Roman Marriage

Marriage, for both males and females granted them a larger network of family
members and the security that came with it, and for the woman, her husband's
social status. (Gardner,1986;67) During Rome's early history, the wife passed
from the manus of her father to that of her husband, so becoming a virtual blood
relative, though this practice was phased out for no completely clear reasons. One
reason was the need to keep the dowry of the bride in the bride's family, especially
if it was property. In later years the father of the bride could intervene between the
husband and wife. (Treggiari, 1987;1344) The groom benefited from the extended
family after marriage. One of the most important functions they performed for
upper class men was to campaign and support him through his political offices.
(Pliny the Younger, Letters, 1:14)

One of the most considerable gains for a married woman was the respect and
status that came with being a wife and mother, a "Matrona". She held a position of
respect and responsibility in the household and had a role in public worship. She
was in charge of the keys of the house and the domestic staff, as well as
organising and making the clothing for the family. (Treggiari, 1987;1350) Epitaphs
abound proclaiming the skill with which women kept their houses and the virtues
that they possessed, or were alleged to possess. It was in this way only that
women were to be remembered, by their honour and loyalty to their husband and
their competence at household chores. In the same inscription for Murdia (139)
she is described by her son as deserving great praise, for in

"…modesty, propriety, chastity, obedience, woolworking, industry and honour she
was on a equal level with other good women, nor did she take second place to any
woman in virtue, work and wisdom in times of danger."

It was the examples set by famous women, such as Cornelia, mother of the
Grachhi and Arria, wife of Caecina Paetus that Roman women were supposed to
follow. Cornelia took the care of the household all upon herself, as well as the
education of the children. She was a discreet and noble hearted woman. (Plutarch
Life of Tiberius Gracchus 1.2-2) Arria, when hearing of her husband's ordered
suicide, was said to have grabbed the sword from his hand and, plunging it into
her chest, reassured her husband that it did not hurt. (Pliny the Younger, Letters
3.16.3-6) It was Arria's loyalty and fidelity to her spouse that was praised.

By having children, the wife could only increase her status in society; on epitaphs
alongside her conjugal virtues came a listing of the number of children she had
borne. (Readings 134,141, 1982;137) More respected was the woman who
looked after her children personally, as did Athenodora whose relatives inscribed
this for her.

"She bore children and nursed them when they were infants. Earth took this young
mother and keeps her, though the children need her milk." (144)

Women in the Augustan age had an added incentive to bear children. Once a
woman had three offspring, she was released from all guardianship and was free
to conduct business by herself. For a slave woman the quota was four children.
(Dio Cassius, Roman History 54.16.1-2) There were incentives for men to have
larger families as well, such as the decree by Augustus that priority would be
given, not to the consul who was older, but to the one with most children. (Reading
33, Shelton,1988;29)

In most marriages, whether arranged or of the participants' own choice, free or
freed, both the bride and the groom hoped to gain companionship, happiness,
security and love. Roman society was one in which a couple might have common
interests outside the sphere of children and family. (Dixon, 1992;84) In an epitaph
from Roman France, a husband bemoans the loss of his young wife who was
eighteen years old and compels the reader to bathe in the baths of Apollo as he
wishes he still could with his wife. (Reading 56, Shelton,1988, 47) Another from
Rome itself is erected by a mourning wife who claims,

"When we were still boy and girl, we were bound by a mutual love as soon as we
met…I therefore beg, most sacred Manes, that you look after the loved one I have
entrusted to you and that you will be well disposed and very kind to him during the
hours of the night…" (Reading 59, Shelton, 1988;48)