Chapter 9

 

Roger Micó

 

1411 a.d. to 1469 a.d.

 

 

During the fifteenth century the search for new lands led to adventure on the high seas.  Rare treasures were collected from the shores of the new lands and so brave sailors could become rich and famous when they returned to England.

 

There was much danger for the sailors returning to England with their ships laden with treasures. Sea monsters, dragons, and bad weather took their toll of ships and sailors.  Sometimes those returning along the coast of Africa, even though they sailed in convoys, would just disappear, without sound of battle, without wreckage, without survivors.

 

Some sailors put the disappearances down to pirates. There were not many in those early days, but there was always a few black hearted sailors looking to get rich quick at the expense of others. The most feared of those early pirates were the Beard family.

 

Grey Beard, the father, was old beyond his forty years. He looked more like sixty, well it's very stressful running a pirate fleet. He was feared for his cunning, once he sighted a ship there was no escape, GB could out sail anyone.

 

Black Beard, the eldest son was feared because he had a black heart. He always sank the victims ship with all hands, sometimes he kept a few feet, but BB always sank the hands.

 

Red Beard, the middle son, would slit the throats of the poor wretches he captured. Then RB would drink their blood, so staining his beard red.

 

Pink Beard, the youngest son, could make hardened sailors leap overboard into shark infested waters just by saying those immortal words, “Oooh, hello sailor.”. PB let his victims live, but often they would take their own lives.

 

Ellsy Beard was GB's wife, she didn't join the battle very often. Sometimes though, when they knew that a ship was carrying a precious cargo, EB would wait in ambush as GB manoeuvred the victim into her trap. This was the most feared form of attack. Most sailors were frightened stiff of the EB GB's.

 

The Admiral of the English fleet, Sir Donald Drake, had seen many fine sailors set sail never to return.

 

He knew of only one man that had the steel nerves, the courage, the nautical know how, the ship, and the crew, to put an end to the reign of terror caused by the Beards.

 

“But if I do send myself, I'll miss out on the Queen's birthday party next month.” Donald reminded himself. “And anyway, my ship's booked in for a 20,000 nautical mile service on Tuesday.”

 

“Who could I send. I need someone who can sail with a crew tough enough to fight the Beards. Someone who is brave, is cunning, a born leader, a great sailor. H'mm. No, can't think of anyone. I'll send Roger Micó instead, I've been trying to get rid of that giggling twerp for ages.”

 

Roger Micó was famed throughout the land as being the worlds biggest bore. He thought that he was funny, he had dozens of jokes, whimsical odes, and naughty songs. But his delivery was pathetic, nobody ever laughed with him, they laughed at him. Poor old Roger, he'd chuckle away thinking everyone got the joke, but the joke was Roger.

 

There was another side to Roger though, he was a fine sailor and a nautical inventor. His ideas led to some of the nautical equipment seen throughout history, as you will learn.

 

“Yes, great idea,” thought Donald, “Roger'll bore the Beard's into submission.”

 

“Number One!” Donald yelled “Send a messenger to Roger Micó, he'll be on his boat at Portsmouth. He must report to Admiralty House immediately.”

 

“Aye, aye, Sir!” no.1 jumped to his feet and left for Portsmouth.

 

Roger vs Pink Beard

 

 

Aboard Sir Roger Micó's boat “The Wood Pigeon”, there was much activity as his latest invention was about to be unleashed on an unsuspecting world.

 

Roger had lost many friends to pirates. Survivors told of how pirates would be ruthless in their pursuit of a vessel, so long of course that it hadn't sunk. Roger decided that he needed an invention that would fool the pirates into thinking that his ship was going down.

 

“Ah har,” Roger muttered to himself “The first thing be ta make the ship sink.”

 

“H'mm. That's quite easy, you fill it with water.” interrupted Julian, the cabin boy, as he entered the Captain's cabin.

 

“Aye, then ta make it float ag'in, 'e pumps the water back out. Ah har, Julian, 'es a clever lad.”

 

“Ooh Captain, there's a nice sailor called Bernard who's come all the way from London to see you.”

 

“Bernard?  Be 'e that Bernard what works with Admiral Drake?”

 

“Yes Captain Micó.” confirmed Bernard “I am Admiral Drake’s number one.”

 

“Well watch out for Julian 'cos 'es one too. What do 'e want wi' me number one?”

 

“The Admiral thinks your the man to rid us of these pesky pirates. Will you come to London to talk to Drake? I am sure there will be a big reward for cutting off the Beards.”

 

“Aye ship mate, 'e could be right, 'e could be wrong. But I tell 'e this much. I've seen too many good sailors die. I aint gonna sit back an' see them there Beards get away with murder. Aye, I'll come ta London wi' 'e.”

 

And so Roger travelled to London to see Drake at the Admiralty. When they arrived Drake had a queue of thirty ships’ Captains outside his door.

 

“The Admiral is interviewing ships’ Captains that have returned from voyages of discovery in the last few days.” Bernard informed Roger. “Let's go in and listen, we may hear news of pirates.”

 

“Now then Captain.” said the Admiral to the Captain who stood before him “Just a few questions and you can register your find.”

 

“First Captain, your name?”

 

“Cap'n Kirk.” replied the seaman.

 

“And the name of your ship?”

 

“It be the good ship Enterprise.”

 

“And Kirk, where did you sail?”

 

"Sea, the Final Frontier...  These are the voyages of the seaship, Enterprise, its 5 year mission to explore strange new lands, meet new civilisations, to boldly go where no man has gone before...."

 

“Yes,yes Kirk, get on with it.”

 

“Ah har matey I needs ta look in me Cap'ns log.  Ah har. ‘Sea-Date 1442.7’, for fifteen months we sailed, we bin where no mans' bin afore.  Ta boldly sail 'cross the seas final frontier, being careful not ta drop off the edge of the world of course.”

 

“Yes, yes.  What a surprise.  And what did you discover?”

 

“We discovered a new land, a land of strange red haired people, what spoke in a foreign tongue.  They attacked me ship, an' they would cling on ta the side till we knocked 'em off wi' a mop, so we calls 'em Clingons.”

 

“Yees. And what was this land called?”

 

“Ah har, we calls it NEW FOUND LAND, on account of its' being a new land what we found.”

 

“Look Kirk, and the rest of you listen as well.”  Drake shouted to the queue outside his door.  “We have five hundred and forty two New Found Lands so far and it's getting difficult to do the filing.  Think of something original to name your discovery or it won't be registered.”

 

“Right Kirk. Did you bring anything back from this new land?” asked Drake who was getting agitated.

 

“Aye Sir, that we did.  This.” he handed the Admiral a greasy looking round sausage.  “The natives ate these.”

 

“Oh good grief man.  That's a haggis  You've spent fifteen months sailing to Scotland.  NEXT!”

 

“Ah Number one and Roger, do come in.”

 

Admiral Drake told Roger about the trouble being caused by the pirates and in particular by the Beards.  He promised Roger a hundred doubloons for every pirate disposed of, plus fifteen percent of any treasure recovered.

 

“You can bring them back to be hung, or you can bring me their heads.”  Drake concluded.

 

“Aye aye shipmate.  It'll be me pleasure ta rid the six seas of them pesky pirates.  (the seventh sea was discovered five years later by a Captain J T Kirk)  “I be on me way now, for I 'as much ta do before me an' the crew set sail.”

 

Roger returned to Portsmouth and to his ship The Wood Pigeon. He summoned the crew.

 

“All 'ands on deck!” he yelled. “No no lads, stand up straight, I wants to talk to 'e.”

 

“Ah har me 'earties, listen up.  That there Admirable Drake, 'e wants us ta capture all them there pirates, the Beards.  So 'ere be me plan ta capture young Pink Beard.”

 

The crew all agreed that the captain’s plans were excellent and work started on Rogers latest invention, the sinking, and refloating ship.  In the bottom of the ship was a plug to let in the water. Just beneath the main deck was installed an airbag, filled with air like a balloon, so that the ship would sink to deck level and then float.  In the bottom of the ship was a large empty airbag, when it was filled with air the boat would rise back up in the water.  The whole ship was then painted yellow following a suggestion from the ship’s drummer boy, Ringo Starr.  For days afterwards, Ringo could be heard singing, “We all live in a yellow….”.

 

Soon they were ready to sail.

 

“Ah har shipmates, splice the main brace, anchors away, an' head south to New Found Land.”

 

Four weeks later  The Wood Pigeon was sailing off the coast of west Africa when Pink Beards Ship “The Ever So Nice Little Boat With Pretty Sails” was sighted off the port bow.

 

“Thar 'e blows!” yelled Jack, the lookout in the crows nest.

 

“Thar 'e blows! Thar 'e blows! That's what 'e yells when 'e sees a Whale.” shouted Roger.

 

“Ar that be true Cap'n, but 'e can't sees what I can sees on that there boat.” replied Jack. “All them there pirates is stood on the quarterdeck huffin' an' puffin' an' blowin' into the mainsail, so the ship goes faster.”

 

“So that's 'ow they catch's all them ships.” concluded Roger.

 

Out of sight of Pink Beard’s ship the crew of The Wood Pigeon prepared to leave by rowing boat.  Captain Roger was below decks waiting to pull the plug to submerge the ship, while Julian, looking rather attractive in a daring new outfit that had dark blue flared trousers and a matching scarf, stood on the quaterdeck nonchalantly looking away from the pirate ship.

 

Pink Beard manoeuvred into position off the stern (blunt end) of The Wood Pigeon.  Then quietly PB and two dozen of his prettiest crew got into a rowing boat, crossed the water between the two boats, and silently mounted the rear of The Wood Pigeon.

 

When Roger was sure the pirates were all aboard, he pulled the plug, jumped into the pirates rowing boat and rowed toward the pirate ship. The rest of the crew joined him and they easily captured “The Ever So Nice Little Boat With Pretty Sails”.

 

The Pirates, distracted by Julian, didn't notice a thing until the decks of The Wood Pigeon were almost awash.

 

“Ooh,” yelled one of the pirates “looks like this boat's going down.”

 

“Well fancy that.” Pink Beard thought aloud.

 

“Abandon ship!” He yelled.

 

“Oooh!, someone has pinched our rowing boat. Swim for it chaps!”

 

Roger thought this was great fun and was chuckling away as the pirates jumped into the water.

 

“Ah har ha ha har.” he laughed.

 

“Got 'es swimming cosy wiv 'e.” he cried out. “Ah har har, look at 'em splashing about.”

 

What Roger didn't realise was that all the splashing was being caused by a school of sharks that were busy eating the pirates as they tried to swim.  When Roger did realise what was going on it was too late.  All that was left of the pirates was a load of bones on the sea bed.

 

“'Es got ta see the funny side.” Roger said to his crew “But we aint gonna be paid without Pink Beard’s head.”

 

Luckily Julian was an excellent swimmer so he dived down to the bones and recovered Pink Beard’s head.

 

“Not much left of it Captain, but you can still see a little of the pink beard.  Oh, and as you thought it was all such jolly fun, I picked up these for you, a pair of funny bones.”

 

“Ah har har, ho ho ho, what a fine lad 'e be Julian.”

 

The Wood Pigeon was soon refloated and Captain Roger ordered the crew to set sail for Portsmouth.  It was time to collect their reward and plan the downfall of Red Beard.

 

As they approached Portsmouth, Roger summoned the ship’s carpenter to his cabin.

 

“Chippy,” he said “I wants 'e ta make a small raft, paint it black an' nail Pink Beards bones to it. Then hoist it up ta the top o' the mainsail, so's all Portsmouth can see that we's got him.”

 

The crowds lined the harbour walls as The Wood Pigeon sailed into Portsmouth.  Roger climbed the mainsail and was waving to the crowd.  Above him hung Pink Beards bones, the skull and crossed funny bones, so that the crowd could see that Pink Beard was dead.  As usual Roger was chuckling away to himself.

 

“Look!” someone in the crowd called out “At the top of the mainsail, it's Roger, what a jolly fellow he his.”

 

“Hurrah for Jolly Roger!” another cried out “Hip, Hip.”

 

“HURRAH.” the crowd responded.

 

“Hip, Hip.”

 

“HURRAH.”

 

“Hip, Hip.”

 

“HURRAH.”

 

And so Roger Micó became the legendary Jolly Roger.

 

The Wood Pigeon docked, Roger and the crew got their reward and set about their plan to capture Red Beard.