Episode 56: Scene Six
Allan stared at Francesca from across the beach. She was standing on the golden-blue border bewteen the sand and the water, her fine, thick brown hair blowing lightly in the wind. The gentle wind coming off of the waves had unexpectedly brought in a thin layer of gray clouds over the town of Midway, which matched Allan's mood. He wanted it to pour down rain. He wanted the clouds to explode with torrential downpours that wiped out the entire carnival, all of Midway Prep, all of Midway, even all of the world.
Coming back from the place in the woods, Allan had had much time to think about what he wanted to say to Francesca. He'd had it all planned out: he would greet her, take her someplace where they could talk alone, and then break up with her. It was supposed to be that simple. However, as he gazed her looking wistfully out onto the rolling gray-blue waves that silently lapped at her feet, he completely forgot everything he was going to say to her. He could only look at her in all of her complete beauty.
Allan shook his head violently and banged his hands against his temples. No! You're doing it again! You're letting yourself get away with not thinking. You have to break it off with Francesca. How can you be in a relationship with a girl that you can't trust, Allan? Come on! Allan silently forced himself to draw his attentions back to the task at hand. He slowly began to make his way over to her.
About six feet before he was to meet her, she turned around and looked at him with sorrowful eyes. Allan was so startled that he almost stumbled backwards. The two just stood looking at each other, the winds blowing around them, enveloping them, kissing them, whispering to them. Everything seemed to move in one motion. The wind, the water, the clouds, the sands, all of it seemed to be one entity. Normally, such a sight would have sent Allan off to write, but he couldn't think about writing. He could only think about her.
Francesca shook her head faintly. "I know."
"How?" Allan's voice came smooth and quiet.
"Because I know you. I know that you would never stand to be in a relationship where you couldn't have complete faith in the other person. I'm not happy that this is happening, but I can understand," Francesca held her hands together and looked down towards the sand beneath them.
"I don't want to. It's just...I don't know. I feel as if I have to. You're right to a certain extent. I do want to be in a relationship where I can believe in the other person, but I still believe in you. I know it sounds strange and contradictive, but...god, I can't even explain this."
Francesca nodded. "I understand. But I don't want you to have any doubts about us, Allan. So if you can't dedicate yourself fully to the relationship, then there's no use in even trying to work through this. I once hoped we could, but I see now that that's impossible."
Allan lowered his head shamefully. "I don't want to hurt you."
Francesca cupped Allan's cheek and raised his head. She managed a smile for him, but tears were obviously present in her eyes. "I know you don't, sweetie. I know that doing this is hurting you much more than it's hurting me, and for that I am sorry. But hey, we can still be friends, right?"
"Right." The word sounded hollow to his ears.
Francesca planted a soft kiss on Allan's cheek. It was the kiss of a friend, and Allan knew it. A tear had now fallen from Francesca's eye and had made a clear path down her cheek. "Just know I'm always thinking about you, okay? Every day, every night, I'm always thinking about you."
"Please don't, Francesca," Allan turned his cheek to her, his eyes stinging from the emotion evident in her voice.
"Okay. I'll go." Francesca looked straight into Allan's eyes, and he seemed to be able to see straight through her eyes, through her body, and right into her soul. "Just know that I love you. Goodbye."
Allan could barely contain himself from running after her as she began walking away from him and towards the carnival. But he knew that if he did, he would have no chance at rebuilding, no chance at starting over. Then, not only saying it to Francesca, but also to an entire chapter of his life, Allan whispered, "Goodbye."