Shattered Remembrance

 

Chapter Ten

 

 

"This is the big day, brother.  You're going home."

 

"Wherever home is," Luke mumbled, half-heartedly returning Leia's welcoming hug. 

 

"Don't worry, we'll only be two floors away," Leia continued.  She began gathering the get-well drawings that the children had brought to their uncle.  

 

"You live in the same building that I did?" Luke asked, his eyes narrowing suspiciously.

 

"Do now," Han couldn't help muttering, frowning at Leia's glare.

 

"Well, you see, Luke, we used to live near you, and then we moved awhile ago, to Orowood Tower," Leia fumbled.  "But we decided to move back, so we could be close to you."

 

Luke's eyes flashed in indignation.  "I don't need a babysitter."

 

"Of course you don't, kid," Han put in.

 

"We just thought it would be easier if you had someone familiar around."  Leia smiled in encouragement.

 

"No one is familiar," Luke bit out, almost to himself.  He turned and headed to the doorway, his limp still noticeable.  Leia glanced at Han in despair, then hurried to follow.

 

Luke's mood had been gradually darkening since the previous day, when Doctor Panio had pronounced him ready to be released.  To Han, it seemed as if Luke were reluctant to leave the relative safety of the medcenter.  He wondered what Luke's reaction would be if he knew of the changes Leia had made to his apartment.  To ensure that he wouldn't hear news segments concerning his past, or get calls from anyone not knowing of the amnesia, she had his holonet unit and comm center removed completely.   The only holos remaining were ones of their family.   Han had finally put his foot down when she wanted to completely replace Luke's wardrobe of Jedi robes.

 

"He's gonna eventually find out what kind of clothes he usually wears," Han had argued.  "Don't you think he'll be a bit peeved when he can't find any of them?"

 

"We're not throwing them away," Leia had countered.  "Once he remembers being a Jedi, we'll bring them back."

 

They'd finally compromised by leaving a couple non-descript cloaks and a handful of items that Han liked to call Luke's almost-normal clothes.  It was one of those outfits that Luke now wore.

 

***

 

The turbolift ride to the docking level consisted of Leia attempting to draw Luke into inconsequential conversation, and Luke muttering one-syllable replies.  He only perked up as they walked past the rows of speeders to their own.  For one fleeting moment, Han feared Luke might be reluctant to get in a speeder again.  But Luke's total amnesia obviously included any memory of his near-fatal ride.  He was almost like the wide-eyed boy that Han had transported off Tatooine all those years ago. 

 

Landing on the rooftop pad of the apartment complex, Han noticed Luke glance at the speeder's coordinates display.  As the three of them continued to the apartment, Luke outwardly studied the floor number and door address.  He wants to know how to get here on his own.   Whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, Han couldn't make up his mind.

 

Peering over Leia's shoulder as she punched in the access code, Luke asked her for confirmation of the numbers.

 

"Don't worry, Luke," she said.  "One of us will be along to enter it for you."

 

"I want to know the access code to my own apartment," he said evenly.

 

"Yes, of course," Leia backed down.  "I didn't mean you shouldn't know it."  She stepped aside, feeding him the numbers as he repeated her motions.  As Luke entered the foyer, Leia glanced worriedly at Han. 

 

Han feared this was only the beginning.

 

Leia swept into the sparse apartment and immediately began showing Luke the various rooms.   Luke nodded obligingly, his face a blank mask.

 

"Thank you," he said curtly when Leia appeared to have finished.  "I'd like to be alone now."

 

"But, Luke, we want you to have dinner with us, at our place."

 

"There is food in the kitchen?" he asked, glancing that direction.

 

"Yes, I had it fully stocked.  But, Luke …"  Leia laid one hand gingerly on Luke's arm, her brown eyes silently imploring her brother to see reason.  "The children are anxious to see you again."

 

Luke hesitated, but only for a moment.  "Perhaps I can see them tomorrow."

 

"But don't you want some company this evening?" Leia persisted.  "I could stay here with you…"

 

"No," Luke bit out.  He sighed, then seemed to visibly calm himself.  "I want to be by myself."  He gazed at his surroundings.  "Explore my life, you might say."

 

***

 

Luke stared at the door as it slid shut behind Leia and Han – his sister and brother-in-law, or so they said.  It wasn't that he didn't believe them.  Part of him felt, deep down, that they were exactly who they said they were.   And yet part of him was wary of everything they'd told him about himself, especially after meeting the woman named Jade at the medcenter.  It was as if they were trying to protect him by only revealing half-truths.  Was the truth about himself so frightening that they didn't think he could handle it?

 

He wasn't sure why he hadn't told Han or Leia about meeting Mara Jade.  Perhaps it was the feeling he was getting that Leia wanted control over who he met, and when.  A shadow of resentment had stolen into him at Leia's manipulating, however real or imagined it was.  Tomorrow, she'd said, someone named Wedge was supposed to visit him.  An old friend.  Luke snorted in derision to himself.  He didn't have any old friends. 

 

Glancing slowly around his apartment, Luke felt as though he was peering through a fog.   The plain but functional furniture, the simple décor, the uncluttered rooms themselves all had a surreal quality.  Had he chosen everything himself, or had someone else decorated the apartment?  Did he live here full-time, or was he frequently away?

 

Luke began wandering through the rooms, examining his possessions, his life.  A pilot's helmet sat on a shelf, next to a wicked-looking stick that Luke had no clue about.   His wandering gaze fell on a painting on one wall – a sand dune, with a binary sunset.  The scene tugged at his brain, but his mind wasn't ready to give up its secrets.

 

There were a couple holos of Leia, Han, and their children.  Luke picked up a holo of Leia and carried it to the reflecting glass in his bedroom.  Holding it up, he compared her features to his own, straining to note any resemblance.  Frustrated, he set the image back down.   All he could focus on was how different they looked.

 

A perusal of his clothes wardrobe didn't yield any further clues to remembering his past life.  A sparse selection of tunics and trousers, two dark cloaks, a pair of black boots.  If he was in a branch of law enforcement, shouldn't he have some sort of uniform?  Slamming the wardrobe door shut, Luke recalled overhearing two medcenter techs discussing an entertainment show they'd watched on the holonet.  He thought he knew what the holonet was, but he didn't see any such unit in his apartment.  Crossing to a bare desk in a corner of his bedroom, he ran one hand across the surface.  Indentations in the wooden top indicated that something had been sitting there.   A holonet?  Something else?  What happened to it?  And shouldn't he have some sort of communications device somewhere?

 

One thing was clear - Someone was deliberately hiding portions of his life.

 

Flickering lights drew Luke's attention, enticing him to the balcony outside his bedroom.  The riotous splashes of red, green, and blue from passing speeders strangely served to assuage Luke's unsettled psyche.  Sliding down against the wall on the cold ferrocrete floor, he cleared his mind of all attempts at regaining what had been stolen from him.  Luke remained outside in the cool night air until dawn, watching the traffic with a mesmerized fascination, letting the sights and sounds of the city planet soothe him.

 

Luke Skywalker's galaxy was spinning out of control.   And he was determined to hang on.