HTThree

                                CHAPTER THREE - GOING BACK

AJ picked nervously at a loose thread on the hem of his shirt, tense, wishing to hell the driver of the van would have stopped by a rest area and let him have a smoke. The driver had said no, that it was against policy, to just hang on, hang on, it wouldn't be much longer. AJ slumped in his seat, defeated, pissed over the driver's refusal.

He could feel the beginnings of a dull ache in the back of his head, the fine tremble in his hands and knew it was starting. Damn. So soon? He propped his elbow on the armrest as the van sped southward, trying to ignore his discomfort by concentrating on the scenery outside. Only he had no interest in it. None whatsoever. He had visited this area before and under the worst of circumstances. Now, here he was, heading back, situated smack dab in the midst of it again. He was slightly stunned at the irony of it all. Back toTucson. Back to that nightmare of a city. He didn't want to go back to Tucson! It hadn't been the first recommendation made from the professionals and AJ sure as hell wouldn't have requested it, but the other treatment center had been unable to accommodate him on such short notice. The Tucson facility had an open bed, an excellent reputation, and too many people were now involved in the decision. He agreed reluctantly, buoyed only by the fact that Brian was in Phoenix, an hour and a half's drive away.

He glanced at his watch for a moment, noting the time. Three-thirty p.m. By now, Kevin should have landed at the LA airport. He wondered if Kristin would be there to pick him up. Nick was on his way to inform Brian, and Howie, well. . . he wasn't sure what Howie was up to. They had parted on less than amicable terms; Howie understandably upset over AJ's behavior.

Kevin had spoken to him briefly about it while waiting for his connecting flight. "Let him be, AJ. Don't worry about him, he'll come around. Besides, you've got to concentrate now on yourself, okay?"

But he was worried about Howie. Hell, he was worried about everyone, everything. He had fucked up big time. Big time. He wished he could blame it on someone other than himself, but he couldn't. It had finally come down to admitting that he needed professional help. AJ smiled ruefully, thinking back. Well. . . . it had taken a not-so-little nudge from Kevin before he had truly acknowledged it. it had not been a pretty sight, being confronted about his obvious downfalls. Yes, it had been ugly, but necessary. Now, he was determined to show Kevin, his friends, and the rest of the world that he could beat this. AJ paused for a moment. He could. . . couldn't he?

AJ felt a small bump as the paved highway road gave way to a rougher path. The van bounced and shook a little as they traveled inward. AJ craned his neck and looked behind him, noticing the dusty clouds of dirt rising upward from the ground as the van zigzagged deeper into the desert terrain. He turned to face forward, seeing a large sign with an arrow, pointing the way to the campus, welcoming all who entered. Beyond the main sign was a smaller one, tilted sideways and weathered white from the sun. AJ took a shaky breath as he passed it, reading what it said.

Expect a miracle.

He did.

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Kristin gave her husband a small hug and quick kiss, happy to see him after three long weeks. She noticed the tight lines around his eyes, the tired droop to his shoulders as he walked side by side with her down the long airport terminal. He was traveling light, hauling his small carry on luggage with him.

"How did it go?" She knew she should wait, ask later, but she was too curious.

Kevin shrugged. "As best as can be expected. AJ's scared, but he's also relieved. He'll finally be getting the help he needs." He stopped for a moment to look at his wife. "This is going to a difficult month for him, Kristin. . . for all of us."

Kristin heard the solemn warning in her husband's voice and nodded, wondering just how difficult Kevin actually meant.

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CHAPTER FOUR