Chapter 1

 

Ug Micó

 

6,000,000 b.c. to 5,999,971 b.c.

 

Ug Micó was born to unknown parents somewhere in what we now know as the south of France.  This was no accident, although Ug was.  His father had moved there to work on the beach for the summer after the great northern glacier had flattened his cave up near Calais.

 

Ug found childhood a difficult time, not least because names had not been invented.  Every man seem to be called Ug, and every woman Coor.  He found that situation most confusing.

 

As he grew older he learned the ways of the world.  Which seemed to comprise eating, grunting, helping do the dishes, and sleeping, while the men went off each day to hunt big game.

 

Finally the day came for Ug to join the hunting party.  He was useless!  He was scared stiff of anything with four legs or teeth.  Whenever any creature of edible size wandered along he got hysterical, and off ran the beast.

 

He was cast aside by all at the camp, they wouldn't share food with him, and so he became very hungry.  In desperation he set off on his own to catch some food.

 

Ug was becoming more and more desperate, then one day, as he walked into a small clearing in the woods, he spotted a chickenmicodactyl sitting on a twig.

 

"H'm." muttered Ug, "I bet he'd taste just fine barbecued."

 

So Ug quietly circled around the back of the clearing until he was within reach of the bird.  Leaping out from behind a bush he thumped the chickenmicodactyl with his club, killing it instantly.

 

"Ugh." thought Ug, "I seem to have flattened it a little."

 

In fact the unfortunate bird now resembled a feathery plate.

 

"H'm, at least I killed it, I'd better take it back to camp, it might still be edible, and it will fit in the frying pan."

 

When he got back to camp he showed the elders what he had caught.

 

"Oh no!" they yelled "  It's one of those poisonous things, Throw it away."

 

You see all humans thought that birds were poisonous.  Some years earlier one of their greatest hunters had died after being pecked by a pterodactyl.

 

Ug was desperate for food.

 

"Poison sounds better than starving to death." he replied to the elders.

 

So off he went to fry his chickenmicodactyl.

 

It was delicious, he just couldn't stop lickin' his fingers.

 

Everyone in the camp was amazed that he didn't die.  So from that day forth he was allowed to eat all the birds he could catch.

 

Each night after supper, as he was lickin' his fingers, the chief of the camp would check to see that Ug was still alive by enquiring "Ug, bird ate?"

 

And so he became known as Ug Micó, the “ ó “ being the native abbreviation for ‘odactyl’, Thus Micó became the first surname in the entire history of the human race.

 

Aren't you so proud of him.

 

The theory that surnames were derived from the jobs that people did is well known.

 

For example in Ug Mico's camp men had only three different jobs.

 

274 were hunters and became known as Ug Hunter.

3 were smiths and became known as Ug Smith.

1 was the hairdresser and became known as Ug Hairdresser.

 

The point is proven if you examine your local telephone book.  In it you will see that there are a few Hunters, thousands of Smiths, and no Hairdressers.

 

You see most of the Hunters were eaten by animals that took a dislike to being chased by mobs with spears and clubs.

 

Smiths on the other hand were left in camp all day with the women while the Hunters were out feeding the lions.

 

The camp Hairdresser failed to produce any offspring and so the name disappeared.

 

 

And so the long line of Micó had begun.