Bar
Jokes
A
man takes the ferry home from work
John Smith lived in
Staten Island, New York and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat
home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a
wait for the next boat, so John decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long
he was feeling no pain.
When he got back to the ferry slip, the ferryboat was just eight feet from the
dock. Smith, afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner, took a
running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat.
"How did you like that jump, buddy?" said a proud John to a deck hand.
"It was great," said the sailor. "But why didn't you wait? We
were just pulling in!
Looking
to buy a frog?
A man walks into a
bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you
give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man
reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other
pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and
proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an
even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the
evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be
better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.
He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches,
cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into
another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the
rat's music.
While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him
$100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not
for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front.
"No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again
increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and
turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.
"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have
been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!"
"Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really
nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."
There
is a monkey in the bar
A man walks into a
bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is
looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from
him before he is able to stop the monkey.
The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano
player. The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your
monkey stole my beer." The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it,
I'll play it."
Does
your dog bite?
A man walks into a
pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog
bite?"
"No."
A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg.
"I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly.
"That's not my dog."
