Shattered Remembrance

Chapter Eighteen

While Mara Jade appreciated Talon Karrde's friendship, she had been glad that he hadn't tried to put his arm around her and comfort her. There was only one man allowed to do that. Though Mara couldn't have repeated what sentiments Luke had murmured to her when she'd sacrificed the Fire, she would never forget how he soothed her pain and warmed her soul.

It took every bit of Mara's willpower to not storm over to Luke's apartment and yank him away from Callista. As it was, she'd spent the last hour pacing a worn path in her sitting room carpet. Talon's words of advice had given her encouragement, but did little to help her decide what her next step should be. She had to proceed delicately. It wouldn't do to scare Luke away with her usual blatant brusqueness. She and Luke were due for a training session in the morning, one of the few remaining before he left for Yavin with Kam Solusar and Cilghal. She'd simply sound him out about his former girlfriend, and then—

chirp, chirp, chirp ...

Jerking around at the unexpected sound, Mara plucked her comlink from the pile where she'd deposited her blaster, lightsaber, and credcard upon entering. Who would be calling her in the middle of the night?

"Jade," she answered curtly.

"Mara? This is Luke."

Mara's breath caught. This was the first time he'd called her.

"Luke! Are you all right? Is anything wrong?"

"No, I'm fine. I guess," he said quietly. "I just thought I should tell someone ..." He hesitated. "I'm leaving in the morning."

"For Yavin? I thought you weren't going for several days yet." Mara pushed down a glimmer of panic. He couldn't be leaving so soon.

"Not Yavin." Luke's deep breath echoed over the comlink. "Callista and I ..." He stopped suddenly. "Do you know who Callista is?"

The panic returned full-force. "I know who she is." Mara didn't know how she was keeping her voice even.

"Okay, well, she asked me to take a trip with her. To some places that we went ... that we apparently went to before."

Calm. Calm and rational. That's how she had to approach this. Luke's last statement sounded like he didn't automatically believe everything that interloper told him. A good sign. Yet not good enough to keep him where he belonged.

"Mara?"

"Yes, I'm here," she answered quickly. "Do you know where you're going? What planet?"

"No, not yet. She just thought that spending some time with her might jolt a few memories."

Not the memories that Mara wanted jolted, ever. Taking a deep breath, she considered her options. "Which spaceport are you leaving from?"

"The StarWatch." Luke cleared his throat. "Listen, Mara, I want to thank you for all the training you've given me. I know you're busy, so I appreciate the time you spent with me."

Oh, Luke. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

"I was wondering if you'd do me a favor."

"Of course. Anything." Mara could hear the whoosh of air traffic in the background, and knew Luke must be out on his balcony. Which meant there was a good chance he slipped outside to call her because Callista was inside his apartment. She unconsciously clenched her fist in useless frustration.

"Sometime tomorrow, after I've left, can you comm Leia and let her know what's going on."

"Why haven't you called her yourself?"

"She'd try to talk me out of it. I thought you'd understand."

No, I don't understand. I don't understand why I'm not trying to talk you out of this either. Maybe because I don't want you to be afraid to talk to me, like you are your sister? "Luke, are you sure this is wise? You've only just met her."

"Are you saying she can't be trusted?"

As much as Mara disliked Callista, and despite what she'd said to Talon, she had to admit the former Jedi was trustworthy. Except with Luke's heart. "I'm just saying you need to be careful."

"I will." Luke paused. "Promise you won't call Leia until after I'm off planet. And tell her that I'll comm her in a few days. She needn't worry about me. I'll be fine."

A plan of action was already formulating in Mara's mind. Yes, he'd be fine. She'd see to it personally. "You have my word, Luke.

***

The morning sunlight was just beginning to peek above Coruscant's durasteel skyline when Luke settled into the co-pilot's seat of Callista's small shuttle. He'd managed only a few hours of sleep on his couch; the rest of the night had been spent questioning his own sanity in undertaking this trip into the unknown.

"All set?" Callista asked, pausing in her instrument check to flash him a smile.

Luke nodded in what he hoped appeared to be anticipation. "Sure." As her slim fingers flew over the controls with uncanny dexterity, he let his gaze wander across her flawless bare arms and smooth shoulders. The sleeveless tunic she wore left little to the imagination, and after last night, he didn't need to overtax his imagination. And yet ... the fleeting thought crossed his mind that he was more partial to Mara Jade's lightly freckled shoulders. When they'd been sitting meditating, he had occasionally peeked one eye open and counted her freckles. He had secretly looked forward to the days that included combat lessons, when Mara would strip down to her sleek exercise outfit. He had admired her silhouette against the morning sun streaming in the window of the training salon. He liked pushing her until perspiration would drip off the tip of her chin, falling onto her—

"Luke?"

"What?"

"I said, did lift-off feel familiar to you in any way?"

Luke glanced out the viewscreen, realizing with some embarrassment that they were now gliding above the tallest buildings. "Uh, no, not really," he mumbled. Sitting up straighter, he continued to follow their ascent, watching as tiny figures on rooftop gardens quickly became too small to see. Though he didn't correct the reply he'd given to Callista, he acknowledged to himself that there was a familiar stirring coursing through him as the ship navigated the crowded spacelanes, then flew into open space. By all accounts, he was more than a fair pilot himself, so logically he knew he'd performed the same maneuver many times in the past. Either by instinct or the Force, he sensed ahead of time when Callista would reach for the hyperspace lever.

Turning to gaze at the stars streaking into lines of brilliance, he felt peace and contentment descend over him. Luke knew in that instant that he hadn't just been a pilot, but that he had loved flying. An image flashed through his mind, of sitting in a cramped cockpit, the weight of a helmet on his head. He tried to hold onto the mental picture, but it vanished as fast as it had appeared.

"I will do all I can to help you regain your memories," Callista was saying.

Luke turned, pressing his lips together. Despite the exhilarating thrill he experienced when he mastered a new Force skill or learned something new about his family and friends, he couldn't help thinking of the displays he'd seen in the museum. For that's what he was, a museum exhibit. "Perhaps I don't really want them all back," he murmured. "Everywhere I turn, there are reminders of the great Jedi Master Luke Skywalker. It's hard to live up to his life. Maybe I don't want to be that person anymore."

"I can understand the desire to become a new person," Callista said softly, swiveling her chair to face him. "But I believe it is only warranted when your old self is wrong, unlike you, Luke." She reached out and clasped his hands. "I have come to realize that what I did was wrong, taking on a new life instead of accepting my fate on the Eye."

"The Eye?"

"So Han didn't tell you everything about me." Callista smiled ruefully. "When we first met, Luke, I wasn't the same person that you see before you now. In fact, ..."

***

Mara leaned one way, then the other, trying to stretch out the kinks in her back and wishing this particular escape pod was high enough to stand up in. It had only been half a standard day since she had sneaked aboard Callista's small personal shuttlecraft, but it seemed like a week. She wished she'd thought to bring along a holonovel, then snorted at the thought. What she really should have brought were some fresh ration bars. The emergency rations stored in the pod tasted like they'd been packed there during the Clone Wars, and the primitive refresher apparatus left a lot to be desired. The only thing sustaining her was the satisfaction of knowing that Luke and Callista weren't going to escape her.

She'd been monitoring Luke's presence all morning, careful not to press hard enough to reveal herself. His mood seemed pensive, but as far as she could tell, he was safe and sound.

His sister's mood that morning was far from pensive. Leia had been furious, both at Luke for sneaking off, as she put it, and at Mara for following his request of not notifying her until they'd lifted off. Mara's confession that she was hidden onboard served to only slightly mollify the former princess, and she finally promised to notify the Solos the moment she discovered the ship's destination.

All this free time did give Mara the opportunity to think. To think, and plan, and worry. It was all well and good to tail Luke to whatever backwater world or busy metropolis that Callista was spiriting him off to. But what exactly was Mara going to do after they landed? Spy on him around the clock? She could justifiably argue that she had a claim to him, as her intended husband. But Luke didn't know that. Callista didn't know that. Springing up between them and announcing she was Luke's fiancée would set off fireworks on all fronts. He'd demand to know why she'd been lying to him all this time. Yes, she would've been better off telling him from the start. Perhaps even telling Han and Leia before Luke had awoken.

Hindsight is a miserable companion.

***

Evening was drawing near, and Callista had left Luke alone in the cockpit while she prepared a late meal in the galley. He didn't mind, though. The more time he spent gazing out into the inky blackness of space, the more he felt a tranquil serenity infuse him. This was the type of surroundings he needed when Mara was hounding him to meditate, despite her insistence that he should be able to meditate anywhere, anytime.

Mara ...

The more he tried not to think about her, the more he did. She was cynical, yet gentle. Hypercritical, yet patient. Sharp-featured, yet beautiful.

And she had told him flat out last night that she would never love anyone again. So why couldn't he quench that tiny spark of hope he'd been harboring that she might find him appealing?

Sure, there was no reason for Mara Jade to suddenly fall in love with him. He was an insecure, vapid has-been. He was no longer a whole person. No one contradicted the account that he and Mara had bickered and clashed ever since they'd met ten years ago. Did he expect her to feel sorry for him now? That didn't seem Mara's style.

Luke shifted in his seat, his lightsaber softly knocking against the armrest. Callista didn't wear her lightsaber, he reflected, endeavoring to draw his thoughts in a new direction. She'd related to him earlier how she had once been a Jedi Knight, and when he'd asked about her lightsaber, she'd told him that it was in her luggage. Until she got her powers back, she said that she didn't feel like a true Jedi. Callista in turn had inquired as to why he didn't wear his Jedi robes. Leia had indeed returned his entire wardrobe, yet the only answer he could give was that he would don them when he felt like a true Jedi. Until then, the lightsaber hanging at his side would be his only outward reminder of the life he wanted to regain.

With the relatively innocuous practice sabers still the requisite during his sparring sessions, Luke had yet to use his own lightsaber for anything except deflecting blasts from training remotes. His best record was four remotes at one time, kept up until Mara added three more to the workout. She'd laughed when one zapped him in the rear.

Mara ...

He should've said good-bye to her in person.

***

Mara checked her wrist chrono for what must have been the hundredth time that day. She had hoped Callista's destination would've been nearby, but as the hours dragged on, that hope was fading fast. Curling up on the pod's padded bench, she fell into a light sleep, confident that her natural instincts would alert her if the ship dropped out of hyperspace.

It was the swishing open of the escape pod's hatch, however, that jolted Mara awake. That, and the surprised voice from the figure silhouetted in the doorway.

"What in the galaxy are you doing in there?"