Shattered Remembrance

Chapter Twenty-one

"Where's Luke?" Mara demanded as she stepped into the cockpit. "He's not in his cabin or in the refresher."

For the past five days Callista had been giving Luke detailed lessons on astronavigation and ship propulsion, so Mara had expected him to be pouring over the shuttle's controls. Reaching out with the Force, she could feel him somewhere mid-ship, concentrating intently.

"He is repairing a heating coil in the galley," Callista answered, not looking up from the console she was checking. "I haven't shot him out an airlock."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mara had been doing her best to keep her temper in check, and Callista's constant even tone surprisingly made it more difficult, not easier.

The Force-less Jedi finally met Mara's hard eyes. "I am not your enemy, Mara Jade, nor your rival."

"Rival?"

"I have observed your overwhelming concern for Luke's safety and well-being. I believe it surpasses my own. It is my opinion that you are hoping to become romantically involved with him."

Mara could feel her jaw dropping. This was the absolute last thing she expected Callista to say, and she had no smart comeback ready. Maybe Callista was testing her, hoping that Mara would deny her feelings. But the one thing she knew without a doubt was that this was the wrong person to allow to have the wrong impression.

"Let's just say that what I once told you on Yavin, about not being interested in him ..."

Callista raised one eyebrow, but didn't comment.

"Well, I've changed my mind."

Callista nodded. "Luke is a special person. He deserves happiness and love, and I now realize that I am not the one to fulfill those needs for him. If you feel that you are, I have no objections, as I have deduced that you are no longer the same as when you were the Emperor's Hand. Therefore, I will support you in your endeavor."

Mara was stunned beyond belief. Callista was giving her permission to love Luke? Relief warred with indignation. Who was Callista to be deciding that Mara was now worthy of Luke's affections? She's stepping aside. Why should I be upset?

"All right then," Mara finally bit out, struggling to maintain a cool façade. Her conscience nagged at her to thank Callista, but her mouth wouldn't form the words. Instead she spun on her heel and headed for the galley.

***

Luke's smiling face was not the first thing Mara saw when she entered the small eat-in galley. No, it was his feet and legs stretched out on the near-pristine decking. His upper body was hidden under the utility counter which sported two inset cooking grids and a rack of seasoning jars. Indecipherable mumblings echoed out into the room.

"Repairs going well?" Mara asked, bending down to peer under the counter.

Twisting sideways, Luke gave a noncommittal grunt. He waved a hand toward a datapad lying near his waist. "Can you hand me that?"

Picking up the unit, Mara had to bite her lip to keep from laughing when she saw the screen. "'How to Replace a Heating Coil'? Skywalker, I thought real men didn't use instructions."

"Men that don't remember ever making repairs do," he muttered. "Are you going to give it to me or not?"

"Hold your taun-tauns," Mara returned. Lying down next to him, she wiggled her way under the counter and tilted the datapad so he could see it.

"I didn't mean you had to ..." Looking sideways, Luke's head jerked back when he saw how close Mara's face was to his. "Uh, thanks."

"No problem." Mara fell silent while Luke continued his work, his long slender fingers twisting replacement wires to connect with the existing coils. She noticed he only took quick glances at the glowing screen she was holding, as if trying to prove he really didn't need the manual as much as she thought.

"Can you hold that a second?" Luke asked, pointing his chin toward a dangling bundle of multi-colored strands.

"Sure." Mara leaned across him, holding the wires out of his way as he wrapped circuit tape around the new connections he'd made. His hand brushed hers as he reclaimed the bundle, and Mara felt a shiver run through her. She was certain that he'd disconnected the power before beginning his repairs, and from the frown on his face, he'd felt the baffling tingle, too.

With exaggerated care, Luke bound the last of the wires. "That should do it," he pronounced, all too soon to Mara's ears. She was enjoying being this close to his soothing Force presence, relishing the feel of his shoulder pressed against hers.

"Uh, I guess we should test the cooker," Luke said, turning off his glow rod. He seemed to be waiting for her to move first.

Mara reluctantly scooted out from under the counter, and Luke followed. Springing upright, she reached down to give him a boost up.

"I don't want to get your hands dirty," Luke said.

"They already are," she returned, grasping his hand anyway. "Afraid of touching me again?"

He let her pull him up, and didn't back off when she continued holding his hand. "Of course not," he whispered, moving closer. She thought she could hear his heart beating, or maybe it was the pounding of her own. The Force was thrumming with anticipation. The tingle had become a full-blown tremor. Luke lowered his head, and Mara tilted hers up. She closed her eyes. She'd waited for this moment for months, and now—

"Oh, I'm sorry. I did not mean to interrupt."

Nooooo! Mara glared daggers at the woman standing in the doorway.

"I am truly sorry," Callista repeated before whirling around and disappearing down the corridor.

Mara swore that Callista made a special trip to the galley just to check on her progress with Luke. She turned back to find Luke still staring at her, his eyes smoky and heavily lidded. Before Mara could form a coherent thought, his lips were upon hers. She had never tasted anything so sweet.

Callista was forgotten.

Dirty hands were forgotten.

There was only her and Luke, together at last. Hands threaded through hair. Hers? His? It didn't matter. They clung to each other in a frenzied dance of desire. Some small sliver of Mara's mind recognized that she was now sitting on the edge of the galley's small table, dishes scattered, her legs wrapped around his waist, his arms around her back. She wasn't even sure when they'd moved across the room.

It seemed as if they were surrounded by a mist of passion, hiding them, warming them. She never wanted to move from this spot.

But slowly and haltingly, Luke moved. He pulled away from her, stilling her hands when she tried to clutch him back.

"This ... this isn't the first time we've kissed," he said, staring at her strangely.

"You remember?" Mara's heart leapt. But only for a moment.

"No." Luke shook his head, but continued to study her. "Your reaction ... I felt relief from you. And great joy." He smiled, but the smile did not reach his eyes. "You seemed practiced at it."

Mara's breath caught in her throat. He knew, and yet he didn't know.

"I think we need to talk." He took her by the hand and led her to a seat on the floor, next to the wall. "What haven't you been telling me?"

What indeed. Mara's mind raced, trying to foresee the consequences of all the possible revelations. Doctor Panio's warnings of not overwhelming Luke with too much information kept battling with her desire to cleanse her soul of all the hidden truths and half-lies.

"Well, you see," Mara began, making up her mind in an instant. "We had grown close. Had begun a relationship, in fact. It was during that rescue mission, on Nirauan, right before …"

He nodded. "Before I got on the wrong airtaxi." Mara realized that everything in his life now revolved around 'before' and 'after.' "And yet everyone let me believe that you and I were only friends," he continued. "That we'd never had anything but a platonic friendship."

"No one else knew," she confessed.

"You knew." Luke's voice was strained. Not quite accusatory, but not forgiving, either. "The one person I thought I could trust to always tell me the truth."

The truth. And here she was, still withholding a very important part of the truth. Perhaps it would be best if she never told him.

Mara swallowed the rising bile of panic. Had she made the worst mistake of her life by keeping their relationship a secret after the accident? No. This was Luke. Her Luke. He wouldn't shun her for doing what she thought was best. He'd understand. He'd forgive her.

"I never meant to mislead you, Luke. It's just that—"

He held up one hand to stop her. Drawing his legs up, he buried his face on his knees. It was several long minutes before Luke spoke again.

"The closer we've become lately, the more I've felt a connection with you, Mara. I haven't exactly hidden the fact that I've grown fond of you." He took a deep breath. "Which is why this ... deceit ... is especially hard for me to accept."

Luke rose to his feet, looking down at Mara with a look of deep regret. "I'm sorry, Mara. I just ... can't ..." He shook his head, then was out the door.

Numb with grief, Mara could do nothing but stare at the doorway. She had gone from ecstasy to despair in a matter of minutes.

Where was she to go from here?

***

Luke felt like his heart had been ripped out. How could she have betrayed him like this?

Without looking where he was heading, Luke found himself at the doorway to the cockpit.

"Ah, good. We're almost ready for realspace re-entry, and I knew you wanted to try your hand at the controls. I was just about to call you." Callista smiled slyly. "Though I was reluctant to interrupt again."

"Maybe you should have," Luke mumbled, falling into the co-pilot's seat. He started flipping switches and adjusting knobs with an ease born of only a few days' practice.

Callista advised Mara over the intercom to strap in, then turned to Luke with a frown. "But I thought ... What happened? Didn't you and Mara ..."

"She lied to me!"

"She told me that she was attracted to you. Is she not?"

"Yes, but ... Wait. She told you that she had feelings for me?" Luke curled his fists in frustration. "Did she also tell you that we were together before my accident? And that she decided to keep it a big secret from me?"

"No." Callista nodded her approval as Luke pulled back the hyperspace lever. "So you and Mara Jade are already lovers?"

"I ..." Luke bit his lip in thought. "I'm not really sure. She said we hadn't been together very long. But I guess it's possible."

"Perhaps that is why you were not interested in making love to me," Callista said matter-of-factly. "Your subconscious knew you wanted someone else."

Luke opened his mouth to object, then shut it again. The idea that he had already been intimate with Mara made this whole fiasco even harder to bear.

"Do you not want to be lovers with her any more?"

"I don't know. Maybe. Yes." He rubbed his eyes. "But how can I trust her after this?"

"Perhaps she had good reason to withhold this particular fact until now."

"Like what? Humiliating me?"

"Did she humiliate you?" Callista leaned back in her seat, arms crossed. "Or did her actions simply remind you of your amnesia?"

"Blast it, Callista!" Luke threw his seat harness aside and abruptly bolted to his feet. "Would you ever have deceived me like this?"

"I believe I did. Much worse, in fact." She smiled gently. "And you forgave me, Luke."

"Did I? Can't recall," he snapped. Leaning against the top of the bulkhead with outstretched arms, Luke closed his eyes to the twinkling stars outside. "I'm not sure I can be the lenient person that apparently I was before."

Callista stood also, laying one hand lightly on Luke's tense shoulder. "You are still the same person inside, Luke Skywalker. Do not let pettiness rob you of the chance to have lasting happiness."

Luke turned slightly, looking at the grey-eyed beauty. Once again an image invaded his mind – it was Callista, gazing at him as she stood at the open ramp of a freighter. A feeling of farewell, of finality, filled him, as if he knew he'd never see her again. And yet here she was.

"Do you love her, Luke?"

He brought his thoughts back to another woman. One he very much wanted to see again. "Yes," he said without hesitation.

"Do you have any doubts that you loved her before your accident?"

"None." It was a strange feeling, having his heart remember something that his mind could not. But the Force was sending him waves of reassurance. He was meant to be with Mara Jade, and no one else. "Have you always been this smart?"

Callista shook her head, a sad smile gracing her lips. "I have done many things I've regretted. But I've never regretted meeting you. You turned my life around, and I will be forever in your debt."

"I think we can consider ourselves even." Luke pulled her into his arms. "Thank you, Callista. Thank you for being my friend."

Somewhat awkwardly, Callista returned his hug. "I hope to always be your friend, Luke. No matter what the future brings."

"You will, Callista. You will."

***

When Callista's signal of the imminent reversion sounded over the intercom, Mara moved automatically to the lounge to strap in. She had blocked out Luke's roiling presence. Her own turbulent emotions were already more than she cared to endure.

Luke had sensed their connection almost from the moment their lips had met. What could she have done different? Refused to kiss him? She'd sooner have stepped out an airlock. Tried to deny their previous involvement? He'd have never believed it.

A steady pinging broke into Mara's self-doubts, and she raised her head to stare at the lounge's comm station. An incoming call, relayed the moment the ship had returned to realspace. Mara crossed to the unit and punched the 'accept' button, then fell back a step when Leia Organa Solo's face popped onto the screen after only a few seconds' wait.

"Leia!" Mara hurriedly swiped at her eyes, hoping they weren't as red as she feared.

"Ah, Mara, good. Is Luke close by?" Leia looked off-screen a moment. "Han, I have them."

"I'll get him," Mara murmured, turning quickly. Luke's sister was the last person Mara felt like talking to right now. Maybe he could just take down whatever information they'd found.

Heading forward, Mara opened herself to the Force and could tell that he had calmed down considerably. As she stepped over the threshold into the cockpit, she wondered what had effected his change in attitude.

And froze as she caught sight of Luke. Locked in an embrace with Callista Ming.