Oliver

Nurse: You expectant fathers are all alike.
Oliver: I'm not expecting a father!

[Oliver and Lisa have just had a disagreement on
where he should put his pants on at]
Oliver: Did you see my cumberbund?
Lisa: I had my back turned!

Oliver: What would make a rock beep?
NASA man: Oh, I'd say about three martinis.

Lisa

Behind ever man, there is a woman standing in front of him.

Two heads is better than yours.

My mother had a surefire way of not losing on the roulette wheel.
Do you want to know what it is? Shoot craps.

Denver is a nice town, but I wouldn't want to be shoot down
over dere.

He has a heart of stone in his head.

Business before pleasure.

Fair hearts never won faint lady!

I guess what is good for your gander is not
good for your goose.

Well, it's like my father used to say, you show me
a man that's all bad and I show you my brother-in-law.

You're a cheapskate vits a capital CHEAP!

A woman is not a woman unless she's 30% off.

[to Oliver] How would you like to slip into something more comfortable
and turn on the fire?  [he says no] How would you like to open
up a bottle of champagne and turn me on?