've taken in more pledges than we anticipated, even
when you consider how poorly our perfect pairs did on this game. Although they
tried their best, didn't they? Let's give them a big round of applause."
More applause followed.
"What
in kest is the question already, Calrissian?"
Mara asked as soon as the clapping died down.
"What
did you eat for breakfast this morning?" Lando
asked quickly.
"Is that
the question?" Iella said.
"Yes."
Lando nodded frantically. "That's the
question." The audience booed, and he glared at them. "Just write
down your answers, ladies."
The women
quickly jotted something down, then looked up, their expressions that of relief.
"Are
you done? Good. Tendra, will you go get the
men?"
The men
filed back in, and sat down next to their wives as far away as the small sofas
permitted. It wasn't necessary to be Force-strong to see how flustered and
nervous they were. Once seated, Lando nodded again.
"The question put to your wives - and it's an easy one, so you'd better
get it right ―
what did your wife have for breakfast this morning? We'll go with the leading
team first. That would be the Solos."
"Ha!"
Han said, grinning. "That's easy... it's, it's... awww...
Hell fires of Corellia! I can't remember!"
"You
can't remember?" Leia snapped. "It was twelve hours ago!"
"A lot
has happened since then," Han said lamely. "Frosted Toaster
Doodles?"
"THE
KIDS EAT FROSTED TOASTER DOODLES!" Leia yelled, standing up and towering
over her cringing husband. "I HATE Frosted Toaster Doodles! I had sweet neachy slices and a para-roll!"
"Uh...
can you sit down?" Lando requested, a trickle of
sweat running down his temple. "Corran, can you
go next? Please?"
Gulping, Corran pulled at his shirt collar. "I don't think she
ate breakfast this morning..."
"I most
certainly did!" Mirax informed him, folding her arms across her chest.
"Oh.
Well... then, I guess she ate, err... honeycrust
bread and sarkanian jelly."
"I had
a gukked egg and juice," she said in a low tone.
"How could you forget? You had an egg, too!"
"Oh.
Yes. Now I remember. Can we go home now?"
"You'll
have to wait until after the game," Lando said,
a bit too brightly. "Wedge?"
"Breakfast...
breakfast..." Wedge muttered, staring at the floor. "Think,
Antilles... you can do this..."
"You'd
better," Iella replied.
"Ryshcate," he said quickly.
"Ryshcate?" Iella repeated in
total disbelief. "For breakfast? I told you that
was my favorite dessert!"
Wedge hit
himself on the forehead. "That's where that came from!"
Lando sighed. "Her answer was butter-baked hot oats. I guess
this question wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. And our very last
contestant, currently in last place... Luke?"
The Jedi bit
his lower lip nervously. Everyone else had given the wrong answer, and Mara was
still glaring at him for missing every reply from round two. The pressure was
on. "Oh, well, she sometimes has a protein shake in the morning, but she
didn't have that this morning," he rambled pointlessly.
"So
what did she have this morning?" Lando
prompted.
"Uh...
I do remember what she had the first morning of our honeymoon." Luke gave
a wide grin. "Said it was the best she'd ever had." This brought loud
catcalls and whistles from the audience, and Luke looked over at Mara, who was
now turning red and staring blaster bolts in his direction. "Best
breakfast, I mean. To eat. For breakfast," he
tried desperately to clarify.
Mara buried
her face in her hands, and mumbled out of the side of her mouth, "Just
tell them what I had for breakfast today, farmboy!"
"Hey, Han!" Wedge piped up. "Does Luke have a nice
comfy couch in their apartment?"
Han shook
his head in mock sadness. "It's brand new, and hard as a rock. Not broken
in at all yet."
"Too
bad," Wedge said, laughing.
"It was
Citros-Snow Cakes... with a dollop of berry-bliss
cream on top!" Luke said in a rushed voice.
"YES!"
Mara shouted, grabbing Luke around his neck and kissing him. "You
remembered!"
"With
that correct response, the Skywalkers now have one thousand points, and have
won the game!" Lando boomed out over the loud
cheering. "Congratulations!"
"That's
not fair!" Wedge protested instantly. "They cheated!"
Mara turned
her glare at Wedge. "Cheated? How?"
"Uhh... you're both Jedi... you probably read each other's
mind," Wedge explained hurriedly.
"Is
that right?" Mara said, standing up and stalking over to Wedge.
"Well, maybe we won because we're the only team without the handicap of
having a Corellian!"
"Hey!"
Mirax protested. "I resent that!"
"Me,
too," Iella said hotly.
Mara had the
grace to look slightly ashamed as she realized both Mirax and Iella were
Corellian. "I meant Corellian men..."
"Sure
you did," Mirax snapped. "You hate all Corellians!"
"She
does not," Leia spoke up, feeling the need to defend her sister-in-law.
"And my brother doesn't cheat, either."
"Well,
I think they did," Mirax returned.
"Why
don't you ask your Jedi husband if he thinks we cheated?" Mara shot back.
"Maybe you can explain to him why we teamed up against the men while
you're at it!"
"What?"
Corran asked. "You teamed up against the
men?"
"Is
that what you were planning?" Wedge asked his wife. "Why? I thought we were supposed to be the 'team.'"
Han stood up
and pointed at a very quiet Lando Calrissian.
"This is all your fault."
Backing up, Lando held up both hands, palms out. "I... it wasn't
my fault... I didn't write those damn questions!"
"Then
who did?" Han demanded, ignoring Leia's attempts to get him to stop
walking toward Lando.
Lando turned toward the frightened director. "Could you
please take this off the holo-net now? I think we're
done here."
Chapter Ten
After the
curtain lowered, Karrde leaned forward and tapped Booster on his shoulder. "Pay up."
"I
don't have one thousand credits on me! Besides, Antilles might be right...
maybe those Jedi cheated."
Mon Mothma
looked appalled and said, "I can assure you, Jedi Master Skywalker would not
cheat!"
"You
don't have any proof though, do you?" Booster shot back. "He probably
was missing all those answers earlier on purpose... just to throw everyone
off."
"Pay
up," Karrde warned. "Or I'll..."
"You'll
what?"
Talon Karrde
jumped up, and threw himself over the seat, wrestling Booster to the ground.
"I
still can't believe Princess Leia was using me to get Solo to propose!" Isolder moaned, right before Queen
Teneniel Djo slugged him on
his arm.
"Did I
say this wasn't good entertainment?" Fey'lya
asked, watching the men fight. "For the first time in my life, I may have
been wrong."
"Janson!" Lando managed to
squeak out. "This is all Janson's fault!"
Han waited
until the glittery curtain lowered and hid the stage before hauling off and
giving Lando a belt in the nose. "Han!"
Leia scolded. "Stop that!"
"Why?"
Mara asked, walking up beside her. "That's the least he deserves for what
he just put us through."
"Stand
up," Wedge shouted at the prone Baron. "I'll give it to you
again!"
"You
will not," Iella ordered. "Didn't you hear him? Wes wrote those
questions."
The agitated
holo-show director scooted over to his boss.
"Baron Calrissian? What should I do when the advertisements are over? You
were scheduled to give a thank you speech, and read the big final pledge board
tally."
Holding a
handkerchief up to his bleeding nose, Lando staggered
to his feet. "I can't give a speech looking like this!" He glared at
Han. "Or maybe I should... and let the galaxy know who did this to
me."
"Go
ahead," Han returned. "I'd love that. It might salvage some of my
macho reputation!"
Corran stared at Lando. "Why did
you let Wes write those types of questions?"
"I had
no idea what he'd written―"
"Sure
you didn't," Han interrupted.
"I
DIDN'T!" Lando forced himself to calm down.
"I kept asking and asking to see the questions, and he always had some
excuse not to show me. Before I knew it, it was the day of the show and I
didn't have time. I trusted him...Force help me, I trusted him. You should be
thanking me for changing that last question. You wouldn't have believed what he
had down for that!"
"You
should have changed them all," Wedge spluttered out. "What made you
decide to trust Wes Janson? Why was he even involved?"
By this
time, Tendra had approached the group of angry
contestants. "Because... he's a very trusting being," she said,
taking his arm protectively. "You should be mad at Wes, not Lando!"
"And he
volunteered to help me," Lando explained.
"The day after I took you out to dinner he came to my office. He told me
he'd help me in anyway he could, and writing those questions was just one
thing he did to help out."
"Help?" Han sneered. "Some help."
"That
seems reasonable," Luke told Corran. "Wes
must have gone to Lando right after Wedge and I
talked to you in Dex's Diner."
"This
is exactly something Wes would do," Iella surmised. "I'm sure he
thinks it was a big joke."
"He's
undoubtedly home right now laughing his fool head off," Mirax agreed.
"By the
time I'm done pounding him into the ground, he won't be laughing," Han
groused out. "Maybe I'll let Chewie pull his arms out of their
sockets."
"You're
not pounding anyone into the ground, nerf-herder," Leia informed her
husband.
"The
advertisements are about to be over!" the director twittered nervously.
"What shall we do? We can't show a curtain! I've never had anything like
this happen to me before... and I've been in show business for twenty
years!"
"Are
you related to Threepio by any chance?" Han asked the thin man.
"Who?"
"Han,"
Leia admonished, then turned to the director.
"I'll give the farewell speech if it will help."
"You
will?" The man bobbed his head up and down. "Good... all you have to
do is read the holo-prompter―"
"I know
what to do," Leia interrupted. "I give speeches all the time. It's my
job."
"Oh..."
He flushed. "Of course, Madam President. Please
follow me to your mark, and we'll get this holothon
wrapped up."
"Thank
you, Leia," Lando mumbled through his throbbing
nose. "I owe you."
"You
owe all of us," Wedge informed him. "Big
time."
As Leia
followed the director, Lando started desperately
trying to think of a way to get a stay of execution. "If I can think of a
plan to get back at Janson, will that put things right between us?"
"It'll
be a start," Corran said sullenly.
"I
don't know if we should be getting back at Wes," Luke mused thoughtfully.
"Revenge is―"
"If you
finish that sentence, you really will be sleeping on the couch
tonight," Mara threatened.
Luke was
about to reply, when he tilted his head to one side. "Leia's calling me
through the Force... something is happening out in the auditorium!"
Carefully,
Han peeked out from behind the curtain. "It's a riot!" He took off
toward his wife yelling, "Leia ... it's time to get outta here!"
"A riot?" Lando asked, his eyes wide. "That can't be!"
"Sure
looks like a riot to me," Wedge informed him after checking for himself.
"Can we
leave now?" Corran asked Mirax, trying
not to sound whiney.
"We'd
all better leave," Iella told the group. "Before the law authorities
come through the back door."
Luke
hesitated. "Shouldn't we do something to help? I could use the Force to
calm everyone down."
"It
doesn't look like anyone is getting hurt, Luke," Mara told her husband as
she pulled his arm. "We should probably leave."
Lando nodded in agreement. "I had to hire hundreds of
security guards because the Chief of State was appearing on the show. I'm sure
they can handle it."
"Just
like you were sure Wes could handle those questions?" Corran
grumbled sarcastically as they all hurried out the back door.
An hour
later, in the Horn apartment…
"You
didn't say one word all the way home," Corran
groused. "Why are you the one acting so mad? Did I tell the galaxy you
dye your hair? Or that you wear lifts in your shoes? And to
top it all off, you and your friends were trying to make us look bad!"
Mirax turned
around slowly, her face stony. "Are you done now?"
"I
guess."
"In the
first place," Mirax said slowly, like she was speaking to a child,
"the only thing we were 'planning' was getting you to take us out to the Starlayne, since I've never been there. Was that such a bad
thing to want?"
"No... not as bad as what we were wanting, I suppose..."
"Who is we?"
"Us... the men. We wanted to get more points so you'd feel
guilty and be, um, sort of slaves to our desires―"
"WHAT?"
"I
wasn't really going to, though..."
"You
can sleep on the sofa tonight," Mirax said frostily. "See if that
satisfies your desires." The bedroom door slammed shut behind her.
In the Antilles apartment...
"I told
you this was a bad idea..." Wedge kept saying. "I told you we'd be
paying and paying for that meal. I told you―"
"Stuff
it!" Iella yelled. "I'm tired of hearing you say 'I told you so'
already!"
"We've
always been a team," Wedge kept complaining. "And then you go and
connive behind my back... what was that all about?"
"You
got three lousy matches!" Iella returned. "I didn't plan that... you
did that all by yourself! You don't know me at all! And I do not fly a ship
badly, either!"
"I
couldn't think of anything!" Wedge shot back. "And why won't you tell
me what you had planned with the women?"
"We..."
Her reply was cut short when the holocomm lit up. "Yes?" she answered
shortly.
"Iella...
it's Mirax. Has Wedge told you what the men were
planning on doing to us if they got the most points?"
Iella turned
her steely gaze at Wedge. "No. He hasn't mentioned anything."
"Love
slaves! Guilt-ridden love slaves! Can you beat that?"
"Oh? Really?"
Wedge held
up his hands. "I can explain..."
"Can
you?"
"Uh. No."
In the Skywalker apartment...
Mara put her
hands on her hips. "One match? ONE?"
"But,
but I got the bonus one right. So that's two. Technically."
"Technically,"
she repeated.
"Well...
like the guys said, I would have gotten more, if you would have been
honest..."
"HONEST?"
"About
the peeking question," Luke continued, somewhat belligerently.
"Oh.
Pardon me for not wanting to admit that in front of billions of beings."
"We
won, anyway," Luke cajoled. "So we don't have to fight. Let's go to
bed, and you can reward me for getting that big bonus question right."
"You
want a reward?" Mara asked, eyes wide.
"Well,
that's what the guys―"
He stopped, suddenly looking guilty.
"What,
Luke? That's what the guys...?"
"Um. They were kind of saying if we ― the guys ― got more points than you,
you'd reward us."
"Reward."
"But
the guys only meant―"
"What
in blazes were you doing listening to a bunch of Corellians! Didn't your
bachelor party teach you anything? I thought you knew better than
that!"
"You
women are the ones that insisted we go along with Lando's
scheme! I tried to warn you. But you trusted Lando
Calrissian more than you trusted me. Your own husband.
A Jedi Master."
"A Jedi Master that preens in the nude when he knows
women are watching from the bushes? A Jedi Master that admits he goes around with
nothing under his robes!"
"You're
the one that told them that. I didn't tell them anything embarrassing about
you!"
"You
told them I made more excuses in the bedroom."
Luke shook
his head in exasperation. "That's what you said, too."
"Well,
you didn't have to agree! You're supposed to be complimenting me!"
"I said
your chest was the size of boulders," Luke argued. "What else did you
want me to say?"
"Oh,
that's right. Thanks a lot for announcing that to the galaxy! Your sister gets
compared to mountains, and I only get boulders."
"The
idea was to match, and that's what I thought you'd say, which you did, I might
remind you," Luke said, struggling to keep his voice even.
"Funny how you didn't know what I'd written down on any
of my questions."
"Yes, I
did!"
"Food
ones!" Mara shouted. "All you notice about me is what I eat! And you
didn't even get all of them right! Yellow hava
beans, Farmboy! Yellow!"
Mara turned
on her heel and headed toward the bedroom as Luke followed, his face hopeful.
Before he made it inside, the door slid shut, and gave a click as it locked.
"Mara, honey? Moonie-dew?"
The door reopened, and Luke's face lit up. "I knew you'd see―" A pillow and blanket
hit him in the face, and the door closed again. "―reason."
In the Solo apartment...
Han flopped
down on the bed, putting his hands behind his head as he leaned back against the
headboard. "Punching Calrissian felt good."
"Lando's reputation is ruined," Leia chided her
husband. "After tonight, he'll probably have to resign from his
charity."
"Big deal. That's what he gets for letting Janson write
those stupid questions. And speaking of that... what's with tellin'
the galaxy I cry watchin' holo-vids?
They'll be playin' this over and over on the 'net.
Now we have to hope for some galactic crisis to come along and push us outta
the spotlight." Han narrowed his eyes at his wife. "And what were you
scheming females plottin' behind our innocent male
backs?"
"Innocent?"
"Ah,
Princess, you know we were tryin' to do our
best. And we sure weren't planning on shooting you outta the airlock, like you
were doing to us."
"Doing
your best? Really? I can't believe how you
answered some of those questions, flyboy!"
"Me?"
Han asked incredulously. "Your predictable, grammar-deficient,
cryin' husband? What did I say that was
so terrible?"
"My
tongue is deadly? How dare you say that."
"It's
stopped me dead in my tracks a few times," Han informed her. "'Sides,
I wasn't making plans with the guys just to make you look bad."
"Is
that so? Then why do I get the feeling you're holding something back?"
"Don't
use that Force garbage on me. It ain't fair." He
patted the bed. "It's been a long night..."
"What
did I have for breakfast?"
"What?"
Han asked, confused.
"Today. This morning. What
did I have for breakfast?"
"I...
um..."
"You
still don't remember, do you?"
"Does
it matter?" Han questioned, annoyed.
"Yes!
It does matter!"
"Why?
I'm tellin' ya, sweetheart, let's forget this day
ever happened. Starting with breakfast. See? I've
already got a headstart on you."
"You
can't use that as an excuse, Solo, so until you can
remember," Leia told him, pointing toward the door, "you can
sleep out there!"
"Are
you kidding?"
"CHEWIE!" Leia shouted. "Can you come in
here?"
Han jumped
up, grabbing his pillow. "I'm going..." Walking out the door, he
muttered loudly. "Did I say how much I hated that game?"
Chapter Eleven
Mara woke up
to the early morning sunshine, and reached over for Luke. He wasn't there, and
for a few seconds she wondered where he went so early. Then the previous day's
events flooded back, and with those memories came guilt. I shouldn't have
yelled. And I certainly shouldn't have made him sleep on that hard couch. Poor
Luke... I embarrassed him even more than he did me. Determined to put
things right between them, Mara got up and headed out of the bedroom.
Luke wasn't
on the sofa, either. Frowning, Mara reached out with the Force, surprised to
discover his Force-presence wasn't anywhere in the apartment. She was about to
reach further out when her comlink buzzed. Maybe that was Luke calling her.
"Yes?"
"Mara,
it's Leia," her sister-in-law's concerned voice came over the small
speaker. "Is Luke there?"
"No, as
a matter of fact, he's not. I just got up and found out he's already left this
morning. I don't even see a note."
"Oh."
She sounded disappointed. "Han is gone, too."
"Leia,
I'm feeling pretty bad about yesterday..." Mara started to say before Leia
interrupted.
"Me, too. The more I think about it, the worse I'm
feeling. They didn't really do anything we didn't, and it was our idea to be on
the show."
"I
know. If it wasn't for the love-slave part..." Mara said dryly.
"Love
slave? LOVE SLAVE?"
"They
wanted to get more points than us, just so we'd be really, really nice
to them, if you know what I mean," Mara explained, grinning. "I was
annoyed when Luke told me last night, but now I'm over it. We were plotting
against them, too."
Leia was
silent for a moment, then laughed. "You're
right, except my nerf didn't confess about that little detail last night. I
made him sleep on the sofa when I asked him again what I had for breakfast
yesterday, and he STILL couldn't remember. After I got up this morning, there
was a bowl of neachy slices and a para-roll
on the table. Just no Han."
"I'll
contact Iella and Mirax and see if their husbands have mysteriously
disappeared," Mara volunteered. "In the meantime, I wouldn't worry
about it. I have a feeling whatever they're up to, Wes
is the one that probably should be worried, not us."
"I'll
talk to you later," Leia said, clicking off.
Mara spent
the next several minutes contacting both Mirax and Iella. They had the same
story to tell ―
waking up and finding no spouse. Neither woman was
particularly angry anymore, and at least Wedge had left Iella a note
telling her they all went for breakfast at Dex's
Diner. Mara could easily sense through the Force that Luke was in no danger,
and she strongly suspected all the men had gotten together to make some dumb
plans for revenge on Janson.
Dex's Diner
"How
was the new sofa last night, Luke?" Wedge taunted. "Nice
and hard?"
Luke peered
up from his breakfast. "It wasn't too comfortable. I guess I should have
kept my mouth shut about our love-slave plot."
Han speared
a piece of nerf-sausage, glaring at Luke. "You confessed? Why'd ya go and
do that for?"
"I
think Mara could already tell," Luke muttered glumly. "Sometimes
being a Jedi has its drawbacks."
"You
think?" Wedge asked, chewing his toast. "I could have held out
against Iella's interrogation, but no..." He
looked accusingly at Corran. "You went and told
Mirax. You Jedi and your blasted conscience, anyway."
Corran looked down, sipping his caf.
"I thought Mirax would laugh... you know... think it was funny. And I told
her I wouldn't really have gone through with it."
"What's
wrong with giving us poor husbands a little extra attention now and then,
anyway?" Wedge wanted to know.
"Right
after we tell the galaxy we lie to our wives and compare their chests to
rocks?" Han asked sarcastically. After a bit of hesitation, he added,
"It took me until the middle of the night to remember what she had for
breakfast. Stupid game. Leia never did tell me
what the women wanted from us."
"Dinner
at the Starlayne," Corran
replied miserably. "I would have taken her ten times if only we wouldn't
have appeared on that dumb holoshow. This is all your fault," he grumbled, looking at Wedge and
Luke. "I didn't want to appear on the holothon,
but you guys made me."
"It was
our wives' decision to go along with Lando's
plan," Luke replied. "They would have talked Mirax into it no matter
what we had to say."
"I'm
going home with a dozen roslin lilies," Wedge
informed them. "And I'm taking her out to the Starlayne
again. This time I'm paying the credits, instead of accepting Lando's gift."
"It
wasn't supposed to turn out that way," Lando's
quiet voice spoke from behind Wedge. The men looked up at a sheepish Lando. "Wes set us all up... you've got to believe
me."
"How
did you find us here?" Corran asked, annoyed.
"I
called your homes, and Iella told me where you went."
The men
turned their glares at Wedge, who held up his hands defensively. "So I
left a note... big deal. She was already mad enough at me, and I didn't want to
make things worse." Wedge glanced up at Lando.
"What I still can't believe is that you'd accept help from Wes Janson in
any way, shape or form. Haven't you heard enough about all the stunts he's
pulled?"
"I don't
hang around with you Rogues that much. And I don't remember him being the one
that caused all the trouble at your bachelor party." Lando
looked pointedly at Luke. "In fact, he helped take care of those Imps that
tried to crash your wedding."
"Maybe
he was saving all his mischief for an occasion just like this," Corran suggested. "And someone just handed him
the occasion on a silver platter."
"A fact
I'll be regretting forever," Lando lamented.
"We
can't blame Lando entirely," Luke conceded.
"We were the ones that told Wes about the holothon
in the first place."
"Don't
you Rogues know loose lips shoot down ships?" Han complained, glowering at
Luke, Wedge and Corran before turning his attention
back to Lando. "How'd the riot go last night
after we took off? I hope you got arrested."
"It
wasn't really a riot," Lando explained. "Only a scuffle between Karrde and Terrik.
And a bit of a tiff with Prince Isolder
and his wife. No one got arrested, and things calmed down pretty
quickly."
"Too
bad," Han grumbled.
"You'll
be thrilled to know the Coruscant Philanthropic Aid Society's board is holding
a meeting later today to decide if they're going to 'go in a different
direction,' as they so nicely put it," Lando
informed the men. "I'm a victim here, too."
"Isn't
that what you said on Bespin?" Han shot back
hotly.
"It was
true then, and it's true now," Lando replied
defensively.
"We're
going to have to live with the fallout, too, you know," Corran told the Baron, rubbing at his sore neck. "We
already have lived with it."
"I
know." Lando pulled up a chair to the booth.
"I've been thinking..."
"Oh,
great," Luke complained. "Thinking is what gets us in trouble."
"Gotta
agree with that," Han said, nodding. "Thinkin' is downright
dangerous."
"Hear
me out, gentlemen. You want to get back at Janson, and so do I. Those questions
were just as embarrassing for me as they were for you―"
"I
doubt that," Corran put in.
Lando didn't miss a beat. "You need to get back in your
wives' good graces, and I want to help put you there. We can do everything at
once."
"What
does this involve?" Luke asked suspiciously.
"Another free meal at the Starlayne."
Han started
shaking his head. "Uh uh.
No way. Not again."
"Wait a
second," Corran told the group. "If that's
what Mirax wants, that's what she's getting."
Grinning, Lando leaned forward and lowered his voice. "Wes has
no idea you guys know about his involvement, and I can
keep it that way. At least until after we're done."
"Done
with what?" Wedge questioned.
"First
of all, has any of you told Janson about the fact I
own the Starlayne?"
"No,"
Wedge muttered, looking around as the others shook their heads negatively.
"Good...
good. Now listen carefully..."
Leia's apartment... later that morning.
Tendra smiled. "Thank you for agreeing to see me. I didn't
know if you would."
"Tendra!" Iella objected.
"Why wouldn't we want to see you?"
"After
yesterday..."
"Nonsense,"
Leia told her. "That wasn't your fault."
"It
wasn't Lando's fault, either," Tendra said quietly. "He was too trusting. Couldn't
you tell he didn't know?"
"I
could tell," Mara admitted reluctantly. "But I was too upset at the
time to care."
"Anyway,"
she smiled brightly. "That's why I'm here. Lando's
with your husbands right now―"
"Oh,
no," Mirax grumbled. "How'd he find out where they went?"
Iella looked
uncomfortable. "I might have told him..."
"This
could only mean more trouble," Leia said, shaking her head.
"No.. it's not what you're
thinking," Tendra objected, then frowned.
"Well, I don't know what you're thinking, but it's probably not
correct, anyway. Lando really wants to get back at Wes, and we need your help. All of you."
"What
do you want us to do?" Mara asked, not sure if she wanted to hear the
answer.
"Are
you still angry with your husbands?"
"No,
I'm not mad at Luke," Mara told her honestly. "How can I be? He's
such a farmboy at heart. I don't think he answered any of those questions to
try and make me angry."
Leia shook
her head. "As much as I'd like to make Han squirm a bit for that lame
love-slave plot, I just can't stay mad either."
"I
never really was angry at Wedge," Iella confessed. "Making him sleep
on the sofa was a matter of principle."
Mirax
laughed. "I'm not mad at Corran anymore, either.
I'd like to keep pretending that I am, but he's a Jedi, so it won't work."
"Good!"
Tendra declared. "Then you won't object to going
back to the Starlayne? It will be free, of
course."
"I'd love
to go," Mirax said happily.
"Free?"
Mara questioned, eyes narrowing. "That's what you said last time."
"True,"
Tendra agreed. "But this time it comes with an
extra perk."
"What
kind of perk?" Leia asked.
"Payback,"
Tendra replied, her voice lowering into a whisper.
"Lando has a plan."
Leia smiled.
"Tell us about this plan. We'd love to hear it."
Chapter Twelve
A day
later...
Sitting at
his desk, Wedge grinned as Wes Janson walked in his office. "Haven't
seen you much lately, Wes." He indicated the pilot should sit down.
"What've you been up to?"
Wes shifted
on his chair, worried about this meeting. Surely Lando
had told Wedge and the others he was responsible for writing those embarrassing
questions, and now he was going to get a lecture by his superior officer.
"Not much, sir. Why?"
"Staying
out of trouble?"
"Of
course," Janson replied quickly.
"Good."
Wedge nodded. "I'd like to ask you for a little favor. Really, Luke asked
me to ask you. No...actually, Mara asked Luke, who
asked me to ask you."
Frowning in
confusion, Wes said, "Huh?"
"Corran's wedding anniversary is coming up in a few days.
Did you know that?"
"No,"
Wes answered, wondering why he needed to remember when Corran's
anniversary was.
"And
it's a big one. Fifteen years... can you believe they've been married fifteen
years already?"
"Time
flies," Wes muttered, trying to remember how long ago the Horns had
celebrated number ten. Had it been five years already?
"Yes,
it sure does. So anyway, fifteen is a big deal, and Corran
and Mirax are throwing a little dinner party at the Starlayne."
"Really?" Wes asked, perking
up a bit since this seemed to have nothing at all to do with the holothon. It appeared Lando - for
some unexplained reason - hadn't told anyone about his involvement with the holothon. Wes decided he'd have to thank Lando later. Maybe take him out to Dex's
Diner for lunch. "Corran might have to sell some
of that special Jedi blood to pay for this dinner."
Wedge
laughed. "It's not that many people, really. Just a few close friends. Me and Iella, Han and Leia, and of course Luke and Mara."
"Sounds nice. What does this have to do with me?"
"Well,
this is where the problem comes in," Wedge said, shaking his head in
dismay. "Mara's friend from her days on the Wild Karrde is visiting
the Skywalkers, and they don't want to leave her sitting alone while everyone
else is out having a good time. That's not a good way to treat company."
"Mara
has friends?" Wes asked, amazed.
"Of
course she does," Wedge snapped. "What kind of question is
that?"
"I
didn't mean anything by it," Wes explained lamely. "She just seems
like the sort that wouldn't be chummy with girlfriends."
"Iella
and Mirax are her friends," he pointed out. "And so is Leia."
"Well...
sorry. What does this have to do with me?" he asked again.
"Shirlee is coming to the dinner,
and Mara wants her to have a date."
Wes jumped
up from his chair. Maybe he was wrong about Lando
keeping his mouth shut. "A blind date? You're
setting me up on a blind date? How... humiliating!"
"Humiliating?"
Wedge said through clenched teeth, trying to keep calm. Wes was worried about a
date being humiliating, after everything he'd put them through?
"Shirlee will feel uncomfortable unless she has
a dinner companion."
"What
if I say no?"
General
Antilles gave a wan smile, leaning back in his seat. "No? Are you sure?
Because I guess I can find someone else..."
"Good.
You do that."
"And
you can always go on this next mission," Wedge continued, shuffling some
flimsies around. "I was wondering who I should send to pick up Ambassador Quobett and his entourage from Nal
Hutta. I guess the job is yours."
"Quobett?"
"Quobett the Hutt," Wedge clarified. "It says here
his entire family wants to see Coruscant, and you can be their escort after
they arrive. Eighteen of them, it looks like," Wedge continued, looking at
the flimsy.
"Eighteen Hutts? You want me to be a tour guide to eighteen
Hutts?"
"They'll
only be here six days, not counting the travel time." Wedge smiled.
"Be polite to them, Wes."
"What
if I agree to the blind date?" he asked desperately. "Do I have to go
to Nal Hutta then?"
"Of course not. You won't have time."
"I'll
be Shirlee's date," Wes agreed, thinking that a
few hours wouldn't kill him, even if it turned out she
was ugly as a rancor. "I'd love to be Shirlee's
date, in fact."
"I'm
sure Shirlee will be thrilled."
Two days
later...
The private
room held one large, round table with ten place settings. Soft music played
over the hidden speakers, and the muted lighting gave the room a soft, warm
glow. Wes stuck his head inside, noting the couples had already broken up into
two groups... the men standing on one side, discussing the latest Corellian
corvette specifications, and the women near the window, holding glasses of
sparkling wine, listening as Leia discussed the political climate.
Luke noticed
Wes first. "Come in..." he said, waving his friend over. "We've
been waiting for you."
"Sorry
I'm late," Wes muttered as he entered the room. "I couldn't decide
what to wear." This was a complete lie, since the real reason had been
Wes's fear over meeting his blind date. What if she looked like a Gamorrean?
Not that there was anything wrong with being a Gamorrean...as long as
you were another Gamorrean.
"Nice
ya could finally make it," Han called out to Wes. "I thought I was
gonna have to start chewin' the candlesticks, I was gettin' so hungry."
The women
turned around, then headed over to their husbands,
Mara leading the way with a woman Wes had never seen before.
"Wes...
I'd like you to meet my friend, Shirlee Faughn,"
Mara said by way of introduction. "She works for Talon Karrde."
"Uh..."
Wes stuttered, holding out his hand. The woman was stunning. Blonde
and tall... everything he fantasized about. "Hi."
"Hello,"
Shirlee replied, politely taking his hand. "It's
very nice to meet you."
"Uh..."
"You
already said that," Corran informed the dazzled
Wes. "Why don't we sit down and order?"
"Oh...
um..." Wes turned to look at Corran.
"Congratulations."
"For what?"
"Isn't it
your anniversary?"
Mirax
laughed. "Of course it is. Corran is just
teasing." She glared at her husband. "Aren't you?"
"Yes.
I'm just the galaxy's biggest tease." He took his wife's arm, then moved to the table.
The meal was
every bit as elaborate and lovely as the first time, and Han had barely
finished his last bite when Leia's holocomm went off. "Yes?" she
answered. Then she leaned her ear close to the soft speaker, listening
carefully. "Okay, Threepio, we'll be right there." Leia smiled
apologetically at the group. "Han and I have to go home. Threepio says the
children ate all the desserts in the house, and won't go to bed. His exact
words were... 'they seem to have overcharged on
sugar.'"
"I told
you we should have left them with Chewie," Han grumbled as he stood up and
pulled Leia's chair out. "Can't trust Goldenrod alone
with the kids for a few hours. Something always happens."
"Sorry
we have to leave so soon, Corran and Mirax. Happy
anniversary, though."
"No
problem," Mirax told her. "Just go home and tame the wild
beasts."
"Now
let's cut the dessert," Corran said as the
waiter brought over a huge, frosted cake as the Solos left.
Wedge held
his stomach. "I think I'm feeling a bit, err... off."
"Are
you alright, honey?" Iella questioned worriedly.
"No...
I think I'm going to be sick." He leaned over, gagging loudly.
Iella looked
at Mirax, her face unhappy. "Wedge has such a sensitive stomach. He always
gets woozy when he eats rich food." She helped her husband to his feet and
they staggered away.
Corran waved goodbye to the couple. "You go home and get
well, Wedge. Thanks for coming."
He served
the cake in large portions to the three remaining couples, and they continued
the meal. After they were finished, Mirax stood. "I need to use the
refresher."
Mara quickly
got up. "I'd like to go, too. Shirlee? Would you like to come with us?"
"Sure,"
she answered. The three women exited the room, leaving Corran,
Luke and Wes staring at each other.
"Why do
women always go to the refresher in groups?" Wes finally asked.
"It's
like their bladders are on matching timers," Corran
agreed. They made polite small talk about the weather for nearly a quarter of
an hour.
"I
wonder what's taking them so long? I'm going to go
check," Luke announced. "I'll be right back."
Wes smiled
nervously at Corran. "Looks
like it's just us."
"Oh,
joy," Corran muttered. They remained silent for
long minutes.
Then the
waiter stuck his head in the room. "Mister Horn? May I speak to you
about..." He looked around. "You know."
"Sure,"
Corran said. Then he looked at Wes. "Don't set
the place on fire while I'm gone, Janson." Corran
followed the waiter out of the room.
Wes waited. And waited. And waited some more. Finally, he stood up, and
paced around the room. Where was everyone for so long? He stuck his head
out of the door into the common dining area. It was getting late and the number
of guests had dwindled to half a dozen occupied tables. He couldn't see Corran or Luke anywhere. Their waiter approached him, a
white towel across his sleeve. "May I help you, sir?"
Wes coughed.
"Um... I was wondering where everyone went."
"Everyone, sir?"
"You
know... all the people in my party."
"Oh.
They left."
"Left?" Wes asked, astounded. "When?"
"Nearly half an hour ago."
"They
left me sitting alone in that room?" Wes questioned, annoyed. "What
about my date? That was just plain rude!"
"I
can't speak for your date, sir."
"Fine,
then. I'm leaving too." He started to push past the waiter, but the man
stopped him.
"You
can't leave yet, sir."
"What'ya mean, I can't leave? Why not?"
"The
bill," the waiter explained. "It hasn't been paid yet."
"This
wasn't my party!" Wes objected loudly, causing the restaurant's patrons to
turn and stare at him. "Why should I pay?"
"It
truly doesn't matter to me whether it was your party, or not. You're the
last one here, and the bill has not been paid. Therefore, you are
responsible."
"No way!"
"What's
going on here, Peron?" a familiar voice spoke from behind Wes.
"Lando? What are you
doing here?"
"This
is my establishment, Janson," Lando said coolly.
"I'm the owner."
"Thank
the gods," Wes breathed out. "Saved!"
"This
man is the only remaining member of a large dinner party," the waiter
named Peron explained to his boss. "And he refuses to pay the bill."
"You
have to pay, Janson," Lando informed the pilot.
"I'm not running a free meal clinic here."
"Are
you kidding me?"
"Do I
look like I'm kidding?"
"But...
what about all that work I did for you! Free...for nothing! Can't you consider
us even?" Wes pleaded.
"Even?"
Lando repeated tightly. "You nearly cost me my
position as director of the Coruscant Philanthropic Aid Society. It took all my
considerable talents to convince them I was innocent in that little
prank you pulled. Now...pay the bill, Janson."
The waiter
thrust a small electronic reader at the pilot, who stared at the amount with
his mouth hanging open. "Six thousand credits? SIX
THOUSAND CREDITS? I can't pay this amount! I can't even pay a third of
that!"
"Too
bad," Lando said, stroking his mustache
thoughtfully. "That means you'll have to work off the debt to the Starlayne. Since I use only the finest porcelain and
crystal, you can start by washing the dishes. You can't stick those delicate
items in a recycler, you know...they must be carefully hand washed and dried,
or the finish gets ruined."
"You...
want me to wash dishes?" Wes gasped, his eyes
wide.
"At ten
credits an hour... and if you come in every night for eight hours..." Lando paused, mentally calculating. "You should be in
the clear in eleven weeks."
"ELEVEN
WEEKS!"
"That's
without giving Peron a tip," Lando pointed out.
"And if you refuse, I'll call security and you'll be digesting your food
inside a cell for quite some time. I hear prison grub is really bad, but at
least you'll have good memories of this fine, last meal as a free man. I will
press charges, believe me."
"YOU
PLANNED THIS!" Wes screeched out, as he suddenly realized he'd been
set-up. "THIS WAS ALL PLANNED BY YOU AND... AND THOSE..."
"Perfect pairs?" Lando filled in, smiling.
In the Solo apartment...
"Don't
you feel a little bit bad about what we did to Wes?" Leia called out from
the refresher.
Han laughed,
folding down the bedspread. "Are you kidding me? It wasn't nearly enough
payback." He frowned as the lights dimmed, turning around to see his
wife's slender body framed in the refresher door. "What are you
wearing?"
She stepped
forward, smiling as Han's mouth dropped open. "My
slave-girl costume. I haven't worn this in a long time, have I?"
"But..."
Han's protest was halted as Leia grabbed him, and they
both went tumbling onto the mattress. After a long, breathtaking kiss, Han
leered at his wife as he unbraided her hair. "Why?"
"You
got all dressed up to go to the Starlayne
again," she whispered in a sultry voice. "I figured it was time for
my payback. Your very own love-slave for the
night."
"That
sounds like a pretty good deal to me, sweetheart."
She nibbled
on his earlobe, then whispered, "Maybe I can show
you how deadly my tongue can really be..."
"Don't
stop now," Han warned her with a moan. "Or I will cry."
In the Skywalker apartment...
Mara gave
her friend a hug. "Thanks a million for going along with that, Faughn. I
owe you one."
"I saw
the holo-show, Jade. Why do you think I agreed so
fast to help you? It was the best entertainment I've had in ages. We recorded a
copy on the Starry Ice to play at company parties." Faughn laughed
at Mara's worried look. "Don't worry, I'm kidding. And the only thing you
still owe me for is scoffing when I said you and Skywalker here make a good
team." She eyed Luke. "Maybe you can just name your firstborn after
me."
When Luke's
eyes widened, Faughn shook her head and smiled. "You'd better learn more
about your wife, Skywalker. Next time she might not be so forgiving."
Giving them both a wink, she turned and left.
Luke sighed.
"I'm glad that's finally over. I still feel guilty about sticking Wes with
that huge bill. It wasn't even Corran and Mirax's anniversary."
"Luke,
Luke," Mara said, shaking her head. "You are such an innocent
farmboy."
"Innocent?"
Luke protested. "I'll have you know I didn't wear anything under my Jedi
robes tonight."
"You
are such a liar."
With an
exaggerated flourish, Luke peeled off his outer robes, letting them drift to
the floor. "Calling your husband a liar isn't nice," he said,
relishing Mara's shocked expression. He stretched his arms out to the side,
posing. "And you're taking another good, long look, too."
Mara glared
at him, then starting stalking toward him. "Just wait until I catch
you," she threatened as Luke took off toward the bedroom, with Mara in hot
pursuit.
Luke laughed
as his wife caught him around the waist. "Then what,
Moonie-dew?"
"I'm
going to make you my love slave," Mara declared, kissing him.
I already
am, Luke thought as they collapsed onto the
soft bed.
THE END
Many of the holoshow
questions are a result of watching too many reruns of The Newlywed Game. Thanks again to GreatOne
for turning this plot bunny of mine into something hilarious. (I was research, she was development.)
If you liked this story, you can find more fics by GreatOne at
fanfiction.net, here:
http://www.fanfiction.net/u/396598/