Chapter 2

 

Kharmoun Micó

 

3,754 b.c. to 3,719 b.c.

 

 

 

Ug Micó began the Micó clan, and as the glaciers receded even further, the Micó clan spread throughout the lands.  Many of the records are lost for this period and the next notable Micó appears in the ancient Egyptian scroll recently found in a previously unknown chamber of the Great Sphinx.

 

 

 

Kharmoun Micó was born in Cairo, as was 90% of the population of Egypt, the son of a house builder.  Well let’s be honest he built third rate hovels, but he managed to make a living.  Kharmoun learnt the art of hovel building as his father’s apprentice.  Then one sad day his father was killed by falling masonry, as a roof Kharmoun was building collapsed on top of him.

 

When Kharmoun got over the shock of seeing his father killed, he resolved to devote his life to the safer construction of roofs.  As the local police wanted to ask him some awkward questions about his father’s death, Kharmoun decided to devote his life to the safer construction of roofs somewhere else. And so he travelled south to seek fame and fortune, where the police didn't know him.

 

Some weeks later, as his camel was running low on water, he came across a sign pointing the way to Luxor.  He remembered seeing an ad in the Cairo Gazette for staff for a new temple being built there.

 

"Ah ha." thought Kharmoun, "I wonder if they've finished building that temple yet."

 

And so, intent on finding work at the construction site, he turned his camel in the direction of Luxor.

 

At this point I should explain how the class system worked in ancient Egypt.

 

At the top of the heap was the Pharaoh.  He was rich and powerful; his main pastime was ordering everyone around as though they were slaves.  The people thought he was a god, and if they didn't do as the Pharaoh commanded something terrible would visit them in the night to kill them.  In fact he sent round his mother-in-law complete with hair curlers and mud pack.  Enough to finish off the toughest adversary.  Those that survived the experience told of a demon with snakes growing from her head.

 

Next came the clergy.  The priest was almost as powerful as the Pharaoh, as everyone thought the demon was his mother-in-law.  The priest would get everyone to work like slaves because they knew that the priest was a friend to all the powerful gods, even Ra.

 

Next came the military.  All soldiers treated everybody below them like slaves.  Take my word for it, you don't disobey someone with a six foot spear.

 

Next in line were the master builders and architects.  They were also rich and treated everybody below them as slaves. Lets face it if you didn't fancy the clergy or military as a career you relied on builders and architects for employment.  Not that they paid much, but they did feed you.

 

At the bottom of the heap came everyone else.  There were no slaves in ancient Egypt, all men were born free and lived free.

 

Kharmoun decided to present himself to the Priest at the new temple as a master roof builder.

 

This meant that he had a chance of earning a decent wage and getting to know the right people.

 

"Ah hum!" coughed Kharmoun Micó as he approached the priest, “ That looks like a fine temple you've had built."

 

"O wow" replied the priest " I am saddened because the vestibule dance chamber has no roof.  The dancers get all wet and slip over when it rains."

 

"Then I am your man.  For I am a master roof builder", he said with a slight blush.  And soon he had struck a deal with the priest.

 

Only two dances were performed in Egypt at that time.  The erotic belly dance, which was band from all temples (except on Friday nights), and a religious dance called ring-a-ring-a-Ra-sy, that was performed in all temples (except on Friday nights).

 

Soon work started and the huge stones were lowered one by one into place, until after a few weeks the entire roof was in place.

 

Kharmoun Micó stood alone under the massive flat roof.

 

"Oh oh, its sagging" he muttered, "I'd better get something to prop it up before it all comes down."

 

Quickly he erected a stone pillar in the centre to support the roof.  It was still sagging. So up went another pillar, then another, and another, and another, until the room had forty-two huge stone pillars. "Oops!"

 

The priest returned.  "What in the name of the gods!" he yelled.

 

"Ah well, you see, I, I."

 

"YES?"

 

"You see I thought, ah, I thought.  If you decorate the pillars with religious writings, then

 while everyone is dancing round the pillars in circles, they could read the stories."

 

"Excellent." enthused the priest, and paid Kharmoun in gold.  “But why forty-two ?” questioned the priest in a threatening tone.

 

"Ah! " said Kharmoun, "forty-two is the answer to life and everything. "

 

"Yes, of course."

 

"Phew!"

 

Kharmoun Mico's roofing style became the fashion and was soon copied by all the builders in all the temples.  The populace were even calling for a new city to be built in the new style.  “Let’s call it Micópolis”, they cried.

 

Flushed with success, and with money, Kharmoun returned to Cairo to seek out his childhood girlfriend - Pahmi.  She worked for a secondhand camel dealer in the bazaar, and so he headed straight there.

 

The bazaar was packed, he couldn't find a parking space anywhere.  Eventually, as a last resort, he double parked beside a chariot with a disabled sticker displayed on the front.

 

Pahmi was so pleased to see him again, particularly as he was now rich and famous.

 

She declared her undying love for Kharmoun and soon they were married.

 

Next came children, two boys, Mohse and Kareem.  Then came the school fees, the bigger house, the sports chariot, the bills, the bills, and more bills.

 

"What I need is another good idea." he declared.

 

His mind wandered back to the day he returned to Cairo, the crowds in the bazaar, the lack of parking.

 

"If only they'd put the shops somewhere quieter, with plenty of room. THAT'S IT !" he pronounced.  "I'll build an out of town bazaar, on the west bank where land is cheap and there's lots of it.  People will come from miles around, we'll give them something for the kids to do, fast food, and multi-stage theatres.  But this will take more money than I have, I'll need a partner, a very rich partner.  I need............THE PHARAOH."

 

Kharmoun Micó went to see the Pharaoh, who was only fourteen, and a pushover.  All he wanted was to see his people happy, and to have his name displayed above the entrance to the bazaar.  Kharmoun agreed.

 

Kharmoun drew up the plans for the building.  Two large square areas joined by a covered avenue.

 

But what about the roof over each square, he couldn't fill the bazaar up with pillars like the temple.  He needed inspiration.  He couldn't sleep for thinking about the problem.  He just couldn't sleep, and so he got up at five in the morning.  As he paced up and down he noticed Pahmi laying on the bed naked.  Her breasts rising and falling as she breathed.  Then he got it, brilliant.  He would build the roofs pointed, all the weight would be supported by the walls, and so the roof would last.......forever!

 

Work started, and gradually the massive out of town bazaar began to take shape.

 

First the walls went up, then the two pointed roofs, untill finaly some eighteen months later the construction was complete.  In some strange way it reminded him of his wife Pahmi.

 

It was terrific, the two square bazaars each covered by a massive pointed roof, a covered avenue joining the two.  There was parking for four hundred camels and one hundred chariots.  Three smaller buildings with matching pointed roofs housed a drive in camel burger joint, a chariot wash, and toilets.

 

In recognition of Kharmoun's efforts the King had a sphinx built in front of the bazaar.  The face was carved to resemble Kharmoun Micó, despite his rather large nose.

 

Above the main entrance was displayed the name of the company the two entrepreneurs had formed ........KING TUT and MICÓ Artifacts Inc or KM-ART for short.

 

The business prospered, people came from all over northern Egypt, and sometimes strangers from far off lands would bring unusual goods and exotic foods.

 

Soon Tut and Kharmoun hyper-bazaars were springing up the length of the west bank of the Nile.

 

Then one dark day, at the height of the weekend rush, disaster struck.

 

Hundreds of miles away in Persia there was a small earth tremor.  The tiny shock wave hit the whole of Egypt.  Kharmoun's buildings were all on the west bank of the Nile, built on sand.  Kharmoun had only ever seen buildings being built from the walls upwards, he didn't know they needed foundations.

 

In the space of ten seconds every single building sunk into the sand, leaving just the pointed roofs visible.  Thousands of people disappeared.

 

The King was stripped of his office.  He and Kharmoun were arrested and thrown in jail.

 

The state jail was a series of cells carved into solid rock, and was situated in a valley close to Luxor.  There all criminals were imprisoned for life, along with their ill gotten gains.

 

Above the door to their cell the guards carved the prisoners names Tut an' Kharmoun.  And there they stayed forever.

 

So that Kharmoun would not be remembered the angry people of Cairo disfigured the sphinx by smashing off the huge nose.  Whenever they were asked about the roofs sticking out of the sand, they would reply that many people were buried in the chambers.

 

Time passed, truth became legend.  Each time the story was told it was changed, a little here a little there.

 

And so some five and a half thousand years have passed to this present day.

 

Kharmoun Micó is forgotten.

 

The Valley of the Kings............not a valley of Kings, but an ancient prison.

 

Tutenkamon............never existed, it was Tut an' Kharmoun left to die in their prison cell.

 

The pyramids.............the roofs built by Kharmoun, still sitting above the sand.  He said they would last forever.

 

The sphinx........take a long close look.  Put a towel over your head and imagine a nose just like yours.  Can you see it, can you, is it not just like looking in a mirror?

 

Be proud of Kharmoun Micó, his vision of out of town shopping lives on.